33a2d2 No.96
The Word "Depressed" gets thrown around too much now days with every 12 year old saying it after they've had a shit day.
So lets see who here has actually been diagnosed with Depression. How long has it been? Do you take meds? how many? Do you see someone? How are you feeling?
I saw a therapist for about 5 months but I had to stop going because I couldn't afford it. I am suppose to take two Fluoxetine a day but stopped taking them and now drink heavily everyday.
I feel better than I did 5 months ago but that just means I gotta fall harder sooner or later right.
85ec8a No.97
>The Word "Depressed" gets thrown around too much now days with every 12 year old saying it after they've had a shit day.
Agreed. That's why I made this board in hopes that it would lead people here (but then /feel/ or whatever it is popped up and I think people gravitated there a bit.)
>So lets see who here has actually been diagnosed with Depression.
>How long has it been?
Finally went to my doctor in early 2011 and was diagnosed (was 19 then).
>Do you take meds?
>how many?
Used to but haven't in a long time. I was on Cipralex, Cymbalta and then Mirtazipine - all of them made me feel worse.
>Do you see someone?
No. No money and even if I had some, I'm not really somewhere where it's an option.
>How are you feeling?
Well… I'm here. That should be enough of an answer lol.
>and now drink heavily everyday.
I'd be right there with you if I had the shekels.
>I feel better than I did 5 months ago but that just means I gotta fall harder sooner or later right.
Yup, I can relate to that really well. The highs are really never that high, but the lows keep getting lower.
40713f No.99
I was diagnosed with depression back in 2010, but I'm pretty sure it started somewhere back in 2009, if not earlier. I've always had various insecurities, but most of them just seemed like the typical stuff that teens deal with, so I never made much of a fuss over my issues. I also had a good life in general: good friends, good grades, safe town/school, supportive parents, etc. That made it all the harder to vocalize my Depression until it started getting serious.
I started to seriously flirt with the notion of suicide during late high school. I was rapidly losing interest in everything. My life just felt like one massive disappointment with no chance of improvement. And worst of all, I felt like I was being an undeserved burden on my loved ones.
I think my parents suspected that something was going on, but they didn't realize the extent of it until I finally broke down in front of them one day. Shortly after that I started seeing a psychiatrist and therapist.
I've changes therapists a couple times before finding one that really helped to address my more paralyzing insecurities. I stopped seeing him 2 or 3 years ago, I think. I'm still seeing my psychiatrist. No longer on antidepressants, just something for ADD to help with college.
I'm actually doing pretty well these days. I've been stable for well over a year now, and I'd even go so far as to say that I'm feeling good about the direction my life is headed. Knock on wood.
8ceeab No.114
>>96
>So lets see who here has actually been diagnosed with Depression. Severe clinical depression, as well as BPD, SAD (which has got to be the worst coincidence ever), PTSD, agoraphobia and several other phobias, and some various neuroses
>How long has it been?Oh… since I was about ten or so, so going on twenty years.
>Do you take meds?Not anymore, and for the most part I think I'm doing better because of that. I self medicate with marijuana and anime/scifi/vidya instead, now.
>how many?Over a period of about twelve years, I was put on Cymbalta, Lexapro, Seroquel, Remeron, lithium, Wellbutrin, Trazodone, and about a dozen other meds I can't recall off the top of my head. Remeron's the only one that was even remotely helpful. There was talk of putting me on Risperdal before I quit Rx medication entirely.
>Do you see someone?I went through several counselors and therapists for a while. Only one was really helpful, but I got out of college and pretty much ruined my life for a decade, so my dad's military insurance stopped covering the visits, and now I don't think she even still sees people anymore. Plus I moved away. Not seeing anyone at the moment, although sometimes I think I should.
>How are you feeling?Pretty shitty, to be honest. My younger brother died almost two decades ago around this time of year (hence the PTSD). I watched him get hit by a car and get thrown a dozen or so meters through the air into a ditch, and then saw him lying there in his blood and the mud. That's the last memory of him I have aside from when he was in the casket. Ever since, fall has been brutally depressing for me, every single year without fail.
Feels like each year gets a little worse, like I become slightly more unhinged. I've become increasingly neurotic, more paranoid, jumpy. My agoraphobia and other phobias have gotten worse. I can't cry in front of people anymore, so I end up bottling my emotions to a hugely unhealthy degree, and I can feel it tearing my mind into tiny pieces, bit by bit.
Life is hell, anon.
04da81 No.115
>How long has it been? Six or so years, 2008-2009 (one did suggest an anxiety disorder - I don't know about a disorder but there's plenty of anxiety).
Though for the past three or so years all I've been doing is working a shit part-time job it's not like there's been enough work to make me feel overwhelmed and feel any worse than the constantly feeling that everything's shit and meaningless.
>Do you take meds? how many? I did multiple times but they never helped (one lot made me feel so much worse). None at the moment.
I'd like to self-medicate with drugs but weed is so fucking expensive. I drink instead.
>Do you see someone? Saw multiple, but I felt like I was going in circles with them. What exactly was meant to happen? There's no particular reason why I'm depressed - I'm just depressed. I did CBT once but it was the most patronising bullshit.
>How are you feeling?Right now, awful. Third time university attempt - maybe I am 'smart enough for it' but I'm not stable enough to handle this. This is the exact same time I quit the other times - same week and all.
I just get tired and overwhelmed where I just need to drop what I'm doing and sit in my underwear, drink and cry for several hours and then feel bad that I haven't done the work I'm supposed to do because I'm supposed to be working all the time. Which is where I am now.
>>99That sounds similar to me timeline wise - but I lost all my friends in moving to another location (kind of happier for it since people tire me out). I just broke down at school instead over the tiniest thing instead.
Glad it's going well for you though.
4577a2 No.117
>>115You sound pretty similar to me except I've never been to see a psychologist and I've been a NEET for about a year and a half now. Like you, I've failed out of college twice - not because I'm dumb, but because I've been just too fucked up to really go through with things.
Where are you that weed is so expensive though? Where I am, weed isn't too expensive (usually about $10 per gram); my only problem is that I'm in a really small town and it's super hard to get any (I don't think I've smoked since maybe February).
4359ef No.122
>How long has it been?
I was diagnosed with severe depression when I was 19, 5 years ago, this was after I had to drop out of college when I was 18 due to a medical condition, I've been in and out of hospital having several operations since then. I'm currently recovering from an operation I had in June.
>Do you take meds?
No, I stopped taking meds a few months after I realised I wasn't acting like myself. how many? I can't remember what it was called.
>Do you see someone?
Used to, I saw 2 different psychologists, they were both women, I didn't like them, I would have preferred a guy.
>How are you feeling?
Horrible today, I still suffer from depression but I've learnt to deal with it, it's not as bad as at used to be, but I still have shit days or even weeks, having an online gf has helped me, it's given me someone to talk to and goal in life to be with her(she lives in another country). I used to talk to my friend about depression but I always felt like I was dragging him down. I don't know how I'm going to get my life together once I've completely recovered.
9d8093 No.123
its been two years, got diagnosed with major depressive disorder. i used to be on a cocktail of five pills, a mix of antipsychotics, snri's and a bunch of shit that didn't work, but I stopped taking them because all they did was fuck me over. i used to see a psychiatrist who was a huge bitch and all she did was prescribe pills while I payed her money. fuck dat bitch. i still feel like shit; although i got less depressed some time ago im back into the hunch. just a cycle of sleep, wake up, internet, sleep.
2c73c1 No.155
>How long has it been?
Spring of 2014.
>Do you take meds? How many?
450 milligrams of bupropion every day.
>Do you see someone?
I'm seeing a therapist, but it's not helping.
>How are you feeling?
Alternating between dead inside and absolute shit.
bc34a6 No.341
>How long has it been?
About Fall of 2011. Around the same time I got diagnosed with clinical depression and Aspergers.
>Do you take meds?
No, they're too expensive and ineffective
>Do you see someone?
Once a week, I see a therapist for about an hour. He's nice enough.
>How are you feeling?
Good for the last few weeks, but I'm starting to feel bad again. I go outside maybe twice a week, and I'm slowly losing contact with my friends, online or otherwise.
6c90d7 No.342
I've never been diagnosed, but that's mostly because of my distrust of pseudoscientists. There is also probably some subconscious bullshit about not thinking I even deserve to be happy, but I don't dwell too hard on that. Meds are booze and sleep.
I'll leave now, sorry for shitting up the thread.
2c73c1 No.346
>>155I saw this thread on the front page and was about to post, but then I realized that I had already posted back when it was still 8chan.co and forgotten about it.
6faf2f No.410
>So lets see who here has actually been diagnosed with Depression.
I haven't. I don't do it out of fear that those close to me will find out and treat me differently than they normally do. I already feel dead inside, and I don't want their pity or their misguided attempts to "cheer me up" all the time increased tenfold.
>How long has it been?
I don't know anymore. Every day feels the same, and I barely remember anything about myself at all. I just know I felt the same way even back then.
It had to been at least since middle school. Whenever people would take photos, they would always intentionally try to leave me out, saying things along the lines of "he doesn't smile" or that I'd just ruin the whole picture.
I suppose the fact that I was always alone since then is proof enough.
>Do you take meds?
See first answer.
>Do you see someone?
I once put some serious consideration into it, but every one of them in my area costs way too much for even a first visit, much less subsequent visits. I barely make the money to even keep myself afloat. I don't even drink or smoke or anything.
>How are you feeling?
Dead inside. I feel like every day is an endless void, just another wave to get over in the ravages of time itself. Nothing I ever do is fun or entertaining anymore, and anytime someone tells me to smile or cheer up, or even tries make me laugh, I almost panic because I feel I'm incapable of it. I'll sometimes try before they tell me to make a "real smile" or something.
Suicide is on my mind at least once every week, sometimes even every day if I'm feeling especially bad. I'm too much of a coward to see what lays beyond life, because I'm sure that if there is a god, he hates me. Why else would an "all benevolent, omnipotent, omniscient being" make this world other than to see us suffer?
"Is God willing to prevent evil, but not able? Then He is not omnipotent. Is He able, but not willing? Then He is malevolent. Is He both able and willing? Then whence cometh evil? Is He neither able nor willing? Then why call Him God?"
2a125e No.432
I've truly been diagnosed with depression.
I see a shrink once a week and take 2 pills of lexapro once a day.
It has been almost a year already and i've had only 2 months of happiness some time ago, but I went back to feeling like shit.
13ceb2 No.436
>How long has it been?
8 years now
>Do you take meds?
Not anymore
how many?
I was taking so many pills that I had like 11 different prescriptions. Finally said fuck it when they tried stuffing some big ass 500mgs down my throat.
>Do you see someone?
I used to until it wasn't covered by the courts.
How are you feeling?
I feel like I could snap at any second and murder someone by accident from how much stress I'm under. I tried getting help from the mental health clinic but they thought I only wanted attention because and quote "No one as stressed as you claim could have such a low pulse rate". They didn't realize that I always have a low pulse rate from meditation.
I had always had problems with self esteem from bullying and being a little …different from other kids. Not enough to be noticeable to authority figures but enough that other kids didn't hang with me.
All my life, I had been unable to properly express myself or my emotions and couldn't love anyone. I had never felt love for anyone in my life including family members. And then i found her.
She was perfect. I trusted her so much I told her things that only she will ever know. Things like how I felt weird sexually after I set fires or how I like younger people a lot. I would get her silly lingerie and outfits and she would wear them without complaint. I literally felt like she completed me and told her I would kill myself if I lost her. She said the same to me, so that was awesome.
And then one sunny, cloudless day, I lost her.
I had gone to my gang buddies and told them i was out of the game. They were fine with that and I had enough money to provide for her and me until we were old enough to leave our parents.
A car came ripping around the corner and the people inside opened up with an Uzi and killed her and my best friend of 3 years.
I hold onto the pain, I harness it. The pain has become me and me the pain. The only thing that keeps me from killing myself is revenge.
One day, I will find the people that took her from me and I will peel them like a fucking orange with a rusty potato peeler.
It is not a healthy mindset but it is the only thing that works for me
797d07 No.443
I have been diagnosed with it. I have had it for years but only acted upon it with Self Harm and several attempts to take my own life last year in February. I stopped seeing a Therapist months ago but I have new appointments being scheduled. I don't take medication they wouldn't give me it and i'm feeling lonely as fuck right now. I was used by a girl because she was lonely so me and her flirted a lot and I was actually pretty happy but as soon as someone else better came along she was gone. And i'm sat here not knowing what the fuck to do.
f9492e No.447
Quick question though. Depression sounds like a very bad thing. (im not trying to be obvious). But I would like to know if I am having this, or not. But checkups/diagnosis spells costly payment to me. I am afraid to go.
943450 No.464
>>447If you're asking yourself if you might be depressed and this has been going on for a long time, you probably are.
f8ad66 No.485
>>464It cant be that easy, I think Im fine.
But you know, like flu and stuff, sometimes it has no obvious outside signs.
Is there such things like early checkups, like statuses. ha.
So far Ive been scourging on so called online tests and such. Surveys and whatnot.
I might be in denial, but nonetheless worried.
This made me sleepless.
439817 No.488
>>96
>How long has it been? Since official diagnosis? I dunno, maybe a year and a half. So called "double depression", among other things; recurrent MDD and dysthymia. Since it began? Early childhood, although it was expressed differently as is typical of childhood depression. The cause is pretty obvious: degenerate genetics from two uniquely sick lineages. My genome is a cocktail of bad times.
>Do you take meds?In a few days I'll be talking to my psychiatrist and I will be starting on my third SSRI. For the past 5 months or so I've been on nothing but adderall. Thought I could hold out until the summer for some cbt therapy or something. I was wrong. I have absolutely no prejudice against meds, I'm a transhumanist for god's sake, but they tend to do nothing. I've maxed out the dosage of two SSRI's, which were as effective as sugar pills (honestly, not even negative side effects, there was no effect whatsoever), and an SNRI which was aweful and even worse getting off it. I need to go at this at every front, so I'm gonna try the chemical route again.
>Do you see someone?a psychiatrist, no one else. Over the summer I'm going to find a Cognitive Behavioral Therapist, for depression and other reasons. Never really had a therapist or anything, not looking forward to it.
>How are you feeling?Exactly the same way I've always felt, I guess. On a scale from dysthymia to major depressive episode, I'm about halfway down, but I'm still able to function as much as I need to, which luckily isn't very much.
But fuck it, I'm going to take attack this problem on all fronts. It's been with me since day 1, so I won't call it a parasite, because there wasn't time for anything else to grow before the parasite arrived, but I'm going to lock it down and make it my bitch. I'm not looking for happiness; I don't know what that is, and I know that monkeys are happiest throwing their own shit at each other so who gives a shit about that. But I can be content. They say that the Buddha and Zen monks and whatnot are not happy either, they just train to be able to be content and at peace without any external stimuli, so I'm gonna try that. And then I'm going to keep studying biotech, build a company, create life-extension tech and eventually ascend to techno-Godhood and leave this fucking planet forever. Because as long as victory is a possibility, why the fuck wouldn't I try to win?
42eca1 No.492
>How long has it been?
I was diagnosed with manic depression when I was 9 years old, but I believe I had it much earlier than that.
>Do you take meds? how many?
I used to. From 9 until I was 18 (21 now). At that point I was fed up with them, and quit cold turkey. I have been on so many though, I can't even remember them all. I think I was on lamictal, cymbalta, trazodone and one or two others when I quit, though. But I have gone through what feels like all of them, and they were always upping my doses. Screwed me up.
>Do you see someone? How are you feeling?
I used to, also stopped 3 years ago. Sad because the last therapist I had was the only decent one, she actually genuinely cared about me. The rest sucked and just gave me BS obvious advice. I feel like crap though, I don't think I am as depressed as I used to be in my teenage years, but I can't seem to go a day without thinking about suicide.
42eca1 No.493
>>492Ugh, not manic depression. Major depression. Don't know why I wrote that, guess cause I was discussing it earlier.
5a5ad8 No.544
i'v just been diagnosed with chronic depression it was made by childhood trauma i have to take meds now its calld Fluoxeine have to take non pills because my docter think i will get suicidal thoughts
94fbf3 No.732
>The Word "Depressed" gets thrown around too much now days with every 12 year old saying it after they've had a shit day.
I agree. Couple friends told me they felt depressed after some character died in… I don't know I think Game of Thrones, but they got over it quickly. It's like OCD, people just self-diagnose with no understanding of what it means.
Anyway, I've been feeling less happy with life since I was 11, though I can say for certain I've been depressed since I was 13. (I don't recall if I was ever officially diagnosed, but I've been to therapy and taken anti-depressants starting at 16. I had to wait because my dad initially didn't want to pay for it.) 20 now, and since I'm an adult I need to pay for my own therapy/anti-depressants, but I can't afford them either. At the same time I wasn't taking my old medication regularly and had to stop taking it because of that. I'm living off savings to pay rent as it is, but I've been too depressed to try hard enough to find another job. I got one interview but never heard back after that. My last job was able to keep my mind off my depression and I actually felt a lot better, but it does no good if I'm not working right now.
I've got a couple months to get a job before my savings are gone. I don't know what will happen after that. So, right now I feel like shit and a bit stressed. (I've never dealt well with stress.) I hate living, but at the same time I don't want to kill myself. I have reached points low enough to where I strongly considered it, but never attempted it.
e86834 No.733
>How long has it been?
3-4 years. I don't remember when it exactly started. It just slowly got worse.
>Do you take meds? how many?
None.
>Do you see someone?
I see a Chaplin once a week. To little for my taste.
>How are you feeling?
Dull and dead. I hardly feel anything anymore. No joy, no excitement. Nothing.
My parents emotionally abuse me everyday. I question every action I make. Even writing this paragraph out. Sometimes it feels like they love me, but than they steal money from me. Saying it is only for my own good. I have talked to a doctor before about my daily suicidal thoughts, and she told my parents to get a psychologist(psychiatrist?) and a therapist.
Parents just laughed it off and said it was just hormones.
Cut, burn, starve, eat. I've done it all.
>>436
This anon feels a lot like me. Always under stress. I worry everyday about everything I do. Always trying to make people happy with me. Always trying to do my best. But different from him, I have a high pulse rate.
000000 No.737
Yeah, they sent me to psychologists in elementary school.
I don't take meds or see anyone. Numb most of the time.
a0debb No.760
I'm pretty certain I have bipolar disorder, but I'm too scared to get checked by a therapist because if I do get diagnosed bipolar, my college flying program won't accept me and I won't be able to before a pilot. On the other hand, I'm graduating high school in a bit over a week, so that's cool.
473cae No.761
>>96
I was diagnosed at the age of 6 if I remember correctly.
My dad was abroad for work, and I was in 1st grade, getting bullied every day by these two twins.
Since he wasn't there as a father figure I had no idea how to defend myself or stand up for myself, and that made me lose my trust towards everyone since I had no idea how to stop it from happening.
I started acting up and hurting animals, trying to flood the school, etc, because I didn't know how to get away from it or deal with it.
One night, I was sitting in the kitchen with my mom & grandparents, and I can faintly remember feeling this sorrow and sense of dread and all of a sudden I burst out crying uncontrollably.
That as probably the start of my anxiety & depression issues.
My mom took me to the doctor and I was diagnosed with depression right there on the spot. I don't think I've been right since to be honest.
Going outside and just the mere sight of other people makes me feel sick because of how grim my outlook on life is. Every single person that walks by, I can't help but be reminded that one day, that person, and all that they have ever accomplished, will die.
To add to that, my anxiety used to be much more of a problem, to the point where I was in elementary and I wouldn't be able to open my mouth to speak to other kids without gagging and feeling like I'll choke on my own tongue (it was all in the head, wouldn't actually happen).
The fact I had a phobia of vomiting made it all worse.
I used to get anxiety attacks at home, at school, and at the dentist, and nobody ever really helped me or even took notice.
By my mid teens I began thinking that I was the only one feeling like so, and had no idea why. I'd be sitting on the dentist chair with my heart beating 180, cold sweats, nausea, mouth going dry in 5 seconds, gagging as soon as I open my mouth and freaking out in general, and everybody just stood there and watched and blamed ME for something that I could not control.
Eventually I overcame that fear, the phobia and all that, but the anxiety is still there and it lingers. Same with the depression.
I'm 21, and I have no hope nor will left. I just… exist. It's only going to get worse from here too.
473cae No.762
>>761
And just to add on what I started off on, I can't go outside without getting the overwhelming urge to cry.
Everything makes me feel so grim and even going for a short walk makes me feel so uncomfortable in my own skin. I've ran out of money and am too scared to get a job so I have nothing to help cope with it.
Everything is fucked…
a1f00a No.767
>How long has it been?
4-5 years now. Got bullied in school and everyone laughed it off. Shit times.
>Do you take meds?
No.
>Do you see someone?
I used to see a Therapist for a year. Did send me to a psychiatry twice..didn't help.
>How are you feeling?
Empty. I can't find work and instead of doing something productive I drink all day. I would love to end it all but I'm too much of a coward to do it.