Had another session. It was a fuckload of fun, but we didn't move forward at all. I chalk that up to EP melee weapons not doing enough damage and the armor system being flawed. A super-strong character does two points more damage with a punch than a weak character does. He also hits more often, but still. Having two armored characters fight each other with low-tier melee weapons (and most melee weapons are low-tier) is frustrating as fuck.
>New player in the group, playing a man-eating plant with the mind of an octopus whose job is owning the spaceship and introducing the characters to Firewall, a secret organization protecting mankind from X-Class events
>Two DA mercenaries escort the group to the spaceport
>Their commander (I'll call him Hans Landa, because I kind of acted the character like him) talks to someone via the mesh
>Two guys in my group hear that he has been ordered to kill them when no witnesses are around
>Tell the rest of the group via mesh
>Mel walks up to one DA mercenary
>Prepares a devastating uppercut
>Critical failure, so he hits himself in the chin
>Everyone begins laughing
>Say "The only thing that can destroy Mel is Mel"
>Realize Mel is armored and that all the damage has been negated
>Sister who plays Mel asks if we can roll for intimidation
>"Sure, why the fuck not"
>Success
>The DA goon is shellshocked because he saw how badass and crazy Mel is
>Him and Mel fight
>Meanwhile, Landa shoots at character of my little sister
>She takes out her crossbow with poisoned darts to shoot him
>Shoots herself in the foot
>Takes out the dart, tries to throw it, hits her hand
>Attacks him with her monofilament sword, throws it on the ground by accident
>New player bites head off of the guy Mel is fighting with, while she's crochetting IRL
>Mel takes his headless body and smacks Landa with it
>Eventually rips Landas head off with the body of the headless guy while he is pleading for mercy
>The shady swarmbot streamed this all to the internet because he's an asshole
>Everyone's a little sad Landa is dead, so I did the job right, I guess
>They go to their ship
>Shoot at the mercenaries reinforcements, kill one of them with a particle minigun, the other shots miss and hit the log of the station so now it's not called "Lucifer" but "Lucif"
>On the ship
>Get called by Firewall, their new employer
>New player insists she be called a "Spectre Jedi"
>Wants there to be a bunch of corpses in the cryopods so she can eat, because she's a man-eating plant
>She wasn't even a man-eating plant, that was never a feature of her morph; she just told herself that she was
>Cringe intensifies
>Player of hacker grill is looking at me, face filled with sorrow and cringe
>Firewall contact tells them to go to Mercury
>New player: "And what if I don't want to?"
>Contact: "Then you will be eliminated"
>New player AGAIN resists going to Mercurity
>Is it railroading if I threaten my players with an AM-missile?
>fuckthisshit.jpg
>Install Dragon Feng as the ship's food processor with his stolen cortical stack
>He tells them to fuck eighteen generation of their ancestors and then
>They eventually enter a highly secret base on Mercury surrounding a quarantine zone
>Commander of the base rhetorically asks whether they are the new guys
>New player: "Nope"
It was at this point that we stopped playing, because everyone was supposed to go in half an hour anyway and we kind of lost the flow. I was sleep deprived and not exactly in the mood for EP, which really pisses me off. Could've done a much better job that day. However, that doesn't excuse fucking crochetting during the game, botching all the dialogues with NPC's, not realizing the game is neither Star Wars nor Mass Effect but Eclipse Phase and not even reading the description or the rules of her damn player character.