>>30978
The year after, I'd end up visiting her family almost every other day. I'd take her and her siblings to see movies, to go to the swimming center, that kind of thing. So I was unsure after just an evening, and still worried about my future after a week. Following a year where I spent most of my time with these kids, I was starting to feel quite comfortable with who I was, what I wanted and what I was and wasn't willing to do.
After this year, I got a job that involved kids being around me constantly. Prior to getting the job, I was no longer scared of myself as I was in the beginning. Due to my relationship with the family I mentioned before, I didn't have the loneliness either. Wasn't even afraid of being 'found out' - most people already knew. This job was actually the first situation where I really couldn't say anything about it (and I ended up telling a colleague anyway, believe it or not.). But it didn't worry me. The only thing I even worried slightly about was that maybe I'd pay too much attention to the girls.
That didn't really happen either. I had a great time with all of them, and even the prettiest girls quite quickly felt like my sisters. (I've never had a sister but I imagine this is what it feels like - you know they're hot but you just can't think about them that way.) More importantly, after having this job for a long time, I started to become less exclusive. Almost as though my attraction had been satiated by simply having lots of kid friends. I started to feel a motivation to actually try getting a girlfriend my age - a motivation I hadn't felt before at all. I used to say the reason why I had never had a girlfriend was because 60% of me wasn't attracted to those I could actually try to get, and the remaining 40% was too much of an awkward teenager to try anyway. But with newfound motivation, I suddenly started at least accepting adult girls. Long story short, I ended up having a girlfriend and that's pretty much where I am now. And right now is definitely a strange time because at the moment, the question I'm juggling is almost "Am I even a pedophile?" at this point. I'm definitely not exclusive anymore, I actually prefer at least tweens.
It makes me realize that each of our situations are so vastly different. Could it be that I was "cured"? Clearly, this isn't possible for all pedophiles. Does that make my pedophilia less legitimate? Was I never really as much of a pedophile as I thought I was? That would certainly be strange, considering I've spent around 10 years being absolutely certain that I'm a close to exclusive pedophile…
Anyway. Advice I'd give to a teenager. I've actually given this advice a couple of times. I haven't heard others telling similar stories to mine, but from my experience, I'd still say… To try hanging out with kids, however possible. If you're worried at all about the implications of you being a pedophile - chances are you're a considerate and good person, otherwise you wouldn't care to worry. And so, with a little optimism, I'd like to think that such teenagers would have the same experience as me - that actually interacting with children would calm those worries and make it clear that you're not a bad person.
But that advice stirs a different problem, namely the hopeless loneliness. To that, I'll say give it time. The year I had, visiting that family, came out of absolutely nowhere. The only thing I did to make that happen was to have a friend who had a little girl cousin. That, and saying "yes". So live life, try to have or get some contacts, and realize that opportunities and good periods in life show up at random. They won't be exactly what you have in mind, but they'll have aspects that make them good. So give it time.