Hope you didn't end it the other night OP. Can't imagine how awful it is for a parent to commit suicide. Do you know why your father did it, or if his side of the family has a history of mental illness?
My story began recently.
>Go to concert with friends
>take acid as I often do at these concerts
>have strange freakout
>start thinking universe is trying to change and force me to be gay
>Did not consider myself gay before, maybe bi
>now I have anhedonia, no pleasure from life, food tastes different, pooping and farting and peeing process is different,
>things smell weird and taste different
>no drive or motivation in life
>no desire
>no sex drive whether gay or straight
>have not been able to masturbate in over 3 months
>have had sex couple times but came instantly
>balls feel smaller
>I'm sure hormonally I've changed
>can't sleep hardly at all
>irritable, depressed all the time because of this
Only reason I haven't killed myself yet is because I want to try more options. Going to try various drugs and lifestyle changes.
Also going to go on a road trip and see all parts of the US before I die.
I don't want to kill myself at all, but continuing to live life in this depressed, stupid, unenjoyable state just doesn't seem worth it to me.