>>12181
I had, for most of my life (I'm 17, had it until I was about 14 or 15), insomnia, when I turned 10/11 it got worse, way worse, my parents said I've had it ever since I was born and I don't remember a time when I didn't have it, but I feel like it got worse after the first decade.
Sleep deprivation is a shit thing you know? Fucks with your mind in ways none quite understand.
They got worse exactly on the night of my birthday (my b-day is 30th april, it was on the night of 29-30), during which I had a nightmare in which I was terrified, which was unusual, until then I had proud myself on always keeping my cool during nightmares. When I woke up I spent what it felt like an eternity of laying in my bed, motionless, praying (I was a devoted catholic back then), I felt like something unnatural hovered me, whispered as it flew past me, it wasn't sleep paralisys yet, I was just too terrified to move.
The reason I brought it up is because after that, shit got really worse, I started being terrified of the dark (until then, I loved the dark, ever since I had overcome that fear in my early childhood), I turned on every single light-emiting thing in my room, every lamp, every lightbulb, even my tv, to keep dark at bay, I was afraid to close my eyes, so for 3 nights I slept about 2-4 hours, maybe a little more, per night, until my mom caught me and made me turn off most lights, leaving only one on.
My sleep got a little better, by which I mean I started sleeping more, but still not enough to avoid sleep deprivation, which only got worse.
My nightmares were constant and at one point I started having common sleep paralysis and even halucinations (at least i hope they were hallucinations) outside it.
The first was, surpringly, during the day, on one morning, I had time to kill so I decided to lie on my bed, daydreaming, eventually the daydream turned, progressively, into an actual dream, I realised I couldn't open my eyes, only once or twice during the whole thing (as in opening my physical eyes, not the dream eyes), very forcefully and very briefly, other than that I was stuck dreaming, it wasn't an unpleasant dream, it started as a wet dream and then into a darker one in which the woman I was lusting for led me into hell (as in, we both strolled right in), at one point I started getting chills (even before the dream started to get dark), strange chills, I can only describe it as screams literally running up your spin, I could hear them and I could feel them, eventually I woke up, unable to move for a while, I tried to scream for my granpa, I managed to once or twice, with no success, after than I managed to let out a few incomprehensible moans and then I could not, eventually I could move again.
It happened again sometime later, and again and again, until it was common. Eventually, I was so used to it that I could gather enough strength/willpower/whatever to set myself free, specially if I had fallen asleep listening to music and if when I get into that state the music is stilll playing (I listened to a lot of metal back then, still do, but at that point it was basically just metal and little more, and that shit gets you really pumped for anything)
Eventually it stopped, after becoming progressively rarer.
I still remember some pretty freaky/spooky moments from it, this one time, I woke up with my back turned to the door of my room and I could hear a very loud banging on the door, like whatever wanted to get in REALLY wanted to get in, at some point I remember thinking "just do it, get this over with" and eventually I felt like the door was open and whatever was trying to get it could, and I felt/heard (I couldn't see anything because my back were turned to it) that thing rushing torwards me then moments before actually touching me… desintegrating, respawning back at the doorway, doing nothing but giving me an immense chill on my back, and repeating the process… over and over….
Sometimes I miss it, helps with lucid dreaming, sometimes I don't.