No.274718
>"Half-Life and Portal movies are “in development”, according to JJ Abrams. The director told IGN that “We’ve got writers, and we’re working on both those stories. But nothing that would be an exciting update.” Which means clearly Abrams isn’t familiar with Half-Life fans, who can see excitement in a cloud shaped like Gordon Freeman’s face."
https://www.rockpapershotgun.com/2016/03/14/half-life-portal-movie/
No.274727
>Direct Linking to CisHeteroShitlord
>Ever
http://archive.is/J8hFp
No.274728
>>274718
>find me a story, any story, about a woman that needs no man that i can rip off, chop chop!
No.274729
>Which means clearly Abrams isn’t familiar with Half-Life fans
No.274730
Headline might as well be 'JJ Abrams has found something else to piss on'
No.274733
>>274718
I can see it.
A Furiosa Road-style movie where Gordon is the side character and Black Alyx is the real hero who blows up spaceships with molotovs to rescue her father from the Aliens who are OBVIOUSLY a metaphor for the ciswhite patriarchy.
No.274738
>>274733
You joke but Abrams actually is that creatively bankrupt.
I can't wait for inevitable promotional circuit where Abrams discusses how he didn't really like Half-Life and chose to completely disregard everything people loved about it to update it for whatever the CURRENT YEAR will be when this turd finally drops.
No.274743
anyone who actually still gives a shit about Half Life and Portal is a cuck of the highest order and deserves this.
No.274745
>>274736
It's very plausable. Everything is in place.
Alyx is black although she looked more like a spic in the game, and the combine in HL2 are represented by Dr.Breen who is a WhiteOldMale©
JarJar doesn't really have to do that much.
No.274764
>>274745
I thought she was a mulatto?
No.274771
>>274764
My bad, her mother is apparently an Asian (with the name Azian Vance) and her dad is blacker than black. In my memory her mom was a nig too.
No.274773
>movies in development
Yeah so is half life 3
No.274777
GAYS ARE MANDATORY FOR HALFLIFE
No.274793
Dear /tv/
/v/ here. Pray this movie doesn't get made. Portal signals the worst of everything that can be spewed into a directors creation. There is fake depth and cheap action written all over this, that when coupled with a hollywood budget can lead to cheap sci-fi effects.
Do everything within your power to see to it that this movie doesn't see the light of day or you will have to suffer idiots trying to talk to you about how deep Portal.
It has enough shallow character in Glados to be interpreted as some deep lesbian human/robot romance where Glados is suicidal and Chell is her ticket out. It features special effects so easy that a skilled film student could do it (seriously, just slap a circular green screen and throw a stillshot on it). It has enough action that the average moviegoer will call it fantastic.
It will be the next Inception, and it will bring casual gamers to film and casual filmgoers to videogames, ruining both because they will take only the most surface level elements away from it, then go watch Game Theory on youtube. Channel Autism will probably have no less than 5 people reviewing it on release. 'The cake is a lie' will resurge as the go-to entry level meme and a character on the Big Bang Theory will make a crack about whether the other character is referencing the '2016/2017 movie or the 2006 original game release' (queue laugh track).
Our only hope is that this movie flops.
No.274796
>>274793
>Do everything within your power to see to it that this movie doesn't see the light of day
Bitching on the internet is not going to prevent this shit from happening.
No.274798
>>274793
>Pray this movie doesn't get made
Why? Shitty movies are fun. Look at the new Ghostbusters, that shit is hilarious.
No.274799
>>274718
Who cares, Half Life is overrated as fuck anyway, Portal even more so. They're both meme games that only 15 year olds and reddit like. I wish there'd be literal cucking or some extreme tumblr shit so I'd get a giggle at least.
No.274809
What would be the premise of a Portal movie anyway? It´s nothing but puzzle solving, there is almost nothing else to it.
No.274810
>>274809
Think Cube except without any gore because PG-13.
No.274814
>>274810
But at least Cube had several people in it. Portal only has Chell and the voice of Glados.
No.274822
>>274718
Exterminatus when?
No.274823
>>274809
Oppressed female of color struggles for her life in a fight against the evil patriarchy as she is forced to solve a number of increasingly difficult puzzles to escape discrimination. Starring Ellen Page and Lena Dunham.
No.274852
>>274799
>muh overrated
kill yourself fredditor
No.274900
JewJew finally found the franchises he deserves, he should do a Mass Erect film next. What a faggot.
No.274902
>>274793
/V/IRGINS GO HOME
RRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRE
No.274914
>>274738
Did you say the CURRENT YEAR?
No.274916
Half Life is a very bleak, grungey looking series, characterised by concrete, rust, and beige. How the hell is JJ going to make his "everything is an Apple product, and lensflare everywhere" look work?
No.274920
>>274852
Shut up gaben you fat kike, go start working on that fucking half life 3.
No.274929
>>274916
by making everything an Apple product and putting lensflares everywhere. quit acting like he even needs to try and justify it.
No.274933
If JJ has full control over them, they're fucked. If Valve has him and the movies on a leash, then there's a chance they'll be good, Valve has good writers and I enjoy the short movies and comics they make.
No.274943
And the Abrams is running over more "nerd" franchises in an attempt to destroy everything of value that ever became popular with this toxic, masculine, white, racist mess that was nerddom at the time. Hollywood, yes!
No.274944
I wonder how will sound Gordon Freeman, a mute around of people that can read minds and consider him a model to follow. Even when never say a single word ever.
No.274947
>>274944
Thats why an ideal Half-Life movie would be one that takes place between Half-Life 1 and 2, so Gordon wouldn't be in it and thus they wouldn't have to worry about how to make him work in the movie.
No.274968
YouTube embed. Click thumbnail to play.
>>274793
>Portal signals the worst of everything that can be spewed into a directors creation.
No.275055
>>274933
Valve has final refusal on the scripts but the fact that they hired JJ Abrams means it's already too late.
No.275089
>>274902
>/V/
>frog ree meme
You go home reddit.
No.275095
>>275055
Valve have been butt buddies with Jar Jar since long before portal 2 came out.
There is a reason portal 2 contained a trailer for super 8.
Jar Jar seems like just the shit director to make it just half life enough and totally fuck it up, and Valve won't give a shit.
They know they'll make millions off a franchise that they stopped working on long ago, the writers at Valve are all fucking off doing anything else since there is nothing to do at Valve.
Marc Laidlaw, the head writer for the Half life series left Valve, specifically citing there hasn't been any writing work to do there for years.
Erik Wolpaw is 'working' at Valve, but since there is no work to do he is doing work for Doublefine.
Jay Pinkerton can't write anything other than tf2 jokes about hats.
No.275097
>>274718
How the hell are they going to do Portal? Is it just going to be GLaDOS yelling at Chell the entire movie since she's a mute?
No wait let me guess; Chell is going to be a snarky shit towards her with Wheatly in tow.
No.275103
>>274916
It will work for Portal though
No.275114
>>275095
Does anyone else get real cult like vibes off of Valve these days? I guess that's what happens to a company when they make a habbit of hiring ex-fanboys.
No.275131
>Gordon Freeman is played by Hugh Laurie
>Alyx is played by Zoe Saldana
>G-Man is played by Terry O'Quinn
Sounds alright…I can live with it I guess.
>Gordon Freeman is a bazinga "science ees coo" faggot.
>Alyx is a stronk independent lesbian
>G-Man is the embodiment of the Western WASP.
Fuuuuuuuuuck Jeeeeeeeeeews.
No.275133
>>275114
oh it's a child prostitution and/or drug ring masquerading as a development studio for sure. a perfect fit for Hollywood.
No.275137
>>275114
"Gaben" collects knives. Guys who collect knives have always creeped me out. Guns I get, even swords, but knives?
No.275167
>>274718
>vidya movies
not this shit again
>>274733
>and Black Alyx is the real hero
who they gonna cast pic related
No.275190
>videogameshit
Doesn't really roll of the tongue as nicely. But still, cancer.
No.275194
>>275114
What you mean the people who work there?
It's probably because there's no hierarchy in the company, people decide what to work on themselves. Valve is an incredibly desirable place to work as a result, but it's crazy inefficient.
No.275201
>>275131
Gordon Freeman is suppose to be in his late 20's early 30's.
>>275114
>>275194
A few of the ex-employees, and people that have done contracted work have spoken about there actually is a hierarchy, and the handbook is a lie.
It's basically
>Management
>10+ years at Valve
>5+ years at Valve
>Everyone else
They also mention how there is such a lack of direction, and the management has distanced themselves so far away from everyone else.
I will be amazed and probably ten years older by the time Valve announces, and releases another game made solely by them.
No.275205
>>275194
At some point I feel the majority of Valve employees went from workers to "true believers".
No.275211
>>275201
>thinking Jewlyood cares about canon.
m'kay
No.275232
>implying either of these will ever be made
No.275236
>Alyx is an ooga-booga-looking stronk black womyn with rainbow dreads who don't need no man
>Gordon Freeman is barely in the movie and doesn't actually do anything
>also he's gay
>le fat beard man has a cameo
>dank maymays and references everywhere
>Chell is played by an illegal immigrant tranny
>sCienc3 iz c0ol!!! bazinga!!!!!1!!
>memes
>memes everywhere
No.275303
>>274718
>that's supposed to be Alyx
>that ugly nigger
>>274771
>Eli
>a nigger
Pick one, schlmo. He was like Bill Cosby before the false rape accusations came in.
>>274793
>implying anyone cares what /v/eddit has to say
>>274809
>nothing but puzzle solving
I think you mean "shitty forced memes and autotuned robot voice saying so fahnny joeks"
>>275095
>valve doesn't make anything meme
Come on anon, don't you know it's hard work making hats for Hat Fortress 2, paying overpriced voice actors to meme over shitty clickspam DOTA, and pretend Counter-Strike is a serious competitive game? :^)
No.275433
>>275236
>Only thing that true to game is that g-man is white guy in suit ala evil nazi dude!!!!
No.275437
/v/ here.
Tell me, /tv/; how can they make a film out of a game where the main character is (rather famously) mute?
No.275457
>>275437
Simple, they cut him completely.
No.275463
No.275473
>>275437
It's simple really. Turn him into a wisecracking, Deadpool-type character.
I'm thinking Chris Pratt as lead actor.
No.275479
>>275437
>the main character
What are you talking about? Alyx the empowered POC womyn isn't mute.
apply yourself
No.275480
>>275473
Too white.
I'm thinking Michael B. Jordan or John Boyega.
No.275717
>tfw jj abrams will fuck this one up and it'll stop the fucking PC mustard race gaben-worshipping faggots
Ah, who am I kidding, they'll probably gobble it up, if the case that it gets made becomes truth, which is also unlikely.
No.275911
PORTAL stars Cave Johnson, an up-and-coming superscience tycoon with a dream in his head and a lucrative government contract in his wallet.
In his pursuit of a better shower curtain, his scientists stumble upon a quantum tunneling device that is both exciting and deadly for test subjects! Can he manage to sell his wacky inventions for a profit before the moon rocks kill him? Will Aperture Science be able to recruit enough astronauts, war heroes and/or hobos to perfect their various gels and robots?
It's PORTAL, the story of one man, one company, and two holes. Rated PG-13!
No.275913
>the movies will be made entirely in Gmod
No.275986
>>275437
you do realize that they're gonna go the mad max route, where all freeman does is grunt and alyx does all the talking, right?
No.276005
>>275717
Half-Life fans would probably hate this movie because any slight change from the game's story would send them into an insane rage.
It's gonna suck and be critically panned, anyway. It's a tradition with video game movies at this point.
No.276061
Isn't Episode 1 about Alyx? I never bothered to play it.
No.276069
>>276061
I haven't played Ep1 or 2 in like eight years, but no, she isn't.
She' a one of the major characters in both of them, but she's not the main focus. If memory serves me correctly: Episode 1 is about destroying the Citadel and Episode 2 is about stopping the Combine from opening a superportal to the Combine overworld.
No.276070
>>276061
It's as about Alyx as any part of HL2 is.
No.276072
>>276069
Ep1 is about escaping from city 17, Ep2 is about what you said.
I don't know why they didn't just make HL2 a new IP about Alyx, it's not really like Half-Life at all.
No.276075
>>276072
>it's not really like Half-Life at all
I'm not really sure what you mean by that, HL1 was a linear story-driven FPS about aliens from another universe and so is HL2.
No.276080
>>276075
HL2 added some nods to 1984 and didn't do anything with it while slowing everything down immensely from the speedy gameplay of 1.
It kept the same 1997-style "every environmental area is a box" design though
No.276100
>>276075
I mean aesthetically it looks way different, especially episode 2
No.276117
>>276100
There's two reasons for that
>the game takes place several decades after the first
>HL1 only looked like that because of technology limitations
No.276252
I'm waiting for them to make a movie version of The Last of Us.
That game had a great story that could actually work for the big screen.
No.276255
>>276252
The Last of Us already is a movie :^)
No.276276
>>274793
> /v/ here.
Fuck off.
No.276277
>>274793
Also Half Life is a casual cinematic shooter.
No.276285
>>276276
>ignoring his entire post because of two words
No.276318
>>276285
It's a spergpost anyway.
No.276323
>>276318
You're the one sperging out because of a simple phrase.
No.277162
>>274718
can somebody PLEASE shoot that fuckface?
please…
No.277174
>>277162
J.J. Abrams must die.
No.277300
>>276005
Yeah, but fans aren't the whole story. Science is cool faggots worshipping gaben will wuv it.
No.278442
>>277300
Most Gabe worshiping faggots ARE HL fans, anon.
Steamspy says that over 5,000,000 have played HL2 on Steam alone. That's not even counting the amount of people who played pirated copies and the console versions.
No.278451
Oh great. Another franchise to be fucked up by Abrams. Anything else I once liked that he's planning to rape?
>>274727
Thank you.
No.278571
>>278442
>Steamspy says that over 5,000,000 have played HL2 on Steam alone
No.278643
>>276252
The Last of Us is complete shit.
No.278648
>>278643
> complete shit
> complete
No, the multiplayer is pretty good
No.280314
Would the average audience even like a Half-Life movie?
Both games start off rather slow, the second game especially. In HL2 you're literally just walking around a city for the first 30 or so minutes and even when the action starts you're only fighting normal people. It takes awhile before any actually interesting enemies start appearing.
Wouldn't it bore most people?
No.281345
>>280314
>implying they will stay faithful to the story
No.281681
>>280314
They'll find some way to ham it up and throw in some lens flare.
>>278643
>>278648
This. The story and characters were the worst part, yet somehow the most praised.
No.282204
>>275201
>the handbook is a lie
All the bullshit you hear about how fun is to work at X company is a lie anon, its all a well crafted string of bullshit made by the PR guys for two reasons:
It makes recruiting fucking easy because now the dumb drones are coming straight to you in droves so you have plenty to choose from and they all want a job so you can pay them shit and they'll take it
And it makes the company look like less of a fucking blood sucking parasite than it is to the public, which means politicians will back the fuck out from your shady shit because they don't want to look bad come election day
>>275211
Yeah no shit, the movie that got the closest to canon was Watchmen
Think about it…
No.282495
>>274793
>Pray this movie doesn't get made.
gaben's nose hungers for shekels. its habbening m80.
No.282515
>>280314
I always felt Half Life 1 had the feel of an 80's action movie, with it's one man against the world thing. It would have been right at home alongside First Blood, and Die Hard.
No.282548
>>282204
Game dev is a notoriously horrible place to work. Utterly shit tier project management, graft, corruption, horrible work hours that pay much less than comparable jobs. Really, most companies can only exist because there is a steady stream of naive graduates marching through their doors, most of which will be burnt out after one or two AAA dev cycles.
Valve is special in these regard because they generally don't hire straight from uni (unlike say Ubi or EA). However they have built their own fortress of autism instead, for example Steambox development hit a wall because they were unwilling to bring in technichians with practical experience because they feared they might "not fit in with the company".
No.282820
>>282548
>for example Steambox development hit a wall because they were unwilling to bring in technichians with practical experience because they feared they might "not fit in with the company".
>desiretoknowmoreintensifies.jpg
Got more about valve's internal problems?
No.282860
>>282548
>they feared they might "not fit in with the company".
Wew, lad, that's some special brand of autism right there.
No.283091
First Star Trek, then Star Wars and now Cloverfield. What else can go wrong?