0035a8 No.3374
If you're reading this, it means you're not dead yet.
So what's keeping you alive, Anon?
8276ea No.3377
ATM oxycodine and my nieces. I'm keeping some oxy to numb me up if I do decide to hang myself.
eebee6 No.3394
A girl
d9eace No.3395
File: 1417846192399.jpg (267.58 KB, 901x600, 901:600, 789f073e36582fd0be9a78f498….jpg)
1.) Billions of years of biological programming that encourages life forms to survive.
2.) Being conditioned since birth by parents and society to think that life is worthwhile and I should be "successful" and a "productive member of society". Therefore suicide is the worst thing ever (Never give up!!).
3.) Fear
4.) Simple pleasures
4ba92f No.3401
>>3395This
I want to at least experience having a gf before going through with it, also.
29356d No.3421
Fear, can't find the motivation, and pets. Since I've been wanting to kill myself for years, I think it's mainly the lack of initiative to actually do it.
2b3e82 No.3425
Lack of motivation
Several failed attemps
Lack of money to try the most succesful methods
I'll probably try again in like 2 weeks, gonna try jumping.
2fb642 No.3427
Just waiting for that final push.
344c50 No.3434
> be me
> be a 21 yo sick minded, depressed low confidence faggot
> have wasted five years since finished high-school, be doing shit jobs just because you're bored all day and ain't got no diploma since college is boring
> have a great 10/10 gf that doesn't get it and keep telling you once were awesome
> somehow land an internship abroad in a foreign IT company
> do awesome stuff and end up leading a one month project with free rein given by the CEO himself after just one week
> at the end of the month and half internship get offered a job as an engineer in the company even though you never went further than high school
> realize you could do so much more
> turn it down
> be me, one year later… Dropped out of IT engineering school because it was boring.
> End up being a night audit in a fucking hotel
> Be back to square one
> Keep going, because fuck yeah, never mind shitty rainy days, you can be awesome some times. And those times are totally worth it
Oh, and dump gf because damn… She really needs too much time, (mind)space and stability.
79f6b8 No.3445
Nothing works. I'm more depressed over not being able to die than living now, if that makes any sense.
5e1c87 No.3453
>>3445It does. I haven't been diagnosed with cancer or been hit by a meteorite so far and active suicide is out of the question due to limited means in this shit country and not wanting to cause misery to my family, especially my siblings with whom I'm really close.
c04d36 No.3546
it's christmas soon and I don't want to ruin the time
January is the plan for me
2149e5 No.3548
My dog.
fd0491 No.3575
I'm waiting for something painless.
Family (though I won't care since I'll be dead.)
The holidays are coming up.
Lack of motivation.
a761d9 No.3581
>>3374cigarettes, coffee and fashion…
fe54fb No.3592
New smash bros
b13812 No.3598
db9c63 No.3610
my mom
969b6f No.3611
cocaine
3332ad No.3614
the feeling that it's gonna get better, although i know it to be a lie.
also, fear.
a1f0f8 No.3617
Love.
c894a7 No.3628
3cc8a9 No.3635
The feeling that if shit gets really bad, I can always fuck off with a backpack into the great unknown.
d30041 No.3766
Don't want to do it during the holidays.
1a2018 No.5059
>>3374While I believe life holds no meaning or purpose and that self-consciousness is merely an illusion (and not a very pleasant one), I hold an absurd fear of death, for I don't believe in afterlife. It's a weird paradox, "I don't really exist but I fear to stop existing".
>>3434You realize that you don't want success or happiness, right? I'm not going to judge you or pretend I know why, but it becomes pretty clear from your post that you absolutely don't want to "succeed".
Everytime you get a leg ahead on life, whether it's a great job, university, a girfriend that motivates you, you quickly do your best to sabotage it.
Maybe you don't want the pressure, or don't think you deserve it. Perhaps you want simpler things or maybe you're just fucked up in the head we all are, but you're not trying to life an awesome life, you're running away from it.
cd1329 No.5161
Procrastination.
0e95ac No.5177
Because when you suck at life you also suck at dying.
ee9e9b No.5189
I think it is very likely that I try to kill myself again. In the meantime here are some thoughts on why people who want to die are not dead. They are probably not very original.
WARNING: incoming wall of text
Committing suicide is hard..
Suicide methods have the following prohibitive properties, these properties vary from method to method:
>Complexity
Unfortunately most of us who want to die are 'depressed' and even just getting out of bed in the morning is a challenge. Now if for example the method requires you to jump into a Nuclear Reactor.. just googling the location of the nearest Nuclear Reactor and going there is going to be damn near impossible.
Note: if depression is a problem, some antidepressants remove this constraint without removing the desire to die.
Generally: suicide requires a number of things, and access to those things is sometimes a problem.
A good method should have low complexity
>Jump
A lot of methods require a moment of decisive action. (ex: pulling the trigger, jumping in front of the train, jumping from the building, lighting the match to spark the gasoline etc..)
This is prohibitive because, as humans, our subconscious is designed to make us survive and unfortunately in cases where the body senses imminent death our subconscious takes over. A trivial example of this: no matter how much you want it, if you grab a hot coffee, your hand will let go of it. The difficulty of a jump is reduced if it is a familiar gesture. (example: swallowing a pill) or if it is divided into a set of small jumps (ex: set up some charcoals in a small room, seal the room, lock the door from the outside, light the charcoals)
A good method should have no large jumps, just small and possibly familiar ones.
>Quick/Painless
These two conditions come hand in hand. The longer it takes, the less distressing you want it to be. However if death occurs quickly, higher levels of pain are acceptable.
It is worth mentioning that the desire to die is sometimes not a constant but a fluctuation. Once the method is initiated, death is approaching and it is good if desire to die remains constant or (better) increasing. If death approaches and desire to die starts to decrease, this may lead to an aborted suicide. Aborting suicide puts 'Certainty' (see below) to almost 0 and can have ugly consequences for certain methods.
An ideal method is quick and painless but a good method doesn't have to be both as long as it is not too long.
>Certainty/Survival Cost
Dying usually implies doing a lot of damage to your body. If something goes wrong and you survive, your life might just become a lot worst. Example: Is it burns all over your body? Is it permanent paralysis? Permanent brain damage?
A good method has high certainty and low Survival Cost.
The condition that I last mentioned above leads me to perhaps an idea for a more certain suicide in a nonstandard way. The idea is simple: attempt suicide with a method where if survival occurs, the consequences are drastic. The outcomes of this are: you die, you don't. If you die, mission accomplished! If you don't die, you just became far more desperate and are now in a new mind-state where the range of suicide methods you are willing to try is larger. You can repeat this process until death occurs.
Caveats: When you survive be careful not to screw yourself up so much that you are unable to attempt another suicide!
As far as I know, in most countries, there is no good method. There are just better ones and worst ones. The importance of certain parameters varies on the person (example: people do end up jumping off buildings) so the best method varies from person to person. Sadly enough, the majority of the world doesn't want to die and (this is the sad part) seems intent on preventing people who do want to die from doing so by spreading misinformation about suicide and making access to key objects very hard. So if you fail don't blame yourself, there's a whole world of assholes that is actively trying to keep you in a state of living-misery.
My personal opinion:
Creativity is key. Realize that committing suicide is just a 'human engineering' problem. Flow charts help to analyse different scenarios. Combine methods to reduce overall prohibitive costs (jumps,pain,quickness) and increase overall certainty of death.
f56fe5 No.5206
>>3374Being a scared little bitch. Everyone I know knows that I'm too afraid to do it.
a11f40 No.5211
f56fe5 No.5213
>>5211>Nice Dubs.In all seriousness though, I am so sorry that you have to deal with this too. I know that realizing how scared you are makes it that much worse.
a11f40 No.5214
>>5213I mean I'm not scared to die. I'm just scared that knowing myself I'll probably fuck it up and end up living with my body destroyed or something.
f56fe5 No.5215
>>5214Same. I'm afraid I'll end up a vegetable or and up lying in a pool of my own blood writhing around for hours.
8a6a72 No.5227
How do I make the thoughts go away? Logic tells me that eventually there will be a way out of the hole I'm in, but since my last collapse the only two things I keep thinking of is:
>find reasons why I shouldn't kill myself
>there's no way out anymore, just kill yourself now your miserable neet faggot
I can't deal with it anymore, probably the only thing holding me back is what a tedious chore wiping everything embarrassing from my PC without being suspicious would be, and I can beraly function anymore, the anxiety is too much.
32849b No.5230
diazepam, etizolam, codeine, promethazine, cannabis.
f56fe5 No.5232
>>5230Weed is the only thing that helps me survive.
7718e9 No.5241
This one armed faggot can't leave, still.
1cafb9 No.5244
Soon
2 months at best
acf007 No.5373
>>3374Words cannot discribe how much I hate that fucking gif.
Everyone who uses it is an enormous faggot in my experience.
178e20 No.5381
Because if I do, my family will be torn to shreds, and my poor dear mom will inherit all my student load debt.
74bd59 No.5386
>>3374I'm afraid of death. How do I get over this fear?
1c00fe No.5387
I think I never wanted to admit it but I think I'm scared. Looking at suicide videos really got to me today. All of those bodies either completely fucked up or just being stiff there completely soulless…
and at the same time I don't want to live. I don't have the strength to do anything with my life anymore it would all be a waste of time.
I'm sacred of death. I'm scared of life. Shit sucks…
I feel like I'm destined to be full of anti depressants and other silly drugs and be a numb useless piece of shit the rest of my life. I'll probably avoid everybody I knew in the past at every chance because of the shame of how I turned out to be.
c77d3a No.5427
>>3374Nothing, I'm waiting for a court hearing to fail. When it does, which I'm positive it will, I'll be going. Considering splitting my abdomen and neck open to bleed out.
dfb22d No.5437
It would hurt loved ones
What I can't wrap my head around is WHY
Death is inevitable so who cares? I don't get anything from this life, it's so boring and tedious, everything seems false. And outside of that there's all of this misery for no reason. It's just a clusterfuck I don't get why leaving this place is considered to be "bad".
I kinda want to do it just out of an insatiable restlessness and curiosity for what comes next (even if it's nothing). Scared of hell or something though.
Life is just so ridiculous I can't even. You really want me to hand around so I can pretend to be impressed with sensations and pride and working hard and all of that stuff? If I had creative potential that would be one thing.
Life. Not even once. I really hope I didn't choose to be here in some kind of meta-life timeline because if so I'm dumb as fuck.
dfb22d No.5438
32849b No.5450
>>5427Please consider giving yourself a less distressing end, that sounds excruciating.
7c9806 No.5452
I'm afraid I'll fuck up and turn myself into a vegetable.
10f7eb No.5463
>>3374Coffee and cigarettes.
Classy way to commit suicide, just like Vonnegut said.
c77d3a No.5468
>>5450Actually it doesn't sound like it would be that bad.
3d35d0 No.5480
>>3374Videogames. But it doesn't do the trick anymore. I've spent my whole life sitting in my room alone. Is there any page or something that collects suicides notes? I would also like to know how many people kill themselves before they reach 22 yo, so I would feel less alone.
686221 No.5481
I actually like my life very much.
I have a few friends - not many, but I can rely very much on the ones I have.
I like what I do (I study Art History) and wouldn't live any other way.
Don't have a gf, but then again, it's not really that important, is it? If I ever meet a girl I like, great!
I don't have lots of money, I may even have a little financial trouble sometimes, but nothing drastic, I have enough to live and to spend in my hobbies and interests.
I actually only stopped by to see what would be the need for a whole board about suicides. I kinda feel sad there aren't more people helping others or asking for help here.
0a1893 No.5483
I don't know where to buy a good rope.
I read that hemp rope is good. But does it even matter? Could I juse an extension cable?
74bd59 No.5487
>>5481This board is for people who are pretty much past the point of no return. /sad/ is where people go to talk things out and help each other get better. I go there sometimes, but I don't really think there is a point anymore.
737799 No.5490
>>5483It does not really matter. Extension cord is fine. Just test it. Tie it somewhere and pull yourself up. If it doesn't break you should be fine using it.
7e9e8d No.5492
fear
0fe052 No.5587
>>5492You must not fear. Fear is the mind-killer. Fear is the little-death that brings total obliteration. You will face your fear. You will permit it to pass over you and through you. And when it has gone past you will turn the inner eye to see its path. Where the fear has gone there will be nothing. Only you will remain.
c2e1d2 No.5589
Finally starting dating but they all fell through. I barely find joy in anything anymore. Don't believe college will lead to a fulfilling career I enjoy. Guess the only thing that keeps me going is my mother and how she would react. She already lost my father, it would destroy her.
213893 No.6855
File: 1426468920180.jpg (55.51 KB, 331x500, 331:500, 6a00c22527999b549d00c22527….jpg)
Reading A Hitchhikers Guide to the Galaxy one last time before I go out.
Currently half way through the third book
d0486e No.6931
so many things fucked with this gay earth.
i'm hardly worth paying attention to as it is, but being the only person in a family/group of 12 or so that's trusted with death rights and last wishes kept me here at the beginning of it all.
and now my kids are cool. and Idolize me for some unknown reasons. definately better little fuckers than I am.
for w/e reason there are people that care. a friend. a family member I woke up from being a jerk.
a girl.
i'm cool enough with enduring. shit hurts everyday but i can take it. for now.
20193f No.6932
if i had a train around here i would do it
054ee4 No.6943
>>3374I'm honestly just lurking because the idea of dying, of ceasing to exist, absolutely terrifies me.
Also because I have a friend who has had depression for 5+ years and has shown suicidal tendencies too many times for me not to care. I think this helps me understand.
00bd6e No.7072
music, last drops of music and waves in my ears. nothing else but music
78535b No.7076
Eric Andre. Definitely. Everytime I get TOO sad, I just watch him. Fucking hilarious. So I guess humor is keeping me alive.
78535b No.7077
>>5589I totally agree with that one, dude. I love my mum too much and I couldn't live with myself If I ever hurt her.
cf07c1 No.7078
I'm scared
0e5d84 No.7079
I fucked up. Does god get kicks off of this?
f37e5f No.7088
Army for me. I ship out August 24th once I'm done with schooling. If anything man, why do it myself when the Army can just send me to do something and I get killed doing the best that I can ya know? Cause I REALLY wanna die, just not for nothing…or with doing nothing
53becd No.7114
It used to be that there were things I wanted to do before I kicked off.
Now I don't care anymore, so it's lack of a good method (sleeping pills are a crock of shit)
I'm thinking Fentanyl and jumping off a tall building. Gun is too expensive
a608c3 No.7117
>>3374Animu and Internet. That's all.
5ac15c No.7119
I fear i´ll just be born again. Seriously i fear i´m in the most horrible prison ever created
557700 No.7121
>>7119This would imply that we
do have permanent lurkers.
Can you remember your previous life?
c50785 No.7127
it's probably that one last person i have to hold onto.
I don't want to upset my mom or my friends, but i have to hold onto him. if possible, i'd like to fuck his life up as much as i can when i do finally go out. i'm trying to get back with this faggot and bring our relationship to a point where he's madly in love with me, then take myself away.
i've wanted to kill myself since forever, but now it feels like i have a goal. i can work towards this thing before i end it, and that's really motivating in the long run.
it's quite possible that he wouldn't care in the slightest but it doesn't bug me. i'm tired of living. no future, in massive debt, no energy, no money, no joy in anything.
773311 No.7165
>>3374The last bit of family I still have. Mom died almost a year ago and I've been going down an emotional spiral since. Younger brother and grandmother is all I have left and I'd hate to put that kinda burden on them if I killed myself.
d14c8d No.7183
>>3374my gf
my mother
idk man.
66d509 No.7185
>>7127Why don't you do it now? You'd be suprised how little he'll care about you dying a month or so afterwards, plus you're a bit of a cunt for wanting to fuck his life up anyway…or are you too much of a woman to do it?
66d509 No.7186
The fact that i still have some hopes and dreams.
Mastabiroty plesures such as video games, and being a mellow dramatic cunt. its losing its potency though.
I was rased religious so i'm scared that God might just be real.
Grills approach me because of good looks (thats what they think anyway) I completly reject them, but its still nice.
I have the most high metanence dog i've ever met and he'd probably die too if i killed myself…hes sweet though.
Life, it isn't all about me.
Maybe she'll come back…
6e1ee7 No.7188
my life is falling apart in various ways but there are still things I want to see in the future.
c41bed No.7216
the earth doesnt deserve to dissolve my body for nutrients
2a3a7a No.7223
reading about suicidal people kinda makes me feel better (sorry)
0bf2fb No.7226
1. My brother
2. A few friends
3. My dog
4. I don't want to die a kissless virgin
5. I am afraid of messing up
9bd950 No.7232
I want to see if I can be a neet for a few more years. I still enjoy some things, like vidya, music and anime. But not enough for the scale to lean in favor of life when I account my harsh and inevitable future that ive already postponed enough.
bcda4a No.7257
I live in cold as fuck canada. Im hitchhiking to ameria and setting myself on fire, perferably while overdosing on all the drugs i can find.
waiting for warmth.
c4e051 No.7264
- Fear of screwing it up and survive with severe sequels. Is a 15th floor enough?
- I don't want to cause trauma for my nephews that live with me.
- A ridiculous sense that a miracle could happen and life could get better. Doesn't make sense but… meh.
831b68 No.7266
>>726420 floors would be the best but i think 15 floors does the job.
65cdc1 No.7291
>>3427This. Really just that thing that will push me further and get me to do it.
824384 No.7293
>>5481Fuck you. Fuck you, in the ass, with no lube, and a sandpaper condom.
How dare you come not just to be a voyeur, to look at all us fuckups who are feeling like shit enough already, but to have the audacity, to go and tell us about your ~great fucking life~? Do you think you contributed to the conversation? Do you want to make our last days on earth that much worse? To force us to see what we're missing out on? What we could achieve if we weren't such shitfucks?
Because that's what you've done. Tho I have to admit…
> Study art history> Think that you can make shit out of that> Think your happiness will lastMaybe you're as naïve as you seem… Maybe I am too. But trolling /suicide/ is low, damn low, even for a chantard.
>>3374Fear. False hopes. A guy. (Not even a guy who likes me. Just one I wish would like me.)
Just like the rest of you losers.
eb36ac No.7294
>>7293Not the guy you responded to, but;
Lotta insecurity right there, maybe you really should kill yourself.
739ad1 No.7301
>>7294nope,he is not insecure,that other guy is a fucking dick for coming here to brag and show off how amazing he is.
eb36ac No.7304
Because five fucking minutes later I feel better. I feel bitter angry and resentful one day and then on top of the world the next. I hate it so fucking much.
ac0b5a No.7317
Gonna wait for my parents to go before I get serious.
Kind of hoping the world goes to shit and I watch everyone else who was happy kneel over in despair, while I, who had nothing to offer look on in semi interest.
I can always get drunk when shit feels really bad.
Then again, who know where we'll be with VR several years from now.
000000 No.7332
Want to see a god damn rocket land on its legs..silly i know.
e97fd6 No.7342
I think about how my death would affect my parents and I feel sick with guilt
also I'm pretty sure my roommate would shortly follow and I don't want to feel partly responsible for another person's death
334e75 No.7347
I'm the mod of /sjw/
08dfce No.7351
>lack of motivation
It's hit the point where this isn't a problem any more.
>family/friends
I know it's going to leave them fucked up, but I just want out. I don't really care about what happens when I leave.
>no idea what happens next
Not so worried about it any more, even though I still don't know. If I don't get oblivion, I'm going to be really pissed.
>still don't have a good method
Pretty much the one thing actually keeping me from going through with it right now. I don't have access to guns, so that's out of the question. The only pills I could use are undesirable for various reasons (unreliability, too long and/or painful). I could just suffocate myself, but the idea of dying that way fucking terrifies me. No access to a tall building or a bridge, so I can't do that either. Too poorfag to make an exit bag. Nothing to hang myself with.
>various minor bullshit
Never tried weed, want to have a suicide note longer than a few sentences, fuckhuge backlog of everything from anime to vidya.
aabccc No.7353
Alcohol, drugs, and a boy.
619000 No.7542
>>3374Man, this post has been lingering in the back of my mind for the past month now.
And, seriously, I think it all comes down to the pain. I know it will only last for a minute if I do it right, but I still fear what excruciating pain I will have for that minute.
As childish as it sounds, it's just like that apprehension you get before you rip off the band-aid. Only I just can't fucking get over it.
7e3808 No.7551
I decided to give myself one more year. If I haven't turned anything around by the end of 2015, I'm going to do it.
Maybe sooner, if I can't handle it.
b1655d No.7552
My dog, really.
Probably the fact I'm not completely emotionally dead inside.
f4d0fa No.7608
7.8 months left.
e75d41 No.7609
drugs
too pussy to off myself
thinking of buying a gun and telling my parents im moving abroad but going deep, deep into the mountain forest to a place where no one would probably go for years and shooting myself
e75d41 No.7610
This will however, make you kill yourself.
>you'll never be 15 and in love
>lying on the grass on a warm summer night, watching the stars, carelessly chatting
>not worrying about rent, bills, student loans
>only worry in life is how you're gonna cheat on that history test on monday
>you'll never take a young, tight, hot-bodied girls virginity, pulling out to cum all over her back and have her look in your eyes and say "I love you"
>you'll never have a girl around every day after school, pretend to be doing homework together, but instead just **** like rabbits
>you're in your 20's now
>gotta get a good job
>gotta be a serious man now
>all the good ones are taken
>maybe a nice girl will eventually settle with you
>they have already felt all those new exciting feelings before, and are usually jaded and bitter
>you missed what it feels like to have not a care in the world other than making your girl happy
>you have missed out on teenage love
df0376 No.8274
I'm a hypocrite.
A tired Hypocrite.
df0376 No.8275
>>7351
>Not so worried about it any more, even though I still don't know. If I don't get oblivion, I'm going to be really pissed.
I know this feel.
3620f4 No.8292
slivers of hope. they are rare but once in a while i'll get a serious surge of hope/motivation
"there's hope. "
"i'll make it out of this depression"
"one day, i'll be normal. live a normal happy life. have normal happy thoughts"
26876f No.8307
I just need a reliable method of leaving. I don't trust the helium bag, as I've seen an eyewitness thread of a guy that tried it and failed. I'm the guy that tried the "hibachi suicide" charcoal method and failed. Short of getting two guns and firing left and right of my head to completely destroy the brain, or saxitoxin by acquiring a rare puffer fish, I'm running out of options. Everybody's hopes they're talking about in this thread, I have none. I'm fit. I could have my selection of girls that don't attract me and lead a false life pretending like so many shmucks out there. But I don't want to. I was only attracted to her. She damaged my attraction to any other woman. I just want to fucking die so I can meet her again. Just knowing that for the rest of my life I'll never see her, I don't want to live anymore. Anyone up for strangers on a train with a suicide twist?
5b04f9 No.8310
>>3374
If I'm going to be honest my family is what keeps me alive, I know once I'm dead that won't *really* matter anymore but I still can't stand the thought of leaving them alone. I've been ready to off myself for a while now but with my family in the situation they're in and no life insurance policy on me I just can't do it, not yet.
a58aba No.8319
Fear of fucking up/extreme pain right before death.
Ironically, a lot of the statistics of the failure rates of suicide and the pain levels posted in this board have kept me from committing to the act. :/
Look at the fucking chart. I've had some injuries that were pretty painful, but I can't imagine the immense amount of pain a fucking shotgun to the head would be. And you'll still live for more than a minute, it's not instantaneous? And even then, what if I'm the fucktard 1 out of a hundred persons that actually lives?!
That fear of pain is too goddam much for me, holy fuck.
5ebfeb No.8321
>>8319
That chart is bullshit.
>>7627
>>7629
>>7687
>>7719
Post last edited at
e38ff3 No.8326
Simple pleasures.
Nature.
Firearms.
A career when I graduate CNC machining school.
My mate.
A lot of shit. I guess I just love living.
e0ba1b No.8346
I just don't want to fuck up and survive: Possible new disability, usually neurological. Everyone you know knows you tried to kill yourself, probable "suicide watch" or institutionalization. Basically any an hero aids are taken away and life is worse.
Like DFW said, the depression is like fire in a high rise, when you start to get burnt, jumping to your death becomes less painful. I guess I'm just not desperate enough to jump yet.
e0ba1b No.8347
Describe your depressing sensation/suicide and depression quotes.
“The so-called ‘psychotically depressed’ person who tries to kill herself doesn’t do so out of quote ‘hopelessness’ or any abstract conviction that life’s assets and debits do not square. And surely not because death seems suddenly appealing. The person in whom Its invisible agony reaches a certain unendurable level will kill herself the same way a trapped person will eventually jump from the window of a burning high-rise. Make no mistake about people who leap from burning windows. Their terror of falling from a great height is still just as great as it would be for you or me standing speculatively at the same window just checking out the view; i.e. the fear of falling remains a constant. The variable here is the other terror, the fire’s flames: when the flames get close enough, falling to death becomes the slightly less terrible of two terrors. It’s not desiring the fall; it’s terror of the flames. And yet nobody down on the sidewalk, looking up and yelling ‘Don’t!’ and ‘Hang on!’, can understand the jump. Not really. You’d have to have personally been trapped and felt flames to really understand a terror way beyond falling.”
-DFW
I feel like I'm making my way there.
5178fe No.8349
>>3374
The fear of death and the fear of the repercussions of a failed suicide attempt.
5ebfeb No.8355
>>8326
Why the fuck are you even here?
f693b3 No.8420
I want to build a vinyl collection, also I love cigarettes, music and alcohol,
072966 No.8424
Because I don't fucking care about myself or my feelings enough to make them the cause of something as self-absorbed as killing myself.
Until I learn to completely stop caring about everything, I would just be a whiny inauthentic piece of shit killing myself for no reason other than feeling bad. Feelings, pleasures and pains, are evolutionary mechanisms for coercing animals into doing things that are good for them and avoiding things that are bad for them; to appropriate these mechanisms towards an end we have represented to ourselves - an end that ultimately must have its source outside of ourselves, thus making the suicide not our suicide, but something else's which we are merely enacting - is once an abuse of nature, and twice acting in accordance with an end that is wholly devoid of significance.
Do I prefer to continue to live, knowing that whatever ends I posit for my life as a whole (or "meaning" if you prefer) will ultimately be overtaken by nihilism, and become increasingly detached from any emotion other than hatred? No, not really. But to do otherwise would be a mistake. Unless I can become wholly free and expire in the allotted amount of time that humans, as biological matter, are given and purge myself entirely of any sense of personal identity, to do otherwise than live - however miserably - would be a mistake.
bdf896 No.8454
>>3374
The fact that they sell alcohol
29d87d No.8484
Just the false hopes and dreams that one day i'll finally do something right for once.
4e6932 No.8485
The idea that I will leave behind a mess.
I don't get the philosophy about just because someone is being payed to do a job, you can make their job harder for the heck of it.
If I were to die now, someone would have to come, get the door open (and all the justice-stuff around that), get my body to wherever it goes, inform parents, the whole funeral-ordeal and so on.
And a small shiver of hope that one day I will not be this fuckup who has no ambition or motivation to do anything done.
3 years and no degree in one subject, jumped to another, 4 years and still not managed to get that degree. So, 25 and no education and a bunch of student-loan.
I guess I died mentally a long time ago..
4e6932 No.8486
>>8485
Also because it requires me to actually get it done. Instead of just consuming, I have to get out of my chair, get the right equipment, use my hands and all that.
And if I fuck up, I'm screwed for (quite ironically,) life.
f353fa No.8487
>>7119
exactly whats holding me back. i don't want to wake up as some african kid living a 10x shittier life than me
5348d5 No.8488
I wake up every morning hoping to see the liberals (democratic political party) in the United States have passed sweeping gun laws. Registration on a federal level, confiscations, ammo bans, banning private sales on a federal level (defacto registration).
It is the only reason that I get out of bed in the morning.
I want the happening to happen.
I want to massacre gun grabbers whole sale.
abb1f9 No.8519
My boyfriend. I love him so much, but I know I'm a terrible girlfriend.
Sometimes I want to break up with him so I can kill myself without hurting him, but I know if I die the same night I break up with him he will hurt for a very long time.
What do I do
880d38 No.8525
I'm so afraid of death. I want to die so badly I just can't bring myself to do it. Is there anyway to just accept death is inevitable and just fucking do it all ready?
20533e No.8526
>>8519
I don't want to die a complete and abject failure.
No matter how deep the hopelessness that anything will ever get better gets, no matter how much I want out, the thought of never having amounted to any shred of happiness, the thought of never having achieved a single thing I wanted from my life, it's awful.
It's like I've made a painting, and it's really irredeemably shitty, but there's a huge aversion to just stopping and saying "fuck it that's the best I can do". I keep going and going and it snowballs into this ridiculous mess but I can't stop myself from trying to patch it up.
737799 No.8530
>>8525
What are you afraid of exactly? The idea of being nothing/ scary afterlife? The pain of the transition? Would it help if you could take the big step with somebody else? Just being curious.
87d019 No.8535
If not for food/vidya/porn and being angry for one third of my waking life I'd probably off myself the first chance I get.
379edf No.8556
>>8326
>firearms
Thats ironic a firearm would do anything but keep me alive. but i live in canada so that aint happening. High level bridge is fenced off too. fucking liberals man.
ca4163 No.8558
Don't have a gun, want to use a gun, fast, painless.
56b29e No.8559
>>8558
Been thinking about it but guns actually aren't a sure fire way to do it. It can lead to not dying and perm brain damage etc.
Hanging seems more reliable.
282b6d No.8774
Parents and the entertainment industry, i still enjoy things even though my life is shit and there is zero prospects of it getting better, on the contrary it will most likely become worse. Maybe when everything becomes either horrible or gray it's time to sign off.
282b6d No.8775
Maybe combine shooting yourself and jumping? Just lean off and pull the trigger. Double or nothing john.
ec5e7d No.8970
I still have hopes.
But they're slowly dying.
000000 No.9498
My situation is pretty bad, but I am just waiting for my situation to get worse enough to kill myself in order to prevent even worse.
e23af0 No.9830
The fear of failling to kill myself.
If I fuck up, I may need to live my life crippled, and depending on how severe it is, I may not even be able to try to commit suicide again. This fucking terrifies me. I'm also too damn afraid of pain.
My method would need to be at least 2-fold. I'm considering cyanide ingestion, but right after it a shot in the head. Even if the shot doesnt kill me, there is always the cyanide. How the fuck I would get cyanide, though, is something I dont know.
A second option would be a shot in the head while standing on a plataform with a rope around my neck. I assume I would buckle after getting shot and end up hanging myself, so even if I was still miraculously alive from the shot, I wouldnt last long.
A secondary thing preventing me so far is my mother. I am 100% sure she would commit suicide right after me dying, and that really makes me feel bad. Ideally, I would need to make it look like an accident, but the methods I described wouldn't fly as one under any circunstance. So, back to the drawing board for now.
05df70 No.9978
Hoping things might get better, and finding a solution that doesn't cause anguish for my parents.
b21403 No.11257
Have my suicide planned out and ready to go ahead
Not doing because I love my family and they love me
I'm the youngest and I'll probably be 50 or 60 when they are all gone unless there's an accident. Right now I'm just like to fantasize about my inevitable suicide
b48337 No.11903
My family Really my father and youngest sister, and I'm a pussy who doesn't know if an afterlife exists.
b48337 No.11904
>>7551
Life sucks, but think about simple pleasures.
0a8875 No.14293
0a8875 No.14294
>>8488
It makes it harder to an hero though if there are a lack of guns.