/suicide/ - Suicide Tips & Tricks

>>11361

Our stories all vary and yours was no less painful to read than anyone else's. Best of luck making it to the other side, anon.

>>11362

made me wanna cry. thank you. I had so many truly rotten urges in my life and I did so many things I should disagree with.

Just having acceptance sort of released me. I doubt I can learn to enjoy living again, even if I'd love the will to live back.

I'll try to have a relaxed night without hurting anyone or myself and contemplate a painless death, even if I wouldn't prefer it.

>>11361

>autism and SPD. How do ya'll have it and cope?

staying indoors and getting drunk. tis always a good destraction

>>11365

What types of SPD do you have?

>>11368

it effects my sense of smell, taste and hearing. i have an eating disorder. i cant go outside unless i wear ear protection. if i stay in crowds for too long i have a breakdown. i am sensitive to touch as well

>>11369

Wanna be steam/skype friends? If I die I don't mind talking before I go or if I survive with amnesia I could do with some friends to talk melancholy to when I've forgotten all this.

I never met anyone else with SPD/autism, funnily enough. In my whole life.

>>11370

sure, but i only use tox nowdays. if this is a problem nvm about it

>>11363

Awareness and acceptance are the path to our victory. Being aware of your situation and your feelings, your faults and your fears, will lead to your acceptance. And once you accept the situation and your chosen solution, nothing will faze you anymore.

Literally. Nothing. Don't hurt anyone else, not ever. Don't hurt yourself either. Suicide isn't about hurt, it's about ending the hurt.

>>11373

added.

>>11374

That's the shitty thing though; my mind is so twisted I enjoy pain. I want to get to where I do not enjoy it. I want to have a comforting end, I want my sense of self and empathy back so it's relaxing.

>>11375

The urge to enjoy pain, I believe, stems from that relentless anger and cynicism directed towards the world; the inevitable result of being in our situation.

We won't physically enjoy the pain, it's the idea of the pain you become enamored with. It's like you're rebelling against yourself for being here.

>>11376

Sensory dysfunction may not help my cause, it might have developed into enjoying it physically.

You may be right that those impulses lead me to exploring the conclusion in the first place, though.

>>11377

Well whatever happens, I wish you the very best

>>9699

Sounds like you better make your suicide a muder-suicide with that cunt doctor.

>>11380

It really makes me wonder: with all the people like us and all the "normal" people out there, who has it worse? Which decision is the right one, stay or go? What are the consequences of each path and is any one of them actually "wrong?"

This shit is stupid as hell.

Guys, I just looked into it and it seems that Trazodone would be an effective method! Combined with alcohol it can be lethal enough to do the trick, although like always an exit bag would be a solid addition.

I'm prescribed Trazodone myself, so I'm sitting on my method as we speak. Hype!

>>11380

When do you plan to do it?

>>11385

Well since I'm here I obviously lean towards suicide but I'm too afraid.

>>11404

Like others here 30, nice even number that really drives home a checkpoint in life. Even then I'll probably still not do it though unless things get terrible enough for me to not be able to hide in my room. If I were less anxious and squeamish I might not need the outright despair much.

>>8400

I feel that.

>>8713

This too

>Autistic beta faggette

>Unattractive

>Unemployed

>Autoimmune disease

>Can’t do anything useful

>Dropped out of school because every single person hated me.

>Can't make friends with peers

>Only have two online friends. I’m sure I don’t mean as much to them as they do to me.

>Even the people who look chill don't want to hang out with me because of how functionally retarded I am. I can't even go out into public without being stared at because of my clinically fucked up and awkward demeanor. I talk to myself and do weird shit with my arms in public.

>Am worthless and extraordinarily selfish

>I've had bad things happen to me since childhood, I think I am the problem. Luck can't be this bad.

>I run away from people. I like being on my own, but I don't like being lonely. Paradoxical behavior. It is my fault.

>Essentially I am useless to society and I am fucking miserable.

>I stay at home and play vidya and get high and/or drunk all day but I don’t even deserve that.

>Hearing voices again. Reminding me of how useless I am.

>Disorganized hoarder.

>I need to stop draining resources. I want to go so badly.

>my legs are legit atrophying from staying in bed all day.

>been angrily depressed for years, no meds have helped. I realize now that I am not the ill one, I am just coming face-to-face with the reality of the world we all live in.

>No longer angry. Just want to die.

>I don’t want to live in a plastic house with miserable snot-nosed brats and a husband, working 9-5 or worse, stuck with the little shits all day.

>I don’t want any of this.

>I hate humanity so much. I think humanity ought to end itself but I’m happy to do my part.

Looking for the Holy Grail (nembutal)

19/F

I'm decided: I'm going to muster up all of my resolve and go with alcohol poisoning. I'll take a normal dose of dramamine for a couple days in advance, and then pop that shortly (along with a light snack) before carrying out the attempt. I'm 140lbs and haven't had a drink in ages, so I'm sure I'll get fucked up hard.

Seems like somewhere ~20oz will do the trick, perhaps even less. I also have trazodone which, after a certain amount of time, will quickly knock me out and leave the alcohol to do its job without me worrying.

>>11477

Let me just say at the very least you don't not "deserve" nice things and relief or that you deserve to suffer. No scale or entity worth respecting says you deserve such a thing.

I'm about 75% sure that I posted my shit way back in the spring, but I'll post it again since I don't see it from skimming.

>will turn 23 in two weeks

>been NEET and living back at home since May 2013

>failed out of college twice (for a major that I didn't even care about)

>best friend died a few years ago just before I became NEET

>girlfriend left me back in 2012 and became a drug addict

>I sort of take care of my mother (she's in her early 60s, obese, bad knees, arthritis, osteoporosis, my whole life she's never had a social life, etc.)

>don't have much family; family I do have don't even pretend like I'm not a massive disappointment to them

>I've been depressed for as long as I can remember

>have already been on some anti-depressants, but they didn't make a difference (also I'm no longer covered by insurance anyways)

>have absolutely zero idea what I would want to do for a living

>never even began to try to get a drivers license

>no hobbies outside of watching sports and browsing 8chan

>even if I wanted, I can't go back to school since I'm in debt from it already

>have only one friend, and we're not even close (whenever we talk on Facebook, I initiate about 80% of the time or more)

>have no relationships and don't see anyone other than my mother (who I live with)

>live in super small town (population of maybe 2000 at most) where I grew up

>pretty much only leave the house to take the garbage to the end of the driveway on Sunday evening

>have had serious sleep problems since I was about 12-13

>I started balding pretty badly about a year ago (and it's not like I was George Clooney to begin with)

>gained a bunch of weight, and am disgusted with my body (not that I was happy with it before)

>keep up with the news/politics, and every day it just reads as "Just cuck our shit up"

>age: 22

>sex: m

If anyone reads it - thanks. It's nothing special, but it is what it is.

>>11489

This thread is cyclical, meaning the oldest posts begin to disappear after the bumplimit is reached. The top is currently going at 04/30/15, so posts will stay for a while too.

>>11489

22m here, 23 on Christmas and I can hardly believe that shit. Been NEET for a solid year now, flunked out of a *community college* once, don't really have any friends anymore and I'm a burden on my family. What's worse is that my two younger sisters are perfect lovable kids and the thought of sudoku'ing on them is a powerful deterrent. Damned if I do, damned if I don't (though not literally).

I don't fully understand what it's like for you, but I think I get the jist of it. I wish you luck anon.

>major depressive disorder

>misanthropic

>shit family

>don't want to work or study

>hate reality and existence (lol)

>only desire is to read philosophy and I keep procrastinating that

>therapy/meds only work for normal people's problems

16 male, relatively young here but I've wanted to die for a few years

>>11497

I'm sorry you have to deal with this at such a young age, anon. Granted I'm only ~7 years older, but it feels especially unfair that you don't have a little more time. Well, just keep an open mind and be patient; you never know when life will turn things upside down on you in a positive way.

Major depressive disorder and terrible social anxiety (I uncontrollably cry when I have to speak to authority figures), have like 1 friend (thanks to anxiety), my dad refuses to take me to any form of therapy and refuses medication, my mom died a few months ago, my body is completely disgusting and covered in scars, I'm failing highschool (and I'm too depressed to do anything about it), and everything I use to enjoy is boring now. Oh, also I have anger issues so the 1 friend I do have doesn't like me that much. I'm constantly cutting but even that doesn't help, i was abused by an ex and now I have anxiety attacks anytime anyone tries to do anything sexual with me. I'm 16 and bring alcohol to school most days bc I can't function w/o it

>>11477

You sound like you have a similar mentality as someone I used to know, they were kinda fun.

If you're still around and want to talk shit and make a new internet friend on the other side of the world for a few moments of distraction until one of us gets bored hit up.

BoredAnon@gmx.com

You can too.

> 19 guy USA

> wealthy(ish)

> 6 feet tall / 6 inch dick / white

> almost would classify myself as fully ripped. i've been lifting since I was 15 because it's the only thing that makes me feel good about myself.

> smart, done well in school (35 on the god damn ACT)

> lost my virginity to an amazing/crazy hot girlfriend at 16

> able to get laid easily, girls regularly talk to me and put out without me exerting any effort

Why do I fucking hate myself so much. I don't feel anything.

> prescribed nardil, ambien, xanax, adderall

> retrograde amnesia, rolling memory blackouts

> might have dissociative identity disorder

> definitely have major depression and moderate anxiety

> have a circle of very old and close friends, but hate meeting and hanging out with new people. i'm likeable and i don't mind being around people i don't know, but spending time with new people just makes me feel lonely

> feel lonely in a room full of people i know anyway

> would rather sit in my room get drunk and listen to records instead of (guaranteed bang) hang out with a 7/10 girl

My mom was extremely abusive. I tried killing myself (by cutting my wrists) when I was 13. I almost shot myself in the head when I was 17.

My loneliness seems to have no limit. I can't shake the feeling that I'm not long for this world. I'm an atheist so I have no illusions about some kind of wonderful afterlife. I just want it to end. The fact that I'm so fortunate, that other people would kill to have what I've been given only makes me feel more guilty.

Now I'm going to down a couple more beers and see if I can find the balls to finally put a bullet in my head.

>>11551

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=VSIz7mDYZug

I got this sad song spinning to get me in the mood. Probably won't write a note because it's just going to sound stupid.

>>11489

>"Everyday I read news and politics and it reads as "Just cuck our shit up"."

Ha, I don't get into any of that myself but I get it. You seem like a pretty alright guy to talk to.

>>11551

>I'm an atheist

>muh nothingness

>muh euphedora

Good luck finding the balls to actually kill yourself with absolutely no thought of post-death comfort.

>>11558

I'm an atheist and I find comfort in knowing I won't go to hell which is technically an improvement.

>>11569

>implying Hell

>implying you weren't forgiven the instant Jesus suffered Hell on earth and died for your lazy ass

C'mon anon, keep up.

>>11596

>be lightweight

>obtain 80 proof vodka

>take antiemetic normal dose for a few days, and right before the attempt along with a light meal

>drink many many shots (I'm talking 10+) of the vodka while chasing it down with something to mitigate the awful taste. Do it very quickly.

>bonus points for taking sleep meds and sparing yourself the early consequences of drinking so much so quickly

>enter afterlife

>fall on knees and beg forgiveness while accepting eternal love into your heart

>enjoy afterlife

I'm not kidding about the forgiveness/love thing, either. Best of luck anon.

Any oldfags on /suicide/?

>>11614

what's considered an oldfag nowdays?

>>11615

People who've been on 4chan before they came here atleast a 6 year Channer. They're the old fags.

>>11616

4-5 years. Almost had it.

Actually I don't want to die, I want endless supply of money but it's impossible being a neet. Tried working in office and retail, bailed out from stress. Tried applying for jobs I might not bail, no reply. I don't want my mom to find my body but it's probably for the best rather than feeding this useless child for another 20 years, ma.

>stuck with old parents who are nice and understanding of my position but can't do much

>Have no license and im stuck out in the country, my dad is the only one left with a license and he hurts too much to let me drive often. I failed the test twice and live in Missouri, where if you fail the test 3 times, your forced to take driving school lessons… which are 40 miles away from me and my family can't afford them

>Our house is a fucking disaster, almost on par with chris-chans house, my folks don't feel like doing much about it

>When I try to clean it my mom gets mad

>The toilet broke a long time ago and now we shit in buckets and im stuck dumping them every now and then because they are too lazy too. The smell never got any more bareable.

>I'm 25 and I've never had an official job… why would anyone want to hire me?

>Im horrible at everything I do…. no matter what I try my friends do a better job and learn faster than I do… and eventually I hit a mental block where I can't get any better while they keep improving

>mom is an idiot and is obsessed with saving money, I feel eventually everything fun I want to do that keeps me from not killing myself will be hindered by this… including switching to a shitty low power computer and playing no more videogames on anything but this low power computer while lowering our internet to the shittiest it can get

>I feel like im growing more and more distant from my friends who I think are starting to see me as an obnoxious person because I can't keep my mouth fucking shut and not sound like a snob when I have an oppinion…I probably am a good for nothing snob

>no one fucking cares about how much of a shithole the world is turning to… everyone that does is all talk…and im no better than them. I was hoping 8chan had a chance, but 4channer's are eating into hiroyuki's lies and will probably hate 8chan even more now that they beleive Jim stole 2ch.

>>11627

You've got it pretty fucking bad, anon. Best of luck to you and your chosen method.

>>11635

Also a Britfag so I know how you feel on the last bit i'm 16 no friends about to get kicked off my college course because i'm too fucking tired to do anything i'm always seeing shit and my only stress relief is chronic masturbation and browsing chans and gaming ofcourse. Have you thought about laying your head on a train track? I asked on >>>/suicide/ and they said it was pretty effective and to not cuck up and lose my limbs and not my life.

>>11641

Alcohol poisoning. I'm only 140lbs and not at all in the best shape, plus my tolerance is exceptionally low. I'm going to imbibe ~20oz of vodka or more, and take sleep/anxiety meds along with it. I'm also propping my body up from one side to prevent lying on my back and drowning in vomit.

>>11635

Want to have a friend to talk to? I'm in the UK and in a situation similar to yours. Bombdrop your Skype, Tox, Steam or whatever and I'll hang out.

>>11641

I thought about that too but I get what you mean fully the passengers too if they see it kids being on the train puts me off it but I think for once in my life I need to be selfish.. Good luck to you though Anon I hope whatever method you use ends your life quick and painlessly.

>>11635

What >>11649 said. I am pretty young but man if you want a game or two before you off yourself on Steam or just a chat then i'm down same goes for anyone else.

>>11638

Goodbye man, i'll see you on the other side Anon.

>>11651

http://steamcommunity.com/id/vampiresavior

Hey, add me too if the offer's open. Unless my batshit plan to wreck my memories works out I may end up on the other side soon, I'm down for vidya.

>I'm a wreck by myself that can't even remember simple things like eating or bathing for days on end

>I can't even get more than 5 hours of sleep a day as of the past ~5 years and it's been grating on me since day one of not sleeping as much

>Tech, cars, music, and porn aren't fun or satisfying anymore

>I have no gf and can't find anyone I want to date, despite wanting to date badly to have something fun to do

>I haven't talked to actual people outside of work and technical school for months and can't find anyone I want to talk to, despite wanting friends badly to have something fun to do

>Games can only last me for so long because of how strict my tastes are in them and how many I've already played

>Get bored when trying new hobbies

tl;dr: life isn't actually shitty for me but it's pointless because of how boring it is and how bad I am at staying alive well.

Age: 19

Sex: Male

>>3940

>Haven't had friends in 3 years

>No money

>Failed college twice

>No future

>Have never had a girlfriend or SO

>No way to get out

>No way to meet people (I essentially live at a town the size of a truck stop.)

>People who I used to consider friends tell me they hate my character and who I am as a person but can't give any examples as to relate to.

>literally watching my life pass me by, year by year.

>Grandparents and pets all dying simultaniously from very slow degenerative diseases that I get to watch as the days pass.

I want to die.

I want someone to kill me

This is a living hell. The sun feels like it sets minutes after I awake. This is a living hell. I want my childhood back but I can never turn back the clock. I can't go foward, I can only watch my childhood and past ripped away from me day by day.

Age: 20

Sex: male

>>11680

>I want someone to kill me.

How about suicide by cop?

>intrusive thoughts that only seem to go away when I drink

>thinking about killing myself used to help too, but it's not working any more

>family of liberals and SJWs that I can't connect with

18/M

>depressed for 5+ years, social anxiety also that feed off each other

>no job

>have had shit minimum wage jobs in the past, only makes me more depressed being a pathetic wageslave for some worthless shit corporation

>no friends

>pretty sure mom hates me and I feel like a parasite to her, don't talk to dad anymore

>nihilistic worldview, I don't see a point in doing anything which only further drives my laziness and inability to actually accomplish anything

>nothing to look forward to besides a lifetime of wageslavery. Just generally not a life worth living

20M

>>11492

>>11496

>>11556

>>11706

For fucks sake, I accidentally hit "new reply" before typing my shit out.

>>11492

Thanks for the info, anon. Makes sense now.

>>11496

Yeah, I can understand where you're coming from (except that I'm an only child). Do you live somewhere where you might be able to get seasonal work for Christmas? And thanks, good luck to you too.

>>11556

lol thanks, man.

>28

>male

>attractive

>kinda smart

>been in relationships

>had fiends

>but i fail people

>and thus i'm worthless

>gf, family, friends? i don't give a shit about this

>but i can't perform, can't work, fuck up

>i'm nothing without my job. i can't do it. i'm done

>Be 19

>Have lazy eye and bad birth mark on arm that gives me low self esteem.

>Had one gf as child, but no more.

>want to be artist or politician, but no motiviarion.

>Have had suicidal thoughts and broke down crying before

>Bottle my enotions and act normal in front of strangers, can actually function if I don't think about shit.

I don't know if I have bouts of depression or not, but it feels like it. Some days I'm perfectly fine, other days I'm not.

>>11883

Fuck, I meant to put motivation, fuck my phone.

>>11883

Forgot to mention I feel like I have social anxiety too.

>Ugly

>Out of shape

>Flunked out of college twice

>Got black listed from working retail

>No job for 3 years now

>No skills

>No practical use

>No motivation to do anything at all

>Huge burden on family

>Huge debt

>Extremely good natured and supportive partner who's hung up on 'fixing' me instead of moving on and finding the normal person they deserve

>Crippling psychiatric problems, that have gone undiagnosed for ten years because I've been too ashamed of them to tell anyone, are getting worse

>No health insurance, so I couldn't even begin to deal with above if I wanted to

I started hearing voices when I was 13 or so. I tried to tell some kids my age (I never really had friends) but they thought I was making it up to seem cool. I felt too embarrassed and ashamed to try and tell any adults about it, so I kept it to myself. It's done nothing but get worse over the years, and lately I've legitimately had trouble telling fantasy apart from reality anymore. I use to be able to tell myself it wasn't real, it was all in my head, but I'm just not certain anymore. I catch myself talking to people I use to know who aren't there and it scares me.

I feel like it's too late. Like I have too many coping mechanisms to actually be diagnosed with anything properly. I've been faking being 'ok' for so long, I don't know if I could even communicate what it's like.

And my poor, sweet sunshine, the only thing in the world that's kept me holding on this long. I feel absolute gut wrenching guilt every day that I'm alive and they choose to be with me, thinking that I'll get better, that I'll get through this and we'll have this ideal life together. I wanted that too, but no where inside me do I have the strength to believe it.

I'm just a waste. A waste of potential. A waste of life. A waste of love.

15y M >cruicifymefokr.exe

>Social anxiety. Got worse then better then worse again.

>Depressed as shit, don't want peelz.

>Mom acts like she cares, she ruins my life by killing all of my IRL relationships.

>Built everything I have on two plastic boxes filled with silicon and various other metals.

>Mom took away one.

>Family doesn't understand me for shit, I will get to that.

>"Friends" aren't really friends, just know them from school and they don't give a fuck if I die.

>Psychotic and mind is telling me crazy shit.

>Starting to believe it.

>Seeing things out of thd corners of my eyes.

>Try to find out how the fuck depression and anxiety turned into this.

>I fit all credentials for psychosis.

>wellshitthatmakessense.gif

>Things still spiraling down.

>Just want to know peace from this evil.

My Kik is Cryptic_Orange. Grab me while you can, I won't be here for long.

>Dropped out of college

>Dead end job

>Bf dumped me

>Only pass 75% of the time

>Tranny

>No future

Gender:

MtF

Age:

19

>>11967

Forgot to add

>No friends

>No social life

But isn't that obvious?

>>11967

>transgender

>wants out

hey so it's true

>Age

24

>sex

male

I'm just really not cut out for living. I don't even have much of a reason to think it. Doing things then sleeping and waking up is absolutely draining and I've had that feeling all my life. I just have a negative impact on everyone around me and i don't think i was ever meant to be alive.

The thought of not thinking and worrying 24/7 is fucking top, i just need a quick way to get out.

>>12004

Why be a therapist in the USA instead of Britania? Being a qualified mental healthcare clinician can be done in many countries.

If you are big enough slap your dad for taking away the moment you stood up against bullying. Stand up for yourself more often.

Shit taste in girls+ too high standards. How does that work?

Scary hallucinations or like talking to someone and then realizing that person isn't there?

Also am I curious for your exit method. Sorry for asking all that stuff but I have nothing better to do at this time.

Age: 28

Male

>Disabled for life

>Half of my body is paralyzed

>I'm in indescribable pain 24/7

>People around me keep lying to my face

>Every relationship and friendship that I have went to complete shit

>Rehabilitation isn't going anywhere

>I'm laughed at when I know exactly what's wrong and HOW to fix it

>Destined to die alone

>Living a emotionless life if you can call it that.

>Physically incapable of committing suicide to get out of this shitty situation

Yes if anyone asks, I'm the disabled anon from months ago. I live under immense pain 24/7 and nothing seems to help.

I'm sick and tired of being such a burden, being in constant agony and being surrounded by inept Tumblr tier delusional fuckwits.

That being said is anyone willing to end my misery?

>>12015

I not sure if you're joking or not, but what country/state are you in?

>depressed for 7+ years

>autism

>4 wks pregnant

>best friend that got me pregnant is ignoring me and doesn't believe me

>shitty abortion laws

>terrible at friendships

>no social life

>hs dropout and too depressed to take my GED

>no job, no desire to get one

>relatives hate me

>paranoia

>feels like I have no control

>can't be a complete recluse

>can't even talk to anyone about this without having the cops come after me

>suicide attempts always fail

>trapped

age: 17

sex: female

>>12022

Where do you live?

>>12024

northeastern coast

>>12004

>shut in

>addiction

>hallucinations

>suicidal

>wants to be a therapist

m8?

>>12030

let dreams be dreams

>>12021

Finland just be concise. A winter blasted shithole in middle of bumfuck nowhere.

> getting fatter everyday

> too lazy to fix my shit

> I used to be "anorexic" but when I wasn't eating, I was extremely happy and felt beautiful and I can't be happy anymore because I know people will judge me negatively for it

> losing the attractiveness I once had

> guy I've been into since I was 16 isn't as interesting to me anymore

> completely dependent on said guy

> sister that's ten years younger than me is going to accomplish way more than I ever will

> I dropped out of school as a senior a few months before I was going to graduate and never got my highschool diploma

> I want to leave my guy but the only way I'd survive on my own is if I became a stripper and I don't feel beautiful enough anymore to do that

> I don't know how to drive

> I don't know who my father is

> I don't have a single real friend

> I try so hard to make friends but it never works out

> 22

> F

>>12022

I had an abortion in 2013

It was the best decision of my life

With financial aid, it cost a little over $200

You can do it

It'll be okay

>Can't find a job despite desperately searching high and low for an entire fucking year

>Roommates are throwing me out

>Can't afford college

>Watched all of my friends graduate, eventually get stable careers, get engaged/married, start having kids, buying houses while all I seem to be able to do is spin my fucking wheels in the mud

I've simply got nothing left. I feel so fucking worthless.

>suffer from ocd

>paranoid

>schizophrenic

>autistic

> havin no real friends

>mates were treat me like crap in school

>hurted my darlin hard out of my potential because shizophrenia

>she hates me and she wouldnt get my case and won't believe

>still dreaming about her every day

>living in egypt

age 18

male

18 F

>Had wool pulled over my eyes growing up until my father died when I was 11. The people around me were well intentioned, but I'd rather have seen the reality of life from the start.

>Brain injury at 14.

>Not willing to fulfill basic needs for survival in the long term.

>Not willing to become a wage slave.

In my opinion, nothing objectively matters, nothing is objectively right or wrong, and we live in an absurd universe. I made my own value judgements and decided that overall, the hassle of living isn't worth the reward. I had my fun throughout my life, but I'm not interested in playing the game much longer.

>have been depressed for 6 years or so shit, time goes fast

>not as depressed anymore

>I can't picture any kind of future for my self

>There are days when I feel more hopeful, and start imagining my self in university

>The only subject I have interest is math

>Usually studying feels like torture, it used to be the light of my life

>I don't see any reason why one would choose to live, when you could just skip it, and stop existing

>Am forced to live because of my mother, I don't really care about the rest of the family

>People and all life affirming philosophies seem to be biased towards life. Hearing them really pisses me off and causes great anxiety.

>I just don't see any reasons to keep living.

>Whats bad about non-existing?

>23

>m

>>12065

also 18

also no friends

also ocd, autism, schizophrenia

brofist

>>12068

we're better than them bro we're pure inside, they dont deserve us, we must leave one day

>>12005

America has always been the dream I guess. Nothing better to have as a dream other than to die plus I'd have more courage to shoot myself than any other method in Britain it's not so easy to shoot yourself or get shot.

Shit taste in girls but sets standards too high meaning the girls I do end up dating due to me being a charmer take advantage of the fact i'm 'nice' to them. (That's the shit taste part) sets standards too high in general I think people are better than theh actually are even though they're absolute fucking tossersand I try to date girls that are way too good for me sometimes it works other times I end up getting stuck with girls who have low self esteem and even they don't want me.

Probably going to end up suicide by train I guess seems to be the easiest most effective method I can think of that's easy to assemble a plan for I have the location just need train times and maybe some alcohol (Not exactly a selfish person but I don't give a fuck if anyone on the train gets mentally fucked up I don't care how long it takes for fuckers to clean my dismembered corpse either my death is going to be the one and only most selfish thing i'm doing. If not death by train then sui by gunshot if I do it myself or someone else does it I don't care. I'll piss off the country if I have to as long as the end result is me dying I don't care.

>>12070

Forgot to mention i'm too much of a pussy to hit my dad or many people at all I mean me and my dad have been at eachothers throats and I mean with a precise hit I could do serious damage but I get scared I don't want to harm people but I guess that doesn't make sense as by opting out i'll harm someone mentally. Physically depending on how much they care.

Also just idk seeing people not necessarily speaking to them but I hear things a lot like my name or usually just mumbled shit when everyone is asleep I doubt it's my neighbours it sounds too close to be it sounds like right at my door. Some scary shit has happened to me I mean one time I was laying in bed and I was hearing shit then I felt something kick the bottom of my bed really hard the bed lifted then I heard laughing. It seems bullshit I know but even if it was all in my head that doesn't make it any less scary. Even now while i'm typing this I picture shit and I see a section of my door blacked out as if someone is standing outside it stopping the light getting through the frame. I am sure by this point i'm insane I can't even have both my earphones covering my ears because I get fucking petrified. I just want to be gone and forgotten and I want this shit to stop.

>Be me

>6 years old on swing being pushed by my father, it was sunset

That's the last pleasant memory I have of him

>Start getting yelled at for doing stupid kid things (Playing with cars too loud)

>Yelling starts getting worse, soon turns to violence

>Eventually he deploys to Iraq, his last words to me before he leaves were something about shutting up

>Worry about him while he's deployed for two years, nonstop staying up late at night, hoping he was alright

>He comes back more violent, aggressive and with a drinking problem

>Abuse continues until he's deployed again

>Still worry about him though now I'm conflicted on whether or not I want him in my life

>He comes back 2 years later, I hide under the bed from him

>Doesn't notice me, goes to do something else

>At that moment I realized he was never going to be the same man he started out as

>Starts drinking heavily, abuse gets worse, he starts throwing me into furniture, beating me into the corner

>Spend most of my day in bed staring at the roof, hoping he doesn't come in or on my bed crying after he beat me

>Gets deployed again and life is relatively normal

>be about 12 now

>friends gradually stop talking to me and lose touch from me

>I stop talking to my family unless I have to (IE "Hey we have any

>18 now, two friends who I'm not very close to and are both depressed

>Therapy isn't helping

>Previous suicide attempts failed

>Drugs didn't help

>Smoking didn't help

>Every time I tried to beat depression, better myself, live a happy life I always got pulled back down when I realized nothing had changed and I was just ignoring how I really felt

>Dealing with feelings doesn't help, just makes things worse

>Girlfriend of 6 or so months left last month

>Dead end job with no hope out

>Just waiting to get enough money to buy a lethal dose of xanax and heroin

>thinking about asking someone to be with me, just for an hour or so, I don't want to die alone.

>>12129

If you're a britfag in the North West I can help you out. If not then sorry pal. I wish you a painless death and I hope you find someone to have next to you when you die.

>>12136

>North West of England*

>>12136

I'm from New England if that means anything…

Nah in all seriousness thanks man, I hope so too

>>12143

Hell man I would've been there I don't want to die alone either but it seems to be going that way but no problem man

>>12144

Thanks, though I've decided to hold it off for a little while. One of said friends just lost one friend and nearly a second. I don't want to put all of that on him at the same time, plus I've got to save up enough money for a lethal dose of Xanax, booze, Vicodin and heroin

>>12175

Yeah man I can understand that and true I don't think i'd be able to go that way I think i'd pussy out i'm probably going to OD on sleeping pills while on a train track and let the train take care of me only problem is I don't wanna have the driver feel like he's killed me when he couldn't have done anything to prevent my death.

Soul and imagination are dead and still dying

I feel like I'm irreparably damaged just for existing here

I can't let it get worse

NEET

Don't want anything

Life here is fucked

No reason at all for me to do anything

My life isn't so bad

I faced a lot of social isolation for reasons I won't specify back in school (and before then, too)

That's not to say I'm a good person, I'm not, but at least I always had something to say when I said something. I had interesting thoughts and the like but now I feel so dried out.

I'm sick of every force on this planet being hellbent on fucking with my mind

I just want to be left alone in peace

I don't even love my own family anymore. I don't think I love anything or anyone. I used to be full of love for everything. I feel fucked up. And if there is a metaphysical layer to reality, I'm pissed off and terrified about the repercussions JUST BEING HERE might have. Which is why I need to minimize my time.

22

M

>Really no reason, family is fairly well off, on the higher side of middle class

>parents are nice people, dad has anger issues though, and used to verbally abuse us when we were younger (still does when he's upset)

>mom is a really nice lady, everything you could want in a mom is her, but she might be a little bit shut off emotionally, though

>not really close to parents though, honestly barely know them

>have a little sister who's cool, turned into a filthy stoner though and she's pretty obnoxious and bitchy when she wants to be

>ran away when I was 16 to go live with older brother and his bitch girlfriend

>really liked the little town they lived in, and loved the highschool there, definitely would have finished school had I been allowed to stay

>ended up in the hospital around Christmas time because I said I wanted to kill myself

>given Prozac and sent out on my way, we were supposed to check back with the psychiatrist but never did

>ended back up in the hospital around February because I said I wanted to kill myself

>brother kicks me out so I move back with my parents

>mom doesn't like having me on meds, makes me stop taking them

>dropped out of highschool because of anxiety attacks (I've never had anxiety before taking Prozac, now I start shaking over the stupidest shit)

>Everything is good the first year or so, just played vidya a lot and chilled with buddies online

>online friend of 3 years slowly stops talking to me, we were playing a game online together when my friend joined and killed her, and she called me a bitch

>our relationship hasn't been very good, I don't talk to her for 3 days, and decide to delete her from everywhere and cut ties with her on the third day

>suddenly realize I have no more friends, internet is really bad so I can't play multiplayer games anymore and escape

>no one to talk to and tell them what I've been thinking about or doing

>have one friend that I barely know, says he's going to come and kidnap me and take me away from here but it wont happen for a few years

>slowly rotting away, slowly trying to get over the fear of dying

>age: 19

>sex: female

I'm nothing more than a spoiled brat who can't communicate with people in real life due to stunted social skills. I might kill myself this year sometime in January if I can get over the fear of dying and the guilt of what happens to my mom and dad after I'm gone.

>>12185

Sounds strangely familiar

>>12188

ＫＩＬＬ　ＹＯＵＲＳＥＬＦ

>>12030

Usually the best therapists are the ones that actually have some sense of knowing what you're going through without you having to fully explain it. I wanted to help people but that shit is just a pipe dream now. It'd be nice to do before I die but I doubt at this rate i'll be making that dream come true.

>severe depression (big fucking surprise)

>bullied my entire life

>don't give a shit about gf or sex, that won't help anything

>failed college 3 times

>only one friend

>was going to suicide in 2013, uncle did it the literal day before I was going to, so I decided not to

>no more health insurance = no more "dont kill yourself" pills

>dead end job

>half the staff has shit for brains

>parents don't even try to help

>mother openly hates everything I do, is half the reason I hate myself

Male, 23

>>12198

Also that fucking banner ad with the spic in it makes me want to kill myself.

>>12183

Yeah, Well the alcohol doubles as "liquid courage" I don't want to wuss out after spending a month's paycheck on this shit. Honestly though I'd be more afraid to lay on the tracks, the drugs basically mean you either get an incredible high and wake up fucked up but more or less okay. Either that or you get fucked up enough to forget to breathe and you just sort of slip into unconsciousness, either way it's peaceful and just knowing that's enough to get me to do it but I'd probably down the pills, lay on the tracks and right before I passed out I'd roll over and get myself off. I guess I'm kind of a wuss like that, I really just want to avoid any kind of pain at all, even a gunshot sounds scary for a split second you? I get that thing about worrying about the conductor too. Hopefully the month or so I'm gonna wait is enough time to put enough distance between me and everyone else to make things at least bearable when I go.

>>12183

heh, hell I'm even writing a note to my dealer telling him it's not his fault and how I wish him the best of luck, it's kind of pathetic really but I mean, everyone else is a person too I guess.

>>12208

I get what you mean. I think laying on the tracks and waiting will do me fine. I will try and stay awake if possible to ensure I don't roll off the tracks but then i'd have to rely on myself to stay there but in honesty if I build up enough courage to walk to the said location i'm going to have enough courage to stay if it's a certain fast death then i'm doing it. Days are just getting worse and worse so I feel that my suicide may be soon. The girl I love just practically said to me even though she promised me and her can have a chance of being together again (I've dated her once before) she told me she can't handle the distance and she has found someone better. In other words she wants dick to suck. With her being one of the only things keeping me alive and now I feel like killing myself everytime she talks to me or even just thinking about her it seems my suicide is going to come a lot earlier than originally planned. All I have now is a single friend who barely talks to me and my family I guess. Those are the only 2 things keeping me alive.

>>12215

Sorry about that man. My girl left because she "was too busy" for a relationship and us not seeing each other very often was worse than not being a thing at all I guess… women man… Anyway I hope everything works out for you anon, however that may be. Umm, have you gotten everything together? Notes, your will, what the hospital should do in case you're found incapacitated and unable to make a decision for yourself? Do you have a will? Bucket list?

>>12217

Fucking sucks man I thought maybe my luck was turning round for a change y'know but fuck it whatever. That sucks man fuck that bitch. No notes really I don't have a will I doubt my parents will use anything I own not that I have much I have a shitty computer i'd mail it to my one friend but I mean is he really going to play it? Probably not. No matter what I put they'll just leave the decision down to my parents but what I am doing is i'm going to record some shit. Probably say a few words before I stop the recording rest the phone down and wait for the train to come. There is stuff I want to do before I die one was seeing the girl who no longer loves me so that's out of the question the other was seeing the friend I barely talk to but he lives in America I live in Britain it's like over £1,500 for a flight there and back and stuff and i'm only 16 and don't have that kind of cash. I could steal it but I don't want to fuck this situation up more than it would have for my family. The thing that made me lose hope the most was probably the Robin Williams situation. He had everything anyone could want and he was still depressed as fuck. He had a family he was popular he was loaded with cash he could make people happy it just feels like everything he had would've been perfect for me but I can barely move out of my fucking room to do anything. The only thing I do is play games and watch The Walking Dead my life serves no purpose and it hasn't for a very long time. I'm not a good person anyway so I don't feel like I will be missed too much. I'm just another nobody who lives to die.

Seems that I just made things worse too as she doesn't want to talk to me anymore. Fun shit. Looks like i'll be definitely catching my train sooner than expected.

>>12218

16? High school yea? I'm a senior myself. Yeah, sorry man, I feel that and eh, I'm not mad at her, she made her choice and I feel like her struggling with who she is was a big part of that. We're still friends but sometimes it really tears me up inside. Umm, as for property, if you're 16 yea, you probably wouldn't have much. The flight thing would probably be pretty hard to pull off so yeah, that's an issue, stealing it would be incredibly hard and even if you could getting the ticket would be a pain in the ass. Robin Williams got to me as well. I've never cared about actors or celebraties but his death really struck a cord in me, he was a down to earth person, he seemed "real" you know? it was rough. I can't really even seem to play games anymore, I'm not engaged, I don't care, I've lost interest in pretty much everything except music now. What do you mean about not being a good person though? Any reason you think that? Also I hate to make it harder for you but you'll probably be very, very missed, your parents will never forget this, it will change them as people, it could ruin their lives whether you think they care or not. People take others for granted until they're gone. If you want to talk about it or something I'd add you on Skype. I always wished someone would do that for me and I'd like to return the favor if I could

>>12246

I'm in college. UK schooling system. And I know what you mean there damn it hurts just thinking about the girl who fucked me over. And yeah I don't have much and I really doubt i'd be able to steal the money. And yeah same here man for sure. I hate playing games it's too repetitive now. Music keeps me going but I run out of songs a lot. And I feel like I always wrong people. I never feel like I accomplish anything and i'm just here to disappoint which makes me want to stay away from people a lot. I feel like my parents would miss me I know it'd break them really it just sometimes feels like if they weren't getting child support from me they'd kick me out in a heartbeat. And yeah man you can add me on Skype. My name is Leon.Dewsbury. (With both the .'s) and you want to add the account that is called Leon-John-Dewsbury (Not too bothered about people knowing my name and shit on here. Not like it'll matter I guess.

You are my family, and I am yours. When your time comes and you finally reach the other side, I hope you find what you're looking for. I want to find it, too.

Hang in there, brothers and sisters. Story ends when it ends, and I'll see you all in the sequel.

>Lots of little events, tl;dr the world doesn't revolve around me.

>Severe mood swings that aren't enough to completely debilitate me.

>People I love died and can't be replaced.

>Talented but not as much as I think I am.

>I'm too much of a pussy to become a complete narcissistic egomaniac and just shit on everyone around me while they still somehow completely adore me.

>(Seriously? How do they do that?)

>20

>F

It's either this or pop out a kid and make the cycle continue. I'm 50/50.

>>9661

Are you a Muslim?

>>10496

>15

Get the fuck out.

>Have a degenerative eye disease that will make me blind

>Very little amount of friends which I never see

>>12377

>never see

>>12371

Just cause he's 15 doesn't mean he can't want to off himself although I think he does have a shit reasoning for being here. He relates to me in some of those points but I've got a lot more going on than complaining that I can't get the girl I want and that i'm useless and get good grades as he does. From what it looks he's just unable to realize getting over people takes time and that his parents have parenting issues.

>>12434

>>12377

>>12440

I kek'd

Age 21

Sex: Male

>Might fail out of college and have a $150K student loan debt

>Don't even want to be this major in the first place, got pressured by parents

>Don't have the balls to make any sort of decision in my life

>Lead the most inconsistent lifestyle, I really think I'm Manic Depressive.

>One day I'll be going out and having fun with friends, next day I'll in my bed thinking about how much of a piece of shit I am.

>I'm in shape but I'm really fucking ugly, so any sort of relationship is out of the picture.

I really fucking hope my parents didn't cosign my loan.

>>12448

>$150K student loan debt

…holy fuck.

H…hooooooly fuck.

You will at best be a complete slave during the only years in your life that you have decent health. If you do commit suicide, it would be pretty understandable.

I remember some story about this hospital calling up a guy's parents:

"Excuse me, do you know where X is?"

"He died last week."

"Well who the hell is supposed to pay his bill?!"

hang up

In any case, I don't think it's difficult to look up cosigners on your bill and what their obligations are.

>>12448

>$150k

What the fuck are you doing?

>Lower class family

>Middle of nowhere in southwest usa

>rural wasteland

>mormons, methheads, meatheads, morons, oil monkeys, jocks etc

>Horrible health (I need hourly painkiller medicine)

>Internet has gone to shit in this decade

>No jobs around (unless you're fit as a fiddle and can handle oil rig work)

>all my friends either died, changed, or I lost contact with them

>etc

Age: 21

Sex: Male

>>12468

>>12453

Doing Electrical Engineering. This would be my second to last semester if I'm able to pass my classes. But that's a big if. Honestly, my parent are pretty wealthy and they could probably help me pay it off but I'm just sick of my life like this. I'm tired of being a burden to my parents, They'll be better off without me.

>>9739

>All I really want , my only desire, is for just one person to truly care about me.

iktf

hope your ride ends soon (or has ended by now lol)

>Reasons

Autistic

Bullied by entire student body and teachers since 1st grade.

Father beat the shit out of me to make me "tougher"

Tried to get me to fuck my step mother when I turned 11

I cried the entire time

Mother zonked out on pills since I've been alive

All my aunts and uncles are dropping dead, yet my alcoholic/chain smoking/abusive father (who's one of the eldest) shows no signs of deterioration

He doesn't believe in therapy

No money

No goals

No job

Can't fucking get through a single interview

Falsely accused of rape at age 17 despite never having any sort of relationship in my life

Kissless virgin

Age: 20

Male

Despite all this, I do have one friend in my life, and I plan on turning to her the second she comes back to town. (She's on anti-depressants as well, and Coincidently, she's the only person to ever turn to me in their time of need.)

Hopefully I can see her this month.

>>12504

Forgot to mention the 4 divorces I've lived through, each leaving me and mother homeless for a total of 8 years of my life, only to mooch back off of her sister (married rich), rinse, and repeat.

and to clarify, I was found guilty and was issued probation for a year, all as an attention grab at her parents proposing divorce. I was seen as an easy target I guess. She still harasses me to this day, and between her and father calling in on different numbers to scream at me, I can't trust a single phone call.

lastly, I don't qualify kissless virgin as a reason, but I just wanted to hit home that she had no proof against me.

Plans have been made with my friend for this Saturday, I plan on getting her high for the first time and confessing everything. Hopefully my intuition serves me right, and I will still have the freedom to off myself. I just need to get something out to someone. Wish me luck, I'm going to start acquiring supplies

>>9661

I'm gonna write a short story about you.

[Spoiler] the main character dies at the end [spoiler/]

>>10362

Mississippi, Missouri, or Indiana would be my guess. If you are still alive. It's strangely thrilling to read posts left on the internet by people who might be dead. It's like playing ouija with autistic ghosts

>>10373

Get a truck with a spot light. Shit would be SO cash

>>12535

>like playing ouija with autistic ghosts

I laughed. Also, I think this would make a good banner.

>live in a shit country

>be poor as fuck

>kissless virgin

>but i dont really care anymore cause i stopped having any sexual interest in other gender like 2 years ago, i'm asexual now i guess

>nobody actually likes me

>zero friends

>failed 2 years of school already

>can't sleep at night

>anxiety attacks all the time

>father was doing drugs all the time

>father pretty much wanted to beat the shit out of me without any reason while being on some drugs when i was 15, that was the point in my life i realised that my life is piece of shit

>it happened when my mother was in hospital due to her depression + other medical problems which i can't really explain right now cause my english is shitty

>mother is currently taking 3 jobs at once to pay debts + rent + any food which makes me feel like a complete piece of shit because i would like to help but i dont know how

>i dont know what to do with my life anymore

>fucking lost in everything

M

17

I'm gonna do the whole cherry cyanide thing today. Wish me luck, anons, and hopefully I will see you on the other side.

May you find happiness wherever life or death takes you.

>Every GF or crush either left me or turned into a mega-bitch or both.

>Single. If I were a girl, some dude would at least pick me up. But I'm a guy so I'm fucked.

>Despite all this I am still a 22 yr old virgin, only ever got to 3rd base. My brother's a complete psycho and even he's gotten laid.

>Literally cannot stand being with men or women now, i find people unbearable. I'm a bi guy *inb4 faggot or /polgbt/

>/pol/ack for 4 years. taking the "redpell" improved my physical health (got /fit/) but fucked my already poor mental health right up the ass. Hiding power level 24/7 is soul crushing. I hate humanity more now.

>Had depression, paranoia and OCD since I turned 11

>Autist, Attention problems and Dispraxia - couldn't be normal, if you made me a billionaire

>Hyper-mobile - basically my joints are naturally weak as shit and are very fragile. Got sent to the hospital a lot as a kid. Also meant I sucked at sports. I'm practically crippled and getting /fit/ was a very slow process, but I don't know

if I'll ever be good for any serious manual labor.

> On the road to getting either average pass to fail in my uni degree. Bachelor in humanities and social science (too retarded and ignorant for STEM). only pro is that the uni is prestigious.

> I enjoy the course despite all the staff and my classmates at the uni being complete cunts. But I'm always always alone. no friends. Mental health, isolation depression, hyperactivity and attention difficulties spoil any chances of getting top marks.

> I work my ass off too. I'm practically married to my course at this point, meaning I can't even enjoy my old hobbies anymore and if I fail I won't be able to.

> Parents are materialistic assholes. Only care only about status.

> Tiger Parents, only saw me as a trophy child. Would crush my self esteem every time I fucked up.

> They always claimed my sadness was just a phase and that I faked it for attention.

> Constantly told me life was full of suffering and only cowards complain about it.

> Meanwhile all my peers are either already rich or becoming rich, Plenty became SJWs and special snowflakes. All have jobs, relationships and social lives.

> They all looked really happy despite being "oppressed" while I'm supposed to be the privileged asshole.

> Poorfag, only money I get is from parents and it's not much, I'm practically living off rations.

> No job or prospects. I don't understand why though.

> Don't even have a driving license, mostly use buses and trains for travel.

The reasons I haven't finished the job (by that I mean this board's title) is because.

1. Every day I keep thinking tomorrow something really good will happen and that everything works out surprisingly in the end. It's starting to become false hope.

2. I still have some really happy memories despite my crap hand in life. I don't want to lose them and I want to make more.

3. I have to admit this world really is too beautiful to throw it all away. Suicide really is a serious swap and a risk too.

4. Still think I have some talent and value. Despite my constant fuck ups. I remind myself of successful people who also fucked up a lot (Churchill), and also famous suicides (Van-Gogh for instance).

5. That fucking speech from Rocky movies. (Video). It's one of my favorite speeches for some reason.

6. Scared of the pain or how I'm going to do it.

I don't know how long these reasons will last.

>>12544

Make into a banner. I'm not planning on killing myself anytime soon, but ive always wanted to leave my mark on the world. I post from my phone, otherwise I'd make it myself.

>>12547

Cliche as fuck, but you're too young too quit. I have to admit you were dealt a total shit hand in life and you have it harder than a lot of people. Still, 17 is young. Get away from parents. They both sound like shit humans. Your mom is an enabler.

>Stupid enough to do poorly in school, smart enough to realize I'm a complete waste

>Short, skinny, small head

>No redeeming qualities other than I'm a "great guy"

>Have no connection to family

>No money

>No job

>Friends don't help

>21

>Male

>>12738

I've got that too. Have you tried a light therapy lamp? Works decently for me.

UK fag reporting in.

>College dropout.

>No skills, and too lazy to improve.

>Terrified of working. I know I'll never have a career and working for minimum wage for jobs I hate sounds horrible. Plus, being in between jobs makes me anxious; how long will I be unemployed for? It could take months for me get employed again if I find myself without a job for whatever reason.

>Don't want to live on benefits for my entire life and be a burden.

>Will probably live the rest of my life knowing my dreams will never be fulfilled.

>17

>Male

I have great friends and would like to live, but work is such a huge problem for me and I'd just…rather not. I'm not sure if I could bear living on a low amount of money, and I'm not sure if I could deal with the tedium with work or be a good employee. It's probably not a good reason for wanting to die, but there it is.

I just don't want to be a drain on resources…but the only way of doing that is through suicide.

Age: 19

Sex: Male

Reasons: None, my life is great and things are looking up good!

>>12758

Have you considered factory work?

Easy, simple, and there's generally not much talking with other people required.

>PTSD, social anxiety, gender dysphoria, and two or three other mental disorders that aren't really relevant right now

>Especially the PTSD

>I see my abuser everyday at school.

>All of our mutual friends like her more than me so I've been left pretty friendless

>My social anxiety doesn't help with me making friends

>I'm super unmotivated (due to my mental illnesses) and mediocre

>My medication doesn't really help anymore but I'm too scared to say anything about it.

>I cut myself everyday and hope that I've cut deep enough that I'll die. I'm too scared to actively try to kill myself because I don't believe in an afterlife and that frightens me.

>17

>Male

>>12796

It's a good idea, but there's not a lot of that where I live. My area is one of the poorest in the country and there's not a lot of industry here. I could travel, but I don't drive, since I'm so anxious of hurting someone else on the road by failing to pay attention or letting anxiety get the better of me.

If I do see an opening close by, though, I'll probably go for that. Thanks for pointing that out to me.

>>12797

If you have hobbies or interests, try and see if there are any online groups dedicated to that. Preferably somewhere where you can use text to communicate or appear as anon if you can. That might help you make a couple of friends (if you want).

Why are you scared of talking about your current medication?

>>12809

I'm scared to talk to my doctor about my medication because I feel like he'll think I'm attention whoring. That's pretty much how I feel about talking to anyone IRL/not anonymously about my problems.

>>12821

I can relate tbh

We're all attention whores, really. However, I think your concerns about your medication are valid, and it is your doctor's job to deal with these kinds of issues, so I doubt he'll be annoyed or think you're a whore.

If he does blow you off, though, he's a slut and you should get a new one. But that's up to you. I'm just some asshole posting on a suicide board, not Jesus.

I'm not really sure if there's any practical advice I can give you (if you even want it) on how overcome this fear. Personally, I've always focused on the cathartic edge of telling someone something surprising or upsetting about me; the selfish pleasure of letting them in on my secret really motivates me to open up. This tip is very vague (and weird, but hey, fite me), but if it helps you, then…great.

All else I can say is just tell him. After all, if you're here, you probably don't have much to lose.

>Pedo

>Never had any ambitions

>Never felt like I deserve a future

>Can't connect to people

>Don't have any willingness to better myself or society

>Have weird solipsistic delusions, want to see if after death I was actually right all along

>Stupid as fuck, it's a miracle I've passed all my classes up to this point

>21, f

I've been pretty self reliant all my life and haven't caused trouble for my parents, but now I just want to give up. I don't want to go to school anymore or get a job. I don't want to do anything.

I my biggest problem now is that I don't know whether to write in my suicide not that I'm a pedo or not. I might give some justification to my death or something. Or it might make my family even more sad.

>>12862

Ultimately, it is your choice, but I wouldn't want to leave any secrets behind.

>autistic

>virgin

>no friends

>living at home

>graduating in 2 weeks and have no job

>too depressed to do anything

>21/m

I set my date over 3 years ago, 4 years left then I'm gonna kill myself with my gun.

>>12862

My advice is that you keep the secret. In the worst case scenario, you survive and still will have to face angry parents, disowning, being permanently locked up into an institution or worse, self-declared pedos have a existence of endless pain. Don't write it, don't tell a soul, save yourself the hell that comes after that.

>>12879

>self-declared pedos have a existence of endless pain

Not if you're a woman mate

Every day I'm closer to killing myself, I just feel incredibly sad and depressed about my life. I failed high school, therefore I don't even have a college degree or even a high school degree. I have no work experience, I've only been interested in computers all my life, it's all I care about, but I've only lately begin to actually learn programming, it might be too late for me to become good for hire in better countries, the clock is ticking, I am over 20.

And the cherry on the cake or whatever it's called is that I live in a third world country, I think that at least 10 years passed since I've been constantly thinking about how much I hate this place and everything else. I can't be good enough to be hired in USA or Japan which I really want too. Call me a weeaboo but it's just my dream to live in a peaceful country where people aren't mostly crazy since I was little, everything turned to shit now with europe and even in america things are fucked up. And even in my country things are even more fucked up.

I am just tired of everything, I want to work hard for something but I would never want to invest years of my life for a factory job in this piece of shit country, and even if I were to do that the result would be that I just managed to live for a few more years.

I did not imagine my life like this, I wanted to explore the world and have time for my hobbies, it's not like this, I am a failure and it just hurts me literally when I think about it, I can actually feel the pain from how sad I am. It kept building up year by year that I would never be able to be that man who other rich countries would want to hire because I am so good, instead I have no skills.

I am seriously consider dropping myself off some high building, but I'm just too scared to even do that, I am a complete failure. And I am sad that I was not born in some place with more opportunities, and that I made bad decisions and I am not smart. I just wanted to live my life in peace in a calm place, that's all, but I can't have that so I was depressed for several years, I just can't have the mentality of people around me where everyone is just happy with their current situation.

>>12881

http://www.scotthyoung.com/blog/myprojects/mit-challenge-2/

Then learn app development (Android if you can't afford a mac).

Should take 2-3 years until you're hire-able.

You'll need a college degree though to get hired overseas.

>I just wanted to live my life in peace in a calm place, that's al

Same, but now that I have it I'm chronically bored and will off myself soon.

>>12881

Are there no programming jobs in your own country? Could you set up a webshop or something to sell stuff from China to the rest of the world?

>Clinical depression

>Nothing is fun anymore

>Can't even get drugs in this piece of shit country

>No sign of improvment, I'm not even sure if I was even happy before depression.

>Lose all contact with my friends

>They still hang out among themselves, just without me.

>Make new friends in College, fail every class, probably gonna lose them too

>No girlfriend, no girl has ever shown attraction towards me, cant blame them really, there's nothing really attractive about me (not in the physical sense, I'm actually pretty decent looking)

>Tried to kill myself, almost no friend cared, they haven't talked to me since then

Basically I have no good reason to keep living, I feel dead inside, I want to have a family but that pretty much is an impossible dream so I'm just buying time until I kill myself

Age:22

Sex: Male

>>12885

There are programming jobs in my country, but they all require years of experience and I also have no connections.

All I did before is really just text shit because I didn't start programming long ago. I wonder if I can actually become hire-able in a country like USA, Japan in 10 years but I doubt it, I might as well kill myself now because I'll probably never be good enough to make companies want to hire me.

>>12882

A college degree, that means I'm pretty much fucked, no money at all for that.

Anyway, I don't even know how to explain this, I'm 100% to stop being a piece of shit and improve myself right now, but then I wonder if this would ever make me good enough to live in the most populated/rich countries in the world, and it probably won't, there are millions of people better at me right now that are younger.

To be honest, I have reasons to stick around, I enjoy working, I am still in Education and I'm expected to do well, I have a lot of friends who look out for me. I don't really have much reason to want to kill myself I just don't want to live. I really don't feel the motivation too.

16

Male.

>>12893

>There are programming jobs in my country, but they all require years of experience and I also have no connections.

If you have published apps you'll eventually get hired as an app developer (or you can try to find freelance gigs online). Go to meetups (find them via meetups.com ) when you got your first app published to make connections.

Front end development is also an option. You can learn via http://freecodecamp.com/ but it's much less straight forward,

>A college degree, that means I'm pretty much fucked, no money at all for that.

You can do that later while working, but the working conditions in Japan are horrific and the US are only good if you rake in the big bucks because life is really expensive.

If you have a funded startup you may qualify for a visa as well even without a college degree.

>I'm 100% to stop being a piece of shit and improve myself right now

If you want to live, becoming stoic and always trying to do your best is pretty much the only option. I also recommend meditation to center yourself in the moment (that's all you'll ever really have anyway). If you're interested in Buddhism: https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Pure_land

Unless you're a stud and loaded you're also unlikely to find more happiness in a more developed country.

I have never been more depressed than in Japan for example. Sure it's developed and clean but people shun social interactions with strangers (especially foreigners), so you're pretty much always alone in a huge metropolis with people all around you every day while living in a shoe box sized apartment.

The US is alright IF you're a high income earner, but otherwise forget about it and western Europe is quickly going down the drain these days as well.

> 23 M

For all their virtues, my parents never subscribed to antinatalism. I inherited all their faults… and then some. Because genes mutate, ghastly defects emerge even from blooming health.

"This is the worst day of my life, today was worse than yesterday" has been my conclusion for so many days in a row, that is now assumed without uttering a word.

Talk is cheap, so I put my weapon where my mouth is.

>Average looking to beta to make moves irl

>finally finds "real" love online

>she dies after 4 years of Long distance dating

>Reveals she was a catfish in the end all along and her guilt forced her to tell me before she succumb to the bleeding in her brain cavity

>Life falls apart

>Grades plummet

>Pushes last few friends away

>Tries dating but has failure after failure

>No motivation left to even eat anymore

Picture of catfish attached

It's at this point I think it's just time for me to move on and stop telling my sob story like a fucking bitch and just kill myself already.

18/M

>can't find a reason why to deal with life's shit

>don't like to do anything

>stupid as all living shit, have to use phone to spell words, and English is my first language

>will be sad all my life because waifu isn't real

>really don't want to wage slave

My mother is the only reason I haven't done it yet.

>male

>18

>>12022

>female

>suicide attempts always fail

Of course. Stop attention whoring you little shit. If you aren't attention whoring then stop being a fucking pussy and get a gun and/or that air thing

>depression

>bulimia

>autism

>social anxiety

>obese

>spent months in a mental hospital

>mum has a brain injury so she is barely able to do anything

>dad too busy working

>dad spends rest of his time coping with his PTSD from the soviet invasion

>never see my siblings any more

>forced to live in a place for mentally ill teenagers

>no friends

>people won't accept me for being gay

>had to redo two years of school because I'm too depressed to study

>now I'm a NEET

>antidepressants don't help

>too poor to get a therapist

>no doctor will give me ECT

>arms are covered in self-harm scars

>ridiculously ugly

>I sometimes hook-up with guys because I feel so lonely, but I always end up feeling sadder afterwards

>I'm always trying to lose weight, but can't because of binge eating and drinking

>16

>male

25M

About to fail yet another year of uni (my last chance)

Severe clinical depression, which is the main reason I'm failing at life (and currently uni).

Never had a girlfriend. Probably never will, since I'm ugly af

alcoholic

can't greentext

failure at life, in general

>>12923

Same here. This is why i am looking for a painful method.

>>12957

The Soviet-Afghan war.

>>12957

I hope you're considering suicide too you fucking idiot

>mental illness

>asian

That's all the reason I need. Watch for trains in the news.

>>3940

I know a guy exactly like you. Startlingly similar, actually. All I'll say is try opening up to your friends when you talk to them, and don't drown yourself in lake Michigan.

Reasons:

>crohns disease

>bipolar

>anxiety

>pituitary gland tumor

>gynecomastia

>auto immune disorder that covers my groin area in colonies of boils (hidradenitis suppurativa)

>atrophied left arm from growth plate injury at 14

>fried/frying my brain with current xanax/klonopin and alcohol abuse

>destroyed my 16 year old self with psychedelics (mdma, shrooms, lsd) and continued to do so

>permafried and see animals/living beings in my peripheral vision, have voices in my head

>facing 4 different surgeries in the next 4 months

>parents let me drop out of school to ease stress for surgery

>go to doctors 5-7 times a week, watch movies, and listen to music

>during interim periods walk around speaking gibberish or crying/laughing

>wish i could have a new body and brain

Age: 21

Sex: M

Reasons:

>depressed for a long time

>depression is no longer a simple, I'm down kinda feel, depression disorder

>anxiety has been at an all time high

>bored of everything

>no motivation of self-improvement or whatsoever

>bipolar disorder

>can't maintain relationships

>no "actual" "real" friends

>NEET, ADHD, PDD-NOS

>want to kill myself everyday, but cannot or have no motivation or willpower to do so, because requires effort

>mfw lazy to kill myself

>tired of trying to prove my worth to any human being in this world.

I just want out and start over, reincarnation memes aside, I want a reset, a full reset. It keeps hurting to live

Age: 25

Sex: M

>Got an actuarial science degree. Can't pass any exams though, so that means i can't be one.

>Stuck with a job that pays only $20/hr which is shit.

>Disappointment to my family because I couldn't get a higher paying job sooner. Only real reason I bother to live is to help them out, but i'm a worthless loser and would probably fail them.

>Been negative and depressed for years, but can't mention it to my parents.

>Damn near everyday, I find some mistake I make and call myself a worthless failure over it.

>Afraid of failure and being worthless, so I try to do nothing or easy things which make me worthless as well.

>Worthless and pathetic no matter what I do.

>Been thinking about killing myself, but i'm more worthless dead than alive. Stuck being a worthless loser no matter what.

>Think about suicide often, but can never have it because of obligations. Stuck living as a lousy piece of shit who can't make enough money due to being worthless.

22

Male

>Implying I want to die

git gud faglords

>>13139

>implying you have a choice :^)

>>13142

I'm choosing to be alive at this very moment.

I think my reasons mostly resemble the south east Asian honor suicides although i sometimes feel like everything is just too much.

>>13093

who the hell hired you with just an actuarial science degree?

theres some high octane normalfaggotry in here

>>13215

Got into a finance company with the help of a family friend.

Still doesn't change the fact that i'm a worthless failure.

>Last year of high school

>Life goes downhill from here

Age: 16

Sex: Male

>>12185

Lmk if you want a peer (19f) in a strikingly similar situation.

>Reasons

Debilitating chronic mental and physical illness. Currently extremely dependent on >pharmaceuticals, I forget my dosage a few hours and the consequences… w e w. Zero prospects. Zero motivation to do anything about anything regardless, so it works out.

>Age

22

>Sex

F

Graduated college 2015, got debt of at least $6-70000 and I have no idea how to pay it all back

I have none of the money left it all went to tuition. I've searched for multiple jobs as of late and I've gotten no call backs or anything, not even a rejection ( all jobs that require my degree, but I've also applied to Min. Wage)

I have worked some random jobs in the restaurant industry before but those all lasted 3-6 weeks max. Pay was terrible although I worked myself to exhaustion

I see no hope for the future, it's all looking bleak. Can't even keep my apartment and even though I would go back to my former jobs it wouldn't be steady work to pay bills etc. so I'm always having this false hope that I will get work in my degree and it will be steady. I'm not looking forward to going back home to my parents, but I probably will cuz I can't keep up with the bills. I feel like a loser fuck up. I have no idea what to do. It would be easy just to end it and not deal with this shit anymore. All of these expectations everyone has on me is making me want to die. Can't they see that I tried it's like they're completely oblivious to reality.

Age:24

Male

Advice from 55 year old man who has been through just about everything. I had abusive parents who beat the hell out of me, kicked out of the house at age 15, homeless for over a year and now I raised two wonderful daughters, have a happy marriage, no debt, FICO score of 780, and passive income of 1,500 a week for doing about 3 hours of work a week. (online photography website). Want my advice? Stop your whining, stop your complaining. Life is hard, I get it. So stop feeling sorry for yourself and make the best of what you have. Write your problems down one by one and start solving them. If you go to college make sure you get a marketable degree, something that will guarantee a job and career. Don't believe you should love what you do, your first priority is to make money at a well paying job. Stop focusing on having relationships or on women or men, work on yourself first, be happy being alone and improve yourself and develop hobbies and interests and then the right woman or man will come along. People in generations before you have had it much worse, how would like to go to war at age 18 and sent to the beach in Normandie? They did it so we could have freedom, not to have you sit around feeling lonely and sorry for yourselves. Buckle up and be a man. If you're young and lost consider joining the military, many people have good lives and careers in the Air Force, Army, or Navy. The new generation of males are all pussies and subservient to women. Makes me sick. Again, stop your whining and go out and do something about your problems. Get a job. Be a truck driver, pilot, soldier, underwater welder, work on an oil rig, fly a helicopter, drive a bus, etc. There's tons of opportunity out there. Get off your asses and live for Christ's sake.

>>13412

Shut up you old geezer we didnt ask for shitty baby boomer advice.

>>13412

No we dont want your advice.

Yeah life's hard but it will be easier for everybody if im dead.

>>13412

You began with the wrong foot. Please understand we are here because we are done with life, get that through your skull as soon as possible.

>Advice from 55 year old man who has been through just about everything.

I hope you have suffered from severe depression, suicide thoughts since being 7 and at least 4 failed suicide attempts to have an idea of the people you're dealing with here, and no it's not a joke, we are serious about our intentions, with some occasional cry-for-help dumbass

>I had abusive parents who beat the hell out of me, kicked out of the house at age 15, homeless for over a year

As many of the people who lurk here, welcome to the club, enjoy your stay. And please, don't turn this into a pissing contest.

>and now I raised two wonderful daughters, have a happy marriage, no debt, FICO score of 780, and passive income of 1,500 a week for doing about 3 hours of work a week. (online photography website).

That's great, but don't do that, it's the biggest insult here, maybe you don't realize now but you're indirectly telling us you are better than us, expect to be insulted back

>Want my advice? Stop your whining, stop your complaining. Life is hard, I get it. So stop feeling sorry for yourself and make the best of what you have. Write your problems down one by one and start solving them. If you go to college make sure you get a marketable degree, something that will guarantee a job and career. Don't believe you should love what you do, your first priority is to make money at a well paying job. Stop focusing on having relationships or on women or men, work on yourself first, be happy being alone and improve yourself and develop hobbies and interests and then the right woman or man will come along.

Realize most people here have crippling depression: that means they have no energy or drive to do what you're advising (good ones in my opinion) except the strong determination to kill themselves, because just the idea of doing all that paralyze them, it destroys their will. It's a forced chug of concentrated, pure Despair in all its horrifying glory. Is not fun, I know, to be on autopilot and react like that. It's frustrating too, for both sides.

>People in generations before you have had it much worse, how would like to go to war at age 18 and sent to the beach in Normandie? They did it so we could have freedom, not to have you sit around feeling lonely and sorry for yourselves.

Yes, they had it worse. But they aren't this generation, they don't have this generation problems, they don't have a challenging environment (war, famine, whatever) anymore to keep them with their eyes in the ball. There was a different way of seeing life. You come from a world that is already dying and being put aside, forgotten. This is the new world, you don't like it and me either. Don't get me wrong, I know there's people who live happily and haven't had the slightest problem in their lives.

And somewhere in the darkest pit of Hell, I smile at them.

It's all a chance game at the end of the day. We are the losing side.

>Buckle up and be a man.

Ugh. Wrong, wrong, wrong choice of words pal, that's quite infuriating here, shows you're being plain mean and indifferent, I understand it's not on purpose, but save it

>If you're young and lost consider joining the military, many people have good lives and careers in the Air Force, Army, or Navy.

Funny thing most brutal suicides come from army and police force guys. They look for a family, a place to belong to and come out from that hell only worse. Army is not like the WWII anymore. Army nowadays is a cold machine, a private corporation. Wrong again.

>The new generation of males are all pussies and subservient to women. Makes me sick.

Orwell unknowingly wrote instruction manuals. Brave New World for example. The rest is history.

>Again, stop your whining and go out and do something about your problems. Get a job. Be a truck driver, pilot, soldier, underwater welder, work on an oil rig, fly a helicopter, drive a bus, etc. There's tons of opportunity out there. Get off your asses and live for Christ's sake.

We fail and fail again to see the opportunities, even if they are thrown at our feet, and if by chance get them, our very nature ruins it. You'll see a lot of this around here.

>>13420

(cont.)

I'll give you an extract I saved from a reddit thread before it got deleted by the Politically Correct Witch Hunters, aka Social Justice Warriors:

———————————-

==I posted this in response to someone else trying to give what I thought was a pep-talk, and is something that anyone who has never had to battle serious depression needs to understand:

Depression is a disease. It is a life ruining disease in ways that you can't imagine or understand until you are there.

Depression is NOT a mindset, it is not a viewpoint. It is a soul-crushing disease that drives you to make irrational decisions. Pep-talks do nothing to make me feel better, if anything all they end up doing is driving a wedge between us because if you had any idea of whats going through my head, you wouldn't be telling me what you are. The best thing that you can say to me is nothing. And I mean that.

The absolute best thing you can do is just acknowledge that I'm struggling, and that you may not understand the issues I have. Just let me know that you are there and leave it at that. You are not my shrink, you are not my doctor, you are not my life coach. Don't give me some bullshit motivational speech that you don't even fully believe yourself.

"The world is beautiful! You have so much to live for!" No, the world is absolutely no beautiful when I wake up in the morning, upset that I'm still alive and need to go face some fresh hell. Its not a beautiful world when I can't work up the motivation to shower and feed myself. The world to me is a dark gray purgatory, where everyone around me gets to enjoy it and I'm stuck shouldering this weight. I am angry in ways that you wouldn't believe that I don't get to enjoy life the way you seem to. You telling me that "life is beautiful" is, to me, rubbing your happiness in my face. You are bragging to me about how lucky you are to not be in my position, and that will only make me resent you. You are, once again, reminding me that I am alone in the way I see the world. And that is fucking painful.

So to anyone who is going to comment on anyone's post here, save the speech. Something along the lines of "I'm here if you ever want to vent to a random" or "Please go see someone" will go much further than "You have so much to live for!"

For anyone dealing with their own issues, I'm sorry. For anyone who has never had to face depression, I honestly, genuinely hope you never will.==

———————————-

If you really want to feel useful, >>>/improve/ or >>>/adv/ is your place. If you decide to stay, then listen, be here for us. But please respect our decision. There's nothing you can do to make us change our mind. Sorry.

>>13412

Time to kill yourself you smug cunt.

>>13412

You obviously have no idea what you're talking about.

I'd happily go back to 1940, join the army and get my leg blown off by a mortar on the first mission, then slowly bleed out over the course of 15 minutes if i could. That is far better and easier to deal with then this long mental grind that refuses to let go no matter how much effort you put in. Where do you think being suicidal comes from? It's the only solution to something that can't be cured.

Either get the fact that you can't compare the two things through your thick skull or get your retarded ass out of here.

>Molested my 3 brothers

>Molested my brother when he was 4 (stuck my dick in his butt about 1.5 inches for 2-4 thrusts)

>Molested my other brother when he was 4 (gave him a blowjob)

>Attempted molestation on other brother when he was 6 (Tried to get him to give me a blowjob with a blindfold on)

>Slapped my friends girlfriends ass then tried to kiss her. He found out that night and I completely denied it

>Hair splittingly scared of people that I know but don't want to be friends with but don't want to tell them that I don't want to be know them anymore due to the fact I am shit scared.( (I think they'll bash me or something, rob me, create paranoia) Which I already am)

19

M

>I hate my job

>obliged to work

>if I don't do it, my father will kick me out home

>social fobia

>ugly

>no friends

>autistic

Oh, and the classics:

>no girlfriend

>I have never kissed a girl before or touched one

I might stay all night writing a lot of reasons, but I don't want to sound an attwhore or something. So, that's all.

When you're a virgem in the country of degeneration, of course that has something wrong with you.

17, M

>Completely break down when trying to hold a face-to-face conversation with anyone

>Family is poor as shit

>Parents are drinking themselves to death and I know they'll be gone before long

>No talents

>Shit grades

>No longer get any pleasure from escapism

>Only hobby is getting high and sleeping

>See no reason to go on

Sex: Male

Age: 16

I could list a bunch of contributing factors, but when it boils down to it, it's that my death is inevitable. I've no reason to prolong my life when the end result is the same.

23/M

>Dad is dead, mom is a druggie

>Siblings are both in jail

>tfw no family

>No friends

>Dead end job

>In debt

>Gf cheated and dumped me because "she needed to move on", whatever the fuck that means

>Literally no reason to live

>18

>male

>no motivation

>no enjoyment out of anything

>no aspirations

>no hope for future

>life seems totally pointless

>average intelligence

>no skills or particular talents

>no desire to interact with anyone else

>realise how shitty the world is and the horrendous state of Europe

>no gf (though I don't really care)

>5'9 manlet

>drink way too heavily especially for my age

Age: 16

Sex: Male

Reason: I live in the UK and I'm constantly seeing news across Europe about Muslim refugees raping native European girls, some that are even toddlers and children, and many with disabilities (one girl with down syndrome was raped recently by refugees).

I honestly believe there is no hope for Europe anymore. I'd rather end my life now than have to watch my mother and sisters being raped by Muslims before being killed myself.

If anyone knows the next best thing to kill myself with other than a gun, I'd appreciate it.

>>3940

>disgusting tranny

>no ambition

>no skills

>no money

>no future

30

pretend girl

24 year old male.

>no friends no matter how hard I try to make any people just don't like me

>not much job experience

>no high school diploma, dropped out in the 10th grade and family treats me like an idiot because of this

>mom passed away about 2 years ago, she supported me along with my grandmother

>me and my grandmother can't really talk to each other without arguing

>scared to lose grandmother but know it will happen eventually

>no GED, no matter how hard I study and retake the test I just can't pass the math

>lost a very good job because they found out I didn't have my GED

>only worked shitty jobs all my life, barely scrapping by

>younger brother got a gf and basically lives with her now, doesn't pay his side of the rent anymore

>had to move back to a shitty small town because at the time was living with grandmother because mom died

>every person who has treated me like shit is successful now

>no girl will ever love me

>no direction in life either

>>13641

22 M

>same reason

>>13641

this

25 M

>26

>work at walmart

>dropped out of uni at age 20

>all my good memories are becoming dustier and dustier

>stuck with a GF I hate

>Cant just kick her out because I cant drive and she is my ride to work/places

>just a total failure

>can't hold a job, too neurotic

>have a useless degree in a field i've grown to loathe

>living w/ parents

>dx'd anorexia, OCD; hospitalization, meds, therapy did jack

>ugly motherfucker

>laundry list of other shit

>30ish

>female

i'm pretty nice to other people though, lol. but i really, really fucking hate myself. i've self harmed since age 3 and wanted to ctb since age 8. loneliness is not a motivation for me. just been through enough shit to make me realize it's not worth pretending to look forward to anything anymore. only things stopping me are the possibilities of failing and/or being "rescued."

fwiw anyone posting here probably has "real enough problems" to justify ctb. it's fruitless to analyze anyone's reasons.

>>13715

>valentines day

>want to be alone

>realize most anons want a qt

No matter what life is suffering

>25, male

>asd spd adhd sad

>never had a job

>never had friends

>no talents

>lost every desire to continue living over 10 years ago

>wanted to suicide since a child

>parents know im suicidal, want me to wait until they pass away

>never leave the house due to disability

>recently applied for disability benefit

im going to use my autism bux to buy some ghb, benzodiazepines or ketamine

>>13813

She's getting meaner and meaner to me

I cry sometimes at night, she referred to this as a "bitch fit"

Maybe I'll take her with me

Just general despair

26

M

I've wrestled with the fact that I'm an idiot for a long time, and just recently one of my brothers [That I still live with. I'm 26 years old and there hasn't been a day of my life where I haven't lived with my family? Pathetic] told me that he not only thought I wasn't quick witted enough for humor, when I said I had been thinking about doing some stuff on youtube, but that among my family, friends, coworkers and associates, I was the least intelligent member of the group in every case.

He told me, to my face that he doesn't think anyone we know is dumber than I am, then tried to soften the blow with a "But, you know, smarts arn't everything." I am completely devastated. I had thought he held some level of respect for me, but it's clear I'm a clown, in the sense of bumbling retardation. I know I shouldn't hold myself to his standards, or let his judgment effect me, but I know it's accurate. I'm slothen, stupid, and in constant emotional flux. I can't hold down relationships. I can't seperate myself from my comforts. Even the person I'm closest with seems to only tolerate me at best.

I think once the lease runs out, and I've got an excuse, I'm going to take the money from my job i've been saving, and do the thing I've wanted to do for awhile. Head up North, out into the wilderness, pack some stuff, tell my family/friends I'm going on a camping trip (Over the last few years I've gone on a trip once, or twice a year for a month about)

For all the good in my life, and there is a lot of it, the over-flowing haze of my own stupidity really shrouds my whole existence. I want to go on that 'camping trip', put on a back pack, walk into the woods, and get lost. If I decide there I want to live ,I can struggle and find my way back, and if I decide that the struggle isn't worth it, I get to die in the wilderness surrounded by the one thing that's always been able to make me feel good.

20

semi poor

schizophrenic and drugged

failed college

don't see a future that is good

work sucks and dont want to be a slave to some jew

>>11161

She's going to lie to your daughter when you're gone. Your daughter's going to grow up thinking her father abandoned her, and she's going to use many different men to fill that void that can't be filled.

Or maybe she's just going to grow up hating men like your ex, then she's going to ruin somebody's life just like that bitch did to you.

Don't let her do that, man.

>>13902

for what it's worth, anon, that was quite eloquently written, and although i know nothing about you beyond those few paragraphs, i'm pretty dang sure you're smarter than you and your family think.

Fat, ugly, polyamorous. One of my bfs is married and lives far away and i will never be a priority to him. Live with other bf and my mania and depression exasperate is anxiety. Chronically self hating, overly sensetive, easily emotionally manipulated, and addicted to food. I know a lot of.people would be hurt if i left but… I have never really been selfish. Maybe I deserve to do something for myself. I am too fucking.emotionally fragile.to.live in this world. Everything horrifies me, the evil and nastyness that exists is too much to bare. I have tried my whole life to be compassionate and.empathetic but its pointless because nobody cares. It doesnt matter how kind u are only how attractive and talented u are. And i am an ugly piece of shit. I cant get over the possible pain i would cause those who love me so im hoping eventually i wont care and i can finally do it.

Get ready for this.

> 27

> Trans

> A shit ton of physical and mental problems, including but not limited to an incredibly painful and incurable disease, a bleeding disorder, depression, social anxiety, panic attacks, and probably bpd

> Poor as fuck (don't even have a smartphone). NEET to the max. Never had a real job. On welfare. Used to be on SSI, but was taken off for no reason. Am 10x worse than I was before, but they keep denying me for no reason.

> Dropped out of high school from bullying and sexual harassment (was the only weeb in a small shithole of a town). Tried to go to college, but dropped out due to mental burnout/apathy

> 3 failed relationships. Given up on 3D men entirely and have a waifu in order to have an outlet for my overwhelming romantic and sexual feelings that somehow haven't died with the rest of me, as well as to cope in general.

> Raised by abusive mother. Still live with her, but she's disabled and relies on me a lot, but I'm worthless because I sleep 12 - 15 hours a day

> Sister is an ex-heroin user bitch who picks fights with me a lot

> Father left when I was 5, fucked and married my crazy older sister, had 4 kids with her (all morbidly obese) and only just left her 22 years later. Went back to his home country and never talked to me again.

> Crippling dysphoria. Don't even want to leave house or make phone calls. Too poor to afford a name change. Can't drive and want alcohol, but license is expired and don't want another one until name and gender are fixed.

> Constant headaches from wisdom teeth pain

> So weak and in pain that I can't even wash myself every day

How am I even still alive?

>unemployable, never worked

>little education

>ugly

>KV

24, Male

>born into a satanic family

>abused and isolated my whole life

>persecuted by the community

>33 yr old virgin with no friends and no future

>smart enough to see what's wrong in the world but unable to do anything about it

Why shouldn't I kill myself?

>>3940

>be on antidepressants for years

>they stop working

>come off

>lose most of my ability to remember which was my one and only talent

>go mildly insane having delusions of another person who's always with me (I prefer to be alone)

>develop loud tinnitus in one ear so I can't even suffer in silence

>26

>male

>>13902

Fuck. That's as good a suicide note as I have ever seen. Sorry, anon. You can always get smarts, but your brother will always be a cunt.

>>13938

I'm >>13999, You sound just like me. Holy fuck. Transman or transwoman? Either way, let's an hero together.

The time has come, shits near, so why not post here before I go?!

>grew up in the hood and was raised by unstable crack head mom and half siblings. I have never met my father.

>drugs, alcohol and violence was an everyday thing. I luckily never got molested but I know my sisters did and I feel like shit about it. Watched my mom get beat up by her boyfriends and rape my older sister.

>managed to get into college and away from that shithole. I was hoping for a fresh start.

>am alone 99 percent of the time, depressed everyday about everything in life.

>failed at every aspect of socializing, got no friends and family are no where to be seen.

>spend every holiday break in my dorm alone.

>work a decent job on the side so I've sent some money to my little sister back home. Basically all my savings. She's the only family I have.

I'm either going to end it on Monday morning after classes start or this weekend. Im thinking Monday because I have been planning, getting rid of some belongings and packing up my stuff and I have a bit left to do.

As Marilyn Manson would say

I wanna disappear babyyyy I wanna disappear

Sex: female

Age: 21

>>14000

Both of you please for the love of everything good kill yourselves please. Fuck trans pieces of shit fuck I hate you.

>>14015

>>14016

Most unintentionally hilarious pair of posts I have seen on this board to date.

>5'7

>Trash asian mutt

>Poor as fuck

>See through all the bullshit of the world, all the fake interactions with little validity other than self-gain

>Going to school with shit degree

>$60k in debt, no idea how to pay

>Living in Commiefornia, and live with family

>Love guns but being sent to a psych ward barred me for life

>No friends within 20 miles

>Car is on its last throes

>Hate living vicariously through escapism

>Family is insanely fundamentalist Catholic

>M,22

I don't plan on turning 23 and that happens at the end of this month. I wish you all the best.

>>14000

>>13938 here. I'm also a guy. You seem pretty young, but … who am I kidding? It will only get worse. Trust me.

>>14015

Feel free to suffocate yourself in my male vag, my friend. :^)

>>14052

squido pls

>>3940

>>3940

>apathetic and lethargic to life

>the definition of weak

>part kebab, and living in the American South

>feel like an stain on my surroundings

>have either failed at everything I've ever done, quit it and failed myself, or just been outdone by my YOUNGER brothers

>recently got into a spat with the older of the two (who's about 6'0 now, even though I'm a 5'6 manlet) and he beat the shit out of me

>was bullied on the job by a fucking 13 year old at the age of 18

>self-hatred and anxiety

>images of me doing extremely violent, sexually taboo, and embarrassing things in front of other people pop into my mind, and I feel immediate remorse, guilt, and shame for them

>bullied nearly everywhere I've ever been

>still live at home, with younger brothers constantly nagging and picking at me

>know that if I continue to live it will only get worse, that I'll never escape my family or my town, that I'm basically an abuse victim who just keeps going back, and probably deserves it anyway

Would a heroin overdose be the most enjoyable way to go?

>5'5" male, 19 years old and balding, weird body shape

>no motivation, field I study is full of hyper-successful people compared to me

>extreme anxiety, hard to go out in public

>people judging me

>no longer value my own life, no longer willing to continue being forced to live

>firmly believe there isn't consciousness(as we know it) after death, so killing myself will be super nice.

>>14260

Heroin or any CNS depressant that you can just pass out/nod off with. Look for threads on this board that go into detail with killing yourself with Fentanyl or Nembutal

>>14272

hello trashman

>no ambitions

>mediocrity is my best at everything

>surrounded by people on a path to a great life

>only person I would ever have called a friend no longer talks to me

>extremely unattractive

there´s more but decent summation 17 M

Honestly, it hurts too much to describe my reasons. I just wish I could decide on a method and fucking do it. I'm sitting here with a knife in my hand, but I know I don't have the courage to do more than cut up my arm a little. Everything I try to feel even the slightest bit better just makes me feel worse instead. At this point, I don't think I even want help anymore, even if someone could fix everything in an instant.

For some reason, though, I don't want to actually kill myself until after I get back in shape. I guess I want to prove that it's not really that I'm too lazy to fix myself, but I want to die because of things that aren't my fault and that I can't fix. The only problem is that food is the only thing that ever helps in any way, because it's kind of a brute force thing. Other things, like games, require me to give myself permission to enjoy them, but I'll get the physical high from food no matter what I think of it.

>>14277

trashman?