Buckshot, probably. You want to place the end of the barrel in your soft pallet, perpendicular to your bite, and then angle it up 30 to 40 degrees , keep it in place with hands while firmly squeezing trigger with toe.
That said, you should consider not caring about women rather than killing yourself. I'm white and fairly attractive and I've only ever met a few women I even considered a relationship with.
At the end of the day, you can pay an attractive woman to have sex with you and act intimate…or you can go find an unattractive woman as some bar or other, to do the same thing.
But you don't just want sex or even companionship, you want a meaningful relationship, and people in general, women especially, are raised as a culture to be too stupid to engage properly in relationships. So really you're looking for something which probably doesn't exist in any appreciable amount wherever you are, and if you get into relationshits you'll just end up causing yourself more pain, drama, wasted time and money.
However, you can read unlimited ideas and books online for basically free. Or go to a library and look for the really informative books. There's so much you still don't know. You were made to know. Only people have the brains to know lots of different things. Slushing yours with a round of buckshot over some bimbo seems a waste. You'll be amazed the amount of unexpected thinking you'll start doing once you get reading.