7a3057 No.81
I don't expect a reply because this board looks very dead, but uh..
I never finished a real education, I never had a job, I have a girlfriend who doesn't know if she loves me anymore but at least wants to "work on it". We've lived together for over 3 years and everything's miserable for both of us. I'm the definition of a worthless, useless NEET who should just an hero. I'm good at nothing, absolutely not even one thing. The only thing closest to a "hobby" is to rarely play videogames, but I'm generally bad at this too even though it's been the majority of my lifespan so far. I have a horrible attitude, I'm negative and I get pissed off over anything, and an extremely poor loser who will throw a rage fit over any mistake I make - I take it as a personal insult that lowers my existing value every time I fuck up. I feel like I have absolutely nothing, noone to rely on, I can't remember the last time I allowed myself to trust someone. I can't move back to my family - I left them abruptly the moment I turned 18 because I couldn't stand being with them. The only reason I see them anymore is when they sometimes pay the train tickets for me to come over for a weekend every few months (they live over 5 hours away). I contemplate suicide sometimes, but I know for a fact that I'm too terrified to do it. I feel that I don't hate everything, I just like nothing. I loathe my very existance and I genuinely believe that the world would be just marginally better without me; but at the same time, really, the world would never even notice.
7a3057 No.82
Also, I've already talked to psychologists, they all told me that I seem fairly normal. I think I somehow fucked up every meeting by pretending like I felt better because looking like shit is embarrassing, or because I don't want to get institutionalized. Either way, it resulted in nothing but wasted time and money and I'm as unhappy as ever. I don't ever want to talk to someone like them again, I'm not even sure if I can afford it.
It's very difficult to feel any kind of joy anymore. Currently I've been avoiding all of my relatives and "friends" (really they're just friends of my relatives, not people that actually consider me their friend and not people that I'd call friends either), on Steam. None whatsoever in real life other than my gf to talk to. I've considered deleting them all from Steam though, to save them from hearing from me again, but right now I'm just hiding as offline instead. I used to be able to make friends online but now I can't even imagine adding anyone to an online friends list. My attitude literally kills any hope of sharing a conversation with anyone, they'll just hate me or backtrace my IP and fuck me up even more.
214260 No.83
>>81>>82I empathize and sympathize with you. I wish I could tell you that things will get better for you, but I don't want to lie to you. The world is a terrible place and I grow more and more disenfranchised with it by the day.
If you would like to talk on Steam or Skype and are still watching this thread, please reply.
806c00 No.105
>>81>tfw no gfThe feeling you're experiencing is like an empty room. The reason it seems like what you're experiencing is unique is because others have found at least one piece of furniture or a decoration for the room.
I don't really have any advice to tell you, my room is also empty.