Well, this is an interesting bit of Serendipity. It just so happens I cannot sleep atm, due to particual chronic affliction of mine. Imma stat meself cause I've got nothing better to do.
Name: Anon. Nemo works to.
What's been keeping you up? My fucking TMJ. When the pain in the hinge of my jaw I need to try and sleep in a chair. Gravity helps pull the blood away from my head, and fights the inflamation a bit. When the pain is caused by the tension in my neck muscles, I try to sleep in my bed with space pillow to give my neck the most comfy. Some nights it's both at once, then I'm just fucked.
What Just happened to you? Well, fucking Feb. screwed me all up. I thought I was doing good managing my meds, that I had some pain free/light days so when It started coming hard I took extra. Wrongo, numbnuts. It's been a full day without meds, and I can't get my refil till saturday. Yay. Also there's fucking owl outside my window, and he seems to know the EXACT FUCKING MOMENT I get so focused I forget he's there, so he reminds me and makes me jump. Oh yeah, the glow from my lappy isn't really helping my night vision, so I can't see shit right now…and thinking about that is really starting to creep me out. Moving on!
What lies on the surface? Dude with a build like Hacksaw Jim Duggan, shoulder length hair, beard and glasses. If you've been to a gamming con, you've seen me, even if it wasn't me. Terribly uncomfotable around strangers, goes all Melvin from office space if anyone unfamiler pays attention. But in a large crowd I can flip to prickly fuck no one wants to deal with. Good for getting past the kiosk assholes in malls.
What lies beneath? The first layer is edgelord. I get a kick out of showing memes to the faggots I game with. Same as most of you, I imagine. It's fun to watch the normalfags squirm over shit you don't bat an eye at. The second layer is nihilist. Playing on edgelord, I pretend I hate everyone and everything. Because I just don't want to get to close to people. Beyond that is Emo. The little kid that first figured out the world wasn't a nice place and had no idea how to handle it. Only then do you reach me. The tired oldfag who wishes things were better but has no faith they ever will be, and not enough fight left in him to try and change it himself. I just…exist, and try to wring what fun I can from life until it's done.Given the amount of shit wrong with my body, that's gonna be sooner rather than later.
What's his path? On the outside, looking in. You pay attention to others, to what they say, what they do, what they feel. So that you can live, if only for a moment. It gives you some amazing insight into how people work at times. I could be a great mentor, if I could only figure out how to get some kid who thinks they know everything to listen to my advice. Since I WAS that kid, I don't hold out hope of ever reaching said kid. So I keep my thoughts to myself. I watch people race towards their own destruction, and I say nothing because I don't think they'll listen anyway. I knew my little cousin was going to end up with barley a high school education, a kid, and a man who bailed when he got the news, because that's just how her mother was. I watched it all play out just like I predicted, shook my head, and walked away without ever lifting a finger to stop it. Alright, so not much of a good story, I guess, just an empty narrator the audience can easily replace themselves with.
Discipline 3
madness 0
Fight 1
Flight 2
Exhastion Tallent: Fortitude. Not just mental, physical as well. Even though dragging myself back to my feet and going on is exhasting, just laying there waiting to die isn't my style, nor is an heroing. It's in the blood. After my grandmother died, my grandfather took up smoking because an heroing was also not an option. Took a decade for the lung cancer to set in and take him, despite WANTING to die the whole time. Till then the old fart was shoveling his own snow, raking his own leaves, mowing his own yard.
Madness Talent: Berserker. Another Gift of my blood. I haven't tapped into this in a long while, due to avoiding situations where it's necessary. But at times all the passiveness falls away, buried in a red haze. And then I hurt people. A lot. But like I said, I burried this bit deep deep down inside a long time ago.
Alright enough of this blogpost shit. I'm going to take a double dose of excedrin, gargle with Orajel and try and sleep for real.