https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=VRkbd8v8gkQWatch the documentary first ideally..
my Discordianist take on it…
1)Just in case ask china for permission to reincarnate.. its really mostly for teachers… but well might as well inundate them with forms :p
2) the first stage is basically just a bright light so bring sun glasses or a welding mask if your that sensitive…
3) the peaceful deities you should confront with aggression and ill intent snarl at them and chase after them with a base ball bat…
4) the vengeful deities you should confront with love and affection possibly bordering on the pornographic…
5) when they are all confused as fuck steal their accordion and run of cackling like the madman you are.
6) when you meet Yama wait until he has tallied up your sins and good deeds then before he has a chance to do anything grab the biggest pile and challenge him to a game of go!
(it helps if you've been a dushbag and you grab the white stones as that will limits the moves he can make..)
7) when your watching your potential parents get their freak on look for the ones with the kinkiest most expensive bdsm gear… they will be bitter about you being born to them but if they can afford a sex swing and luxury leather arm-binders penis gags and maybe a some giant over sized dildo then they can probably spend a little money on regular toys for you for x-mas… you might be spending it with your grand parents a lot but who cares right? presents!!!!
also there is a risk the woman might be on the pill.. so if your unlucky you might have to go through all that again… Yama might not fall for the GO trick again.. try to challenge him to Othello this time…
If that fails try 4 in a row.. or possibly checkers.. be creative…
You might also be able to distract him with accordion music who knows :p