/schizoid/ - Schizoid Personality Discussion Group

I can't even imagine what it must be like to not enjoy things. Without the pleasure anime and vidya bring me, I'd be very sad. I wish I had advice for you, OP.

>>18
>I think it's the social isolation that's getting to me, since I haven't had anything like a friend
in about 8 years now.
I don't think you fall under this classification then because being depressed implies you care, when this "disorder" or "condition"'s mainstay is indifference to social interaction.

>>18
If your experiences mirror my own your depression will grow in intensity, then immediately subside in a couple of years. It wasn't exactly sudden, but over the course of a month or two everything I used to brood about appeared completely stupid and insane. I can no longer grasp in my mind how I felt so bad. I remember the feelings and nearly killing myself once, but I can't get back there.

Sifting through my memories is painful in a different way. I look at what I was and see the pain I've caused. All the times I could have been building something or helping somebody but turned away, I'd wish to take them back if they didn't serve as a lesson to me now.

My habits are most troubling to me. Such unreason, it is at times like I'm under another mind. I'm sure everyone is familiar with staring into space for hours on end. Or putting off work easily done. These hold no value or comfort for me. They serve only to inhibit my progress. I hate how easily I fall under their spell. There are other habits, much worse, but I am actively working to change everything.

>>22
>no true schizoid

>>22
>I don't think you fall under this classification then
It is my hope that by coming here, not only will we have a place to be mutually understood but also that we will become better educated on what a schizoid personality is. I'm still learning myself, but one thing I know so far is that this personality type has overt and covert features that can seem to be at odds with each other. Our personalities can appear to have deep contradictions when you start to examine how we act in the open toward others in comparison to how we think on the inside. Chances are that online some of us are more likely to let loose inner thoughts that would normally be secret in our day to day interactions in real life.

I risk going over something you already know mostly from the /b/ thread but just in case:
“"Loneliness is an inescapable result of schizoid introversion and abolition of external relationships. It reveals itself in the intense longing for friendship and love which repeatedly break through. Loneliness in the midst of a crowd is the experience of the schizoid cut off from affective rapport."[28] This is a central experience of the schizoid that is often lost to the observer.”
… “There is a very narrow range of classic DSM-defined schizoids for whom the hope of establishing relationships is so minimal as to be almost extinct. The longing for closeness and attachment is almost unidentifiable to such a person. These individuals will not voluntarily become patients, as the schizoid individual who becomes a patient does so often because of the twin motivations of loneliness and longing.” - Wikipedia SPD article

I think this implies there is a schizoid spectrum of personalities, not just one cookie cutter personality. Whether you end up on one end or the other, I hope not to exclude you from the board.

>>18
>I haven't had anything like a friend in about 8 years now.

I am in a similar boat as I used to have friends over ten years ago. Can you describe the situation that enabled repeated social interaction with your friend(s)? I think for me it was a convenience sort of thing. One lived next door, and another lived by a place my parents took me nearly everyday. They were just there and as a kid I wanted to do stuff outside occasionally, so interaction was inevitable.

These days I don't know where I would find such convenient opportunities. Now I imagine I would have to do something like ask a coworker, "Hey wanna grab a beer after our shift is over?" and then actually go to the trouble of driving to some bar and participate in an activity which is basically nothing but shooting the shit for a really long time until you're too drunk to continue all the while I try to react to emotions less like a schizoid. I do a half-assed fake laugh and smile a little too often at work already, so I suspect being stuck in a bar drinking where I may be even more expected to laugh at things that I am unable to find funny will be a very unpleasant time. All I do is go straight home after work though, so I don't see how any of that would happen in the first place.

I think I was able to maintain my previous friendships because we normally went straight to activities that weren't focused on direct social interaction with each other. Usually this entailed video games. You sit next to each other, but you're not focused on each other or engaging in the kind of normal conversation that you get everywhere else. All talking is in short spurts about the video game because the game calls for your constant attention. Much of the interaction is done through the video game, which is kind of similar to how we're interacting through the Internet right now.

I'm not sure that sort of thing will happen for me again unless it's just conveniently available.

>I'm also so emotionally flat that I'm on most levels at peace with the thought of having my life
being over.

I experience that some nights. Those nights are so terrible. I've never drunk before, but every time I think about starting. (I don't have anything against it, so I may just start one day.)

> I developed the trait of lacking
>memory, and connected with that imagination.
>While I still know which things happened in my past,
>it's just fact memory. Isn't that worrisome?

Can you go into more detail here? It's not clear what you mean.

Thanks for replying.
>>27
>It's not clear what you mean.
Well, I have very few memories of situations and those that I have are faint and colourless.
I meant, I can barely form pictures in my mind. Like, if you hear the word elephant, you're expected to have a picture in your mind, and should
associate jungle and humidity.
I was really not being clear. I read that there is a part of the mind that runs loose, unforced remembering of things and imagination as well,
and I believe this function isn't working that well in mine at all. I have a blank mind all the time. Maybe one could see it as an extension of
suppressing ones emotions. There is so little I remember from my childhood, I think it could really be a problem, if I was to undergo therapy or
try to understand 'who I am',or something like that.

>Can you describe the situation that enabled repeated social interaction with your friend(s)?
There just were two guys in my class, and I suppose we were regular friends. We liked each other, and there must have been things we could talk
about, maybe a little bit about school, and we all played WoW. So I just visited them occasionally. I can't remember us doing anything in particular
a lot, I guess we were just hanging out.

>>26
It can be nice to think of the possibility of a miraculous healing at times. Sometimes, I think everything is getting worse with my age. No two years ago,
I had a period of optimism, I just hope I'll get another one, somewhen.

>>29
I really don't know what to say about that kind of memory loss. My first thought is that you may need to see a doctor about that. It may be a sign of some other problem. If other schizoids have similar experiences though, you're probably safe.

Hang in there, anon.

>>30
I wouldn't call it miraculous. I think it has more to do with the maturation of a brain more than anything. The emotional instability is a phase of that process. Many anecdotal reports I've come across share in the extreme lows throughout their early twenties. People were homeless, institutionalized, or on drugs. Then come mid-twenties, they resolve to change.

>>26
>couple of years
fuck man