/twgrl/ - Towergirls

>>4784

for my money, theyre both too wordy. simple stuff too. its obvious you like writing this stuff, and it's not badly written or anything, but you have to be able to look at it afterwards and make the cuts it needs

the first line of each of martyr's item descriptions for example. the audience is looking directly at a picture of them, don't tell them its a sword or a cloak, if theyre not blind and stupid, they've gathered that already. 'a knight whose' could simply be 'his'. shouldn't need two & a half lines to say 'yo he got survivor's guilt' either. and the line about how he lost his arm should be unnecessary, but it's not really obvious he's working with a single arm from the art alone or even from the rest of the card. that's arguably a bigger issue than any of this stuff, and if it were me, i would switch the cloak around so the bulk of it is resting on his left shoulder, allowing the audience to clear see a folded or empty sleeve.

and really for a suicidal failure past his prime, he's looking pretty spiffy with a shiny set of gold armor. doesn't jive for the cloak to be ragged and stained when the rest of his outfit might as well be new. not even a scratch or nick on the sword, how's that supposed to show the audience that he's throwing himself into battle without a care for his own life?

>>4790

Damn nigga did you roll a 6 cuz that's critical as fuck.

I can address a couple of these points though.

-I used terms such as "A knight whose" instead of "his" because the guy who originally came up with Martyr Knight made it a point to avoid using gender-specific pronouns, and even pointed it out. See: >>4696 I've no intention to disregard that idea, since I like the potential for plot-twist reasons.

-Arguably, Martyr doesn't necessarily have "survivor's guilt". Could be PTSD, a lost loved one, shame and self-depreciation, or whatever. My intent in using so many lines was to avoid a direct diagnosis of what's going on, but to describe it's nature in a vague manner that leaves the knight's real nature up for debate.

Now, I'm not saying I did that right, but that's what I was going for. I welcome input as to how to best achieve that goal.

-Moving the cloak over to show the missing arm would render it purposeless. Pretty sure I suggested in there that the cloak is worn like that for the explicit purpose of hiding his disfigurement, which I (and the guy who thought it up) also intended as another descriptive "hint" of the knight's nature. Leaving it in plain sight would suggest a shameless disregard for the arm, which isn't what I was going for.

-I could actually add some wear and tear here and there, but at the same time, I was kind of going for an exile who dusted off the old gear when a threat so urgent (read; opportunity for honorable death) arose. If I went with that though, I'd have to find some other way to make it apparent.

I appreciate the feedback though, glad to hear some thoughts but feel free to add some complements too it makes me feel better and less insecure.

>>4793

for what it's worth they seem fine for the megalist, which they're on now. I'm iffy about forge knight being an elemental flame in a suit of powered armor but fuck it, it makes sense and it gives him some nice flavor.

he does have a point about martyr knight's armor looking a little too pretty though, could use some dents and scratches.

otherwise they seem legit enough.

>>4731

hah dead ocarina of time link

>>4793

what, didn't you post it looking for comments? everything i wrote was constructive. lets break it down

then use their or some other gender neutral phrasing

survivor's guilt was an off the cuff joking way of saying you've got too much specific description of their mental state when it would be more effective to let the reader infer it. even something like just keeping the 'seeks redemption in death' part instead of specifying that they're ashamed and all that both gets the same idea over and leaves players with more room to imagine and rp the specifics as fits what they envision for the character.

the justification is fine but the execution is iffy and the idea that they're hiding the arm doesn't come across in the text or the art (and frankly might be too nuanced of an idea to get across in a format like this anyway)

if its the 'old' gear why doesn't it look old. why is the cloak torn up and in shit shape when the rest of their kit is looking factory fresh

one other thing to consider is body language and how it informs the impression everything else gives. does the pose look like someone 'crippled in spirit'? i get that the references believe me but there needs to be more than that. since this knights entire gimmick is about their mental state, that should come through in their whole design

dont fish for complements

your shit is fine, its because i think it has real potential and you're actually trying that im bothering to write any of this out, if i thought it was shit and that was that i wouldn't waste time enumerating it

>>4796

>>4794

oh and while I won't mess with martyr knight's lore or description I ditched everything but forge knight's status as a flame elemental living in a suit of armor since it kinda impinged on player agency. Only detail I left was an implication that he eats flammable materials like that demon from Howl's Moving Castle.

>>4797

Ilikeit

http://imgur.com/oG2wg9J

current mega list with some edited stat blocks bringing Cat, Mul, and Edge knight into the 12 point total, they weren't before.

>>4784

Yeah, I actually like your take on the card better. :P

Thanks for making my knight idea a reality! ^^

>>4786

I would definitely join that quest, so let us know if it happen. :B

>>4790

>>4793

>>4794

Welp, as long as it's not feeling cramped in the megalist then I guess there's no problems there. c: And back then I even went as far as to avoid using "they" in the card, because it'd be too obvious. Going for a route as subtle as not using pronouns and keeping things vague makes the knight more identifiable in that readers formulate their own image of the knight more freely (like how you outright assumed they were a he that had survivor's guilt), thus making Martyr more unique in their own right.

That's… my way to put it, at least, heheh…

On a side note, I have nothing against the armor looking almost as good as new. Maybe the armor was zealously taken care of, and/or had some/most/all pieces replaced over time. For the greatsword itself it can't be that simple because the runic enchantment is inscribed in the blade piece, so it can't simply be replaced.

>>4796

… Yeah, I explained my issue with using "they" already. |D Aimed to avoid being explicit about it. May seem like bullshit to some, but trust me: shit works.

The reason I find that pose effective is because I had in mind that Martyr is supposed to give an inspiring image to his allies, or else his crippled state would affect others' performance too. Think about that one sully guy who makes even your own existence feel a little bitter. Martyr doesn't wanna be that sully one, see?

… Welp, that was all I had to add, really. e3e

Is fairy knight tiny or normal size?

>>4796

Yeah, I know dude. You just come across as harsh and blunt. It's probably not what you intended, but I can't really help anxiety disorders- medication only takes me so far. I'm only human, and you're very intimidating.

For the mental state description, I see what you're getting at, but I'm still not sure exactly how to execute it to your specifications. I'll take recommendations on that, if you (or anyone) have some.

In regards to the missing arm being "too nuanced", I say, nonsense! If you go for something, go for the gold, damnit! That being said, I'll take all the help I can get for that too. I could change to cloak description to state that the arm is missing, or something. Maybe there's a better way though.

As far as the shiny armor goes, I'll see if I can drum up the motivation to un-spruce it up as best I can. I have no formal training, so this is all a learning process. No promises though. I make no claims to be anything but a big lazy bum.

In regards to body language, I've been sticking to the standard pose, as seen in >>4269 , and I like keeping it fairly standardized myself. Frankly, I've no intention of redrawing the whole damn thing for a little nuance.

I will keep it in mind for future knights though. It's a good point, after all.

Again, I do appreciate the feedback. It'll help me improve, and I realize that. I'm not gonna tell you to change your entire approach to posting just because of some irrational feelings that build up behind my wall of Freudian defense mechanisms every time I perceive something that may or not be there. Just remember that I'm far from being a perfect human being. Very far.

I'll make all the changes I can after I bide some time, and hopefully get some suggestions.

>>4801

>Thanks for making my knight idea a reality! ^^

Anytime, dude. Posts like yours right here are what make it worth it in the end. <3

>>4797

Just a heads-up, but lil' bro will probably perform another update on Forge Knight in light of your edits. Not just for consistent formatting reasons, but also because he hates it when things aren't exactly the way he wants them. I'll try my best to view your edit as constructive, Feline, but I won't lie to you, it'll be tough to prevent him from pulling a "me" and taking it completely the wrong way.

>I'll try my best to view your edit as constructive, Feline

Excuse the typo, this should read

>I'll try my best to make him view your edit as constructive, Feline

>>4806

Probably normal sized. It isn't really much of a problem for fairies to change as they wish.

>>4807

>>4808

if you're little bro wants to take it completely the wrong way he's free to and I'm sorry he views it that way but I went to a LOT of effort to make CatKnight because I have a personal obsession with cats and I thought it'd be fun. Other anons pointed out various flaws and I fixed them and in the end I made compromises on his background because it clashed with the lore other knights established.

I ditched his "No adventuring" flaw because he's a knight, he adventures. Its what they do, they can be bad at it but knights by their nature want to adventure, I replaced it with a weakness to water and just made him a fire elemental living in a suit of armor.

as long as I'm curating the list I'll make edits of that nature to knights until someone presents a better solution to whatever issue caused the edit. This IS a collaborative effort and while your art skills and those of your brother are appreciated we're trying to keep the powers, backgrounds, stats, and items more or less consistent.

just think of me and the others as editors, we want to make things better and making an idea you like better sometimes means sacrificing a portion of it that you consider essential due to your lack of objectivity on the subject.

by all means challenge my decisions, I'd love it if you proved me wrong and showed me how awesome your idea is but until then I reserve the right to edit things I put in the megalist. (not like it's anything special, anyone with free time and an image editing program could make one.)

>>4812

I didn't mean to imply there was anything wrong with your fixes. I agree with a few of them, actually. Lil' bro is just excessively stubborn, and I'm lamenting that it'll be a challenge to make him see it the way we see it.

Sorry, mate. No offense meant. I appreciate what you do.

One of Ram Knight's potential quotes when attacking with Battering Ram:

>"Delivery fur yer mither, ah git her pumpin' play toy richt 'ere! "

(basicly, yo mama's dildo is ready)

>>4807

yeah yeah, keep at it, keep on the grind, only way anyone gets better

for some more practical advice if you want to dirty up the armor a bit just adding scratches and places where the finish has started to chip along the edges of the larger panels would probably do it. doesn't need to be anything dramatic

>>4814

"Towergirls: The Game"

Easter Egg No.7 - "Up The Queen's"

When playing as the Ram Knight, if you use his Battering Ram ability during a Dragon Princess Boss Battle and the quote used is his mother taunt, that'll trigger a special event where Martyr Knight's voice can be heard in the background muttering.

>"You just made a deathwish not even I would want for myself…"

Welp, Prude Knight hadn't drawn much interest, I think, so I guess I'll leave him stored in my drawer until I figure what to do with him. Would be a shame if the icons I made for his card went to waste, at least…

>>4813

hey its cool, your art is great and you and your bro have plenty of great ideas. Normally I decry design by committee but I think the stuff we make is genuinely better for being peer reviewed for whatever that may be worth.

>>4829

well for starters those parenthesis have to go.

probably replace that second one with "disturbing diet" or something.

probably combine the monster ignoring and shape shifting traits.

also he needs two negatives, 3 positives all knights have it.

probably make its power similar to arcane knights and give him the abiltiy to copy attacks that are physical in nature.

>>4834

looks much better actually. My only main complaint is that his post doesn't look very war weary (i'd have gone with using the sword as a cane or a crutch) but fuck it, that doesn't matter all that much, better material for an art piece on him anyways.

and don't worry about it, writing up original stats and fluff for this stuff is pretty hard actually, the text limit combined with thematic, and player agency concerns can be a little stifling. I'd have thrown in some cracked plating, but again leave it for an art piece. Passes my muster I'll update the mega list.

>>4837

delicious artifacts

>>4841

cons need to be on the bottom like they are with all the other knights, occasionally they can be mixed up but there's no joke to be had by alterning the normal placement.

secondly the first two pros aren't distinct at all. Monsters that would ignore mimic would probably ignore knights unless provoked so if a monster is going to ignore him it's presumably because he shapeshifted to resemble one.

I'm speaking from the personal pet peeve of being ganged up on by dozens of different monster types at once who'd normally be at each other's throats.

secondly mimic anatomy should probably be a pro, not an ability and whatever weapons you decide on you need to ditch the life pearl as it serves no purpose.

thirdly it doesn't much matter what the populace thinks, motherfucker is a mimic, he should be able to mimic a humanoid enough to keep the proles at ease when a good portion of the knights are kemonomimi or elves or in one case a sapient fire elemental in a suit of powered armor.

reminds me, we need some orc and goblin knights. already got kobold covered.

>>4847

>doesn't even have an icon to justify it's existence

Well, maybe not yet, it wouldn't be a hard sprite to make. Just a glistening ball circled by veiny roots… but I think I get your point.

So… should I stop trying to work on something with null charm?

Gonna be honest, I for one liked the art for mimic knight, it was disturbing and wonderfully mimic-monsterlike. What the pros and cons really need are more jokes. So keep the artwork, make more jokes is my humble suggestion

>>4849

well the helm is a matter of taste, i could take it or leave it. the slime core needs a real reason to exist, like i dunno put it in an item that could act like a summons or something. make it matter instead of just being there. swords, shields, knives cuffs etc all have an explicit purpose made obvious by their icon or text give mimic knight a good reason for keeping a slime core around.

secondly his pros and cons need the most focus. they should, iif possible be only one line. so far "does all that knigjt stuff" feels really weak as a joke. rhymes, references, allitteration… you need something to balance out the lines that don't catch the eye or grab someone's notice

>>4847

>the Mimic Kingdom idea

wait what

but the whole joke of mimic princess is that shes not a princess and is in fact just a mimic

not princess of the mimics or something

'big large kingdom' c'mon people does that sound like a real place

>>4862

I agree on that point too. I think the compromise is that you do start a real kingdom with her if you actually domesticate the Mimic.

>>4862

>>4863

some people want her to be an actual princess of an actual mimic kingdom.

I think that kinda misses the point of what a mimic is (a shapeshifter designed by wizards, the gods, or some form of demon guided evolution to kill murderhobos)

personally I prefer 'em both being mimics that just quit the "kill all murderhobos" thing but who have a really difficult time socializing due to being omnivorous hellbeasts with no moral compass.

>>4864

I agree. Mimics are solitary hunters, lying in wait, silent, for ages, until a meal comes it's way. It would be very un-mimic-like for them to organize a social hierarchy, much less a kingdom.

>>4871

>Messing with the font in pros/cons

Don't do that.

I decided to stat a literal tower knight for fun.

Walking kingdom

Tower Knight

Stamina: 5

Prowess: 4

Speed: 1

Charm: 1

Wit: 2

+literally as big as a house

+walking base

+rooms are (somehow) gyroscopic; they don't turn or shake in the slightest

-is too big of a guy for you

-everything is fucking tiny

-not stealthy for some reason

User Unfriendly Interface: A set of cameras, speakers, and video screens set about the walls of each of your rooms, letting you interact with your tiny inhabitants.

Catalogue: Your little squatter friends can order things like food and shitty paintings from this enigmatic book, and it is promptly delivered in a few hours through a small drawer-like slot in the living room.

No Place Like Home: The life energy that powers you also soaks your interior, healing anyone who stays for half an hour from 1 one point of damage.

"Once the house of a dead kingdoms ruler, and somewhat small for a castle, the combined will of the citizens brought it to life."

hello, everyone. how are you all doing?

>>4902

Good. I've been procrastinating on Blue Knight but I collected the feedback I got on him so far. I'm working on a Flame Princess though so it's not all bad. How're you?

>>4873

Anger Eye is kinda stupid

HEARD SOMEONE WAS TALKIN' SHIT

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=oH_7Ve95JL8