>>14132>They would be walking all over youAgain, you give respect, they give respect, is this not how humans generally work?
Give and take.
It hasn't went wrong with me yet. I enjoy my time with kids, and when my lgf (for example) wants to blow bubbles, I'd usually love to too. But when I don't, that's fine too. When she can't have X, that's fine by her.
When it's nap time or bed time, and she's not ready, I'll ask her why, and instead of forcing her to sleep and holding her down and having her cry to sleep, I simply play with her for a good 10-15minutes or give her a quick bath, and she's all good to go, all smiles, and cuddles right up and goes to sleep in minutes.
This relationship, of giving and taking, has worked with every child, regardless of relationship or relation to them I have, be us just meeting each other 10minutes ago, or knowing each other on and off for months, or constantly for more than a year.
>Children aren't perfect little angels all the timeYes, but they USUALLY are, contrary to what most people seem to believe.
And when they aren't, there's usually a simple fix, and it's honestly, usually the caretakers fault, for example, not respecting them and letting them play with you for another 10minutes, or giving them a snack after you promised them one when you get back to the car.
When they do misbehave, they genuinely learn from it though, and know they shouldn't do it, as it wasn't as good as they expected, and they know it hurt you, and y'alls relationship.
Instead of fearing telling you and hiding wrongdoings, they'll be more likely to be upfront and honest about them, and come to you for help or advice. They know they won't be scalded for spilling the milk, so they won't try to clean it up badly, thereby leaving a big wetspot to stink up your bed and leave you sheetless come bedtime. They'll tell you, and you can clean it up WITH them, thereby showing them how to properly, letting them know to be more careful, and maybe advising them on an alternative to prevent it from happening again. And with such treatment, they'll be understanding to you when you don't feel like going to the park, or outside, or letting them go over to X's house.
>It's a parent's job to teach them that shit is not okay.I never said they didn't do those things.
Nor did I say I would ignore them, thereby avoiding that responsibility of teaching them that it's not okay.
Instead of being "firm" or abusive like some people are, most are, you can just fix the situation with them, and talk to them about it, calmly, not down to them, and just be nice.
If they steal something and they let you know, or you find out, talk to them, why'd you steal it, I know you know it's wrong, can we not do that again, if you need something just ask and we can talk about it, etc.
Or, in your case, if they dump a bag of potato chips, sure, tell them to be more careful, or to put it somewhere else next time, and yes, DON'T just pick it up yourself. But, like I honestly feel you were, don't be a lazy bastard and watch them pick it up and force them to do so while you just watch.
Help them pick it up real quick.
It didn't take any time out of yours, probably saved you some waiting, it made them feel like you're helping too and not treating them like shit, etc.
Get on the floor and help them out, hold the dustpan while they scoop it in, pick up some crumbs with them, etc.
It's not okay to throw chips on the floor, or leave a mess you created, but you, as the parent, or caretaker, should back your children up in their mistakes. It's okay if they mess up. They don't need to be treated as lesser "little shits" as others have called them in this thread. But they do need to learn from it, I suppose, and they should take responsibility, and be happy you helped them out. Which always has been the case for me.
There's a difference between being a lazy fuck or someone who just cares about punishing their kids so they don't have to deal with it as much and someone who is trying to teach their kids right from wrong, how to be nice, share, friendly, and all types of things.
Kids make mistakes, and if you can't let them do that and help them out when they do, you really shouldn't have kids, or be around them at all in my opinion.
This applies to ANY situation I can think of with kids.
If it's a mess, help them clean up, especially if they're young, and you have time, or are just going to watch them do it anyhow.
If it's them ordering the wrong food or asking for the wrong one, share a little of yours and trade foods if need be. Sure, you don't have to re-order, but don't be rude and tell them to eat it all because they ordered it.
If it's them running in the street, go over to them, grab them, whatever, and then sit down with them and tell them to be more careful and how it's dangerous.
If it's them wanting to do something, give in sometimes, other times, if you don't feel like it, or it's probably not for the best, say no, and if they do, unlikely albeit, they do get fussy, talk to them about it. Tell them you will go later, tomorrow, whatever, and FOLLOW what you told them. Don't lie.
If they want some of your dinner or to try something you have, such as wine, but aren't eating theirs well, tell them to eat a little more X first, and then you'll let them have some.
If they're struggling with their homework, do it WITH them, yes DO IT with them. HELP them. Don't just leave them to do it on their own. Once you remind them how, and they get it, they can do the rest, and offer them help if they get stuck anywhere. Condition going to the park, "Well, I wasn't planning on it, but if you want we can if we finish your homework early enough," and going to the park together, and if they need help, help them a little, and if they don't finish early enough, but do finish, tell them, "y'know what, you are (almost?) finished (and it's getting late), we might not be able to go today, but we can tomorrow, want to do X (watch a movie?) tonight on the couch?"
>Discipline and abuse aren't the same thing at allBut usually they're one in the same in reality, as what people do regarding discipline, is often, usually, abusive.
Regardless, again, discipline, strictness, etc, is not needed almost ever in any case, and there's much better techniques to teach and instill values than the techniques most people seem to practice, and even the ones you seem to promote.