Depression turned Rage?

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Depression turned Rage? John Doe 10/16/15 (Fri) 09:27:16 5c061c No.12034

Has anyone else experienced this? Recently, my depression has begun to turn into a violent swirl of rage on the inside.

I have told my family over and over again how bad I feel but they ignore it and don't take it seriously. I was sad about that and upset, but that quickly turned to anger. What the fuck is this? Why the fuck don't my fucking parents give a shit how the fuck I feel? That's bullshit.

Been writing a fucking journal kept on a private pastebin with privated pastes that I'll write the login details into a note when I kill myself, so whoever finds it can log in and see the shit I've fucking left there.

I usually write to dump my negative feelings in, and so far I have about 11 entries, and the account was started on the 10th.

It's not full of depressing bullshit, it's full of a little of that, but it's also full of the raw hatred and rage that I feel boiling underneath my fucking skin. I can't wait for them to read and it and see what the fuck they did to me.

I'm thinking of picking the most violent and gruesome method that I can think of, probably something involving a sharp knife. Yeah, a knife… I'll take that fucking knife, a machete or a kitchen knife, doesn't matter, anything sharp, and I'll slash that shit across my throat, cutting DEEP every fucking time, letting the warm blood squirt all over the fucking bathroom, CUT CUT CUT, over and over again until I fucking gargle on my own blood and drown in it and fucking die.

You know those horrible awful sick assholes who go on rampages and kill people? I think this is what they feel like, only I'm not going to kill anyone but myself. I swear on that.

No - killing other people is a terrible terrible atrocity. I'd rather inflict pain THIS way, by brutally slaying myself in the most horrible way I can think of, and leaving a journal containing the horrible thoughts of my sick mind.

I'm not just angry at others though, I'm angry at MYSELF for feeling like this. I'm being eaten on the inside by this horrible shit, and this is the only way I can stop it, by slaying myself. Not killing, but slaying.

John Doe 10/17/15 (Sat) 20:13:04 ce0322 No.12052

I've felt that feel. You can just taste the pent up anger in your breath.

John Doe 10/18/15 (Sun) 08:03:19 820f61 No.12058

Try having nobody to talk to about anything, ever. Hell, if I even try to talk to anybody, they sic the police on me. So I shut up.

I've been pissed off for TEN GODDAMN HOURS STRAIGHT because of some fucking retard I had to put up with at work, and it doesn't go away unless I sleep.

John Doe 10/27/15 (Tue) 06:29:14 5ec9c4 No.12207

>>12034

I've always been a combination of this, but I will admit it began with depression.

John Doe 10/28/15 (Wed) 05:07:50 6eac5c No.12223

>>12034

Wow, do you seriously believe your family has time for your teenage angst and whining?

Man, just go have an adventure or some shit.

If you think that killing yourself in a messy way (which you're probably not gonna do since this is such an obvious cry for help) is gonna make them try to understand or have regrets, it probably won't have the effect you want.

If there's one thing you should try to get into your head is that no one gives a fuck about you, not even your family and no one will EVER truly understand you.

You're doomed to a miserable existence like the rest of us and you need to stop expecting so much from your family.

They're got fucking bills to pay, shit to do, and other things to worry about than you.

Sorry bud, but I think you need a little perspective.

I know what you talk about because I had the same as a teen and I just took a step back and started boxing.

Having something to channel those feelings into and acting as a form of catharsis really clears your head right up and makes you feel all better.

Try it before you go full retard and actually do something you'll regret.

John Doe 10/28/15 (Wed) 05:51:15 2ccefb No.12224

>>12223

You're a fucking idiot for thinking that someone living a miserable existence can become totally selfless (self-abnegating really) and not blame others.

You're also a fucking idiot for believing that "going on an adventure" or picking up a dumb hobby like boxing will make someone in this position "feel all better".

You need to pull your head out of your ass, man, 'cause seriously, your post was about ten times as ignorant and self-absorbed as OP's.

John Doe 10/28/15 (Wed) 06:57:40 a858dc No.12225

>>12223

Get the fuck off this board.

John Doe 10/28/15 (Wed) 13:11:19 c08cce No.12227

>>12223

I kek'd.

Just cause something works for you doesn't mean it works for others.

>I just took a step back and started boxing

>Having something to channel those feelings into and acting as a form of catharsis really clears your head right up and makes you feel all better

So what you're saying there is you've found your purpose and you aren't sad anymore. The fuck you doing on this board then dipshit? You ain't got no problems you just want to be an ignorant fuckwitt and share your shitty outlook on other peoples lives where it isn't needed. Get back to Tumblr.

John Doe 10/28/15 (Wed) 15:10:53 6eac5c No.12229

>>12225

>>12224

>>12227

REEEEE GTFO IF YOU'RE NOT DEPRESSED

>Not being able to extrapolate from one's experience and story to find an answer to your own problems.

>Not being able to understand this shit doesn't work overnight, you instant gratification fuckwads, you just have to keep at it everyday no matter how miserable it makes you until finally it starts being beneficial.

>Expecting others to fix your problems for you or encourage your self pitying.

It's like you fucks can't take responsibility for shit and just want to wallow in self loathing with a side of random chan faggot acknowledgement/approbation.

>>12224

Did you just tell me to pull my head out of my ass? Seriously, how ironic, you fucking cunt.

If I was self absorbed I would've laughed at his faggotery and moved on, not try to give relevant advice based on a similar experience.

Why am I even wasting time replying to you monkey?

>>12227

I haven't found my purpose, I still am sad and depressed, I still take meds. I just have found a way to cope with it without being a huge insufferable faggot to others or blaming them.

It's part of growing up.

I have problems. I just don't fucking advertise them, and even if I did, I would welcome an input to get something out of it…

Have you even tried hitting something if you claim to know what OP's going through?

Just hit the bag and then come talk to me about how shitty and unhelpful my post was.

NO LURKING, GTFO

John Doe 10/28/15 (Wed) 17:46:55 fc5ffe No.12231

>>12229

You're self-absorbed because you feel a need to post your own experience and you can't imagine that it might not work or be possible for someone else. You get indignant and self-righteous and call us out for treating you with skepticism rather than bowing down and apologizing. You can't imagine that we don't think the same way you do and that we don't live the same lives. You think we want advice and answers rather than final solutions. And since your advice literally consists of "go out and have an adventure and things will be all better", it's worthless.

John Doe 10/28/15 (Wed) 23:01:28 6eac5c No.12239

>>12231

K got it, too retarded, is bait.

John Doe 10/29/15 (Thu) 04:15:37 cc923c No.12247

>>12229

If I wasn't depressed why would I be here to learn more on how to off myself you degenerate sandnigger.

>Implies everyone who doesn't take his way of life is being a huge insufferable faggot to others or blaming them.

>I know what you talk about because I had the same as a teen

That's advertising your problems so you just contradicted yourself on the point of

>I have problems. I just don't fucking advertise them.

You're really weren't the smartest cookie were you?