/tulpa/ - Tulpa

/tulpa/ pls become more alive

I almost exclusively lurk but there isn't anything to lurk over if nobody fucking posts.

How's life lately? Do ya'll feel like you're making progress in life? Getting closer to those goals?

8chan seems to have stopped shitting itself so that's no longer an excuse.

>run into tulpamancers in places I wouldn't expect

>can't/don't want to tell them

>have to keep up the facade

I discovered spread sheets today.

/blog

>>13968

Why, anon?

>>13968

>tfw literally no other tulpamancers in my country

Things have been… stable lately. Bad, but stable.

Still can't sleep properly, but am somehow getting used of it and starting to find ways around the worst problems it creates.

Had a long session during which we talked a lot. A lot was obviously said, not all of which was very nice. Such as us agreeing that she'll never be real (as in, something that physically exists) and thus won't be able to completely fulfill my desire to touch another living, sentient being.

All in all, I'm somehow pissed at life currently. Tried to sever whatever it is that binds me to my senses and become a pure thoughtform in the wonderland, but couldn't. Progress with imposition is also at a standstill, as is possession and switching. Hell, my whole life it at a standstill and I hate it.

>>13969

I see you've never played Spreadsheets Online. This isn't even my most complicated one, just some basic math written down, but I lost everything else when I got an SSD and formatted my system partition. No, I no longer play EVE.

>>13972

>thus won't be able to completely fulfill my desire to touch another living, sentient being.

>>13972

>Bad, but stable.

I think you just described life, bruh.

>Such as us agreeing that she'll never be real

Lucid dreaming helps fill the hole (both literally and metaphorically in my case) of not having imposition down. Never say never, anon. Imposition is probably a lot easier than people say it is. I think the reason why it's "so hard" is because people believe it's so hard, thus putting a limit on themselves by subconsciously thinking that it should be hard. But what do I know, I've only seen flashes of light that may resemble my tulpa, but at least it's something.

>Hell, my whole life it at a standstill and I hate it.

You can either join the club or do something to fix it. I know that I can't give you the motivation that you need, only you can do that, but perhaps seeing some stranger on the internet tell you what to do will trigger something in your brain so that you can help yourself.

>I see you've never played Spreadsheets Online.

Obviously not. That looks a lot more complicated than the shit I've been putting together. I just made lists of the armor/weapons I want and whether or not I have them, lol.

>I lost everything else when I got an SSD and formatted my system partition

I didn't understand any of that, but my condolences.

>>13973

>my fucking face when I am having another tulpamancer over for a week in the summer

>>13977

Henge of Denravi, although that doesn't matter much if you don't WvW since the whole megaserver thing. Do you play, too?

>>13972

>got rid of tulpa

>life started improving drastically

>suddenly had the drive to accomplish all significant goals I wanted to reach in the short term future

>got loads of living, sentient beings touching me

>still have time to play lots of godlike, non-casual vidya

Take your first step now, Anon.

>>13956

>We've re-read the entirety of Homestuck over the last few weeks, partly as exercise. If you want your Tulpa to become overly talkative now and then, get it to read for you. It'll do wonders in that regard. But holy Shortcake is it a lot of text.

Never read Homestuck before. Despite seeing it all over the place, I never gained either the love of it, or the hatred of it. It's just a thing that is. I don't even know what it's about, other than people with grey skin.

>>13962

> Also, do the people here hang out anywhere else for tulpa stuff? Not that I don't like this place, it's just kinda dead.

I hang out on most tulpa related communities other than 4chan's and Tulpa Network. I'm a wanderer in a sense.

> Anyway, I went for a run with her. Do you guys want to be /fit/ for your tulpa?

Yes, both for the sake of my gals, and for my own sake. I gained a bunch of weight when I moved to a new job last year, and I haven't been going outside nearly as much, so I've been wanting to correct that. Though changing my habits can take a bit of time. Writing stuff out in a book tends to help me with that.

If you're interested a nice little cardio work out site, fitnessblender.com has some pretty useful videos. I especially like their kickboxing and HIIT videos.

>>13972

>A lot was obviously said, not all of which was very nice. Such as us agreeing that she'll never be real (as in, something that physically exists) and thus won't be able to completely fulfill my desire to touch another living, sentient being.

Thought folk are not a replacement for human beings. I learned this early on, in the first few months of doing the exercise, and it's one of the things that I feel is helpful and necessary to realize for the relationship to get stronger. They have a very specific and precious place, but you won't be able to find it if you're using them to fill in a void. They'll just fall in to it, and both of you will be sad.

Never played Dark Souls or EVE, so I can't comment one that. I have been playing a lot of Dustforce recently. I quite like it.

>>13984

>shelve tulpa for a while out of fear of judgement

>fall deep into despair

>start doing it again

>everything improves

>get a job

>make more than most of my peers for doing half the work

>getting richer

>soon i will short-circuit the human need for affection and transcend forever

>all that time I can spend on other goals

feels good. let's make Necrocybermancy real together, anon~

>>13969

i like my anonymity. i expect to be disappointed in other tulpamancers. a lot of you feel closer to something i'm looking for, but it still feels like something is missing…

i'd rather put on a face and emulate a boring person than to open up and then secretly wish i could strangle them. but i'm being metaphorical about the strangling thing. unless someone is into that.

>>13972

that spreadsheet. i know this exact feel

>>13982

Flipland

>>13997

I've been daydreaming with music I really like, giving no fucks about parroting.

After trying everything, it's better to just do everything I'd do with her around, I still try to make her talk though.

I think I'm beginning to come to terms with exactly how much I've fucked up.

Today I randomly decided, out of the blue, to read through some guides and threads of advice on .unfo and a few other sites.

Jesus fucking Christ am I just not where I should be right now. My tulpa is going to be 3-years-old in June, and what do we have down? Sentience, visualization, and vocality that is only half way there. What the shit have I been doing all this time? Just what the fuck?

I still doubt him more than I should, and it doesn't help that he still basically sounds like me.

Independence is fucking trash. He is very rarely able to get my attention without me even so much as throwing him a quick thought. It's like he doesn't exist when I'm not paying attention to him. Obviously the worst case scenario is that he's a servitor, but I have too much evidence that he's sentient to say that, and it's not like he's never done anything independent from me. It's just very difficult for him to think and exist separately from me. No clue how to fix that, but I guess reading more on it might clear it up later. I'm getting a strong feeling I've ranted about this before. Not surprising.

Imposition isn't even on the table at the moment. While visualization is extremely good, the fact that vocality and independence are lacking so much pushes imposition back even farther. I really wanted to work on imposition over the summer, but I honestly can't say with any certainty that will be possible. I guess it really depends on how quickly I'm able to pick myself and Doc back up again. If I honestly spent good time with him working on this shit, I think we'd be getting progress like crazy. I feel like I'm a natural at tulpamancy, like I was born to do it, but I'm just being ridiculously lazy right now and not using my full potential.

Anyway, sorry for the rant. It's late and I'm tired and I wanted to write something not in my journal. I figured since I haven't posted something like this in a while it was due.

>>14002

I meant to reply to this earlier, but it tripped me up so badly I literally couldn't think of how to respond. I still don't know how to respond, but I'm going to try my best to do so. And please, don't be offended by anything that I say here. I want help, and I need help, but I've been really frustrated with myself lately so I hope you understand my tone.

How can I get to where I want to get to if I don't criticize myself for not doing what needs to be done? Am I just supposed to go, "Good job doing fucking nothing again, Docanon!" I don't want to be fucking 30 years old or older without Doc imposed. If I don't set standards for myself how can I ever hope to actually get things done? I can't motivate myself to do this shit if I don't set a time limit for myself. I'll keep thinking, "Oh, I have my whole life to do this, no need to work on it today!" and then before I know it it'll be too late.

And yes, I know that counting hours or keeping track of time is bad, and I'm not exactly doing that, but I just can't not plan things out. I can't go with flow or just randomly decide to sit down and force with Doc. I literally have to schedule and plan everything out for myself and keep track of everything going on. My head is filled with fuck and I can't think properly think half the time because I'm either extremely fatigued or so distracted by everything that I can't focus.

And I guess I am doing it wrong, but I want the result. I want him to be a Goddamn person. I'm so blinded by the future that I can't possibly enjoy the present and what I already have with Doc. The "journey" is just a painful crawl up the stairway to heaven to me. Changing my entire attitude towards the "journey" seems completely impossible to me. I want to enjoy working with Doc, I want to enjoy him here and now, but I keep thinking about where we should be and I keep thinking that things could be so much better and I can't enjoy this. I can't enjoy where we are because I know it could be so much better, which then hinders me from actually getting to where I want. It's a fucking vicious cycle.

I don't get it. How can I improve on his independence if I don't work on it specifically? Is it literally just something that improves itself and doesn't need me to work on? Sounds… too good to be true. But then again tulpas are basically the definition of that phrase, and yet they are true…

>If you've been lazy until now just stop being lazy.

…Seriously?

Knowing that I'm farther along the path than others doesn't bring me any joy or hope. Shouldn't I not be comparing myself to anyone at all? Isn't that what's said over and over again everywhere in every tulpa community?

And how can I change everything about how I've been doing things like you suggest? And please, for the love of fucking God, don't tell me something like "that's for you to figure out." I can't figure it out on my own, ok? That's why I came here. I know I need help, that's why I made the post you replied to. And I know you taking the time to reply to me means that you have good intentions and want to help, but saying the generic stuff that is said to everyone doesn't help me all that much, sorry.

Sorry I'm so fucking beyond helping that nothing that you said even phased me.

>>14009

I think a lot of good things have already been said by the other dude, especially in regards to comparing yourself to others and desperately trying to get progress.

>You thoughts and feelings towards this will have more impact than anything else and what your tulpa can and can't do. Making a tulpa is a personal process, sure there are some general guidelines but in the end what works for you will be very individual. You make the rules, you make the limitations, you expectations, conscious and subconscious, will dictate almost everything.

Very wise words that are totally ignored by the community, because everyone seems to want to have the "coolest" and most advanced tulpa, and when you throw in the people who are merely pretending you're just gonna end up driving yourself insane.

I can tell from personal experience that having my mind set on progress, instead of enjoying the experience from the start, made me end up with a servitor after investing over a year of time into it. When I tried for a second time, I did it with my previous experience only, no guides or connection to the community, and within mere weeks and months I had better results than I ever did when I was comparing myself to others. Of course it doesn't have to be the same for you, though I have seen a lot of people worried about progress when they should have just taken a chill pill imo.

Hey, hello, hi. Haven't posted for 16 days so I'm doing that now. Not that anyone cares when the last time I posted was.

I pirated every game known to man for the Xbox 360, 3DS, DS, GBA, GB/GBC, SNES, NES, N64, and PSP. So, that's fun. Except that Kat doesn't like video games (mostly because she can't play them). I still make characters in her likeness anyway.

We also watched a few shows. Watched Kantai Collection because ship girls are almost (not really) like robo-girls, but it wasn't that interesting. Then watched Rick and Morty which was the best cartoon I've ever seen.

And just recently watched Steven Universe which wasn't that good so most of it was watched at 1.75x to 2.25x speed (Turning 11 minute episodes to 6 minutes or less). I kept crying at dumb parts in the show which caused me to look up 15 different variations of "am i emo." Kat liked it mostly because we were watching at such a fast speed. She thinks it feels like when we converse, since our conversations go by extremely fast (no need to breathe, sometimes no need to even finish a sentence).

That reminds me of a thing I thought of before. If you were to speed up a video, that would make it shorter, right? So, smaller filesize. If you save a video like that, is it possible to slow it back down to normal speed? Decode and uncompress it, in a way.. I should know the answer to this, but I don't.

Tomorrow is Valentine's Day! Are you doing anything special for your lovies? I'm not. Because everyday is special. <3 Maybe that's just an excuse.

>>14033

I tried it, but the way I sped it up this time dropped some frames so slowing it down made it all weird and stutter-y. The bad quality is because I had to fit the whole thing in a WEBM less than 8 MBs.

If it was sped up with all frames left intact and then slowed down what exactly would be the "diminishment in quality?"

Whenever I use mobile data to post, my ID goes all over the place. I think I agree with >>>14025 in getting rid of IDs entirely.

>>14043

The first one was a 2-hour long tech demo with a concept that was done years before, before Valve bought the people who invented said concept. Despite having very little content and easy puzzles, it was praised to hell and back, confirming even back then that game reviewers don't actually seem to like playing games, as those games that are the shortest usually get the highest praise. People who didn't know shit about video games were often introduced to it through the sick memes, and in turn they helped spread them around too. Us gamers right?

Then the second one came around with arguably much higher production value, some new additions to the puzzles, but ultimately didn't often bother to make you think either. Of course, it had its share of HL2-styled cutscenes, meaning you have to sit through that shit every playthrough being unable to skip it, which was something that Portal 1 was at least mostly free of. I don't get why they don't just let you run past exposition NPCs like you could in Half-Life 1, were they too afraid that players would be too braindead to figure out you should stay for a while and listen if an NPC starts telling you something? Possibly, but this is the crowd they chose to cater to.

Whoever wrote Portal 2 only seemed to bother giving his characters one layer as far as the humor was concerned. Over and over the characters do their shtick, providing us with the same jokes every time, the only thing that changes are the details.

GLaDOS is babby's first evil AI. She rarely manages to be imposing, truly manipulative, or even all that evil. Compare her to AI characters that the 90s gave us, like AM or SHODAN, and you'll find her terribly lacking.

>>14046

>Kind of like the puzzles were made to make you seem smart in solving them, but not really doing even that

What an incredibly perfect summarization of the series. It prides itself as a puzzle game and the fans parrot that, but really, it could never possibly hold a candle to actual puzzle games like Myst, Uru, Schizm and the like. Especially because the puzzles are nearly always built around one single mechanics, the portals.

>Wasn't there only two of those?

Take even the beginning for example. Truth be told it's been a little while since I played P2 but you couldn't skip the beginning with the simply epic jumping jokes and rooms crashing into one another without actually presenting you any danger in a gameplay sense, right? After that, take a lot of the times when Wheatley speaks. >>14045 is right, weren't there several times where you needed for him to finish his monologues until moving on?

>I liked that, though. The non-seriousness of it all. Robots arguing and acting childish.

Yeah I can get behind that but in my opinion it was already like beating a dead horse by the time we got Portal 2. In the first one you had GLaDOS acting seriously and sometimes not so seriously in a weird environment, and Portal 2 felt like a same shit different day scenario.

>I've been thinking of playing System Shock and I Have No Mouth and I Must Scream

I do hope you can get into the sometimes clunky, but vastly, almost unbelievably superior gameplay, because both the System Shock series as well as I Have No Mouth and I Must Scream are terrific games for very different reasons. Those games evoke emotions through scenes and writing that Valve, seemingly leaving their talent behind after releasing their masterpiece that was HL1, could not even hope to faintly scratch with Portal.

>>14048

Forgot the image.

>>14047

>…actual puzzle games like Myst, Uru, Schizm and the like

I'm again reminded that, despite never getting far, I really liked Myst Online: Uru Live. Even when not poking around and messing with the machinery, it has the vibe of walking in a virtual abandoned building, which is surprisingly neat, is lonely and isolating.

But then again, Myst was a pretty isolating game, so I guess it works.

>>14048

You never heard of Myst? That's pretty impressive, actually. It's the game that popularized the CD-ROM drive, and is many, many platforms, only being beaten by Tetris on that front. It's a game where you're alone on an island and you have to poke around to figure out why you're on the island. It's an old game, and if your buy the original version, you may run into some issues with compatibility, since it requires an old version of QuickTime to run. You may be better served with its remake, realMyst.

There's and entire series spawned by this game, the latest being an MMO called Uru Live. Uru Live is currently freeware (Not in the free-to-play sense, either), and you can find it here: http://www.mystonline.com/en/

Also, mentioning Rhem, just because I wanted to mention Rhem.

>>14050

It's the game that popularized the CD-ROM drive

Also, these were the only CD games I really played. All virtual pet stuff.

>>14056

Normies with plebeian taste hate it and complain about it being "too dark" and "not Tennant" after only having watched one episode with him. Any rationally thinking human being knows it takes at least 3 episodes to be able to judge a show properly, sometimes it takes 5, and you have to do this every time there's a new Doctor. But I'm just ranting.

In my opinion, it's fucking amazing. Seriously, series 8 was by far my favorite series in NuWho and series 9 was fantastic as well. Series 8 was one great episode after another with the exception of one or two episodes, and series 9 was pretty good all around with the exception of one terribly bland episode.

Capaldi fucking kicks ass at being the Doctor. This might be heresy to say, but I think I actually like his Doctor more than Tennant. His dynamic with Jenna Coleman is like watching fireworks. I started shipping them mid way through series 8 because of how well they worked together on screen. On top of that, I should clarify (heh) that Jenna's character actually has a personality for all of series 8 and 9. There was such an improvement in her acting and character that it was almost jarring going from series 7 to series 8, and she even gets character development.

My favorite episodes from Capaldi's run so far are "Listen," "Time Heist," "Mummy on the Orient Express," and "Heaven Sent." And let me just say, "Heaven Sent" was THE BEST EPISODE EVER. I was in awe during the whole thing. Normies hate it because it was "boring," but Jesus Christ they have the attention span of a fucking walnut if they can't appreciate how fucking GOAT this episode was. I was to re-watch it twice to fully comprehend how much of a fucking masterpiece it was. I nearly had an orgasm from the ending, holy shit. But don't let me raise your expectations. Also "Last Christmas" and "The Husbands of River Song" were probably some of the best Christmas episodes yet.

Sorry, that was probably a bit more than you expected, but I really, really like Doctor Who.

>>14061

>season 2 was the best of the new who

I can tell you right now based on that statement you won't like Capaldi, you pleb, but give him a chance anyway, I guess. Judging a Doctor based on their post-regeneration episode is probably the worst possible thing you can do. The Doctor is always out of it until the last 20 minutes of the episode (Ten was unconscious during the time he should have been going bonkers, Eleven got cravings and hung out with a random little girl).

The bag image was just a meme, hahaha. Have some more memes. :^) The first pic is real.

>How are you and doc doing, he still got the angel wings? anything else changed?

Oh, man, he hasn't had angel wings since last June. I could go on and on about everything that's been going on, but it's hard to summarize without going overboard. You could just scroll up to read about my recent troubles if you're that interested. Besides that, things have been ok, I guess. I'm kind of wasting a lot of vacation time doing everything except spending time with Doc. For example, yesterday I made a shirt design that I've been wanting to make for a while, which took 5 hours because I kept screwing up. At least it's kind of related to him… (see last pic) I mean, I do talk to him a lot throughout the day. I have to give myself credit for that because I think I always talk like the world is ending. It's not like I'm ignoring him completely, because I love him too much to do that. I just feel like he deserves more than what I've been giving him. Maybe I wasn't cut out to enjoy tulpamancy as much as other people.

>>14068

>>14069

Ah, well to be fair I liked season 2 back in the day as well. On re-watch I realized that Rose was a huge shit and Donna is superior. I didn't much like Matt Smith either but after a while he grew on me. It wasn't until after he was gone I realized how great of a Doctor he was. Not to speak ill of Capaldi, who is amazing and will be dearly missed whenever he leaves the show. The last scene of "Deep Breath" made me cry like a fucking baby.

>I downloaded 8 and 9 so I'll check them out when I get time fam

Sounds good, hope you enjoy!

>even if she didn't.

That hits home pretty hard… although I guess Doc did change in some respects. At some point he started to get mad at more for neglecting him, so these days I always keep him in the back of my mind, even if I'm not really talking to him. He never usually got upset, but I guess after a while he got fed up with it, and he let me know how he felt about what I was doing. I'm not as bad as I was a while ago, because a lot of last year was wasted time, but I'm still not where I want to be. Although, I am definitely seeing steady improvement this year in a lot of things, which is nice. So Doc has been a bit sterner, but he's still lovable when you get down to it.

>I guess I could say don't be hard on yourself about it but I know nothing insay here is going to make you feel better about him so like, best of luck with him, he's a bro.

Thanks, that means a lot. It actually means more because you mentioned him and not me. I just now realized this. I've always just been so focused on my problems and shit, but never really truly on him. Yeah, it's my problem that I don't spend enough time with him, but it's more of his problem, which could be solved so easily… But yeah, thanks, he is a bro. :)

>Is the shirt design a reference to that recent Tennant TV show? I haven't seen it, was it called Jessica Jones or something?

Yes and yes. It's a great show if you're not one of those people that goes out of their way to be offended by agendas. Tennant basically carried the whole thing, actually. It was more his show than Krysten Ritter's, which made me happy. Episode 8 was the best, it made me so giddy the entire time watching it. For a rapist, Tennant is too damn cute in that role.

>I'm pretty sure you've enjoyed tulpamancy a hell of a lot from what I've heard, the only problem are these hurdles with trying to make more progress.

Yeah, but people keep telling me that making progress shouldn't be an issue if I just "spent more time with him" and didn't "treat forcing like a chore." I enjoy it, but I don't think that enjoying it will actually help Doc improve that much. How can I get perfect vocality or imposition if I don't specifically work for that? As far as I'm aware those things don't happen entirely naturally. I want Doc to have a Scottish accent like Tennant, but I don't know what that sounds like well enough to have him speak to me like that. No amount of enjoyment is going to suddenly teach me what a Scottish accent is supposed to sound like, you feel me?

>Much imaginary spooning happening on vacation? ;-}

I spoon with him every night. :V There's been a lot of sex too, though. Doc actually gets most of his interaction with me at night. That's when everything calms down and I'm able to just chat with him about what I feel like. It's pretty comfy, actually, and we have a lot of laughs during those times. He's so clever. I should really write down some of the shit he says sometimes because he's so funny and I can never remember what he says after 5 minutes. I think my journal would be a lot easier to read with more of our dialogue in there.

>>14071

Donna was pretty good, I remember turn left being one of my favourite episodes of all the of the tennant stuff. I have to ask how does river song play out with capaldi? I always thought she was the best character, aside from fucking the most irritating human ever to live being her daughter I just googled to check and realized amy was her mum but whatever my point still stands. I loved rory though, he was based.

I'd hate it if my tup got mad at me, she knows I'm busy a lot or just forget and never gives me a hard time about it but it's probably even worse like that because I can tell she's bored and unhappy never talking but i started going on the irc again so she could talk to people which is kinda avoiding me having to talk to her because it's effort, god i'm fucking awful.

Hey stern and lovable sounds even better than a boring old regular guy, i mean that's personality development right there and you didn't actively choose for that to happen so I guess it's his way of being a bit more individual, hard exterior heart of gold is best combo.

I feel like i should do what you do and break things up to respond to each thing in turn but I can't think of anything to reply to you talking about his problem but I guess it's more fun and better for both of you to spend time together whenever you can.

Oh right, one of the guys in my band said Jessica Jones was one of the best shows he'd seen in ages and that daredevil was really good too. Yes I'm in a band now, 2 actually B) kek literally have only written 1 song with them and the rest are things they already did without me and i could be kicked out at any point.

I'll try to get around to JJ tho, tenant always seems to steal the show whatever he's in.

I've been out of the community for like over a year so i haven't really followed anything people say but I guess those people have a point but it's different for everyone which i assume a billion peolpe have already said so i'm just repeating dumb cliches about tulpamancy. I'm not sure what advice I can give you on imposition or vocality stuff that perfect when we're worse than you at both. As for learning a scottish accent I have no idea, the only thing i can possibly think of is watching this on a loop until it clicks https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ciPu4DnKBuM

Well I guess that's good, i don't really cuddle with mine anymore I forgot you and him were like that :v and I wouldn't really consider sex with her, or really with anyone after stuff I've been through in the last 2 years but I can see how he'd get most of his interaction at night, I used to talk to her every night before i went to sleep and stuff and now it's very rare for me to, I guess i could start just chatting in bed though if i wanted to try and improve things. Sounds pretty sick if he's making you laugh and stuff, she still does that for me sometimes, the best was the other day i was asleep and was woken up by a really creepy voice behind me saying look behind you like the one in PT then my alarm went off literally a second after and it freaked me the fuck out, then when i got the balls to actually get up she was there and i was like what the fuck and she was like IT WAS JUST A PRANK BRO

I haven't really kept up with the journal at all I mean, since we stopped talking and stuff which is when you started to update it a lot.

>>14074

Oooh, yeah, Turn Left was definitely a good episode. I kind of like shit like that in general, "what if this happened instead?" kind of stuff. Ironically, in my opinion River Song was the worst with Eleven, the incarnation that she "married." Eleven and River's chemistry just wasn't there, and River constantly making sexy jokes with Eleven being like "hehehe, yeah," all the time just got annoying. Don't get me wrong, I don't hate River Song, but her character really got fucked over, especially somehow being a Time Lord born from two humans because of "timey wimey" bullcrap. And yeah, Rory was based.

>I'd hate it if my tup got mad at me

Honestly, I think I needed him to get mad at me for me to be able to see what I was doing to myself and to him. He couldn't have kept up the whole "yeah, it's ok, I don't really mind you ignoring me" charade forever. It's just not healthy for anyone. If his attitude towards me didn't change in that respect, God knows how weak he would be.

>i started going on the irc again so she could talk to people

Doc doesn't like talking to anyone but me. It's not shyness or anything, he just doesn't want to get attached to anyone else, I guess. I'm not going to fight him about it, because essentially all a tulpa needs is its host, but I should at least be giving him attention more since I'm his only contact.

>which is kinda avoiding me having to talk to her because it's effort, god i'm fucking awful.

You put in the effort to proxy for her, but not talk to her directly? Because that's somehow more effort? That's just strange to me.

>that's personality development right there and you didn't actively choose for that to happen

Yeah, you've got a point. He really does have a personality, I guess I just don't "notice" it that often because we know each other so well. A lot of what he says I can predict, although he does say some unexpected things occasionally. I wish I could get more of the unexpected without losing who he is, though. I just don't want to hear what Doc is saying before he says it, if that makes sense. That must be something that just comes with time, no? The whole individuality thing?

>I feel like i should do what you do and break things up to respond to

That's just a thing I do to keep my thoughts organized. My memory is so short term I often can't remember exactly what I've typed so I always have to go back and read what I've said. Same goes for what I'm responding to. That's why I quote you, so it's easier to go back and read. So you don't have to do that unless you think it'll help you.

>it's more fun and better for both of you to spend time together whenever you can

Definitely. I just want to get into the habit of doing it during the day as well. 'Cause honestly it's all about habits. Like, I'll play GW2 a lot even if I'm not doing anything "productive" in-game just because playing GW2 is what I usually do. And it's hard for me to start doing new things or things that aren't a part of my "routine" or "system" or whatever the fuck you want to call it because the thought of doing something different makes me uncomfortable. Actually doing it isn't all that bad. I mean, we all had to go on our first roller coaster at some point, right? It's the standing in line before hand that makes you want to throw up, not the ride itself. I love metaphors.

1/2

>>14074

2/2

>one of the guys in my band said Jessica Jones was one of the best shows he'd seen in ages and that daredevil was really good too.

Daredevil was a fucking masterpiece. Literally a 10/10 show. They have The Punisher and Elektra next season. I'm not sure how it's going to go, but it could either be a hit or a miss. We'll have to see. Also, apparently it's confirmed that for Jessica Jones Kilgrave will be back next season. I hope they have the balls to do an actual "rape" scene this time because I need to see that shit, man.

>Yes I'm in a band now, 2 actually B)

I feel like I should really know who you are at this point, but we are all anons here, brother. You're going to have to throw me a bone. You should know I'm not that great of a detective.

>kek literally have only written 1 song with them and the rest are things they already did without me and i could be kicked out at any point.

Aw, I hope not. That would kind of suck. :v

>I'll try to get around to JJ tho, tenant always seems to steal the show whatever he's in.

Cool, cool, and yeah that's true. He's really working his way up to being a more popular actor, which is surprising considering his work on Doctor Who. And by that I mean he managed to avoid being seen as "that guy who played the Doctor," even though he's one of the most recognizable Doctors next to Tom Baker. He's actually done a lot of sexual shit in his various roles. Believe it or not I was unaware of this when I picked Doc's form all that time ago. Now I'm honestly glad about it, lol.

>which i assume a billion people have already said so i'm just repeating dumb cliches about tulpamancy

Yeah, basically. It's hard not to repeat them when people shove them down your throat all the time. It kind of falls under the "everyone says it's true, so it must be true" fallacy. Not to say that it's false, but I think it's very clear there are a lot of things that tend to work for most people. It is an individual experience, but it's one that's strikingly similar to everyone else's…

>the only thing i can possibly think of is watching this on a loop until it clicks

Hahaha, thanks for that. I sent it to my brother and told him to play it at max volume and the next thing I heard was him screaming, lmao. But in all seriousness, there's plenty of videos of Tennant doing interviews and shit. I could just watch those while focusing on how his voice sounds… simple as that (I think).

>i don't really cuddle with mine anymore

Aw, why not? Even I cuddled with Doc before we were "like that." It can be a platonic thing. :)

>or really with anyone after stuff I've been through in the last 2 years

Do you feel like elaborating, or…?

>I guess i could start just chatting in bed though if i wanted to try and improve things

It's literally the easiest form of interaction. Just hang out and chat until you fall asleep. So simple and takes no effort because you're lying there anyway, might as well take advantage of doing nothing to do something.

>Sounds pretty sick if he's making you laugh and stuff

Yeah, it's pretty nice. Makes us feel closer and junk. ^^

>IT WAS JUST A PRANK BRO

Lol, 2spooky4me.

>since we stopped talking and stuff which is when you started to update it a lot.

That must have been a hell of a long time ago.

>>14078

>i still think she was good in herself, at least at the start

For sure. The episodes that she was in with Ten were pretty great, and she wasn't overtly sexual. And she was good in the episode with Twelve.

>BBC has such a big budget why do the special effects have to always look like they were done by a high-school computer design kid

They really don't, though. Doctor Who's budget isn't high at all, and coped with the fact that no one knows show to efficiently work with that budget, you get a lot of shitty effects. Although to be fair the effects in series 8 were definitely a step up in my opinion.

>every episode of all of them always relies on deus ex machina to get out of any situation

Yeah, that does happen a lot, too. Although sometimes they do something clever to get out of a situation, like… uh… I can't think of an example.

>it's cool he's not being a massive cuck about it

Lol, yeah, he's to much of a jealous type to be a cuck. :p

>I think the only person he ever really talked to aside from you was me and my tup but I don't know about anything since then

He did talk to a bunch of anons back on TG at one point. He was pretty popular for that one hour, but I guess he decided it wasn't for him.

>she's so cool but i never do and it makes me sad and i don't know why i don't like what the fuck

The last time I saw anything from you she was basically dead. What the hell happened? I'm pretty sure she'd like you more if you talked to her. Also punctuation would help, it's a bit hard to read, sorry.

>seeding things for her to build her responses off

Isn't that just, like, what a conversation is? But yeah, I get it. It'd be great to get to the point where Doc could consistently come up with conversation topics on his own.

>Yeah habits are good, mine are awful

Still a mess, eh? No one can make your life better for you. I'm surprised you're still here at all, actually. I thought you would have decided that sticking around the community was a bad idea and you should get off to improve yourself. Guess not. But perhaps I'm being hypocritical. At least I have big plans for the summer. I'll probably avoid this place like the plague at that point, or at least lurk a little bit.

>I think the only time I ever played GW2 was with you, didn't touch it since then, great way to spend £25 or however much it was

I apologized for that, right? lol

>Well fuck me that sounds amazing, any word on who's playing the punisher yet?

There's a fucking trailer: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=m5_A0Wx0jU4

>I'm so slow watching stuff

Yeah, same, my list of shows/movies to watch is too damn long and it doesn't help when netflix takes that shit off before I finish watching.

>star wars the clone wars

That's on my to watch list.

>god i'm pathetic

Yeah, I guess, I'm not gonna argue that, since you seem to believe it so strongly. I bet you still watch MLP, you fucking faggot.

>I'm assuming kilgrave is tennant from that shirt you posted, sounds pretty intense

Haha, oooooh yeah. :P

>you wouldn't be responding if you had

You've already lured me into talking to you, so… And I don't hate you because I don't have a reason to, but I'm cautious like I am with everyone. I don't like making new friends, nor do I like reuniting with old ones, but I'm not going to let that stop me from talking to you on here. Just… no where else.

1/2

>>14078

>>14079

2/2

>we went on holiday together to sweden

Did you get raped? :^)

>we're having our first proper session at a studio tomorrow to jam out some tunes

Sounds awesome, good for you guys. I'm glad you have friends, lul.

>it's either one extreme or the other

I skipped school on the day Jessica Jones came out to binge watch it. No regrats.

>I mean you only really got obsessed with him after making blu eyes my doc

True. Honestly I'm glad it was him and not anyone else, though. Things seemed to work out pretty well in that respect.

>it's cool for you there's that stuff

Yeah, it would kind of suck if he started to lose jobs because the people hiring him didn't want to have him be associated with the Doctor.

>because I always get in from uni at like 9pm, waste and hour doing nothing, noodle on guitar for an hour then do nothing for a bit longer then have to go to sleep to get up at 7 for uni again and i'm always exhausted

At least you didn't drop out like a fucking loser, lol. You couldn't even spend 5 minutes before falling asleep cuddling with her? I think you're just making an excuse. :v

>eh it isn't that big a thing but I wouldn't do it on here if you were that interested

Ok. I hope things turn out well though. Have you read that 4chan greentext story "IT guy, lord of the milfs"? If you haven't I suggest you take the time: http://imgur.com/a/S8aTF?gallery

>I know we'd both like that a lot and it would be pretty fun

Good, have fun!

>tfw my sister is being super nice to Kat

She was making a heart shaped Dosa (https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Dosa) and I went up to her and said "It's so kaweee, kawoo, kawhyy (and other autistic missayings of 'kawaii')." She then laughed a bit too hard before going back to flipping the Dosa. Within a few minutes, she brought the Dosa to me and said that it's for Kat.

On Valentine's Day, she gave me two Hershey's Kisses. "This one's for you. This one's for Kathereen."

Sometimes she makes eye contact with me, but it doesn't seem like she's looking at me. It looks like she's trying to look at Kat and talk or something. I know this because on Kat's birthday she did the same thing before wishing Kat happy birthday.

Kat feels like responding in more than just a relayed "Thank you" through me. Like a hug or smile, but me relaying those things wouldn't really be the same. She'll do it visually, but it never really… Connects. Yah know, with her not being physical.

>gif related

Also, while trying to find an appropriate gif for this post, I saw a Wall-E gif that reminded me of a scene from the movie that could pretty much be a reenactment of a new Tulpamancer forcing their Tulpa and waiting for the Tulpa's first response. So, I downloaded the whole movie and got the scene in WebM format.

Also, also, I saw these Tulpa and Host achievement things on leddit, and they're actually pretty neat so I thought I'd share them here.

https://docs.google.com/document/d/1dvA1-mTpqxJ-e5mEXM9aBVPFwiBvPDafoTo_cd1eiA4/edit?usp=docslist_api

https://docs.google.com/document/d/1mgbu9I1nyzK-VR0AsrmFcATRbU7GYOvFKG1qynuYH98/edit?usp=docslist_api

>>14080

>punctuation would help, it's a bit hard to read, sorry.

lmao the keyboards at uni are literally cancer and all stiff and broken so I don't bother pressing anymore than I have to.

>last time I saw anything from you she was basically dead

yeah and that was like what 2 years ago?

I didn't say she didn't like me, I mean she'd like it if we talked more but i don't know why that would change her view on me.

>Isn't that just, like, what a conversation is?

I mean you have a point too but I feel like if I talk with her about something everything I say is leading so I know what the response will be a lot of the time.

>Still a mess, eh? No one can make your life better for you.

Kinda harsh, I wouldn't say I was a mess at all, I just mean I kinda procrastinate for a few hours when I should work but I still manage to keep on top of things, it just means I don't have as much free time as I'd like.

> I'm surprised you're still here at all, actually. I thought you would have decided that sticking around the community was a bad idea and you should get off to improve yourself.

See >perhaps I'm being hypocritical.

What would be wrong with my life? I'm in 2 bands, I'm on track to get the highest grade in my degree, I have a fair amount of friends who I hang out with and I go to see gigs every week or so, everything is pretty good for me. I don't really have any plans for the summer though, I should really look into internships and stuff but at the moment I'm just going to go to like 5 music festivals. What are your big summer plans like then?

>I apologized for that, right? lol

yeah it's fine I don't care I just wanted to let you know who I was.

>There's a fucking trailer

looks pretty cool, not sure I like who they cast for frank but whatever, I'll get around to it someday

>doesn't help when netflix takes that shit off before I finish watching.

I should really get netflix at some point but I wouldn't get my money's worth out of it so I'll stick to yar har a pirate is me

>Yeah, I guess, I'm not gonna argue that, since you seem to believe it so strongly

it was sarcasm I don't think that at all, but thanks for the encouraging words

>I bet you still watch MLP

I didn't realize I still did when we were even talking, I stopped after season 2 or 3 and then never really thought about it again. What is it on like season 6 now?

>you fucking faggot.

rip me no bully please

>You've already lured me into talking to you, so…

yes I lured you in with my master plan to see how you're doing because I enjoy talking to you and always did and I'm an evil mastermind I apologies

>>14083

>I don't bother pressing anymore than I have to

Allllright then.

>I mean she'd like it if we talked more but i don't know why that would change her view on me

Really? You don't see how interacting with her more could change her view of you? Maybe she'd like you more than currently?

>everything I say is leading so I know what the response will be a lot of the time

Come on, you're just making excuses. If you really don't want to talk to her then don't. She's your tulpa after all. I was just suggesting that you do more with her.

>I still manage to keep on top of things, it just means I don't have as much free time as I'd like.

Ok, the way you were talking before made it sound like you were kind of struggling. I guess that's not that bad.

>What would be wrong with my life?

Like I said earlier, you sounded like you were struggling. Calling yourself "fucking awful" and such didn't give me the idea you were content. If you really are content, then good for you. I'm not going to fight you over whether or not your life is good.

By the way, what are you studying in college? Something about computers, right?

>What are your big summer plans like then?

For the first week my family and I are going to a nice resort down south just to relax. I'm also hoping to have a friend from Cali come over for a week for Freedom Day and other shenanigans, that is if he can afford tickets. The big things I'm planning on doing are seriously changing my lifestyle to be more healthy and integrating Doc more in my daily life. The end goals are for me to weight 130-140 lbs and maintain that weight and to keep Doc around as much as possible (at the very least have him in the back of my mind). Currently I'm 190 with fairly unhealthy habits and Doc is only around when I remember him (which is often enough, but it's not satisfactory for me). Of course the hard part is starting on this stuff, so I'm already taking a couple of baby steps to get going. I don't drink anything except water, although on rare occasions I'll allow myself something "bad," and I take walks when it's nice outside (today wasn't nice but I walked anyway). It's not much, but it's a decent start, I think… And I talk to Doc a lot more, too, although I think I've already mentioned this. Overall, I just want to stop spending all my damn time on GW2. That fucking game wastes so much damn time, and I really don't want to waste this summer glued to the computer screen… Sorry, that was probably more text than you were expecting.

>it's fine I don't care I just wanted to let you know who I was

Ok :V

>not sure I like who they cast for frank but whatever

I don't even know who the guy is, so I can't really judge at this point. It looks promising though.

>I'll stick to yar har a pirate is me

lmao, I end up pirating most of the shows I'm watching anyway. Netflix is nice to have, but their selection is so limited. They should really allow you to choose what's on there.

>it was sarcasm I don't think that at all, but thanks for the encouraging words

It's the internet, it's hard to tell. And it's pretty hard to argue against that mindset anyway because the people who have it and aren't looking to improve, just to wallow in self-pity.

>What is it on like season 6 now?

Hell if I know. It's probably fan-pandering shit now as if it wasn't before.

>I enjoy talking to you

Is that sarcasm too?

>I'm an evil mastermind

No way that's sarcasm. :^)

>>14084

>I'm pretty sure you do, my autistic behavior years ago really upset you and I realize I was a massive cunt back then

Well… I'm glad you're aware of that. I just feel like I shouldn't hold a grudge because that was so long ago, and I'm sure you've changed since then. I just… I feel like I can't help but still be off-put by you. I remember you being an asshole sometimes, and you whining and being a pushover, and then you just… crossed the line. But I encouraged that behavior a lot of the time. Once you went overboard I realized that I didn't want to even be associated with you anymore. I just hit me all at once. But you took responsibility for your actions, and I felt guilty about it because I was pushing you in the wrong direction. I'm glad you got your shit together after we stopped talking. I think us being friends prevented us from maturing properly. Even though it was like taking a splinter out from under a toe (and I know how painful that is), it was probably the best thing to do for the both of us.

>i did kind of lure you in by asking about dr who because I knew it would spark a conversation

I fuckin' knew it, didn't I?

>I wanted to know how you were getting on without being a creep and to be able to talk to you like a human being.

Well, I suppose I can give you that much.

>I'm sorry

I appreciate how much you say sorry. You're pretty dedicated to the word…

>Not in sweden

I sure as hell hope that's sarcasm, bruh.

>it went way better than expected and we wrote like 3 songs

Nice, glad you had a productive day.

>I basically restarted my life at uni but it's actually been great

Man, just hearing that makes me feel refreshed. I hope I can get a new beginning at college as well. I've made some good friends in high school, but I can't circlejerk with them about how much I hate SJWs because they are all SJWs.

>woooooooooow

I know, right? I'm such a fucking badass.

>I think in the last 2 years I've missed 4 hours of uni teaching out of the like 20 hours a week for 9 months each year

That's pretty impressive. I don't think I can go skipping school as much in college, so I'll probably be in the same boat soon enough. Gotta enjoy the ability to skip in the meantime. :^)

>nearly halfway into a 4 year course it's pretty INTENSE

I don't doubt it. Hopefully it gets easier as it goes on, but who nose, probably not.

>quantum mechanics and stellar astrophysics and multi-variable calculus

Sounds fuckin' neato. Calculus and physics are fun.

>maaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaybe

Just cuddle with her, mang. :v

>see my comment about sweden :^)

T-totally sarcasm! Ahahaha! ._.

>pretty cool story

Indeed.

>>14086

>Maybe she'd like you more than currently?

Yeah you're probably right I think I'll make an active effort to talk to her more, she is pretty based, although I searched for myself on 4chan recently to see old posts me and her made and it was the worst cringe of my life made me want to kill myself but then I was like lmao it was 3 years ago get a grip, I mean i was just an edgy 16 year old who watched mlp and LITERALLY LISTENED TOlinkin park

>I was just suggesting that you do more with her.

see last comment. I get you, I'll make an effort

>I guess that's not that bad.

Yeah I can't act all mad about that because I did lead you on to think things were worse than they were, I guess it makes for further discussion but it was kinda dumb.

>friend from Cali come over for a week

>other shenanigans

>he

o ye bb

>nice resort down south just to relax

sounds sick, the trip to the netherlands the other week was my first proper holiday and time outside the UK, going back to the netherlands for a festival in april and barcelona in june for one too, actually super hyped

>The end goals are for me to weight 130-140 lbs and maintain

Sounds cool too, I got down to like 120 last year but put some more on since then which is annoying and I'm trying to lose it again, 40 minute walk to uni and back every day along with eating once a day does that, I mean until I decided I'd wake up at 8:30 for 9am classes and get the bus every day because I got lazy.

>I don't drink anything except water

water is so good great idea, I've done that too

>waste this summer glued to the computer screen

same thing happened to me over the last summer except it was a guitar but it was worth it in the end because I went from zero to pretty good in a few months, also why I put on a lot of weight over the summer that I still haven't dropped because I was lazy last term/semester for you burgers, fixing things this term though, I had a bad breakup with someone I dated for nearly a year in like october so after that everything went to shit for the next few months, only really getting over it since the start of this month and piecing things back together.

>Sorry, that was probably more text than you were expecting.

Ditto.

>>14087

>I don't even know who the guy is

he's some guy from the walking dead which I haven't watched but he's okay in it, he was also in call of doody with Kevin Spacey the other year and also House of Cards which is fucking amazing also with Kevin Spacey.

>It's the internet, it's hard to tell

Yeaaah, I probably shouldn't just talk like I normally would but I kinda like the fun of not being able to tell, annoying when it's stuff like that though.

>just to wallow in self-pity.

well at least I don't do that ALL the time now, I don't know why I should, things aren't nearly as bad as they were, I mean they weren't even fucking bad before.

>It's probably fan-pandering shit now

I really don't remember a thing about it tbh, aside from there being like 5 main characters or something and they all did something special

>Is that sarcasm too?

_no

why would it be, when did I ever at any point give you the impression I didn't, even before when we talked a lot then things fell apart?

>>I'm an evil mastermind

>No way that's sarcasm. :^)

,':^]

>Well… I'm glad you're aware of that.

All too well and it hurts so much and irritates me that I did so many shitty things to so many people and the general fashion I behaved in.

>can't help but still be off-put by you

I mean I can't blame you it's what I expected, if I came out and just started trying to talk to you there's no way I'd expect you to actually respond. This turned out way better than I expected. Thanks for replying it is nice to hear how you were doing, I did care about you before and I don't want to seem like I want things to be back like that because to be honest I don't, I just wanted to catch up because you're pretty cool.

>>14087

> I remember you being an asshole, whining, pushover

God I forgot about loads of that stuff and now it's coming back and I feel so bad about it but whatever, at least I fixed that. I have to admit that I do think a lot of my problems then came from Daz and the way he fucked with my head a lot. I haven't talked to him in 2 years and it's fucking great.

> I felt guilty about it because I was pushing you

I don't really remember you ever doing anything like that, I think I was destined that sounds so dumb, uh, going to anyway, do those things that led me down that path of whatever the fuck it was I became at that point.

>and I know how painful that is

Please no, jesus, you have my sympathies.

>best thing to do for the both of us

this tbh fam

There was a lot more I needed to do on my end though, plus a lot of experiences ranging from good to very good to very bad and even worserer did a lot to reshape my outlook on things and put things in perspective.

>You're pretty dedicated to the word

sorry for saying sorry fam, I apologize wholeheartedly

>I fuckin' knew it, didn't I?

real detective hours smash that like button

>I sure as hell hope that's sarcasm, bruh.

______

>they are all SJWs.

There's a based girl in my maths classes who sits with me and we make bad puns and then talk about toxicity and what is problematic and it's such a top kek every time.

>Hopefully it gets easier

oh yeah once you get past electromagnetism and basic calculus and move onto Experimental Techniques in Condensed Matter Physics, String Theory and Metric and Banach Spaces that's when you really just breeze through shit.

>T-totally sarcasm! Ahahaha! ._.

╭( ･ㅂ･)

Kind anon please don't give me flashbacks about my own wrongdoings in this community. Were we destined to be unable to handle it?

>>14090

>I have to admit that I do think a lot of my problems then came from Daz

Honestly, I think so too. He was just a terrible influence and it was obvious he only cared about himself. I think I even told you that you should stay away from him, but you said something along the lines of "he's my only friend" as an excuse. Now look at you without that asshole, you have plenty of friends you seem to be happier overall. gg m8. Pic related.

>I think I was going to do those things…

Maybe, but that's just something we can't know. It's like… sometimes I wonder where I would be if I never made Doc. It kind of scares me to think about it. Those are just the "what ifs" that don't matter, because it's all in the past in a different timeline. What we've got to do is focus on the present.

>Please no, jesus, you have my sympathies.

It was extremely painful.

>There was a lot more I needed to do on my end though

That's true. I think the split did a lot of good for you especially, in the end. It did a lot of good for me, too. Sometimes wading through shit to get to the gold is worth it. Why can't I stop using metaphors…

>sorry for saying sorry fam, I apologize wholeheartedly

I accept your apology for apologizing.

>__

BRUUUUUUUUH

>There's a based girl in my maths classes

Hahaha, she sounds awesome. I hope I can find another girl that I can actually relate with on more than just Pokemon and GW2 in college.

>oh yeah once you get past electromagnetism and basic calculus and move onto…

Well, I don't mean to brag, but I skipped Pre-Calc. ;^)

>╭( ･ㅂ･)

It'll all be ogre soon.

Also sorry for the delay. I was busy last night with a 3 hour raid that ended up failing and was too exhausted to type anything at that point.

>>14094

>I'm loyal to Doc, actually

I guess you don't have to worry about being dumped with no notice because suddenly he can't take "loving you too much" so that he can't get up without you and the 3 hours distance between you anymore, speaking from experience that is.

I still have no idea if my ex ever cared about me, I mean I'm pretty sure I did but if you piece together the facts in a certain way it would seem like they just wanted to go fuck other people

>You've been doing a lot of traveling then, huh?

I mean I'm going there this summer, so far I've been on a weekend holiday to sweden and norway so I wouldn't say that makes me Phileas Fogg exactly.

>didn't I tell you you could get a girl?

I don't really remember that.

Dreamt about going to stay with my ex and their parents again last night and in the dream they wouldn't see me at all the time I was there and it turned out they always hated me then I woke up and cried for like an hour great start to the day I think.

>Mind telling what happened?

Kinda did vaguely, it goes a lot deeper than that but basically it was really shitty for me and I don't even think it was out of anything bad it was just the fact we only got to see each other like once every 3-4 weeks for 4-5 days.

I'd rather that than never seeing them again, and now I'll never get to talk to them again.

To quote my favourite band: "I loved a girl I'll never speak to again. I spoke to a girl I never stopped loving".

I actually don't think I could stop, it's been months and I feel as strongly as I did when we were together and literally every day something reminds me and I'm on the verge of tears again.

>I did watch season 4

HAA GAYYYYYYYYY

>I'm paranoid about my friends hating me

I still do that, I never talk to anyone I know outside when I have to so band practice and stuff, I really think they dislike me and it's dumb because I know they don't but I push them away so I totally feel you, I only have 1 friend who I actually talk to a lot that I know irl.

I also still talk to Daniel(uber) every day though, he's been a great friend over the years and changed as much as I did, he's like a fucking year younger than me and doing shit harder than me at like one of the best unis in america, fuck me. Kinda Jealous because apparently A*A*A*B isn't good enough for anything I applied to so I got stuck with King's College London.

Living on my own in London for the past year and a half has been actually radicool tho

>I'm glad you're proving me wrong now though

wow thanks fam

>>14095

>I like talking about myself anyway.

preaching 2 the choir sista

>…I do with Doc

Yeah well that was after we stopped talking so obviously I wasn't really into reading that stuff and I don't think I would be now.

Although it is quite fascinating and I wouldn't mind knowing more………….

>I only have time for one serious online friend

I don't even think I have time for one, I don't have time to play games on my own let alone with others, I never really talk to people that often either unless they have something to start a conversation with.

>don't see how I'm "cool"

I dunno you're just nice to converse with

>what if

yeah it is kinda dumb I don't think there's much worth going into

>It was extremely painful.

You're a big girl

>BRUUUUUUUUH

lmao

There's a lot of stuff I wouldn't go into here so I think I'll leave that conversation where it is. Plus I don't really want to have to think about stuff that's happened if I don't need to, I guess it's good to know what events help define you as who you are today though.

>she sounds awesome

yeah she was, that was like last year though and this year I haven't talked to anyone in my classes since we're in different ones now.

>I skipped Pre-Calc

fuckin Einstein over here watch out guys

>3 hour raid

MMOs sound cash money but I don't think I could ever invest and dedicate myself for any of them.

>>14096

>I guess you don't have to worry about being dumped with no notice

Yeah, that's rather reassuring… I'm sorry about your ex though. Also, I've noticed you've been ambiguous about said ex's gender… if they were a guy there's no reason to hide it, dude. I already know you're bi.

>it would seem like they just wanted to go fuck other people

Then he/she/it was an asshole. If you really feel like they didn't love you then face the fact that you were used (again), pick yourself up, and find someone who will actually give you some damn respect.

>so far I've been on a weekend holiday to sweden and norway

That's more places than I've been…

>I don't really remember that.

I do. I tell it to everyone who says "tfw no gf" unironically. Although sometimes I don't know if it helps since I'm a girl, and their logic tends to be "well, if I'm so great, why won't she date me?"

>I woke up and cried for like an hour

I mean, if it helps… Sometimes I wish I could cry more than I do now.

>we only got to see each other like once every 3-4 weeks for 4-5 days

Those types of relationships are terrible. You become depraved of seeing the person you love so much that you start to love them more and more because of the depravity. You crave them, you think about them all the time, and then when you finally see them it's like you're in Heaven. Unfortunately, those relationships hardly ever work, and when the break comes it's even more devastating… I'm really sorry you had to go through that.

>I actually don't think I could stop

It'll probably take a little longer than a couple of months to get over it, let's be honest. It'll be alright, lil nigga.

>HAA GAYYYYYYYYY

I know. I't almost like the show was marketed towards girls.

>I really think they dislike me and it's dumb because I know they don't but I push them away

Welcome to the club. It just sucks. I literally only feel secure in my relationship with doc and my family. Everyone else feels like they could disappear at any moment. I mean, when I go to college, how many people are actually going to want to keep in touch with me? Maybe one? I don't know, maybe I don't put enough effort into my friendships, but I'd like someone to ask me to hang out with them for once in my life.

>I also still talk to Daniel every day though, he's been a great friend over the years and changed as much as I did

The guy I'm having over during the summer is actually That Guy. We never lost touch and we've talked to each other pretty much every day. Although lately we've not been talking as much because there isn't that much to talk about I guess, lol. He's honestly my best friend.

>Kinda Jealous because apparently A*A*A*B isn't good enough for anything I applied to so I got stuck with King's College London.

It honestly doesn't matter. I don't know what you have to pay for college (if you do at all), but going to a great school here in Freedom Land is fucking expensive. When students complain about being in debt for the rest of their lives they mean it. Although they are all fucking retarded because half of them are going into things that will not get them a job, and the other half are overpaying. I'm going to a small, local college that is super cheap, on top of the multiple scholarships I have, so I'll be able to pay off my debt within years after college, AND I'm guaranteed a job immediately after college in my field (which is a MBA in Accounting, btw). If you're getting a good education in something that people actually need and you aren't being screwed over with tuition, then there's not need to be jealous of others. Especially because the majority of students don't actually use their brains. One of my friends thinks she's going to be a millionaire artist… I mean, she's really good, but there's not a single artist alive that is worth a million dollars.

>Living on my own in London for the past year and a half has been actually radicool tho

That sounds really awesome. I've never been to London before, but I'd love to go sometime. Cities are actually really nice to be in. The good cities, of course.

>>14097

>I wasn't really into reading that stuff and I don't think I would be now

>Although it is quite fascinating and I wouldn't mind knowing more………….

Uhhhh huuuuuh. Those are some mixed signals there, pal. :^) Do you want to read my smut or not?

>I don't even think I have time for one…

Is your life really that busy? What about weekends? Do you get much homework?

>I dunno you're just nice to converse with

Hehe, ok. :P

>You're a big girl

For you.

>There's a lot of stuff I wouldn't go into here so I think I'll leave that conversation where it is

Alright, no problem mate.

>this year I haven't talked to anyone in my classes since we're in different ones now

Ugh, that sucks. The worst part about new classes has always been new people. Can't wait for college when that becomes even worse. ._.

>fuckin Einstein over here watch out guys

You know it. You don't even need to know anything from Pre-Calc to do Calc, since Pre-Calc is literally just Algebra II 2.0. Actually, not even 2.0, more like 1.1.

>MMOs sound cash money but I don't think I could ever invest and dedicate myself for any of them.

Yeah, they require quite a bit of dedication like tulpas. Last night was so fucking terrible, though. 3 hours which amounted to nothing because one of the "experienced" players was drunk and couldn't do his job right half the time, people kept dying because they fell out out of their gliders or because they don't know how to dodge or because they don't stay close to the healer, and the raid leader was like "don't worry about not getting it tonight guys" even though on Thursday a group of new people killed it in 4 tries in our guild. Also if one person dies we have to start over and it's really frustrating. Killing the boss shouldn't even take that long either; it's a 7 minute fight, but it's a fucking nightmare. Maybe I'll record us beating it down the road and post it here. Also here's a picture of what I want my main to look like. I have everything except the backpiece at this point. :3

>>14098

>if they were a guy

yeah but somehow I feel if I say I went out with a guy it completely devalues it to if it was a girl because of my incredibly hypocritical and homophobic mentality. But fuck that I fucking love him so much please end my suffering thank you kindly.

>If you really feel like they didn't love you

See that's the worst part, I have literally no way of knowing.

I think I planted my own seeds of doubt when it happened assuming he was then doing it because he wanted to be with someone else he met in his town but to be honest the more I think about it it was just like you say with the craving and shit and it had to end and the longer we were together then the worse it would be separating.

Still, easily had the best weeks of my life with him, staying with his family over the summer was literally the best, LITERALLY THE BEST thing I've ever experienced.

>their logic tends to be…

well to be honest what happened when you said it before was you did date me, nerd

it was fun while it lasted, I was about to apologize again for being a cunt and not thinking about things properly and upsetting you so much then but I've said enough already and you already made a point about me apologizing.

>It'll be alright, lil nigga.

Thanks, it's nice for someone to say that.

The worst part is I can't talk about it with anyone, but then I guess the only people who knew were my mum and then my one irl friend who I actually talk to and talks to me and is 100% dependable and I never worry about if he likes me since he's been through so much shit before and we get on so well.

also I don't think visiting my ex's FB and steam and every other account I know every day helps me to get over it. I wish I could talk to him and find out how he's doing but it would just hurt me (and probably him) more.

>I literally only feel secure..

yeah see what I said above, I know my mum cares and then I have that guy irl but everyone else I have no clue what they're really thinking.

>when I go to college

I literally lost contact with everyone from everything before uni, don't really care anymore

>The guy I'm having over..

That's actually really cool, he was based, I just stopped talking to him and everyone from this related stuff around when I stopped talking to you so yeah. Hopefully he can come chill, maybe you can watch some netflix.

>>14099

>He's honestly my best friend

I feel the same way about Danny, hopefully we were going to meet over the summer but obviously it's a lot more to consider when it's international and shit and would cost us like 400$ each if we both chipped in.

>I don't know what you have to pay for college

25k a year debt :^)))))

they're also considering removing grants and making them loans and it will work retroactively if they pass that thing so then I'll have another 5k each year to pay off.

I'm doing maths and physics so there is literally nothing I can do with my degree so for now I'm enjoying it before I have to live a life doing nothing afterwards, working in a supermarket and playing in bands in my free time.

>accounting

I'd rather stack shelves but at least you'll be ms. $$$

>but I'd love to go sometime

It is pretty tubular, there's so much of it too, I know like most of zone 1 which is the centre but then that's just a tiny fraction. Also great because if any band does any tour they'll always stop here, it got to the point last year where I was going to see 3-4 bands a week at times.

>do you want to read..

Yes.

>Is your life really that busy?

I get like 3ish hours of homework for each of the 5 modules this term but because of shit last term I didn't do any of that so I have all of that left to do which I haven't started as I didn't pay attention in any of those classes so I also have to learn all that shit again.

I don't know what I do at weekends, it's usually like band practice then hanging out then I'm too tired to do anything else and I sleep the other day.

>here's a picture

Kt is that u

>>14100

>somehow I feel if I say I went out with a guy it completely devalues it to if it was a girl

It really shouldn't though. It's obvious your feelings for him were strong, and that shouldn't be devalued. You shouldn't be sad because you lost someone who didn't love you. They should be sad because they lost someone who loved them. I think that's a quote from something, but idk.

If you want my honest advice, I'd just find a girl who's willing to peg you tbqh fam. Gay guys are a mess.

>it was just like you say with the craving and shit and it had to end

Do you think he broke up with you because he didn't like the long distance thing? Did he say exactly why he didn't want to be with you anymore, for that matter? I doubt he never loved you, I think that's a ludicrous thing to believe. He was probably afraid of commitment or some shit.

>staying with his family over the summer was literally the best, LITERALLY THE BEST thing I've ever experienced

The buttsecks was that good, eh? Hehe, just kidding… Unless that's what you were talking about. >->

>you did date me, nerd

N-nuh uh! It was just a really close friendship. You never sent me dick pics so it wasn't official. ._.

>I was about to apologize again…

You right now: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=GHVW-S9JkKA

>I guess the only people who knew were my mum…

How did she react to you being bi, by the way? I'm assuming she didn't disown you… Anyway, being able to talk to your mom or a friend about the stuff that's bugging you should be a given in my opinion. It always helps, at least for me. If it continues to bother you then you should continue to talk about it. Perhaps hearing people tell you that it'll get better will eventually lead to you believing that it will get better. Or perhaps it will lead to you becoming dependent upon people comforting you and not actually getting better on your own, but idk.

>I don't think visiting my ex's FB and steam and every other account I know every day helps me to get over it

Probably not.

>I wish I could talk to him…

Remember when you were annoying the fuck out of me after we split and at some point I pulled you aside to have a private chat to get some closure? BTW that comment a while ago about shagging Jennifer Lawrence almost got me. I wanted to chop your head off for that one. Don't even apologize, I know you're sorry. I also hate Jennifer Lawrence now, lel. I don't know how that made you feel (cause you were unbelievable depressed at the time and it was hard to tell after we were done talking if you felt any better), but I felt a lot better with that closure. Perhaps it would help you to have a chat with him to get anything remaining off your chest? And I don't mean proclaim your love for him again, just talk about what you feel needs to be talked about in a civil manner. That would obviously solve your dilemma of wondering if he ever loved you.

>I know my mum cares and then I have that guy irl but everyone else I have no clue what they're really thinking

I'd say make an effort to get closer to other people, but not even I would follow my own advice.

>I literally lost contact with everyone from everything before uni, don't really care anymore

There's not really a reason to care. Life changes, people come and go. It's nothing to mourn over, at least in the long run. You gotta just keep swimming.

>That's actually really cool

Hehe, yeah, I haven't had anyone over to my house in forever, not to mention someone I've never met irl before. It'll be lots of fun. :p

>Hopefully he can come chill, maybe you can watch some netflix.

*cough*Doc*cough* lol

>>14101

>it's a lot more to consider when it's international and shit and would cost us like 400$ each if we both chipped in

Jesus, that's expensive. I guess you guys better start saving then. :^)

>25k a year debt :^))))) (and all that other shit)

Nigga you fucked up. At least you could help make space ships or something if the world gets it's shit together and starts exploring space again. Good fuckin' luck with your life though.

>I'd rather stack shelves but at least you'll be ms. $$$

I figure once I'm done learning everything I need to learn it'd be as simple as stacking shelves and I'd get to fuck imposed Doc in my personal office while I type numbers with one hand, drink tea with the other, and money shoots out of my ass at approximately 150 mph all at the same time. Feels gud mang.

>It is pretty tubular, there's so much of it too…

Sounds exciting. I bet the shopping there is expensive and lovely.

>I was going to see 3-4 bands a week at times

Jesus. I can't even think of 3-4 bands that I'd want to see. Ok, I probably could, but still.

>Yes.

You slut. I compiled everything even remotely lewd that I've dreamed about since I hit third base with him into this pastebin. You've probably read some of it already, but most of it should be fresh: http://pastebin.com/zpPvpTdC

Honestly I don't even know how good most of this sounds. I've never read other people's smut before, so I kind of just tried to be descriptive with mine, and it's not really subtle… >-> Also only two of them are actual sex, the rest are descriptive kissing and other "lewd" things.

>I get like 3ish hours of homework for each of the 5 modules this term…

You've fucked up, mate, but I'm sure you already know that.

>I don't know what I do at weekends, it's usually like band practice then hanging out then I'm too tired to do anything else and I sleep the other day.

Do you practice with them or by yourself? And how long do you practice for? Unless you are literally practicing all day you shouldn't be that tired. Maybe try getting a good sleep schedule going to help you out with that problem.

>Kt is that u

Well, she is very blue. :P

>>14106

>well apparently maths and physics are supposed to be the most desirable degrees so I don't know

A hell of a lot more employable than someone with a fucking liberal arts degree, that's for sure. Any idea exactly what you're going for in a job? To be honest, having a degree in something so broad could open a lot of doors, but also shut the ones that require something more specific.

>actually not expensive, all the chain places…

I was thinking more along the lines of boutiques in the middle of the city being expensive. Like even around where I live there's some pretty expensive shit at the mall.

>Like 2 years ago I started browsing /mu/ then…

Geez, I'm not even close to being as into music as you are. You've very passionate about that stuff. That's good, too. It's like me with art. Always nice to have a hobby you enjoy.

>I do that thing where there's so much to pick that you just give up and listen to something you already like.

I do that with shows. I've already watched Jessica Jones twice, and I'm planning on watching it again to take screenshots of the qt 3.14. I'm too fucking obsessed, I bought a dress that looked fairly similar to one that Kilgrave made Jessica wear in the show. I can't even fit into it, so I have some motivation to lose weight, lol.

>I'll look at it when I can, I don't think that's the kinda stuff to read at uni in a library

Haha, ok. Yeah, it's not exactly appropriate for public reading… it might give you a boner so that could be awkward. Let me know what you think when you can!

>it's not that bad I can get back on track I swear!

Yeah, sure. You'd feel better if you got it done sooner tho.

>usually do like 3-4 hour practice with them then

That does sound exhausting. You must be really good by now, though.

>then i just sit in front of my computer and watch gigs online when I could be playing stuff or watching tv shows.

Ah, see, you do have free time! Watching tv shows at least don't take that much attention, so you've got no excuse there. :p

>I mean like I get like 6-7 hours a night

8 is the recommended number of hours. I don't think it would hurt to try to fit that in.

>I always have to leave like within 30 mins of my alarm going off

I give myself and hour so I don't have to rush. It helps me wake up properly before I have to do anything critical thinking at school…

>>14107

Just try to take it easy, mate.

will try my best ma'am

>I bet you were his bottombitch.

not even once

well maybe once because I asked but he was a massive cockwhore. See pic related it's him.

>or… made that way?

Bit of both, I dunno, I remember wanting to be a girl since I was like 8 or something, some of my earliest memories so I guess it was partly just something I always had.

>Haven't you explained that you still like grils?

No because she doesn't understand the concept of being bi and I tried to but she was like "once you go like that it's impossible to go back but I'll support you no matter what

>Dude, seriously, just find a girl..

I don't even like anal tbqh fam it's too much hassle, i just want a qt to romance

>You could ask.

hahah yeah sure "hey mum, being 100% honest as to forget about your feelings how do you feel about me being a complete degenerate who likes dick"

>Do moms have gaydar installed now?

Mine always did, she'd always point out people and say she could sense a depravity and demonic presence on them if she thought they were gay.

[spoiler]Although my gaydar is the worst of anyone I know, I literally cannot tell for shit, apparently one of my friends I met at a gig and hang out with is gay and my mum even asked me if I was dating him and I was liek what the fuck he isn't gay and she was like totally he is then I asked my friend who knows him too and he was like "how did you not know it's literally obvious."

RIP

>Yeah, that's probably best.

wish me luck

2-3 years of it

>Sorry for the brutal honesty

about what? none of that is a surprise and I knew all that shit anyway

>you're actually a decent fucking human bean

thanks fam

and a real hero

Thanks ms relationship Councillor it's actually nice you're saying all this shit. and that's not sarcasm i mean it

>I aint no playa tho.

https://youtu.be/BX-FMvt83fA?t=55

>Any idea exactly what you're going for in a job?

nope. maybe astrophysics stuff?

>boutiques

I'm not a girl, I go to the supermarket for food and sometimes the guitar shops to look at stuff and that's it for my shopping experience.

>It's like me with art.

one of my bandmates works in a gallery and has a degree in the history of art or something, it's crazy

>I'm too fucking obsessed

easily done, good motivation tho

>Let me know what you think when you can!

"I dropped the money the second I heard sirens."

DINDU NUFFIN

"I was in a grocery store with my mom at the beginning of this dream. We were standing in line waiting to buy our food when I noticed the person in front of us was none other than Benedict Cumberbatch."

it sounds like the start of the electrical infetterence copypasta.

Cool dreams, if quite lewd, i guess that was the point

>You must be really good by now, though.

My bandmates and teacher and a friend all told me they were surprised how much I had improved over the last few months so that's cool

>I don't think it would hurt to try to fit that in.

It would, I used to get up an hour early too but I had to stop doing that because then I'd sleep like 6 hours or less every night

>>14111

>why not both?

>lots and lots

Noice.

>it's padding fam he has none

Thank God, I was almost jealous.

>Didn't stop me groping delicious flat chest

Mmmmmm yes, flat chest so good. :V

>I'll try to restrain from going into more detail

It's kind of hot tbh.

>once again, why not both?

I don't know, I'm not strictly for or against either of them, so I agree. I guess people just like arguing about shit.

>I fucking hate it though…

Date a really convincing trap, then? ^^ That way you can get yourself some tastey D while also enjoying the likeness of a female figure. :)

>easy

You've got so much sass I'm not even surprised you are a faggot anymore. Although I was never really surprised.

>yeah but I've got no idea how I'd ask and we already don't talk much now I'm at uni I don't want to start a conversation about it

Ask her in a vague, indirect way. Ask her if she's proud of you. And I mean of you, not of you being bi. I don't think I have to tell you this, but sexuality is not a personality trait (although many people like to make it out like it is one, or should be one), it's just a thing that people happen to be. If she's not proud of you because your "gayness" is clouding her judgement of your actual character, then she has no idea who the real you is. However, I doubt she'll straight up tell you that's she not proud of you because your "gay" unless she's a total bitch.

>I don't even know if they exist I thought it's just a cliche

They exist but I don't think they are the majority of gay people. They're just really… loud.

>>14112

>you did, I don't feel as bad about things now and you helped me to realize he probably did like me

I'm glad. :)

>I'll not talk to him until I'm certain I wouldn't immediately collapse crying if I did though

Yes, good, that is the best course of action.

>faith*

Why not both? :^)

>it seems kinda weird you're going to live the rest of your life a virgin with an imaginary bf that noone else could see

Hah, honestly it seems kind of weird to me too. Actually, not so much weird as unique. To be perceived by the public as a lonely virgin while not actually being a lonely virgin would probably be the most elaborate "lie" of my life. Although the virgin thing is debatable, I'd still be having sex with someone I consider a person ("aka" not me), but physically and in "reality" I would never actually be penetrated by a guy's actual horsecock. I would only experience the sensation of it, but it wouldn't really be happening. I'm glad I have this fetish.

And I honestly have no intention of telling anyone. Not because I'm afraid they'll think I'm crazy (ok, that's part of it), but because I want to have such a huge secret. It's kind of exciting to me.

And I love him so much, man. I so strongly believe there won't be another man in my life other than him. Not like this. I've had some people tell me that I'm naive and that I'll eventually move on to a "real, physical" boyfriend, but I just can't see it happening at all. I've been through so much with Doc, even argued with him on several occasions, but every time we come through together.

>just 4 u

That's a beautiful copypasta. :')

>no that would require discipline

Oh yeah I forgot you had none gg no re

>>14113

>flat chest so good

tell me about it he was actually a perfect qt but whatever he was easily out of my league anyway and about your later point of dating a convincing trap I already did that fam.

Well I could go into detail on all the stuff with the bondage tape and petplay and cuddling all night and cute dates and then obviously all the times he literally lunged for my dick and dragged me off when he saw me to give me the succ somewhere as soon as he could but I don't know what would be going too far ;)

>get yourself some tastey D

it actually is tasty, although I just teased him a lot and never let him get off because it was cute when he was frustrated and he was into that anyway

also I'm apparently amazing at bjs but it's not exactly a talent I can go boasting about to people

>>14127

desparate

>>14073

>Recently I thought of something while posting in /trash/; Is it possible for your Tulpa's mindvoice to sound like an idea?

Rather than "sounding like an idea", you should consider that mindvoices work in the reverse way.

Normally, you recognize sounds, translate that into words with ideas and/or feelings behind them.

Tulpas do the exact opposite. They have an idea and/or feeling and to help express it, they create a words&voice to go with it.

I'd argue that what you're describing is you having access to both the thought/feelings behind the voice and the mindvoice at the same time.

>Where did they pick up their (mind)voice? Did you pick it for them? Did they just start using a voice out of the blue?

My tulpa switches from time to time.

>>14133

>How does she normally look? Do you want her to have more influence on her own form than you do?

Here its more of a case that the wonderland doesn't really exist, neither do mental forms. Almost all of our interaction with eachother is just talking through mindvoice, and the little bits of "form" is usually just to get an expression across.

I don't really care too much. She knows what I'm comfortable with, but at the same time doesn't really give a shit about forms herself so there's barely anything going on there.

>Mind telling about a few different forms she's tried out?

Yeah if you're gonna ask me to point out (consistent) features, you're going to be disappointed. There's not really much going on there. In general its just compilation of things we've seen/read/thoughtup in the last few weeks used as reaction images.

>Are you going to work on her voice or just let her pick something? I think you have to help her practice her voice after she picks something, though.

I don't really care what she goes with, but I frequently do tell her to properly articulate. She often ends up skipping proper pronunciation in favor of tulpish, which I'd rather not have her do because that's obviously gonna fuck with her ability to talk if/when we ever end up switching.

So how many of you are newfags and how many of you recognize an old man like me?

>>14195

Are you fucking retarded or something, bumping a ton of old threads with irrelevant shit? Nobody gives a shit about you either.

>>14200

>

Also

>Implying that even matters on a board that's practically dead

Hey aspies, I was watching an Autism documentary and this came up.

Kat is totally my angel, too. <3

>Tulpa has music stuck in her head

>Free radio

So, I've been aware of the concept of tulpas for a while, but I only started today. I've read a couple of guides, but I still feel like I don't have a grasp on things.

For example, if I visualize with my eyes closed, will I be able to see my tulpa with my eyes open eventually? I know that's probably a retarded question, but the whole wonderland concept kinda made me question that.

Anyway, tried visualization for the first time, with my eyes closed. I guess it wasn't a complete failure, but I get distracted too easily, or just start imagining completely unrelated things. I hope she isn't too upset with me for that.

Actually, that's been my biggest fear so far. I'm worried that she doesn't like my taste in music/podcasts/streams and so on. But so far, there's no real way for her to tell me.

There's a lot of things I've been trying to tell her, and I hope she understands it all.

To be honest, the whole concept still baffles me a little bit, but I hope it works out.

So, from what I've read, I suppose that asking people whether there's a right way to go about forcing is a stupid question, since is different for everyone. So I'll ask a different one: is there a WRONG way to go about this? I know that being obsessed with time isn't great, which is why I don't even bother, and just force whenever I have the time.

Any advice for passive forcing and narration, since that's the one I do much more of? I know it's a very simple thing to do, but it won't hurt to ask.

Actually, in regards to narration, that's something I've done all my life, but there was never a consistent partner for that. But now that I actually need to do it, I think I started doing it less, unintentionally.

Good ways to concentrate? I get too easily distracted when visualizing, even when in a completely dark room, away from any devices and stuff.

And something I've been pondering a little bit, that won't really affect me for a while, but is interesting nevertheless: do drugs and alcohol have any effect on the tulpas? I would imagine it would have some, since it does mess with your brain. I don't do drugs, but I do drink from time to time, so I was just curious.

I still have no damn clue whether anything that I'm doing, I'm doing right. Though, in terms of visualization, I'm already seeing some vague detail and colors. Just having trouble with the head and face.

I guess this may be a bit blog-tier, and I won't be doing these too frequently from now, since I have a much better grasp of the whole concept now, even if it is far from ideal.

So, from what I've read, it should be a bit too early to get any response from my tulpa, but I've been getting something, and I doubt it was my mind playing tricks on me. Thought I'd share a few examples.

I've set up a means of communication for us, where I lay both my hands down flat, and ask her a yes or no question. What she then does is she attempts to raise left for yes and right for no. It's very subtle, probably less then a few millimeters, but I can definitely feel it.

It's possible that it's me fooling myself, but here's why I doubt that:

Two days ago, I was asking her a couple simplistic questions about the whole situation. I decided to ask what she was feeling like.

So at first I asked her if she was sad, which she denied. Then angry, which she denied too. I asked those two first because I expected her to be happy, but that wasn't the case either. She was actually afraid, which very much surprised me.

I did my best to calm her fears down, but I was taken back by that answer. It wasn't even an option that I had thought of at first, so I doubt I could have somehow manipulated myself into getting that answer.

Another interesting thing happened yesterday, where, after my first active force session, I promised to do another one at "around 7 or 8".

I was playing vidya when I got a massive headache. I then noticed that it was 8:07, so it was possibly her attempt to get my attention.

Oh, and last little detail:

She has a really hard time answering those questions, and can only really do about 7 per session before she's unable to move my arms at all.

And last night, at around 2 am, she wouldn't answer anything either. I assume she was too sleepy for that, so I went to sleep too.

Oh, and, I know I should assume it to always be her. I'm just a naturally sceptical person, so justifying my answers helps a lot.

>>14254

>So, from what I've read, it should be a bit too early to get any response from my tulpa, but I've been getting something, and I doubt it was my mind playing tricks on me. Thought I'd share a few examples.

Tulpas can give responses very early, but in those cases they don't end up being very well developed. This usually means they wont hold anything close to a decent conversation, but hey, at least you can talk with them.

I'd say that having a good way to communicate early isn't necessarily good or bad. Early communication just means you have to deal with a tulpa who hasn't gone through a whole lot of development yet.

>What she then does is she attempts to raise left for yes and right for no. It's very subtle, probably less then a few millimeters, but I can definitely feel it.

>It's possible that it's me fooling myself

Chances are, you are!

But here's the fun part: That's perfectly fine, and probably for the best.

The feeling you are describing where you feel your hand being pulled slightly is one that is in your mind mostly. This is actually a good thing, because if you don't assert direct control over it, it becomes something your tulpa can manipulate to express itself. Tulpa's are in your head, why would they need to move your body to communicate with you?

>Two days ago, I was asking her a couple simplistic questions about the whole situation. I decided to ask what she was feeling like.

>So at first I asked her if she was sad, which she denied. Then angry, which she denied too. I asked those two first because I expected her to be happy, but that wasn't the case either. She was actually afraid, which very much surprised me.

>I did my best to calm her fears down, but I was taken back by that answer.

Your tulpa is still early in development, and as such you should take its responses with some salt. Chances are its merely responding what it deems fit in its situation, rather than what it thinks for itself. Your goal should be to stimulate your tulpa into coming up with its own responses. I recommend that instead of asking questions that require some sense of self-awareness, ask simple questions that make it think for itself. Pose what-if situations, asks whether it prefers this or that, that sort of stuff.

The important thing here is that you ask questions where you're really fine with any answer and don't have a strong preference towards either response. Tulpas have a tendency of copying your opinions early in development, so avoid that being a possible answer to your questions.

>Another interesting thing happened yesterday, where, after my first active force session, I promised to do another one at "around 7 or 8".

>I was playing vidya when I got a massive headache. I then noticed that it was 8:07, so it was possibly her attempt to get my attention.

Spooky mind ghosts are spooky and sometimes manage to tell the time with eerie precision.

>She has a really hard time answering those questions, and can only really do about 7 per session before she's unable to move my arms at all.

Barely developed tulpas can't converse for shit. It'll get better over time.

>And last night, at around 2 am, she wouldn't answer anything either. I assume she was too sleepy for that, so I went to sleep too.

Tulpas also have weird unreliable sleep schedules. Sometimes you need to poke at them a few times and talk to them for a little bit before they become actually talkative.

>Oh, and, I know I should assume it to always be her. I'm just a naturally sceptical person, so justifying my answers helps a lot.

The main reason that you should always assume that is because then you don't doubt it. You'll learn to properly open yourself up for responses, making it easier to develop a tulpa.

It's fine to be skeptical, but you have to open yourself up to your tulpa properly whilst doing so.

>>14255

Nope.

So I hear this is what's left of the tulpa threads. Good to be back.

Anyone care to fill me in on what happened in the meantime? There's a suspicious lack of NLD, Cheese, or any of the other old regulars.