/tomoko/ - Tomoko

its been so long since ive talked to someone, but last time I did was because of a party my parents had here. Some people were touching my figures and I asked them to stop and they continued touching them so I just gave up. I stutter when talking to a store clerk or something but its not too bad.

>Stutter

>Afraid of answering phone calls

>And answering them

>Procrastinator

>Masturbator

>Pretend I don't have a microphone while playing the vidya

>Bought a webcam, immediately threw it out

>>921

I meant making phone calls to. Fuck, I hate when I screw my posts up.

>>922

>TOO

I really need to start proofreading.

When I was in high school I sometimes pretty much acted about the same.

Toward the beginning of every year I would open up a little bit, and some people would always reach out to me and try to be my friends. I would let them in for a little while and then for no reason or various bad reasons shut them out and begin actively avoiding them. They, of course, usually give up on me pretty quickly. By the time this phase hit, I was pretty much acting exactly the same, up to and including high levels of anxiety or annoyance whenever someone tried to speak to me.

Now that I'm out of school, I've come to believe that I'm just different and that that's not necessarily good or bad, and that's really eased my anxiety. I don't seek out interaction but I don't avoid it anymore. I can shoot the shit for a couple hours now but hell if I can have a meaningful conversation with anyone, including my own family. Everyone I know likes me in a general kind of way, but nobody is close to me.

You never really get better; you just learn to live with the problem.

>high school life

>shortest student in class

>technically friendless

>complete shut-in

>inhumanly quiet

>couldn't and still can't hold a conversation

>studder every time someone spoke to me

>still need to repeat myself at least three times what I say to someone since I speak incredibly quiet

>sat at the corner of the class my whole school life

>lost my shit when assigned the middle/front seats between other people

>would never ever get chosen at any projects at school

>would always spend pe class sitting by myself in a corner

>once or twice I tried making a joke to someone: he didn't hear me/he wouldn't understand it

>felt proud every time someone spoke to me/I spoke to someone during the day

>the only people I still only speak to naturally are my close family members

I have social anxiety and stutter a lot, but as opposed to avoiding eye contact, I have a terrible habit of glaring down who ever I'm interacting with like social situations are some kind confrontational power struggle and I have to have the upper hand or I "lose," I know it make me look a little weird and freaks people out a little, especially since I'm really tall, but in the moment the pressure really gets to me. I'm also avoidant to a fairly crippling extent and have zero friends. I guess I'd consider myself similar to Tomoko.

I have a hard time talking to a person if:

1. They're way cooler and more acomplished than me

2. They are older than me

3. They look condenscending and would get annoyed at me

4. It's a cute girl I like

Often these overlap. Essentially I don't come and talk to people out of fear of rejection or that they'd get pissed at me, and other times I just don't bother, because I know my tastes and topics of choice are so painfully esoteric. I went through GREAT LENGHTS in school to avoid meeting and talking to people because I know I'd just do them a disfavour by merely existing. If I can not relate to you, I just don't want to bother with you. Because of my lack of proper communication(even within my own family, I just don't talk to anyone because I relate to no one in my family), my language skills are nill, but I am a prolific writer and artist, somehow. It's the old introversion = rich mental world shit, which I am grateful for, and part of the reason why I like Tomoko is that she has a rich mental world too.

I haven't had a single true friend until I got 17 years of age. That's when I really started meeting people I could truly relate to and talk unbridedly about anything and they'd get it. Some of them are even abroad, and I've lived through the experience of meeting three of them in person, and it was a blast and I can talk to them so easily! I guess the moral of the story is no matter how hard society presses you, find and stick to your own kind. Rejects are much more interesting, intelligent and inspired people than the common folk anyway.

>>1094

And I've just realised: Always in school I thought I didn't know shit about conversations because they would always talk about sports, cheap telly or school gossip. It's easy to think that that is what passes of for 'normal discussion' but it really, really isn't. Those normies are just as unskilled as you are for speaking except they're retarded because they literally don't know what the fuck they're doing with their speaking; it leads nowhere. This is why you're at an advantage if you actually want to talk about something meaningful.

If you cut yourself off because you're too shy that they won't get or like the topic you understand well guess what: Their loss, not yours.

15%

I don't give a shit about other people or socializing (I just want sex), but at the same time I don't feel like any less of a person because of it nor do I have any sort of anxiety. Also I'm very charismatic so it's easy for me to make friends wherever I go.

But goddamn do I love Tomoko-esque bitches. I hope the popularity of this series encourages more Tomoko-esque girls irl to just be themselves.