My dreams and plans of getting SRS have been crushed and I don't know what to do
From https://www.reddit.com/r/asktransgender/comments/3wxryb/my_dreams_and_plans_of_getting_srs_have_been/
>So I live in South Africa, I've been 'transitioning' for the last 7 years and came out/tried to start the process 9 years ago, this has basically consumed my twenties, I've lost my job because of it, I've been treated abhorrently by people, it has turned my life into a living hell on and off for such a long time.
Because of all the instability and turmoil in my life, saving for SRS was mostly impossible. I finally got into a position to save up money in July and I set a goal of saving up R250000 to cover the surgery with Chett, airfare, living expenses and 2 months of downtime (I wanted to take a 2 month break to go and recover) for my mom and I, the plan was to have that saved up by March 2017, a few months after my 30th birthday.
Unfortunately because I live in a 3rd world country with some of the most idiotic and corrupt leaders, the economy is currently crashing, in the last 2 months our currency has lost R2 to the dollar, last week it dropped R2 in 2 days, it's luckily strengthened by a single rand but I don't think it will ever recover and it won't stop dropping, I look at how much value the currency has lost in only one year and I don't feel like I can keep up at this rate.
Just a quick breakdown of how much that R250k is worth:
Last year: $22000
2 months ago: $19000
Last week: $15600 This week: $16600
Every time the currency drops by a rand to the dollar I need to save an extra R19000, with the drop in the last 2 months I now need an extra R38000, I can't keep up with that, I can only save R14000 a month and I'm living like a poor person to be able to afford that.
I've thought about getting credit cards and am in the process of applying but I don't think they'll give me anything more than maybe R50000.
I made a promise to myself when I turned 25 that if I had not gotten SRS by the time I was 30 I was going to commit suicide because I didn't want to live like this anymore. I'm still holding on to that, I am so so tired of tucking and taping, I'm tired of having to be super conscious of what I wear and if I've become untucked, I'm tired of being stuck in this middle ground with this disgusting penis, I'm tired of sex making me depressed, I'm tired of seeing other woman making me depressed, I'm tired of the constant reminders every day that I'm stuck like this. I don't want to do this anymore.
At this point I feel like it's hopeless, the goalposts are moving further away faster than I can keep up. The past few weeks I've just been numb, planning on getting my affairs in order so that next year I can just escape this nightmare. I've been fighting this fight for so long now and I don't want to anymore, this is not a life.