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/tg/ sister boards
[ • /dir//qu//cyoa//erp//monster//his//wh40k//arda/ •]

File: 1458512263216.jpg (66.06 KB, 400x550, 8:11, UDPq7Rb.jpg)

 No.227667

So /tg/ my character, a psion beekeeper in a dnd 3.5 game, has been trying to fug a snake demigoddess. I'm certain this is par for the course with you guys so I'll just get down to brass tacks and ask how I can do this without dying fast.

So the snake demigoddess is assuredly an evil being. She has had a deal going on with the islands inhabitants that they have to sacrifice to her weekly or she promises to go on a murderous rampage that none will survive. So my character, a beekeeper psion who's not really well traveled has decided this is the gal for him.

So as time has gone by he started becoming more persuasive (maxing diplomacy despite having 8 charisma) and trying to please the snake goddess as much as possible by cowering in her presence . Unfortunately her only interest seem to be "Eating living sentient creatures for fun." Now, my character may be love struck but he isn't exactly capable of full blown murder. Our group has been feeding her by my beekeeper sort of spurring a war between slaver tribes on the island and the oppressed tribes and then taking broken POWS to the sacrificial area. So, during one of the beekeepers "dinner dates" (which boil down to screaming slaves in a chain gang being toyed with and torn apart while beekeeper gazes in horror) he managed to also find out she likes being deified and wants worship. Lastly, my beekeeper also gave her a ring he found off some half-illithid abomination and she took it, but also tore the rest of his arm as well and had her snake progeny turn him into a vessel that continuously pumps out snakes.

My character believes they're going steady and swears that when she tore his arm from the socket he felt some tongue in there. Not only that but the stump didn't get infected and doesn't feel pain anymore. Anyway, I'm wondering if you guys have any tips for trying to charm a many millennia old snake demigoddess.

 No.227694

Man

Are you That Guy


 No.227696

File: 1458516890595.jpg (55.18 KB, 500x411, 500:411, soIguessYouCouldSayThingsA….jpg)

>>227667

> my beekeeper also gave her a ring he found off some half-illithid abomination and she took it, but also tore the rest of his arm as well and had her snake progeny turn him into a vessel that continuously pumps out snakes.

>My character believes they're going steady

I gave her a ring, and she ripped my arm off.

So I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.


 No.227698

>>227667

Well anon.

You actually might be right, considering that snakes have that one ritual coiling practice in matign that's violent as fuck and prevents cucoldery.

I have a feeling that stump will grow into a medusa-llike collective of snakes or come back reptilian at a later date, or you become a werebeast like Dr. Conners from Spiderman.


 No.227917

File: 1458571098628.png (286.05 KB, 562x600, 281:300, allowmetoexplainWhythatIsR….png)

>>227667

>So /tg/ my character, a psion beekeeper in a dnd 3.5 game, has been trying to fug a snake demigoddess. I'm certain this is par for the course with you guys so I'll just get down to brass tacks and ask how I can do this without dying fast.

Honestly, I don't think your DM likes this idea. DMs are assholes when they see ideas they don't like at their game tables.

There is no way you're going to win this battle of ego.

If you get your character's dick into the demigoddess, you'll get it ripped off or turned into a snake or something. Your character will probably become an NPC.

This might be entertaining as an ego-battle between you and the DM, but your fellow players are probably bored with it already.

Just get intimate with the demigoddess ASAP, and don't be surprised when the DM kills your character. Get ready to roll up a new character.


 No.227926

File: 1458574837646.jpg (1.17 MB, 2220x2953, 2220:2953, Mirage-40.jpg)

>Trying to enrich a demigoddess.

I expected more from h8 /tg/. Though if I were to try to charm them, I'd offer my services to retrieve some object or 'fix' some other deal. For a price of course, maybe demand a new arm as an advance. You don't want to look like a sucker.

If they're willing to talk in the first place it could be a good way to get free information on the local god-level events (that your mates may be interested in), though involving yourselves with these creatures may prove fatal. If this particular creature enjoys watching sentient mortals struggle, then being the most struggling and sentient mortal around may get their attention, so involving yourself with them may be the only way.


 No.228528

File: 1458708716201.jpg (151.2 KB, 500x500, 1:1, 1401326646388.jpg)

>>227667

OKAY! FUCK IT! I'LL TRY!

So here's the deal, OP. She's a demigod, you're a mortal. Right off the bat, you're not really worth her time. She literally eats handfuls of folks like you for breakfast. So let's take what you have right now and see what we can do with it.

>So as time has gone by he started becoming more persuasive (maxing diplomacy despite having 8 charisma)

A good start.

> and trying to please the snake goddess as much as possible by cowering in her presence .

Fuck no. Be the biggest goddamn bee-obsessed man you can be. Show the proper respects, but don't be a cowering bitch. Every last mortal she's probably come across cowers in fear in front of her. She expects that. Do the unexpected and play the true disciple. Speaking of worship…

>he managed to also find out she likes being deified and wants worship.

Sounds like there's a High Priest position available. Take advantage of that shit and proselytize the fuck out of your snake goddess (even if you have to lie a bit about the dogma. It's the name that counts, either way.)

>Unfortunately her only interest seem to be "Eating living sentient creatures for fun."

Point one for your dogma. It's a pragmatist's philosophy. Only the smallest snake gets eaten by the rest, but can easily get bigger by eating one larger than itself. A snake only strikes when it knows the time is right. He only uses as much venom as he needs to, never too much or too little.

>psion beekeeper

>she…had her snake progeny turn him into a vessel that continuously pumps out snakes.

A good point of interest. I assume your powers are all bee related? (So your Mind Thrust is really a small flight of bees ruthlessly stinging an enemy for a short time, for example?) Either case, you've likely got at least a few points in Animal Handling (and if you don't, you right fuckin' should.) You need to be maximizing those ranks in Animal Handling. Because what you're gonna want to do next is take those snakes and those bees and find a way to crossbreed them into a frightening bee/snake hybrid.

And since this isn't an inherently viable biological possibility, you're going to need to add an extra little something to act as a catalyst. Luckily, you're psionic, which will inevitably rub off onto what you create.

Yes, I am honestly suggesting you breed a species of psionic snakebees, which have wings and fangs and stingers (plus whatever other cool options you want to tack on there.) And don't just make one. Make several colonies of those pissed-off little fucks.

But don't just breed the goddamn things and show them off to her like a little kid wanting mommy to hang their crayon drawing on the kitchen fridge. You take 'em, and you release those invasive little shits wherever you go(you did remember to make them hardy enough to survive almost any environment you throw them in, didn't you?)

Once they become a problem, that's when you start the doomsaying for your goddess and how you're her prophet who can cure them of their psionic snakebee ills, but only if they join you in appeasing her. Start building up your cult from there.

Once your cult has become a full-blown James Earl Jones-esque religion devoted to orgies and human snackrifice, you should be in the right position to start proposing toward the truly unholy union you seek.

And that's how you start seducing an eldritch snake demigoddess.


 No.228595

File: 1458746894914-0.png (90.14 KB, 1271x629, 1271:629, boredom___think_with_porta….png)

File: 1458746894918-1.jpg (206.53 KB, 1600x885, 320:177, now that's thinking with s….jpg)

>>228528

dis smart git zoundz loik a regular Love Mek.


 No.228606

File: 1458752178436.jpg (140.59 KB, 736x1104, 2:3, bf46d661a8656839072bd0d575….jpg)

>>228528

>winged serpents

There's not enough of this shit in fantasy settings. The only other example I can think of is Warcraft.


 No.228609

File: 1458753167321-0.jpg (151.86 KB, 400x543, 400:543, Couatl.jpg)

File: 1458753167326-1.jpg (400.92 KB, 1476x1350, 82:75, Couatl Cloud Palace.jpg)

>>228606

Closest thing I can think of is D&D's Couatl, the LG creatures born from the blood of Jazirian, the hermaphroditic snek deity that lives on the fourth layer of Mount Celestia in a cloud off the mountain itself. At least, in Planescape/3e this was the case. In 4e the Couatl are pretty much the Imperial Chinese. But they're sneks. They hire adventurers to do shit for them that will elevate them amongst their peers, but once working for one they expect you to jump at their beck and call, summoning you whenever they feel like it. They pay well though: they pay you plus whatever you can carry away from your fights, minus the exact stuff you were sent to fetch for them.

In 3.5e they are also responsible for one of the most powerful prestige classes in the game.


 No.228636

It just ocured to me, but what the fuck is Jazirian fucking doing whilst his brother stews himself in raw processed liquid euphoria?


 No.228639

>>228636

Her children, the Couatl, are out there on the Planes gathering info on Ahriman and his schemes. Thus far Jazirian knows he's up to some bad shit, but she doesn't know exactly what or how. She doesn't know about his plots to gobble up the souls of unbelievers, restore himself and fuck everything's shit up. If he managed to do so though everyone's shit would be incomprehensibly fucked and nobody, not even her and all of the gods combined, could stop him.


 No.228647

>>228639

Also, is she wounded like her brother?

That's been somethign I've been wondering for a while.


 No.228648

>>228647

She is injured, but less so than her brother. When they tore each other's tails off Jazirian flew to Mount Celestia on her own power, while Ahriman fell to Baator going through the upper six layers, then hit the then-bottom seventh layer and fell through so hard he created the eight layer, broke through that as well and landed so hard on the ninth he created an impossibly deep canyon where his body now resides.


 No.228650

>>228648

Honestly, they should really try to mainstream things by having her also get her body back, but the difference is that she takes them willingly and has her servants also make up for her missing mass with TECHNOLOGY.

It'd be funny as shit to see Asmodeus succeed, rise up, cockslap Mephistopheles for the billionth time then make a big speech then his sister comes down as some fucking Cyborg Winged holy serpant trogdoor and hits her brother so hard she piledrives him into the 9th layer and accidentally makes a Disgaea in the process, reducing the hells to demon worlds.


 No.228666

In my gaming experience, getting with evil hotties is nothing but trouble. And mostly consists of trickery, deceit, and just plain being in the right place at the right time. Though this mostly comes from one specific character, a NG hero who's years of adventures mostly involved dudes, and the relatively few ladies of note were all Evil but one. He succeeded a few times, but none of those were anything close to a proper relationship.

>>228650

>accidentally makes a Disgaea in the process

Could you elaborate? What does this have to do with Disgaea?


 No.228840

>>228528

>Priest position available

There's always room for beta providers.




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