I also learned that it's pointless to try and convince anyone that they're one way or another even if it's patently obvious to me personally. If some guy claims to be straight and I then interrupted him in the middle of him giving a blowjob to a gaggle of the biggest, burliest bears in town to try to tell him that maybe he's just a touch bicurious, he would first swallow and second explain in no uncertain terms that he's 100% totally hetero and just really loves sucking dick. There's no arguing with someone like that even though I see these things happen regularly, it's just a fact of life.
I could despair over it, but then the question becomes, why? It's not like I'm being affected. I can't be kinkshamed, that ship sailed years ago, and as a dominant guy (I'm a slaveowner, it doesn't really get more on top than owning a person as property) in a mostly-closed relationship I certainly can't be slutshamed. I can't imagine having my relationship threatened by a straight guy, who probably wouldn't even be into my flat-chested partner even if she was into it (no). I think for genuinely straight guys into traps–I absolutely believe they exist, though I don't believe that every guy who claims he is straight and into traps (a nebulous term sometimes) truly believes it–a lot of it boils down to whether or not all the elements of femininity are there so that they can feel comfortable continuing to masturbate, even comfortable incorporating the dick into their fantasies. Once the line starts being blurred a bit more, once their brain can start to distinguish more male features other than just a dick, it doesn't work so well, but plenty of guys are into those lines being blurred, and even into blurring them themselves from the other direction. There's probably a mirror version of me out there, some well and truly heterosexual not-into-dick-at-all guy who is intensely attracted to reverse traps. I really pity him since that probably involves being attracted to mostly lesbians, but good luck to him just the same.
The bottom line is that it is a waste of my valuable time to attempt to convince someone who by all other appearances is in full and open denial. It is neither in my interests nor within my capacity to actually do. Only they can come to terms with it, and if they don't want to, it's none of my business. It may be annoying to see guys say "eww no homo" while at the same time gushing over dick, or worse, trying to get into a guy's pants (this is more acutely stupid on /cuteboys/, I'd much sooner believe self-titled straight guys on here), but trying to convince them otherwise is like trying to convince a turd to polish itself, it's not going to happen. Either they'll come to grips with it in their own time and their own way or they won't. Either way, my sex life is fine so it's neither here nor there. I wish other gay and bi guys who get into these arguments would keep that in mind; it's not about them, it's about the guy making the claim. If they're gay and bi and into traps or into dick, they don't need to get others on board with saying so, they need to own it and they need to be the ones to say so for themselves. Do they even want someone on their team or whatever who doesn't want to be there? That's for hentai and rape fantasies, not real life.
I understand the anger of other gay and bi guys who feel they're being somehow insulted in all of this, but they have to do their best to choose their battles. Does it seem insecure and hypocritical? Yes, but only because I'm in a position where I own it under a certain term–gay–and not under some other term like 'straight with exceptions' or 'bisexual' or whatever else someone in my position might call themselves. It's pretty obvious that I'm as close to straight as possible while still being strictly attracted to people with penises who like having penises, so I'm as much in the gray zone as anyone, I just come at it from the other side. Identifying as a dominant more than as a homosexual would probably clear things up a bit, but for the time being, I don't think those labels are fully going away, or that they even should. People already assume I'm heterosexual until I tell them I'm not, I don't act the part of gay, so it would probably be even more confusing if I had to call myself 'dominant' and then qualify that with 'but also gay.'