Hey everybody. This actually is my first time ever post on infinite chan (even tho i lurk from quite some time),and the fact that i came here specifically to this board,isn't a good sign is it? ahah
Btw,short story on my situation,so i can help you understand better,what im going to write,plus i'll apologize in anticipation for any grammar errors,because when im about to write something long,i'll always do it:
>be me,22yo white eurofag
>at home since 5 year,playing vidya all day along. smoke weed some times
>trying to search for a job,never got call once
>people around me keep bullshitting on my aspect
>change aspect,thrim hair,make my self good looking
>nothing
>after years of trying,i decided that i give up on everything
>literally staying at home rotting,without even thinking for my future
>…
>time-rollback to 5 months ago
>discussing with my sister,20yo
>getting into a violent discussion where intimidate her to cut her troath with a pocket knife
>minute's passes,things settle down eventually
>decide to go to police station by myself and my family tagged along later
>admit that i threaten to kill my sister
>talking to bunch of cops,some understand my shitty life situation
>others blame it to my parents,kek
>skip to 4 months later
>visiting a psichiatrist and a psichologist for medication and consulting
>get Daparox as prescription
>2 month's passes as im telling to psichiatrist the med doesnt do shit
>4 month's passes and still no effects,meanwhile have to wait another 2 weeks to see the psichiatrist for telling him
I literally have no reason anymore to live. I can't do anything on my own,im even too lazy to try suicide. I've finally found a rope,wich im eventually going to use to hang myself,but there's something that..i don't really know how to explain. When i think about my suicide action (hanging w/ rope),i feel a little sad,think to a variety of things,and than when i should suppose to go and take the rope,something really stops me. (don't try to bullshitting me with god fantasies and other religion shit,im atheist so ur literally wasting ur time).
It's like…a living torture. Want to fade away,but i cannot because i miss the courage. I literally don't have the nutts,and this..ITS REALLY FUCKING FRUSTRATING. Please help me to delete this block,so i can finally leave everything behind. Thank you