It’s a clear summer night, and the warm breeze caresses your wet skin as you climb the small hill to where you left your clothes. When you’re at the top of the hill you look down at your friends below. Some of them are still in the water, and a few others have made it back up to the shore. You can see how the boys and girls laugh and how some of them kiss. Seeing as you’re a bit shy, you left your clothes up here instead of down at the beach.
Turning his head to the hill, one of the guys is waving for you to come back down. You step behind some shrub to get out of his sights as you start taking off your bikini. The boy shouts some lewd comment about there not being any need to be shy up at you. You’re naked body is safely hidden behind the shrubbery and you start waving your towel down at him, just for fun.
Suddenly there’s a flash of blinding white light and you can feel how your body becomes light as a feather. There’s a loud bang and the light disappears, leaving your friends baffled and shocked. They make their way up the hill but you’re nowhere to be found. The boy who made the lewd comment finds your panties, eagerly presses him to his face. “Aaagh…” He says, letting out a delighted sigh at the smell. One of the girls slaps in reponse.
At the same time you wake up and look around, you’re lying on a stretcher in a brightly lit room. There’s a whole host of alien apparatuses that’s aimed at you, and you shudder when you see the shape of some of the instruments. A small grey being enters the room. He got an oversized head and two oval eyes, a small cock dangles between his legs and he screams when he sees you, dropping the small tray with medical equipment he was carrying.
“Aaaaagh!? Who are you!?” He says, taking a step back towards the door.
Covering your naked wet body with both hands you scream back at him. “Who are you? And where the fuck am I?” The little grey man appears frightened when by your shouting, and he takes a few steps back when you stand up.
“I asked first, and you’re breaking and entering in my ship. You’re not allowed here!” He says with a voice that’s trembling with fear.
“Not allowed!? You were the one who beamed me up you idiot!?”
“Beamed you up? You were the one who was waving the towel!” He says, pursing his lips in indignation of being taken for a kidnapper. Seeing as the little grey alien doesn’t appear to be dangerous you calm down.
“I’m Ashley.” You say after a while.
“I’m Grey.” The alien says and extends his hand. After a moment he realizes that you have no hand to spare and pulls it back, blushing. “I’m sorry.” He says and looks away. You can see your towel lying on the floor on the side of the stretcher and snatch it up, wrapping it around yourself and sitting down.
“How can you speak my language?” You say, frowning at Grey. Grey swallows nervously before he explains himself.
“Well… I’m a healer. Part of my training is to travel to different planets and healing different species.” He notices that your eyes run over all the odd equipment and he starts blushing even more. “And before you ask, the whole anal-probe myth is just a big misunderstanding. There was this man who was in DIRE NEED of an enema. And he thanked me by spreading out this rumor…”
“Alright…” You say, nodding slowly. “But how come you speak my language?”
“I uhm… Speak most of them. It’s a hobby of mine. But if you wish to understand people you’ll have to have a language-chip installed. It’s a painless procedure and only takes a few seconds. Grey becomes excited and takes up a small syringe and pricks your leg with it. You reward him by giving him a kick to the face.
“Ouch!” He says as he’s thrown back against the wall. “What was that for?”
“You can’t just go around pricking people with weird syringes, are you crazy?” You say, frowning at Grey.
“I’m sorry…” He says as he crawls to his legs. “But now you’ll understand most people anyways.”
“Ok, you’re crazy. Beam me down.” You say, as you stand up.
“I can’t! I really can’t!” Grey says, looking honestly sorry. “I just activated the ship’s jump-function, and we’re already far, far gone from earth. I could drop you off at another planet close by though?” Shaking his head, grey hands you what looks like a large phone. It’s colored bright pink and it has a pair of pouting lips on the backside. “This will explain everything you need to know,” Grey says.
As you start up the strange device some text flashes on the screen. “Calm down, and be welcome to the Slut’s Guide to the Galaxy. What would you like to know more about?”