/vore/, I need help. Sorry if this ends up sounding like a whiny blogpost but this is really, really bothering me and I would rather shitpost my troubles here than make an account on Eka's.
Anyway here's a bit of backstory first (again, sorry for blogposting): I'm 26 years old and I discovered vore about 2 years ago. I grew out of the "feeling bad after jacking off" phase when I was a teenager so I was elated when I discovered that I had a new favorite fetish. After thinking about it I realized that even as a child I had dreams about getting swallowed and/or swallowing people but I never knew there was a word for it. Sure, vore was a bit weird but I didn't feel guilty about it. Although I preferred fatal and same-size, I always thought literal cannibalism and/or hard vore was completely and utterly disgusting.
A week ago I was edging to some average soft vore stories. They're pretty much always "brief introduction of characters/setting, incident occurs that incites vore, someone gets fatally vored, show conclusion with the person who vored the other person" but somehow they still managed to turn me on. In one particular story that I forgot to check the tags on, I didn't realize that it was a hard vore story until all the way after the "incident occurs that incites vore" section. By "hard vore" in this context I don't just mean "someone casually murders and eats someone" levels of fucked-up, I mean "psychological horror that severely and permanently distorts the reader's moral compass if they try to masturbate to it" levels of fucked-up. Read it for yourself if you don't believe me: http://aryion.com/g4/view/316445
Normally I would just start searching for different fap-material and feel annoyed that I wasted a few minutes of my life on a fucked-up story, but I was just barely on the verge of climax after an hour and a half of edging. My body physically wouldn't let me stop at that point. So I read a few more sentences and started to hesitate at the last second, but the hesitation only doubled my orgasm. As I came I realized that I wasn't just cumming to whatever happened to be on the screen at the moment but that I was actually aroused by the story itself. Immediately afterwards I was hit with waves of shame and self-disgust that I haven't felt in over a decade. I suddenly remembered recent dreams of hard vore that I thought were nightmares and I suddenly remembered all of the times I subconsciously said to myself "Vore is all just made up, it's not like there's any real-life connotation to it (like cannibalism)."
It's been a week now and this whole thing has been making me reflect on what lead down this path. My journey with internet porn began with extremely vanilla fetishes but has slowly grown to the point where I can't even get hard from tits or standard porn, there now has to be a million /d/-tier things in a single image or story for it to have an effect on me. At the very least, this path of fetishes getting weirder will give me erectile dysfunction or something like that in my 40's. At the very worst, I'm worried that this path of fetishes getting weirder will cause me to develop a real-life-serial-murderer-animal-rapist-cannibal fetish. Honestly at this point I'm tempted to become a nofap faggot and live the rest of my life in pent-up sexual frustration rather than accept the fact that fucking cannibalism turns me on.
Does anyone else know this feel or do I just sound like a vanillafag?