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/cuteboys/ - Boypussy

Dicks and butts
8chan Cup Knockout Stage - Friday, January 18 at 08:00 p.m. GMT
Winner of the 65rd Attention-Hungry Games
/cure/ - Your obscure board for medical-tan appreciation

December 2018 - 8chan Transparency Report
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File: 1453882730072.jpeg (49.92 KB, 249x501, 83:167, Sad.jpeg)

 No.241126

Lots of anons post about how they're feeling sad or how they don't have a boyfriend. So you can post about that kind of stuff here if you want! You should also try to cheer everyone in this thread up. That'd be nice.

 No.397184

File: c6ff5a5d3565776⋯.jpg (37.25 KB, 609x609, 1:1, 1541376068747.jpg)

>>397133

i just feel so utterly bored by people, even if i have a lot in common with them, or theyre old friends ive known for years. i cant talk for more than a day before i feel physically drained and just want to leave. case in point i met a guy on the map who lives very close to me and shares tons of niche hobbies and interests to the point where it was weird. we talked late into the night, then i never talked to him again. i never felt compelled to respond, even after he wished me a good morning. its like this in every relationship i have, including with my parents and siblings that i love. i dont get why i do it


 No.397185

>>397166

definitely not where I'm at.


 No.397202

File: 82188b60386b19c⋯.jpg (80.63 KB, 457x482, 457:482, dazed.jpg)

>>397184

I dunno what to tell you anon you just sound socially retarded or socially lazy.

I feel the same way with a lot of my interactions with people where I feel very tired, drained and I wanna sleep after big social events or even small ones.

If you put in zero effort you'll get zero effort out.


 No.397207

File: 46bdd85d9f01562⋯.png (15.96 KB, 382x395, 382:395, 72546.png)

>25 and trying to get cute

>keep flip-flopping between "yeah I can do this" and "I just want to tear my face off"


 No.397233

File: c1e3671e55d2d73⋯.jpg (93.41 KB, 1080x844, 270:211, 9re8tvuem89t.jpg)

>>397207

Buy one of those surgeon masks and learn to apply make up

yeah, seems like a cheap solution but unless you have money for face surgery, your options are limited.

and yes, gay death is away enough that you can have a sex and attractive window considerable big.

You can do it anon, it takes a few months and daily effort, but is better than doing nothing and get sad about the fact you did not do anything.


 No.397251

>>397207

I don't know about you, anon, I like handsome dudes as well as cute dudes, so long as you're pulling off something that works it will be fine, you'll be attractive in your own right. If trying to be cute isn't working, just be and you'll find someone.


 No.397275

I've been getting low again lately, feeling almost a need to be drunk or high all the time so I'm not in my own head. I don't even know what I want in the first place. I miss being able to fuck however I want and as often as I want, but I would NEVER go back to the ex. Part of me feels like I just need someone to talk to regularly that's somewhat near my level and the rest of me knows I need the full package.

It's like this for me everyday and watching it play out is maddening because at the end of the day it doesn't make me any happier to make progress in anything. I always wake up wondering how I'll put off the emotions another day. I'm an only child so I can handle loneliness just fine, but the repetition of sating this craving is going to wear on me. And it HURTS to know that I'm just someone who can't easily be made happy.


 No.397295

>All these posts about no boyfriend

I don't have any friends in general.


 No.397298

>>397295

Well, i dont leave my house in general.


 No.397300

File: 0a7c0ec227dd697⋯.png (364.19 KB, 714x635, 714:635, image0 (3).png)

>>397298

>>397295

Can I go to your houses and live under your beds?


 No.397303

>>397295

>>397298

I have all of these issues AND I rarely get a response on this board regardless what I say.


 No.397310

File: a3d19355ca3dc4b⋯.png (437.28 KB, 647x638, 647:638, image0 (11).png)

>>397303

I'm sorry Anon

I'll try to reply next time.

Is just that this thread makes bad feels be in the background, if you get what I mean


 No.397314

>>397275

>but I would NEVER go back to the ex

Why not


 No.397315

File: b0bc1beed08841d⋯.png (98.94 KB, 534x391, 534:391, Captura de pantalla 2018-1….png)

>27 (28 right now) kinda trying to get cute

>one year ago

>third world country

>very conservative father

>he make joke of trans and gays… i can only respond with a quiet haha

>finally decided to go to the doctor so i can decide if start or not the HRT

>kinda…like 90% of all my money it's going to that…

>still good family, i love my parents, but i know that this it's going to destroy everything, and maybe i need to leave my job (so no money)

>maybeitstimetostop.jpg

>few_months_laters.png

>I started a plan, by little i would put the idea to my parents, getting more femenine each day so the transition would be more natural.

>it works on some degree

>i think they kinda suspect now what i want

>get a job on other city

>golden oportunity

>24/7 kind of jobs, very busy everyday, i cant even think about the HRT

>i get more money so i can pay it, but less time to actually start

>after a year i returned

>new job more quiet but much less money

>at this time at moment i kinda broke

>dont know if i should do the HRT even if i had the money to live or now

>i'm kinda panicking

>parents are very comprehensive they notice i kinda depressed and having anxiety attacks, they care of me (they never do that in the past)

>that only make me feel worst, cuz i dont want them to think i'm a shitty person or a parasyte.

>mum tell she is very proud of all my achievements and know i can get all i wanted

>feelbetter.jpg

>parents make joke of some gay shit and make some pejorative about them

SO… i should do HRT?, tell them?, fucking die?


 No.397317

>>397315

fuck the girl obviously lol


 No.397349

>>397314

Well it was a fat woman first off. She was very manipulative, extreme histrionic and completely vile during arguments. Never mind all the garbage food she'd bring around. She knew that because I really love to help people and I keep a small social circle she had more leeway with me and wore my tolerance out completely on a slow burn.


 No.397367

>>397315

They will probably disown you once they find out tbh, so you better get first into a more or less stable monetary and emotional place before confessing.


 No.397460

Why is it so difficult to find a black person to dress up with talk about healthy living and fitness, watch go nagai shows people stopped talking about obsess over cute things within our own private circle

This is what keeps the depression stuck to me


 No.397478

>>396665

Why are guys like this? Same thing this week.

>message guy

>trade kiks, he messages first

>no reply

Do I try sending him another message or just move on?


 No.397482

>>397478

You just move on. I can't even count how many people have done this to me over time. I have done it to one person, but at least i let them know they were crazy before I left. There is nothing you can do. You may as well remove them.

Everyone experiences this so don't feel down about it.


 No.397485

File: 84656b761b7be00⋯.jpg (7.41 KB, 236x215, 236:215, 820ffc3b8f14ea5145560a44a0….jpg)

>>397478

>>397482

If it was me, I forget I even have kik, so sorry in advance


 No.397486

>>397485

That's why I'm considering sending another. I know I have forgotten about it for a lil bit before so I figure one last try before giving up is fair. It'd just be weird to me to ghost someone right after being the one to message them.


 No.397503

I'm sad because nobody lives anywhere near me whatsoever


 No.397509

>>397503

Do you live in the arse end of nowhere? Where's your nearest city? Do you want friends?


 No.397510

>>397509

I live in the southwest in a small town with the nearest city being like 25 miles away but the nearest marker on the map is like 85 miles away and i have no car so i can't travel far.

I just want a qt skinny fem bf to cuddle and dress up with in qt clothes with and maybe have awkward sex.

I tried other websites but it's mostly middle aged, or old hairy men and gay guys near here. I'm 22 and want someone near my age.


 No.397521

>>397503

Don't worry anon I share your pain. Scotland is dead


 No.397524

File: f873a75244874f4⋯.jpg (108.25 KB, 621x960, 207:320, fa940034dda71f0059d54f3026….jpg)

>be me

>be 18.5 years old

>long haired sperglord

>no romantic life whatsoever

>school is full of straight chads, same could be said for other circles

>had a couple of friends with benefits over the internet in the past, both terrible people

>got ignored for an entire year by a girl i knew after confessing my crush to her

>rarely ever crush on anyone because of this

>august 2018

>find a ridiculously cute boy on facebook

>he had friends in common, some of them uncanny

>he's wearing black nail polish and a choker on his pfp

>instantly crush on him, even though i know he's light years from my league

>add him anyway

>HE MESSAGES ME

>isthisthereallife.mp3

>he's fun to talk to, we have many things in common

>i notice he was also crushing on me

>turns out he has a thing for long-haired boys

>he's kind of conspicuous about it, but i don't give a shit

>ask him out

>he accepts

>i start to question the veracity of reality, since he's exactly everything i ever wanted in a boi

>we go out the day after

>i'm nervous as fuck, but the feeling practically vanishes when i see him

>we sit on a bench at a park, talk about life and shit

>he's very relaxing to be around

>he also smells nice

>generally just have good chemistry with him

>we start to go out regularly

>by the second date we're already kissing and cuddling

>i'm shit at kissing, but it's the best feeling in the world

>generally just be happy together, we chat daily

>but not everything is perfect

>every time we try to fuck, my dick barely stays erect at all

>we'd just end up cuddling, but it still frustrated me to hell, almost to the point of hating my pp

>also notice that we're going tremendously fast

>i mean, we were already cuddling naked by the third date

>we tell each other lovey-dovey shit and whatnot even though we technically barely know each other

>i don't mind

>for the first time in my life, i'm genuinely happy

>sexually frustrated and insecure, but happy

>september 2018

>we've been officially dating for a month at this point

>everything seems perfect

>until it starts to crack up

>a week into the month, my would-be bf wants to confess something via text

>he really loves me, but he's also interested in other boys

>fear.jpg

>he proposes me an open relationship

>proceed to have a fucking meltdown

>via text

>feel like the last month of dating was completely pointless, even though he told me that he doesn't think less of me

>ask him if i'm not enough

>tell him that i'm not going to break up with him for this, but that i don't want an open relationship

>and generally just be a possesive dickhead

>tells me he'll think of it, goes to sleep

>he's not even mad at me

>i don't sleep that night, too anxious to do so

>he texts me in the morning, telling me that he'd rather stay with me

>i'm happy he chose me, and i tell him so

>however, i also can't see him with the same innocence i did before

>guess i'm selfish like that

>tell him that i want to learn to trust him, instead of just relying on telling him that i'm gonna be torn apart if he leaves me

>fast forward one week

>i've been on a very tight schedule, so we couldn't date at all

>he's been relatively distant with his texts, taking his time to reply

>i shrug it off as him having a life of his own

>i was wrong

>i get a long-ass text from him

>he says that he can't be with me anymore, because he doesn't really love me like we tekk each other we do

>convince him to call me

>we practically just retread over the same idea for 20 minutes until it's over

>i really, really don't want to admit it

>but i'm mad at him

>i'm mad, because i was feeling the same way he did, but i instead wanted to try and build an actual relationship

>i even went on nofap, on an effort to fix my e.d.

>i say goodbye to him, over the phone

>"goodbye, anon"

>hang up

>that's the last i've ever heard of him

>lock myself up in my room, in the dark,and cry alone for an hour

>i block him everywhere

>the sole sight of him turns my innards inside out, too painful to remember

It's been two fucking months ever since, and it still hurts. I pretend I got over him, but it's simply not the truth. Everything has been replaced with a meaningless, tasteless version of itself, including my own self. It's as if there was a glass barrier separating me from the rest of reality.

I want to curl up and die, but my young body won't let me, so I just nap and masturbarte all the time. I only leave the house for my daily activities.

I don't even resent him. It's not his fault this came to be.

We were never meant to be together.

Hell, I can't even feel anything as I type this.


 No.397560

I wish I was actually crazy so I could have a psychotic break and run into a train. instead I just rot while months pass in the blink of an eye. even when I went on the only date I’ve ever been on with a girl sorry my primary emotions were boredom and anxiety over spending money. I guess it’s better than suicidal ideation but is this it? in between periods of intense suicidal depression I get to feel mildly bored and anxious? it’s already been 4 years since then. the closest I’ve ever been to another person and I didn’t even like it.


 No.397576

>>397560

Are you the guy who posted that long greentext in previous post?

I just wanna say that I am going through something similar in long distance relationship. But I think its getting better slowly, I am kind of lucky we are still together but we may pull through.

I wanna say that life is complex and often unpredictable. There is a good chance that something happens to you later on which will make your struggles look like it was worth it.


 No.397577

File: e2313c5328f1c6c⋯.jpg (46.4 KB, 626x627, 626:627, 1542643119527.jpg)

all i want is a small cuteboy near or in denmark, who i can lean down to kiss, grab items from the upper shelves and hold in my arms at night.

is this too much to ask?


 No.397584

>>397134

Lmao, here there's two kinds of bottom, the white ones who are always slut sissies or the romantic brown/black nones who wants something besides sex. Same about tops, go try to get a young mutatto bottom if you want to fuck or a madure top if you want to bottoming.


 No.397605

>>397577

idk you tell me..


 No.397606

>>397605

i don't believe so, are you below 176cm?


 No.397629

>>397606

wish i was


 No.397631

I keep solo traveling hoping to run into someone at the airport or a bar but I never will and even if I did I would never communicate because I'm socially inept also I look like shit haha.

Second solo trip to Japan this year leaving on Saturday.


 No.397653

>>397631

>travelling solo

I'm jealous, I want to travel but no one to go with.


 No.397659

>home from college

>hanging out with high school friends tommorow

>including str8 friend I've always had a thing for

>have not been able to stop thinking about him the past few days

Hopefully I don't say anything fucking stupid.


 No.397663

>>397653

I thought that at first but tbh solo travel is awesome it is very freeing for the mind. I would love someone to do it with but that's not gonna happen so fuck it.

Also Japan is fucking amazing if I could get employment I'd stay there.


 No.397674

>>397663

i dunno about that anon.

from what i know japan is a horrible place to study/live/work at. definitely nice for a trip tho.


 No.397676

>>397674

Depends on the job I guess they have a very different culture and apply too much pressure on themselves and there are black companies or whatever that mistreat staff but if you find something okay that would be cool.

It will never happen anyway I can't leave my job too much is riding on me and I don't speak the language also I'm a sperg Lord haha.


 No.397677

>>397659

Just don't get too drunk.

Or both get too drunk.

Either way.


 No.397678

fail-board


 No.397698

>>397576

(the greentext anon wasn’t me btw)

life is actually not particularly rewarding and unpredictable if you’re poor and ugly

think you just watch too much of the (((tv)))


 No.397744

File: 7219d96112872a3⋯.png (44.58 KB, 569x202, 569:202, 1310473197236.png)

More than anything lately I just want someone to use my housewife skills on. Cleaning aside, I'm great at and enjoy most all of that stuff. At least if I ever need a place to stay I can bring something other than sex to the table.


 No.397805

>>397577

>grab items from the upper shelves

Haha! I always ask my boyfriend to grab me stuff from the upper shelves. Now you made me feel a bit self conscious about it… It is not because I'm short, it's because he is tall!

>>397524

Wow what a story! I'm not sure what to say. You went through a relationship very fast in just a few months.

>It's been two fucking months ever since, and it still hurts. I pretend I got over him, but it's simply not the truth.

Give yourself time silly. Of course it's gonna take longer than two months to get over something like that. (It took me ten years to get over my first love.) Remember the good moments you had and be thankful for those. Try not to get too bitter, then what you learned with this one will be useful for you in next relationships. Get better soon and hopefully you have better luck next time! And go to a doctor to fix ED.


 No.397831

File: 4c77cb4c32f752d⋯.png (320.91 KB, 634x618, 317:309, 1543226620046.png)

There's a guy online I like that I've known for a bit over a year. I've come to recognize my feelings for him in the last 6 months and I can't help but express them. I'm a very emotional person and he's not, he's much more reserved. He tells me to be myself and act how I feel best and I do. He's not explicitly gay like me though.

When I talk about wanting a future with him, most of the time he doesn't say anything, but he also doesnt turn down my ideas and he doesnt get mad or think its gross. When I can get him to express himself it sounds like he wants something more too. However, he's the kind of person who has only started liking boys since spending more and more time online. I don't know if a future between us is even possible and he doesnt know either. I know he cares about me and Im important to him but I dont know to what extent.

I love him with all my heart but it hurts me inside to no end that my love might be for nothing and it makes days hard. I get sick feelings inside thinking about it.


 No.397850

File: 7b089da10401d1c⋯.jpg (433.46 KB, 1500x1061, 1500:1061, 1539850227657.jpg)

>>397831

I know this exact feel anon. All of it. Dealing with a cold person when you feel like you're burning up is painful, it hurts a lot. My crush lives close to me so it wouldn't be a LDR e-date thing. He's annoyingly reluctant and stubborn but never declines the ideas or really says anything after they're put forward.

Annoying.


 No.397852

>>397850

how do you mean he’s reluctant or stubborn? heavy hints don’t always work for people, if he’s close enough it wouldn’t be an LDR just ask him out for coffee or something. worst thing is it’s a bit awkward lol but that’s really not that bad.


 No.397857

File: d0eea1ddde63781⋯.jpg (238.69 KB, 775x650, 31:26, 1543250237086.jpg)

>>397850

The thing that's been working for me is taking deep breaths, and realizing much of the pain comes from internalizing the issue. We can't force them to like us any more than they do, and being too pushy all the time won't change anything. It's a non-issue for them, so if we can do our best to realize that if they decide to reciprocate, they will.

Ive been trying to turn every worry and insecurity into a compliment too, but I don't know how applicable that is for you. Instead of voicing a clingy, naggy comment about how you wish they'd do so and so, thank them for what they do do. It keeps things lighter and fluffier and probably makes me more enjoyable to be around at the very least.


 No.397892

>>397852

If he is as dense as I am, hitting him with the signpost might just do the trick. Might just come around after the initial shock. It might hurt though.

>>397857

Are relationships not built around compromises?

>>397850

Awkward as it might seem, but I have a very similar problem, just from the other side…I can get extremely cold and distant at times (and be kinda an asshole as times). It's not like I do that on purpose, but sometimes I just get like that and I don't know why. Probably I just worry too much. Got this really cute, sweet boy that I like, and I think of him pretty much every evening. Imagine cuddling him, spooning him, kissing him, holding his hand, Greeting him when he comes home from work with a massage and also cooking together with him

every evening. It's painful not to be with him tbh. Every day I text with him and responds is a good one, it really makes my day. Always the last person I think of, day, for day, for day. Yet at the same time, I struggle expressing my feelings for him in person.

A word of advice from a reserved, cold person: some of us don't like being pressured, but it might provide useful at times. It's the amount that does the trick. Too much is scary, too little will cause hardly any reaction.

And it is easier to deal with a person when they're being very honest about what they want, personally I need time to think about such issues and "turn inwards" in solitude to know how I feel about somebody. And knowing what to expect, what I'm getting into, and such is also important for me. More than anything though, is to know what my potential mate is expecting of me, and to what extent a compromise is possible.

Few people are born cold and distant. Some are, but some became like that after dealing with sad or tough situations in life … it's as if the heart is in a thorny steel armor…Hard on the outside, but really soft on the inside. Once you get to know the person and they open up to you, they can be quite loving too, just in their own way. I'd totally make a bath with rose petals and candles for the person I love every once in a while.

But you ought to be patient with people like that. The benefit of some such people is that they can become extremely loyal once they are yours - we might be cold, but we ain't thots. Can only speak for myself though.

>>397850

"I must insist, I am not stubborn!" Sarcastic reply: "No, never!". I've heard those sentences way too often. They truly are scenes of a happy marriage.

>>397857

It does. But it is not necessarily a non-issue for them. Just can seem like that at times. True though, if they want to reciprocate, they eventually will, if they aren't too much of a wuss. Who would not want a fluffy, comfy bf to be around? It feels good for us to be loved too, we just don't always know how to show that.

Tbh, I think the combination of reserved bf with emotional bf, even though it might make things awkward at times, is pretty cute. You'd make up for the things your partner lacks. In a way, you'd compliment/complete each other. But, it takes effort to make it work. On both sides. I hope the best for you, cute anons :)

Unrelated: Two beers in, a sleeping pill (melatonin, nothing serious), I was just in the deepest of slumbers…and then this party downstairs, people start laughing quite loudly. I'm on floor 5, they are at base level, I've slept so deeply in snugly nice dreaming of the one I love, and they woke me up…h-how, w-why ;_;. Shame on them from waking me up from this dream of beauty.


 No.397902

>>397674

youre from greece your shithole country is corrupt and is only good for rich people to have holidays in


 No.397916

File: 70bda5b4f5d9472⋯.jpg (149.55 KB, 850x1457, 850:1457, rainy.jpg)

I'd like some help please, anons

I have a boyfriend who is wonderful husband material, but I'm not really attracted to him at all. I went into the relationship a bit too quick, and I didn't have strong emotions from him from the start, thinking they'd eventually manifest themselves/I can accept it.

Well, we've been dating for a longer while now, and I'm not sure if I can/should. If I were 39+ I'd probably settle down and accept it, because he's a really caring, wonderful person. But I'm barely a couple years over 18. I'm still young and pretty and I really want to find someone else who is really pretty makes me *feel* things. Shallow, I know. I can't really help my feelings though.

He's lacking here and there, body wise, coupled with the fact that he's not my type, it heavily impacts our sex life. We still do it, but I cannot let go of the "you're settling for physically less than you're worth/you can fuck people so much cuter" feeling every day. I can't help but think of other people when it comes to sexual or physical fantasies. In fact, I barely ever think about him that way at all. And I feel like I really need that gap in my love life filled. That, and the emotions that are missing every 2 out of 3 days.

But he's super in love with me and thinks I'm the absolute best person ever. He is really kind and caring. His affection for me is through the roof and he's just an all around, wonderful person.

I don't know what to do. It'd be terrible to break his pure heart. Had he appeared 15 years later, I'd have accepted him straight off and married him. At this stage though, I'm not quite sure if I can, for lack of better words, 'throw away' my young life.

Any advice would be greatly appreciated. Thank you.


 No.397917

>>397916

Sit down and have a chat with him. Better to break things off now than later.


 No.397921

File: bd37a1a75229e23⋯.png (8.64 KB, 239x156, 239:156, It'llBeOk.png)

>>397916

I was in this exact position, though he never said it I knew it. Especially since he started chasing another boy and it broke my heart. Here I am months after my break-up, finally taking care of myself and my progress is much more noticeable. I'm being noticed a lot and ironically he would be more attracted to me now, especially 6+ months in the future. Though unlike you, we had quite a few things in common.

It IS important, so don't feel too bad about yourself. But be honest before it snowballs into something a lot worse and more hurtful.


 No.397937

>>397921

Thank you anon.

I'm glad you are taking care of yourself now.

Can I ask, what would you have wanted him to do in your situation? Talk it out with you?


 No.397944

>>397937

For me, to be honest, to talk it out. He still gave me wonderful memories I will cherish forever. Yes it would have hurt then, but less so than it does now.

This is me though, I'm a lot more mature than your average cuteboy. I'm strong willed and levelheaded. So I might not be much help. I still love him so much, so it was me that actually walked away from him. I just wish I had that talk, been more mature. ect.


 No.397949

>>397944

He's a lot like you, very mature and able to take serious conversations well. And loves me to bits. So thank you very much. Your advice is really appreciated.

I don't necessary *want* to lose him ether. I think you're right, we should talk it out, and who knows, maybe we can come up with something.

Thank you again, anon.


 No.397954

>>397949

No prob! I hope it goes well, it won't be easy, but it'll all be okay.


 No.398030

Why do i have to be a gross bear, when all i want is to be or meet a cute boy?


 No.398031

>>397916

Not to be reddit fag or "nice guy", but i have been on the other side of this kind of relationship a lot. It fucking sucks for everyone involved.


 No.398057

I want to make some random confessions.

I regularly contemplate self-harm and suicide.

I'm a stupid and pathetic faggot who can't stop feeling sorry for himself.

I have no friends or any close family.

I'm always lonely all of the time.

I'm selfish and greedy.

I feel like I would hurt anybody who gets close to me.

I'm extremely poor.

I hate myself for my sexuality.

I have mental problems but I don't have the money to get help, and I'm too much of a coward to actually commit to help anyway.

The only thing I truly want in life is for somebody to tell me they love me and mean it.

I just needed to say these somewhere.


 No.398059

>>398057

If you don't love yourself, how can you hope for someone else to? You'll get there, it takes time and effort though.


 No.398061

>>398057

Discord? ❤️


 No.398065

>>398057

i relate to you anon

i've spent a very long time thinking about suicide/self harm. it's a crutch i find myself using. but my mind always goes back there, because it's so freeing, but so chilling at the same time. thinking about the meaning of death and the true stop it entails to everything i've ever done is the only reason i'm still alive, a sort of will to live borne from a lack of one.


 No.398066

File: 57620842bbd2a70⋯.png (22.13 KB, 255x235, 51:47, 1414704710521.png)

>>398057

I feel you anon.

I've gotten over my suicidal idealization for the most part (it still crops up sometimes), but I can relate to no friends/family, hating myself for being gay, knowing I can't let people get close, and being lonely and wanting love.


 No.398072

File: df076efef25d171⋯.jpg (388.86 KB, 1920x1547, 1920:1547, Nothingsgoingtobeokay.jpg)

>About a year since break-up

>roughly 7 months since he completely removed me from contacts, (Discord, steam, etc.)

>Sometimes think of him and think about adding him and reconnecting

>Still blame myself for the whole break-up

>He said he was sorry I didn't take him back

>In reality I didn't know what to feel

>Became social recluse and now crave for complete isolation

>Turned 20 4 weeks ago

>Intense stress from depression as well as hiding it

>Losing hairs

>People regularly mistake my age for 25

>Even if I didn't look older the dark circles under my eyes and depressive resting face turns people away

>Fear I'll never find another

>Another part of me doesn't care and just wants to leave society

Even though there's a lot of bad I can also say some good has come from this too

>Understand that I wasn't all that great of a person and now I'm regularly fixing what was wrong with me

>Can finally handle common social interactions

>Slowly but surely figuring out how to talk to people who are in distress or suffering

>Managed to get some wholesome/healthy hobbies

I feel like an idiot stressing like I am at this age, but I'm also terrified I'd hurt somebody like I hurt him.

>>398057

That whole post hits too close to home.

>>397916

Is it something with his face or his body?

Because if it's just his body don't give up on him, try to help him through it and make him the /cb/ of both your dreams.

You can probably find a quick lay with any cute boy if your charismatic enough, but that's all hollow sex without any of the emotions backing it up. I know being a /cb/ is a lot more surface level, but in a relationship sex with the person you love and can be yourself around with is miles better then with a random /cb/.

>>397831

I think he's being cautious since online and long distance relationships have this whole stigma around them for being unreliable or unrealistic. He also doesn't know how you are when face-to-face so that might make him hesitate. Try seeing if you can meet up with him and going from there, half the enjoyment of a relationship is the physical contact and he might be a little less reserved when he can constantly see your face and know you're there.


 No.398087

>>398061

I don't use Discord, I'm sorry.

If you want to say something, feel free to say it here.

>>398066

How do you get over the thoughts? It's become a losing battle. I'm inching towards the self-harm stage, recently I bought a set of razor blades for obvious reasons.


 No.398102

>>398087

I wanted to talk in private, if you have a preferred medium to do that let me know! Otherwise if you're not comfortable that's fine.


 No.398123

File: 4f1823b256dca97⋯.jpg (351.63 KB, 1280x1799, 1280:1799, 1503611384207.jpg)

Hey guys,

The only people I've really loved are my best friend and his girlfriend. Some months ago we became closer and had some threesomes. During this time it felt like we were all in a relationship, this was the happiest time of my life, I had a sense of belonging and felt like someone cared about me. The threesomes and much of the intimacy we had has since ended (as expected, I guess) but I still have feelings for them. I'm extremely grateful for everything they have given me and I'm trying to move on, it's hard but I'm making progress.

I always wanted to do more with my best friend. He isn't into guys but has done some stuff with me (making out, touching, ect), recently his girlfriend said he'd be up for me sucking his dick (I wasn't sure and was debating it since I thought he might lose respect for me and it seemed like something that wouldn't last) but last night we were all sleeping next to each other and as I was going to sleep he grabs my throat with both hands (securely but not so it's uncomfortable) and starts making out with me, I became instantly erect. I was a bit confused to begin with but my hands start roaming his body. Getting an erection has been an issue for me before but not then.

He starts furiously jerking himself while making out with me. He whispers something '…Suck me' or something like that. With his hands securely around my neck he pushes my head down to his cock. I found it really hot and felt really happy and really at peace so in the heat of the moment I put his cock in my mouth. I start sucking on it, I never had one in my mouth before and tried to do my best to please him. He starts ramming his cock in and out of my mouth. He seemed really passionate about it, it seemed like he really wanted me and it made me happy. It was so hot that now I think I'm more of a sub. He pulls my head up and starts making out with me again, we play around for a short time longer, he puts his dick in my hand and I start stroking him. He stops moving and starts breathing as if he's asleep. I stop, wait for a bit then turn over and go back to sleep. I worry a bit in case it wasn't good enough or he felt bad about doing it or something. The next morning he brings it up saying how he 'molested me in my sleep', sort of laughing it off (I believe him). He's done that sort of thing in his sleep before and says since we've done some stuff before he wasn't that uncomfortable about it and insists everything's cool but there was awkwardness in the air.

I'm not too comfortable with my sexuality and the're the only two people I've came out to. I feel strange about the situation. It made me feel hollow when he said he just did it in his sleep and didn't feel that way but now it feels like I did something wrong. Maybe he thinks I was touching him in his sleep? Maybe his girlfriend was awake and saw it (she told me she would actually like it but I don't know)? I guess the hole thing is kind of pathetic.

Advice?

(writing it out made me feel a bit more appreciative of it. It was hot af)


 No.398125

File: cbd578cf9b7b3fd⋯.jpg (18.19 KB, 236x347, 236:347, e85010e65bb6b09367bb804d79….jpg)

i was fwb with this guy for 3-4 months

we are both socially weird people, but i feel like i can have conversations with him easily, which doesnt happen often

he is super introverted, im pretty sure that he doesnt meet up with any other friends or anything

his parents hate him, he lives in his room. problems at school, neet for a while, no job

i get him uber to the city where i live (~40 mins), he spends every other weekend with me

we sometimes hold hands, cuddle and watch movies

i slowly like him more and more. i kinda look forward to the weekend to meet up, yknow..

but there is a problem, he has a problem with responding to my texts when i ask if he wants to visit

it is okay if he doesnt want to come that weekend, but why wouldn't he respond, that bothers me

i get him a ride here, do all the activities that he enjoys; and he cant be bothered to turn it down?

we argue about this once in a while, and last time we argued, he said that this got too weird and he doesnt want to have benefits any longer but wants to stay friends. he was pretty much my only friend, at all, so i am totally alone. and i found him super attractive. i have been suspecting that he simply doesnt find me attractive or something but i just dont know, nothing really make sense.

obviously he dislikes me for being clingy etc, and its not really gonna be easy to get over that. offer me your sympathies if you can, and cheer me up etc

i can find people i find attractive, but i can almost never have a conversation like this. this person was attractive and someone i truly felt like we were friends


 No.398140

>>398123

Next time he does this cuddle him afterwards.

If he does that in his sleep then damn, there's high probability he's subconsciously into you.

Maybe he's a little bit uncomfortable about it and needs to find himself.

If his GF says she's into it maybe talk to her in private. Ask her what she'd like to see. Might be beneficial.

And take all advice with a grain of salt and use your common sense

Also that story just gave me a boner

And if common sense doesn't work, sometimes its best to have it take a vacation in the bahamas, and just see what happens without it…or not…depends on the outcome

Cheer up, sounds like your situation isn't as bad as it seems. It sounds … solvable with time (and a bit of effort).


 No.398143

>>398140

Thank you.

He has said before that he wasn't really sure how he felt.


 No.398197

>>241126

When the boy you love isn't responding to any messages… I know he's probably just busy and tired, but it still hurtsI always sleep better after texting with him


 No.398217

>>398125

Your bf sounds like me, only my awkwardness is more me not knowing what to say. Either way, you paying for his cab rides rubs me the wrong way, almost like he's using you for sex and shit he needs, but that's just how I view the situation.


 No.398281

I'm sorry if I'm being a bother, but I'd still like advise about what I talked about here >>398087

Please.

>>398102

I'm very uncomfortable with talking to people 1 on 1, but I do truly appreciate the offer, anon.


 No.398282

>>398281

do you exercise at all anon? i find that helps me a lot when life gets overwhelming, just giving yourself an outlet for all the bad things you feel. suicidal fantasies can be healthy and people who have them usually don't anhero.

i understand the impulse to hurt yourself but it really just ends up creating a new set of problems and anxieties that make everything you're already feeling even worse


 No.398286

>>398030

You can change that though. Just start exercising a bit and become a muscle bear because if you do that, you'll definitely attract "cute boys"


 No.398292

>>241126

> Got drunk last weekend

> Went to gay christmas party shitfaced

> Getting even more shitfaced there

> Started making out with a boy

> Thing is, there is other boy I love in another city

> Walk home with boy I made out with

> His ex comes and get all up in my face

> Fight his ex

> Boy I made out with is sad

> End up going home alone, as boy I made out with wishes to be alone

> Read my notes in the morning after (have habit of taking notes while drunk so I can remember what happened the day after)

> Fuckme.jpg

> Whathtefuckdude.jpg

> Whattheactualfuck.jpg

> Feel shit and guilty and ashamed as I should

> I just hope the boy I love forgives me when he finally reads my message

> Have to thank the boys ex for stopping me when I was shitfaced

Now, I know I could keep it secret maybe, but I love him and it's up to him to judge me for what I did.

Why do I always hurt the people I love with my own stupidty?

I just want to sink into a hole in the ground and be ashamed of myself

Want to scream my guts out, but that would disturb the other people in this apartement

How come I only ever find out I love somebody after hurting myself and others, I hate this ;_;


 No.398313

I like being alone…and yet I still feel lonely. I'm absolutely horrible at meeting new people, I rarely if ever really put myself out there, and I'm afraid I'm just gonna be alone for the rest of my life. I've spent so many years of my life feeling like I've just been waiting for my real life to start. But I'm beginning to realize that it already did start, I'm already living it. This is my life. I don't know where I go from here. And as much as I enjoy being alone, I'm scared of it too, terrified of it. Afraid that I've gotten too comfortable. That this is how it's always going to be.


 No.398332

>>398313

try getting into some classes to meet new people

whether it be casual art or yoga

alternatively there's also the nerdy route of learning to play games like DnD or Magic The Gathering then going to game meetups at comic stores

the nerdy route is how I made a few friends and it also lead to some gay encounters


 No.398333

>>398332

also heck, thought I'd add that I have intense anxiety, so starting off communicating with nerdy kiddos was difficult

also there's some online resources you can use to learn to play Magic The Gathering, I'd recommend the free steam game Magic Duels as it gives you the ability to verse AI

or there's MTG Arena which is currently in beta and only has PvP


 No.398396

File: 0b141ba117adffc⋯.jpg (101.93 KB, 926x926, 1:1, 41421647_2090119764355805_….jpg)

I didn't see the signs of my 6 year relationship fall apart. We had plans to start a family, get married, spend the rest of our lives together, all from when were at school. And within a week it's all gone. All my goals and plans revolved around her, I accepted for so long we were going to be set forever. We broke up, and even though she admits we could have saved it it's too late now. My mood swings are getting too much now, so I'm going the doctors tomorrow to see what they'll do. Hopefully I can make it to the end of the year.


 No.398446

>>398396

My condolences, though why are you posting about that on /cuteboys/?


 No.398451

>>398446

there are hetero cute boys among us and I think they equally diverse whatever help we can give

idk what kind of help I can offer though since I'm in a reverse situation where I'm trying to get out of a relationship ;-;


 No.398457

>>398446

trans-gf :p


 No.398465

my entire life is just being ugly, sad, and alone no matter what treatments i go through or who i talk to or what i do. not everyone makes it brahs.


 No.398481

>>398396

Hey, my girlfriend cheated on me and broke up with me in May on my graduation day. We'd been together 5 years at that point. If I've been able to make it to the end of the year I'm sure you can find the strength to do it as well. It's been really hard for me with health issues and just coping and still I get really sad reminiscing about the pain I felt but things really do get better if you fight through it. I was doing awful in August but now all of the sudden I'm feel really happy! I met someone I enjoy spending time with and who enjoys spending time with me and I have a lot of other friends who've helped me or need my help and support. Things will get worse and feel awful for what feels like an eternity and I know I hated the idea of burdening my friends but it really helps to let it out and with time you'll be happy again, I sincerely believe that.

Live and drink, friend.


 No.398492

>>398481

Thank you. those words actually mean a lot, internet stranger. It's tough because we're trying to make it work being friends even though I'm a lot worse off at the moment. Every thought of her, heck it's so hard trying to block out the idea that we wanted to commit our lives together, start a family, get married. Fuck.


 No.398529

Dating a guy so much better than me. Weird to be a borderline retarded NEET failson and get to be around someone who's not. And he makes me feel so much prettier than I really am ~~


 No.398530

>>398529

are you a good housewife in return?


 No.398533

>>398529

Same tbh, trying to get with a guy who is really cute but I can't help feeling insecure since he could do so much better than me with his looks and talent. Feelsbadman.jpg


 No.398574

>>398529

Define better, because I work full time and I'm pretty shit tbh.


 No.398583

File: 6f4c9169afe2191⋯.jpg (45.41 KB, 590x582, 295:291, myheart_mysoul.jpg)

When you have the chance start a relationship with the most awesome boy you know and you fuck it up by getting drunk and being a cheating cunt.

Feels bad, but he deserves better than a piece of shit like me.

Never will forgive myself for breaking his heart like that though. I wish I had never gotten blackout drunk in the first place.

Letting him go is the best thing I can do for him after fucking up this badly. I would only end up hurting him more I fear.


 No.398613

>>394468

I wouldnt do that, not everyone you encounter online is sociopathic dick.


 No.398621

>>398613

True. And some people have reasons too. Sure, you got hurt. I hurt the person I love badly. And I can tell you, the regret is the worst punishment imagineable. What makes it hurt is that it was well deserved. Cried a lot these days, but ultimately, this was a wakeup call.

Sometimes, it just doesn't work out. Timing might not be right. Somebody might be going through a lot of confusion and pain and pass that on to you, even though they don't want that.

The best you can do for yourself, is learn. Get with somebody who appreciates you for who you are and treats you right. If your ex did love you, it will hurt him, but deep inside he will be happy for you. And he'll take it as a chance to grow as a man.

And give up on revenge. Long time ago I went down that path. Not for love though. The things you do when you succumb to those emotions you can very well end up regretting your entire life. It will eat you up inside and lead you down a slope of anger, hatred and despair, and before you know it, you hate yourself for becoming twisted. I know it's hard, but revenge isn't worth it.

The best revenge is to love. Just not the person who hurt you. I know it sounds stupid. But you will heal with time, and when you do, you could find yourself with somebody who takes care of you the way he should.

Also if you do find yourself talking to him again, don't use phrases like "You hurt me", but "I felt hurt because <I didn't feel appreciated>", it is less confrontational and makes you easier to talk to. And let them finish when talking even if you can't believe what you are hearing. Learned that from my parents when they went through marriage councling. Everything else will just end up with heated emotions. And that is terrible. I had that a lot with my family, we yell at each other, and when all the rage is gone and the tears are wiped we talk. That is not how you should treat the people close to you. Allow your SO to be vulnerable too. Sure it's easy to say, for example, you want a tough man. But that is an illusion. I've seen men cry who have done very, very bad things in their lives. People whose tattoos are not because they simply liked them, but show what group they belong to. Only very few humans are incapable of emotion, but everyone deals with them differently. If you SO bottles up his emotions for you, he will end up breaking at some point and losing it. And that will hurt him too, it will hurt you as well.

I just imagine myself reaching for a candle when in utter darkness inside. That candle gives me the single ray of hope I need to go on, and as long as it is lit, I can rely on it. Somehow it always stays lit. Be resilient. And when I have grown as person, and made sure I don't drink anymore, I'll find somebody and love them with my whole, scarred but healed, heart. And support that person to achieve their goals in life. As if we were one. Find that glimmer of hope, and hold onto it. Life goes on. It always does. And when your time is up, keep holding onto it. Just a little while longer. Never lose it. You can get through this.

And if the boy I hurt so badly reads this, I just want to thank you for putting me on the right path. You mean a lot to me and I love you, so I just hope you will find somebody who treats you right and makes you happy. It might not be me, or it might be, only time will tell. You woke up inside me what I thought was long gone. If it makes you feel any better, I can work on my issues thanks to you and I regret not noticing the extent of your love. You gave me the one of the greatest gifts life can offer. And you made me realize what is truely important in life and how stupid it is to worry too much. After all, you did make me smile. And you always will. Just as I will be eternally graceful to you for putting me on the right path. From all my heart, I wish nothing more than to thank you. Your love was not in vain. After all of this, I decided to take this as a wakeup call. You were awesome, you are awesome, and you will always be awesome. If I do ever see you again, you will get a long, long hug if you want. Or you can slap me all you want. Whatever you feel like. Thank you for allowing me to feel again. I've lost that, and thanks to you I found it again. And it hurts, but ultimately it's better than the apathy I've grown so used to. Thank you.

But that is just my2cent from a fool.


 No.398636

>>398451

Tell me about your situation anon.


 No.398671

>>397524

Great story, I haven't experienced such a romantic roller-coaster besides my own incredibly short-lived love life.

Your ending about things in your life feeling meaningless does ring a bell, of how after my own heart was torn out how I later lost my incredible empathy and sensitivity. Which would make sense with the heart being associated with feeling and reception.

You do almost sound disassociated.

The thing is, I don't think male homosexuals will ever have fidelity. I'm noticing a lot of cuteboys here lusting after the notion of living with fidelity with their top like a woman, however most gay men prefer a consistent novelty of new ass in their life.

>Gay culture =/= Cuteboy culture

And I think who you fell for was more gay than you were cuteboy, boy.


 No.398673

>meet a cuteboy on discord

>really strong connection immediately talk everyday for months

>tell him I'm starting to get attracted to him

>he starts sending me nudes and tells me we should fuck some day

>he asks me to meet up

>when we do he's distant the whole time we're together, he's uncomfortable just holding hands

what the fuck happened and how do I get over this


 No.398682

>>398673

he may have anxiety issues

when I meet up with people I tend to be quite and shy as fuck for days or even weeks

but I highly appreciate the company and cuddles and all that kinda stuff

usually playing split screen games or watching cartoons helps me chill out and get used to talking IRL


 No.398703

I'm thinking about killing myself if I don't get a boyfriend. All I want is one but I'm too anxious to get one.


 No.398704

>>398682

he's very inexperienced and he never stopped me holding his hand or hugging him or anything so maybe he was just anxious or embarrassed or something idk, feel like I should just move on anyway once you've fuxked up the first impression it's over


 No.398708

>>398703

if you're into nerdy dudes

use tinder and try match with dudes with the most awkward nerdy bios as a last resort

but don't resort to suicide

manually causing death is retarded when we're all going to die anyway

may aswell ride life out and see what happens while it lasts

>>398704

you could always be the dude to give him experience.

but fair enough if first impressions mean that much to you


 No.398736

>>398708

Does Tinder do gay shit? I thought that was all grindr.

Anyway,I might be bipolar or something, because mood swings shift rapidly between wanting to die and unreasonable bliss.


 No.398739

File: 84a4206c22e41cd⋯.jpg (8.26 KB, 225x225, 1:1, Love.jpg)

>>397524

I screamed out "Holy shit" right now cause my story is so similar to yours. Just from the other side.

Appearantly I got really drunk (how drunk must you be that you get disassociated from your feelings?) and proposed the boy I love an open relationship while doing a big no-no. "This ain't is chief" was the last text I ever got from him before he blocked me out entirely. The worst and somehow best thing is, I blame myself entirely for all of this. I mean I'm the one who fucked up. His only fault was that he loved me.

Sometimes people don't know what they want in life you know? It takes time to figure that out. And it feels really bad to tear somebody apart like that. Haven't eaten much more than necessary for days.

If it comforts you, yes, the boy who hurt you has feelings too. Even if they don't want to admit it.

>>398671

I disagree. I thought I wanted to fuck around, to whore around, dominate different boys, but it just doesn't feel right. I just want one boy in my life, and I fucked that up badly. Broken my promise to him.

Asked myself all the time, "Is it lust or love" like that scorpions song (https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ExL9d2EBDH4). Sadly, I only came to know it was love until it was too late.<

>>398736

You can at least set Bisexual on tinder. I've found hornet, grindr and all of that simply horrible to use. First of all 90% of the dudes there aren't cute, and second 90% seem to be creeps. I think you can set gay too, but I haven't used it for a long while I always get anxious when I get a match and end up uninstalling it

Pic relates. That would have been the relationship I strove for with him. And I fucked it up.


 No.398742

Just found out my ex died through a friend. We had to split ways since he was honestly too autistic and a liar, but I didn't hate him, and I especially didn't want him to die. Weird feels right now,


 No.398743

>>398742

Sucks to hear man. My condolences.


 No.398747

>>398736

yea you can set tinder to gay fam

and basically same, I just try distract myself from suicidalness


 No.398820

Thankfully right now I'm not feeling suicidal unlike the past month and a half. Although right now I'm still planning how I'm going to go, I don't think I have the courage nor the mindset to carry through despite my feelings. I need to make peace with myself, my failed relationship and whatever end happens, and planning my suicide gives me that comfort that I've made my peace. Tip for all you out there, don't make my mistake and give someone your heart, body and effort if you're not prepared for it to go sour like me. Hopefully I can leave a stain on the world before I go. Therapy soon.


 No.398830

Damn. All these thoughts of suicide here. I'll tell you boys something. My mother tried to kill herself with a knife. She broke down saying the was too much of a wuss to even do that. I'll tell you boys the same thing I told her.

You're not a wuss for not being able to die. Because, in the end, living takes courage. Living means to hurt and to get hurt. Living means to survive, no matter what the situation is. Nothing is more courages than a person who survives through troubled times. Who sees nothing but pain, but still goes on.

Because in the end, we say life is shit. And in a way it is. But there are beautiful things too. And when you learn to see the beauty of life, you get addicted to it.

I've seen people changes their lives. Junkies, who got off the hook. Alcoholics, who stopped drinking. I've seen people, at the rock bottom of their lives, turn it around. If they can do it, you can too.

Thing is, you might think nobody sees anything in you. You might think the person you love is using you (sometimes, they do - sometimes, they have other stuff going on in their lives, and as unfortunate as it is, you get caught in the crossfire of their problems. You can't avoid that). You might think your parents hate you. It's actually very few people who hate their children. They caused your birth after all, they took care of you, until you were able to walk, until you were able to talk, and until you were able post about your suicidal feelings on an imageboard.

But what you aren't realizing right now: There are people who care about you. It might not seem like it, but they do. And they'd be sad if you killed yourself. Death won't have the answers you seek. Hell, humans are so afraid of death they've been fighting each other over who has the right interpretation of what happens after death. If we'd know, there would be no more need for wars.

Life can be beautiful, even if you get hurt. Even if you feel like closing your heart and putting armor onto it. But, good things do happen. You just have to learn to see them. Just like it's the little things that can make your day feel like you should have not gotten out of bed, it's also the little things that make your day. Even if it's just a picture of a funny giraffe or cat or something.

Many of you might be asking yourself: Will I ever find yourself with a person who you genuinly love? Will you ever find somebody whose love to you is genuine? Those are doubts, yes. But, if you kill yourself, will you ever find an answer to that question? The answer is no, you won't find an answer.

If you need a reason to keep on living, I'll give you one right now. To find an answer to those questions. To find an answer to the question "Will I ever find love?". To find an answer to questions like "Will I ever be able to love?". You should know, doubts are doubts. Just that. Some are true, some are not. But every doubt, is also a question. "Does he really love me?". That's a doubt. It's alright to have such thoughts every once in a while. It's alright that sometimes, your head is filled with questions. Do you think we, as a species, would have evolved without doubt? "Hm, some dude told me the sun revolves around the earth, but I think it's the other way around". Doubt is how we evolve. As people, and as a species.

Sometimes, it's better to just live on you know? To endure, to suffer, to survive. And one day you walk outside, it's sunny, and you think to yourself "What a beautiful day". And I can assure you, that day will come.

Don't confuse doubt with reflection. Reflect on your actions, on your emotions, on what led you to do what you did. And slowly, you realize the things you don't like about yourself. It's easy to say "I hate myself", but finding an answer, an honest answer, to the question "I hate myself, but why?", that is hard.

I've read my diaries from past years recently, after doing something bad. Ask myself "What happened to me?". "Who am I?". I found answers. If you feel like you can't talk to anyone, write a diary. It can be on your computer, encrypted, if you want. I do prefer to do it the old fashioned way with pen and paper. Write down your sorrows, and why you feel like that. Write down the happy memories as well. I ended up, when reading them, those entries from years ago, with one conclusion: Not all was as bad as it seems. Sure, times were shit. But every now and then, there was something beautiful in it. Like the boy I asked out, but it turned out he was straight. But he doesn't hate me for it. I thought he does, but he still talks to me, sometimes.

Live, you beautiful boys, live. And if it's the last thing you'll ever do.


 No.398851

>>398820

Failed relationships really hurt, however they also open the door to finding another one that's potentially better than the last. You've already proven that you can get into relationship in the first place, would you ever want to feel as good as you did at the height of your previous one? How did you break up? Did you both lose interest? Did you love him more than he did you?


 No.398853

>>398851

I've always felt like not existed. Not that I wanted to kill myself or anything, but just to not be around or have never had an impact on anyone's life was something I always wanted, until the day I met Her. She was the only person giving me meaning to carry on, she was my crux. Now we can't even be friends because of how toxic we've got with how the relationship ended (lies, little communication, ect). Now I just feel lost, life has no meaning again for me no matter how hard I try to rationalise that maybe I might find someone else. Maybe I loved her too much, which is why I'm back to square one.


 No.398876

>>398853

You're back to square one, but this time you have experience, you know what you like and what you want now better than when you first started. You've seen how things can go wrong, now you've got to come to terms with that and find that person who will make you feel good again. It'll be hard, but it's not impossible.

As for meaning something to someone, depending on who you know, what friends you made and decisions you made in life you've probably had a significant impact on a good handful. Just be careful not to pour everything you have into one person next time, okay? x


 No.398887

>>398876

I think my main aim is to stop thinking about her. I’ve told her we can’t be friends or have contact with how I am right now, so hopefully that’ll help. I’m also keeping a diary for my bad days, and I’m trying to see some online friends over the next month to cuddle the heck out of them. Maybe I’ll find a lot more peace with them.


 No.398905

>>398887

Good luck anon, sounds like you have things under control, go share some good times with your friends and have a great Christmas and New Year!


 No.398935

>>398905

Eh, she is currently in the process of turning all my friends against me saying that I've been "threatening" her. I don't really know what to do.


 No.398937

>>398935

Sheesh, talk about twisting the knife.. Best you can do is tell them the truth and let them decide what they want to believe. Otherwise you'll end up looking crazy if you try too hard to convince them or guilty if you do/say nothing at all.


 No.398971

>>398937

Yeah definitely, I had a good sitdown with another friend who's recently came out of another 7 year relationship and they said the best thing to do was cut complete contact whatsoever, too toxic. Kinda sad because it's not only cutting off an ex that I wanted to be on good terms with, but a best friend. But oh well, time will tell if it works.


 No.398974

File: f079083d396f09b⋯.gif (3.17 MB, 300x325, 12:13, f079083d396f09bd9b83765a7e….gif)

>>398971

Hang in there! x


 No.398975

>>398974

I'll try x


 No.398976

My parents are getting divorced, I don't know what to do. I don't even know what I want to talk about. I just feel so stressed I could throw up and I think I've cried a total of seven times today.


 No.398984

>>398976

What is stressing you out about their divorce?


 No.398992

>>398976

I know that feeling. My parents have been fighting for the better part of the last 17 years.

And it's emotionally crippled me to this day

You're not alone, if you need somebody to talk to we can, somehow.

>>398984

Dude. Don't mean to be disrespectful, but they're his f*cking parents? They're the ones who raised him, the people he has seen together since he was born?

Of course it's stressful to see such things happening.

And parents who fight, they don't see what they are doing to their children.


 No.399055

Today and the next few days will be the worst days of my life. For anyone else struggling, as a wise Jeff Goldblum meme once said, just think; Everything is fleeting, including sadness.

Stay strong everyone else. All life boils down to is survival, and you're doing that every day.


 No.399105

>>398992

>You're not alone, if you need somebody to talk to we can, somehow.

I don't know what to say, today of all days should be a happy day, but there's nothing in the future to look forward to.

This is going to sound pathetic, but can somebody just say everything will be alright?


 No.399123

>>399105

There is nothing pathetic about it - sometimes you just need it. Everything will be alright :-)

>>399055

Yeah, this. Just gotta go on towards better times, no matter how shit they are right now.

Also, I thought I was an abusive drunkard - and I have been drinking a lot - but I just remembered that night where I cheated…one of the beers was spiked with some pill. Just remember seeing it, being too drunk to react, ended up swallowing it and thinking only "Oh…fuck…". I think it was ecstacy or something.


 No.399151

>>399105

It's not pathetic mate, it's going to be okay, stick with it!


 No.399161

I don't know guys… its just hopeless for me.

I get attention from people, sometimes I even get offered one night stands, but I'm still a virgin.

I met this one person who I really like to talk to but he's not close so we're friend.

I just don't know I feel like I could get laid easily, it's just I don't wanna fuck most people, and the people I'm attracted to are either not where I am or are out of my league, am I being too picky ?

its just frustrating cause you meet people who you have real connections with around the webs, but the people you meet irl are just eh


 No.399163

I'm still thinking about my ex a fair bit. We're not an speaking terms at the moment, but there's so much shit that needs to be sorted out if there's any chance of being civil with each other again. A single sit down, where we can just talk and understand each other I feel would put this whole mess behind us so we can move on. They don't want to though, they'd rather let it rot and me suffer under with it, it seems.


 No.399165

File: f227ffa7c2170f4⋯.jpg (19.28 KB, 240x200, 6:5, 1404631263284.jpg)

My boyfriend and I had a fight over 3 weeks ago.

I apologized afterwards but he ignored me for 3 weeks. Including on his birthday and up to Christmas. He finally contacted me to break up with me, and even though I expected it, it still hurt.


 No.399175

File: a36580b73e7e343⋯.jpg (67.88 KB, 577x577, 1:1, dharma_wheel_on_jupiter.jpg)

>>399163

and might apply to >>399165

here's a bit from the Dalai Lama about hurting others and apologizing for it without success, you might find it helpful. It's helped me assuage a good deal of my own accumulated guilt.

https://vocaroo.com/i/s1eke1a9K8bD


 No.399178

So I'm looking for advice suppose (being the one who's been posting about their breakup recently). I still have feelings for them, but I want to move on for the sake of both of us. However, to do that we need a good sit-down to discuss where we are, where we want to be, and how to get there. We're indefinitely blocked from each other and they didn't want to meet at all for the entire time we've broken up. It's kinda hard because talking this way would make us moving on so much easier, but if they refuse it then I'd have no other choice to move on without any reconciling, which would inevitably sink me further into depression.

I just don't know what to do.


 No.399180

>>399178

Hey I'm the guy that got cheated on earlier, I think you're the person I responded to. I really wanted to stay friends with my girlfriend too despite it all and she expressed the same wish to me. But actions really do speak louder than words, I've been in the ER a few times since we broke up and she didn't bother visiting/asking about it, she's said some horrible things to my face, and she blocked me on discord as well. Friends don't really act this way and I had to accept that the person I loved was lying about wanting to be friends and caring about me still. I think personally, you should stop talking to her. I haven't spoken to my ex or really made up in the last 5 months and while I wanted to talk to her so badly at first; nowadays the thought of talking to her honestly gives me anxiety which is probably what it should have been from the start. Like I said before, it's really hard at first but it does get better! I just started dating someone else and apparently I'm gay/bi so there's hope for you too!


 No.399209

>>399180

As somebody who got cheated on, can I ask you a question?

If somebody were to apologize for cheating on you, how would they have to do it so you know they mean it?

It keeps me awake at night. I want to apologize to somebody, but I don't know how.

>>399178

I'm in a similar situation right now. >>399180 has the right idea I think.

"Appearantly I'm gay/bi" - boi, have you read the motto of this board? :^)


 No.399337

My best friends brother just died.


 No.399360

>>399165

Sorry to hear that anon, at least he let you go, and didn't ghost you completely. Nothing worse than that, I had to deal with it after being with someone for a year and putting up with more of their mental illnesses than anyone else would have.


 No.399388

>>399209

Hey, took me a while to work up the drive to answer this. I think the answer for your situation is different than how I wanted my ex to apologize/makeup for our situation.

My ex was the kind of person that would make mistakes and hurt me and apologize, but would never do enough in terms of actions to make a difference and would repeat the same mistakes with time. A good example is her saying that even though we broke up that she cared so much about me; I ended up in the ER because of an illness that had been destroying me over the last few months and for someone who said they cared so much, they weren't there for me then or when I had surgery a month later. What personally hurt me most wasn't when she broke up with me, it was the continuous lying in both words and actions alongside the cheating.

For me, obviously I would have rather she not cheated but beyond that I wish she would have given our relationship a fair chance instead of running away from everything. I think now that I'm more removed from the situation, it's better for my well-being to not be in a relationship with her but I sometimes still get sad and think about it. If you've cheated on someone you should take a moment to calm down and reflect on how your actions affect your previous life partner and do your best from there to help them if you want to. If you're still dating the person and want to make things better, I remember reading a short book about the topic:

https://infidelityrecoveryinstitute.com/wp-content/uploads/2015/08/Shirley-P.-Glass-Jean-Coppock-Staeheli-Not-_Just-Friends__-Rebuilding-Trust-and-Recovering-Your-Sanity-After-Infidelity.pdf

Maybe it'll help, maybe it won't; but to me effort means the most. Even if you fail, seeing someone at least try to take on the burden means a lot to a man.

Now that that uncomfortable topic is over, BEING GAY/BI/WHATEVER IS EMBARRASSING. I'm a pure, sometimes lewd, boy that doesn't think about stuff like sexual orientation! Let me know if I can tell you more that helps you with your situation, I'm not used to posting on the chans still and feel like I type way too much since I'm shy.


 No.399399

>>399388

Thank you. Wasn't sure if I should go see him, but I will, when I go back to that ice cold country.

"Most people also mistakenly think that infidelity isn’t really infidelity unless there’s sexual contact", yep, whoever wrote that book has some experience…

[spoiler]Why should you be shy? Experience is experience. And shy people have the most of that, that's why they're shy :^).

Also, homosexuality is - from a scientific perspective - probably caused by epigenetic methylation patterns on certain chromosomes in the DNA. That would mean, there's a reason to it, which we don't know yet. It also means that it is natural. There's nothing embarrassing about it.[/spoiler]


 No.399431

>>399337

you should blow him to make him feel better


 No.399439

>>399399

Yeah, while the physical betrayal was one thing it was quite frankly much less hurtful than the lying and emotional connection she was hiding. I think that's a very regular occurrence that people are hurt more by the idea of their spouse or whatever being in love with someone else or whatever.

Also, didn't know that people had related homosexuality to DNA, I've got my bachelor's in chemistry but boy did I do a lot of interesting but unwanted biochem work. Might read about that more actually, my senior paper was on DNA damage possible from estrogen derived products so I have some background information already. I get embarrassed pretty easily whenever I talk about myself honestly! I might've had a girlfriend for 5 years but holding hands in public, and now holding a guys hand in public!? I'm going to do it but it's extra embarrassing!

Whatever happens with you and your partner good luck honestly!


 No.399446

>>399431

Being drunk (and possibly drugged against my will) and thinking with what is between my legs and not my ears got me into that situation in the first place.

>>399439

It's just such a sh*t situation. And it hurts a lot. What hurts the most is that he got hurt. I don't even know if I was drugged that night or not, I strongly suspect it, and from what little I can remember that stuff was not good for me. At all.

Heck, I don't even know if I got so disinhibited from that stuff that I actually tried cocaine. The test will tell. .

I was secretly excited, but also very scared, to enjoy Christmas with him and my slightly crazy, but loving family. That did not happen because all of this.

Embarrassing? Sure. But also cute. Always makes me feel better when I see an open gay couple in the city. Makes it feel safer.


 No.399490

>>399439

Actually, the book (I've only read it partially until now), it's nice and all. But what really helped was the quiz they have on their website, even if it's not a marriage  yet :^) .

Intimacy issues. Now that I know what the problem is (I think, subconsciously I already knew), I can actually work on it.

Das auch immer erst was passieren muss, das Leben ist echt madig.


 No.399525

>>399490

Sometimes it takes tragedy and pain to learn valuable lessons in life. I have another book source if you want 'em about intimacy, I read a fair bit from a few of the books on being more intimate with someone and also reflected more myself on everything that happened.

https://dearpeggy.com/booklist.html

Making love stay, Beyond affairs, and Help for therapists are the three I read a bit from, I recommend making love stay actually. Anyway, whether or not things go well with your partner, AND I REALLY HOPE THEY GO WELL, at least you can say you've tried your very best and you've learned lessons about substances, and inflicting pain on others. I wish my ex put in even half the effort you're putting in right now, it's nice to see!

Last thing though, if he feels really hurt about everything and he definitely will for a while, he might ask for space and you should honestly respect that. It's very painful to be around someone who has hurt you and while I wanted to be around my ex at first, the thought of talking to her now gives me anxiety though I'd do it anyway because I don't want to run away from my feelings anymore.


 No.399529

>>399525

Thanks.

Yeah. I've stopped trying to talk to him a while ago, although I still really really want to. But since he's blocking me out it's obviously not what he wants.

Still feels bad not to be able to wish him a happy new year and merry Christmas

[spoiler] How many months does somebody feel hurt though? That all happened last year around a month ago.

I'm fully aware that such things can hurt a lifetime. I don't want that for him.[/spoiler]

I must admit, I sometimes hope he reads and knows its me, and sees I'm making an effort even though things didn't work out that well.


 No.399583

literally cannot hold onto a relationship, even with people who have absolutely zero social skills. i'm just that fucking asocial i guess, nobody wants to talk to me for prolonged periods of time.

i get so frustrated and worried when i send someone a message and they just don't answer back for a while. they've always made up their mind about me at this point

i don't know what to do guys, i'm tired of being alone


 No.399587

>>399583

do you like silent warm cuddles?


 No.399588

>>399587

yeah

with cute boys who also like warm cuddles and who are my size


 No.399611

>>399583

>even with people who have absolutely zero social skills

>i get so frustrated and worried when i send someone a message and they just don't answer back for a while

If your chatting with people with no social skills, may be because they aren't comfortable communicating in the first place. You might not be to blame for that, I am like that and feel awful thinking people think i'm trying to avoid them because I have a hard time responding to them.


 No.399629

File: 37c1003c63e465f⋯.jpg (110.89 KB, 500x500, 1:1, 1389723833877.jpg)

>no friends online

>no friends irl

What do i do about this anons? I feel like some online friends would be good enough but most people direct me to discord for that. Since every discord I've tried has been full of cliques, and people don't really use steam to talk to each other anymore I'm not sure what to do…


 No.399642

>>399629

I'm in the same boat anon. I've been trying to at least find some discords where I can meet people but I can't even find those. It doesn't help I don't have anyone irl to talk to.


 No.399650

>>241126

Going home tomorrow. Will have to visit that boy and apologize.

I'm scared ;_;


 No.399677

File: ce583b54e582ee9⋯.jpg (178.73 KB, 1200x1200, 1:1, iktf.jpg)

literally just messaged a dude on discord, everything was going fine and he removed me the next day without saying anything

why are all boys such faggots?


 No.399680

>>395705

He sounds similar to me, hard shell, soft core, a heart in an armor of thrones…get too close, you will get burned, walk through the flames and you'll have a great partner.

>>399677

Cause gay . Don't feel sad anon, it could be worse.

Is a 0,7L bottle of finest German whisky a good way to apologize? It wasn't cheap…but I do love that boy, and the money stays in the world


 No.399687

File: 1331767d1d85f47⋯.jpg (60.51 KB, 756x682, 378:341, judge.jpg)

>>399680

i'm just afraid i'll never find someone to be with bro

everyone i've spoken to on here is either extremely asocial or a complete dick


 No.399692

>>399687

Well that's to be expected, almost nobody here is really "worth" adding and talking to. The entire gay imageboards culture is just cancer. If you have the time sure, maybe you'll fine someone genuinely nice to be friends with but other than that spend your time with irl activities. I just come here to check if anything major happened and to go through the dead german thread.

>>399680

>Is a 0,7L bottle of finest German whisky a good way to apologize?

It's not the gift that's important (unless there's a backstory).


 No.399712

He finally got up the courage to tell me we weren't together anymore. He says he is incapable of having a romantic partner. At least he didn't meet in person for a month to let me down easy. He says we should still be friends.


 No.399713

>>399712

I know it's difficult, but have a serious think about whether or not you want to remain in touch and be friends with him. In my experience and from what I've heard, it is hard emotionally to move from an actual loving relationship to just being friends again.

You have to start thinking about yourself and protecting yourself again. Don't let them manipulate you, accidentally or otherwise.

Best wishes anon, hang in there!


 No.399724

>>399529

>>399680

Hey sorry about being away, I've been sick lately. Personally I think another month or so would help him heal, and also give you some more time to heal yourself too. Go ahead and try to apologize to him tomorrow though! At the very least it'll show you care. For me it took about 3 months to start feeling relatively okay, the few times I saw and talked to my ex before hand only made feel worse. Still, give it a try and do your best! However it goes, I'd like you to focus on healing yourself afterwards and that'll give your partner time to do the same too.

Past that your gift sounds fine! I personally enjoy gifts that showcase the person I'm getting them from and that have taken them real time, effort, and thought in choosing/making.


 No.399730

I'm not attractive but working on it I would love to have a relationship but can't don't know how even if it was just online.

I think anyway not sure.


 No.399738

>>399730

Relationships are almost always tricky, even if you're "doing them right". What puts you off or leads you to believe that you don't know how?


 No.399771

>>399687

Don't worry, I'm completely asocial and an extreme dick!

>>399724

I tried. I got a bottle of the finest whisky I could find and went to his place, but he was not there, or maybe was but did not wish to speak to me.

Considering all that has happened …

I don't know. I have his address, I could send it to him, via post office. I don't know if he wants that.

Still waiting for the drug test. Maybe I'm gonna wait until I get the results and send them with the test.

[spoiler]Still going to go to police. Nobody enjoys breaking up with a (potential) romantic partner, no matter what kind of relationship it was. First I will talk to the guy who snitched on me. And from that data, extrapolate and find out as much as I can.

I remember feeling great that night. So great I didn't even care about him ;_;

That doesn't happen without drugs.[/spoiler]

Well, been traveling for a total of 24 hours now. Without drugs, of course. I need some sleep.


 No.399794

>>399771

Sent a mail to the police. Told them I'm not certain but I think I was drugged, when it happened, where it happened. At some point you just have to speak out.

The more I am thinking about the night the more reason I have to think I was drugged.

I'm so pissed for that. So pissed at the person who did that. That person destroyed my relationship with the cutest boy alive, so cute I don't even really deserve him, and made me hurt him…

Thinking about my actions that night I feel more certain I was drugged, but the test would prove that. Waiting is hell.

I think, I think when I end up graduating I will go into forensics. To help people in the situation I am right now.

>>399738

They're especially tricky for people who got blunt over the years…sometimes I forget how fragile cuteboys can be. Y'all should wear t-shirts that say "Fragile" so we are reminded of that :P


 No.399800

File: 2d28e0be288bafc⋯.jpg (965.31 KB, 2560x1440, 16:9, CANTO MANO 1.jpg)

File: af2f41e23d77890⋯.jpg (1.01 MB, 2560x1440, 16:9, CANTO MANO.jpg)

>Aspegers

>Depression

>Suicidal Thoughts

>Anxiety

>Biologically more likely to have kidney stones

>Dyscalculia

>Heavily Medicated

I Just wish someone would hold my hand through this pain , I just feel so unbelievably unhappy even with family helping me .


 No.399803

>>399800

i've been there, i'd hold your hand but we live half a continent apart likely :(


 No.399804

>>399803

dude I live in Texas , it just says Canada for some fucking stupid reason . Discord ID ??


 No.399806

File: 8f6464d3dd18b11⋯.png (16.51 KB, 287x417, 287:417, Tardwrangler.png)

>>399800

Those pictures are from my last stone , it was like 6 mil . I've also got problems peeing and shitting blood . along with some other stuff like mood swings and mini depressive episodes . I'll strangle myself , think about jumping out a window or cry . I've also generally got problems with social skills . When I was younger I couldn't pick up the phone and I'm also fairly unable to do VC . I'm emotionally stable in most cases though in some I am lacking along with some other problems though I've worked on it and I've also generally got a jist of my proper capabilities like my intelligence (apologies if that seems egotistical)


 No.399817

>>399813

How about I give you mine HARRYTHETHREETOEDSLOTH#6376


 No.399821

File: 5b1ef1ec64b4ccf⋯.jpg (238.61 KB, 874x1012, 19:22, 0c33314c4c78ba63397a06fd10….jpg)

bitch move fam , could you at least say no thank you ?


 No.399826

>>399821

ill be honest im fucked in the head i cant do this sorry


 No.399830

File: ea8d196ccda06d9⋯.jpg (56.21 KB, 377x586, 377:586, 03-cooking-mama-5-3.jpg)

>>399826

Dude , I've known people who were necrophiliacs , Pedophiles , Zoophiles . I'm sure your personality isn't as bad or anywhere close to anyone I've met in my lifetime . Having a negative outlook on yourself can only be changed by a good self helping of your own improvement . When I was hospitalized and had my suicide attempt with an extension cord I made sure I would try my best to work on from that point to improve myself and show I'm capable . You can do that too


 No.399834

aight i'm fucking done trying to find someone to hook up with at this point. five times in a row i get rejected, i'm just done


 No.399835

File: b5cb6c3986e3b14⋯.jpg (1.03 MB, 1114x1200, 557:600, Akiyama.Yukari.full.140846….jpg)

>>399826

Though thank you for being polite and saying you wouldn't add me , it means a good amount .


 No.399842

>>399794

Hey maybe I'll work with you if you ever come to the US! I'm a chemistry graduate applying for work in crime labs right now.

You should give him another month or two (Valentine's day is probably a no go) before you try talking to him again, unless he reaches out to you and during that time work on improving yourself and feeling better if you can; that's just my opinion though. You should probably try talking to a therapist by the way! I know I still need to do that myself but man, I absolutely hate getting help and I'm so prideful that I want to get better on my own. That being said I've relied a lot on my friends for these past few months and blame them for my healing.


 No.399860

>>399842

Sounds nice. To be honest I never knew what I'd do after graduation, I thought I'd just brew beer, but now…crime lab sounds good. Gives me a reason to exist.

I don't know, I don't want to hurt him or anything, but he is the only one who knows for sure. I tried talking to the snitch bastard, but his reputation as a fucking cunt (sic, not my words) has a reason.

It's just that the evidence would be necessary if I did talk to the boy I want as a bf - which I think I did - for the police. It's not like they can do much. But he'd be a witness.

Somebody I know talked to the addiction hotline, they said that it might have been GHB and sent me the info on it. Appearantly it works different in different people, I thought it'd just knock you out but some stuff happens before that. I don't even know how I can remember some stuff clearly. I also might have done cocaine when I realized what was happening to me. Which would be not that bad actually, since unlike GHB it could be traced. .

I don't know how long I can keep going on. I just know I have to fight. Some other friends later told me that some while ago they also got spiked, nothing happened to them, but nobody ever seems to report it to police. Well I do.

Christmas ruined, new years ruined, everything ruined. I feel terrible. >>399842


 No.399861

File: a6d44f534fde00d⋯.jpg (13.59 KB, 638x359, 638:359, death-2.jpg)

>>241126

I feel like I am stuck in life. I am 1.5 years away from getting a master's degree at university. My family is supportive.

But I often feel hate towards them. Mainly because they seem rather homophobic and I am in long distance relationship with another boy and I can't change all of my looks like I want because they keep talking to it. I have little privacy, relationships in my family are pretty crazy and hurtful. Even my broad family now considers me weird for not having a girlfriend in my early twenties.

I feel emotionally inept and don't know how I can recover and keep my emotional capability. Its very bad for me because I am omnisexual and I date my bf mainly because I fell for him. Now I don't feel anything to anyone.

Anybody got any idea how to deal with this?


 No.399880

>>399830

> I've known people who were necrophiliacs , Pedophiles , Zoophiles

Interesting, how the hell did you manage to come across people like that?


 No.399893

>>399861

Whatever you do, don't end up getting shitfaced. It will make things even worse.

I come from a similar family. Most of them are supportive, but… It still hurts that my brother and a friend of his told me they'd beat me up if I ever brought home a boyfriend, even if it's years ago and he's a different person now .

I found out, the hard way, that I have intimacy issues…a therapist might help.

>>399883

Sent you an email. As for keeping myself safe, I don't drink anymore, I don't go to parties anymore, I don't do any of that anymore.

Boxing might help. Shooting also does, brother and I shot the air rilfe when I was back home, I just want to become good enough of a marksman to have a 3-group in the bullseye.

This is awful, I feel like it's my own fault, and some of it is…I haven't felt this hurt in a long time

I wish that boy would talk to me, but I don't think he will after experiencing me like this…I'm not even sure I talked to him that night, it all feels like a nightmare


 No.399894

>>399893

I have no issue with alcohol at all. Although I know of my other weakness, I do well not to indulge for now.

My psychologist was supposed to call me but after months, nothing. Guess I will try call her once I am done with finals.


 No.399910

>>399893

Hey sent you a reply to your email, I couldn't add you because of your friend request options! Aside from that you should still socialize and you can party too! Just try and stay safe while you do it. I was able to pick myself up from my lowest moment and you can too. I still get nightmares about it but, I can't let that keep me down and you need to try your best to get better too for your partner so you can apologize properly!


 No.399911

>>399910

Oh shit right. I forgot about that. Will do it soon. Thanks.


 No.399914

File: 03c2f34724981f8⋯.png (554.88 KB, 605x911, 605:911, 967b693bf16cd73ae28f0e200e….png)

>>399880

When I was younger I was a sex addict and normally offeredf services to a number of unsavory individuals . People who could be considered anywhere from being a pedophile to someone who may have preference in corpses though generally it really didn't matter to me . I'd jerk off on VC , send nudes at 3 AM , Jerk off on CAM etc . it only got better by 18


 No.399951

>>399914

mate, you alright mentally? that shit sounds awful


 No.399955

File: c46ef89b3fda058⋯.jpg (35.18 KB, 408x630, 68:105, nxbmotlz22ikzwuuyjvailyrot….jpg)

>>399951

Since I left School when I was 16 I have been very lonely …

may I please have your discord ?


 No.399956

>>399951

Actually here is mine

HARRYTHETHREETOEDSLOTH#6376

https://steamcommunity.com/profiles/76561198166179891/


 No.399958

>>399956

aye, check discord


 No.399959

>>399958

don't see it mind adding me on Steam ??


 No.399960

File: 3fa87c1ff001f46⋯.jpg (205.23 KB, 1024x1398, 512:699, laughing_girl__by_khuanler….jpg)

>>399958

Sorry ^_^


 No.399968

>>398057

i love you


 No.400001

File: 5bb4bf68d37dfac⋯.jpg (27.49 KB, 480x480, 1:1, 11208238_1596580087253847_….jpg)

>>399958

I Would prefer it if you said why you were unadding me , I've already have abandonment issues and stuff like that will often trigger my depression . if you feel uncomfortable speaking to me could you wait until I'm awake to tell me please ??


 No.400005

File: 1f1f9604e6d8fa3⋯.jpg (89.37 KB, 700x533, 700:533, Crona.jpg)

I Need a hug I'm having suicidal thoughts …


 No.400006

>>400005

something triggered my depression , I feel like hurting myself .


 No.400008

File: 538badaee5b4175⋯.jpg (5.6 KB, 320x240, 4:3, Peace at last.jpg)

I'm gonna kill myself , this is all your fault you son of a bitch . Why did you know Reiko ?? Why were you involved in any of this ? I'll maybe reconsider jumping out the 3 Story window next to me if you actually answer me right now right here !!


 No.400010

File: 072d4d35b832f33⋯.jpg (48.01 KB, 600x630, 20:21, CK7czYAWEAApg5J.jpg)

>>400008

I'm gonna go sit down for a second I feel psychically sick .


 No.400015

File: 62ba8694cab176e⋯.jpg (25.11 KB, 236x391, 236:391, 972fa9c5a3b6ece7a17787be6c….jpg)

>>400010

my stomach hurts


 No.400020

File: fcbe2f6cb112200⋯.gif (271.19 KB, 498x280, 249:140, tenor.gif)

>>400015

did I mention my other irl relationship was Technically only a fuck buddy who was over weight , had dyed hair , a rape fetish liked hardcore bdsm and slept around ? along with being in a open relationship ?? I'd though about dating him for very long time after he admitted to having feelings for me (oh yeah he was also a childhood friend) and he said no.


 No.400023

>>400005

>>400001

>>400006

>>400008

>>400010

>>400015

>>400020

Listen, buddy, suicide baiting is probably why no one wants to talk to you. You sound like you need an actual therapist or something, try getting real help instead of here, for both your sake and any future boyfriends you may meet.


 No.400025

File: 1d524e6f8b6dccd⋯.jpg (120.79 KB, 824x970, 412:485, anastasia_by_gesitprasasta….jpg)

>>400023

>Suicide baiting

>buddy

Fuck you, I was having a depressive episode . I'm already medicated and see doctors and other professionals . I Just feel lonely sometimes is all …


 No.400029

File: 3c5389a09602233⋯.png (290.43 KB, 1083x738, 361:246, erica_by_dekodere-d4n3kpu.png)

>>400023

I Feel I've been kinda brash with that earlier reply , look I've been rude . And I'm sorry for that though my problem is that I have problems with my depression anxiety etc . Perfectly understandable if you feel it is drama I just feel it is kinda hurtful too say it since you haven't seen or felt it first hand , though I know your viewing it over a computer so it maybe different the way you view it ..

idk


 No.400034

>>400029

Make one just one post with your inane sperg outs.

As the other anon said… No one wants to hear this shit, which is 'why no one wants to talk to you'. It's not because you are a bad person. This stuff just gets boring and repetitive. I know lots of people who are going through this and they don't want everyone to know that. You just need to think about stuff before you post or send messages to potential friends. It's a learning process.


 No.400040

>>241126

Is it just me, or is everybody feeling f*cked up lately?


 No.400050

my dad blocked me

he was a cunt but I cant believe he blocked me

my whole family are a bunch of fucking animals


 No.400052

>>400040

It's seasonal depression, longer nights and colder weather tends to make people more depressed. I think it's an even worse issue in Finland and other countries closer to the pole.


 No.400053

>>400052

Tbh, I noticed that earlier. Can turn people into monsters. The nicest people can become the biggest cunts.

And being unwillingly drugged with xtc didn't help. Or I think it was xtc.

>>400050

Why would he do that?


 No.400055

File: e858e3e75c8358e⋯.gif (993.24 KB, 1600x900, 16:9, 1546313965845.gif)

>>399713

Thank you


 No.400057

File: 4b4d2467e56068f⋯.gif (2.38 MB, 345x263, 345:263, 4b4d2467e56068fdcc2bfb612d….gif)

>>400055

You're welcome! I hope things have changed for the better since you last posted


 No.400100

File: e3163972710beec⋯.jpg (28.4 KB, 287x287, 1:1, nick depressed.jpg)

How do I find love if I don't talk to anybody. I'm not even a bad looking guy

pic is not me


 No.400103

>>241126

Waiting for the forensics lab phone line to open… I'm nervous .

Fuck this cunt who drugged me, it ruined so much for me ;_;


 No.400118

>>400053

that side of my family are a bunch of emotionally abusive animals

and theyre the nice side of the family


 No.400122

>>400118

Ah, emotional abuse. Been there. Although it wasn't on purpose. Still hurt.

I just hope you all the best.


 No.400124

>>400100

Most people meet their serious dates when doing common hobby, don't they? Like tourism club, I guess?

You obviously need to talk with people to even get a friend to begin with.


 No.400146

>>400103

Phone line was closed, but I figured out what it must have been.

It's weird, but somebody spiked me with cocaine. It's the only drug I found that fits the effects perfectly. Not something I ever wanted to try. Waiting for confirmation from screening.

Keep an eye on your drinks. One small hiccup and everything goes to shit.


 No.400148

how do I conceal things like scars and stretch marks in photos?


 No.400150

>>400124

I don't live anywhere I can really meet people. Closest I ever got to meet someone was a guy who lived 1 hour away. I don't think he wants to speak to me anymore


 No.400165

I didn't know whether to throw this in the help thread or here,

I've been having a lot of trouble with insomnia lately, I haven't had a proper sleep in weeks and it's really messed me up mentally a bit.

most nights I fall asleep between 6am and 8am then I'm getting woken up at random hours between 9am and 12.

it doesn't help that my bf makes giant pots of coffee at night then expects me to help him finish them because "not making a full pot is wasting power"

he also doesn't let me go outside as much as I used to so I'm taking in a lot of energy from coffee and not using it.

I'm too obedient I guess and Idk what to do about it.


 No.400173

File: 669c4593bdeb023⋯.jpg (783.67 KB, 1275x2100, 17:28, sleep.jpg)

>>400165

Grow a backbone and refuse the cup. Try working out a bit more, eating healthy, spending some time outside, your sleep will improve by making changes in your life. Doing the same thing and expecting things to change, what's that called again?


 No.400185

>>400165

replaces coffee with water and you will be fine

also

>he also doesn't let me go outside as much as I used to

what?? Why?


 No.400190

>>400185

he just likes to have constant watch over whoever he's dating but never wants to go anywhere lmao.

I try get him to let me go to art galleries and stuff but he's never interested so he doesn't let me go.

>>400173

if I wasn't such a submissive bitch I'd have a spine. thx for the pic though I saved it for reference.


 No.400191

>>400190

Oh lol what a cunt. Sounds like a shit ass relationship if he stops you from going to places. Sounds like anxiety and depression is causing your insomnia


 No.400192

>>400191

yeah I definitely do have high anxiety.

sometimes I wait till 5am so I can go out for walks while he's still asleep


 No.400195

>>400192

What about going to some relationship counseling? Or maybe bring your friend to offer their view on your relationship?

I mean, your situation is obviously unhealthy and relation you have with your bf, quite abnormal. Maybe third opinion can help your bf realize that and he will be willing to adapt to your needs more, like you adapt to his.


 No.400198

File: 36f42f1de0695d3⋯.jpg (21.94 KB, 326x326, 1:1, Shock me daddy _75d99d66d3….jpg)

>>400192

Break up with him


 No.400207

>>400192

>>400190

This does not sound healthy. Yea, call it quits.


 No.400226

>>400190

You have to take back control, he is exhibiting signs of abusing you and if you end up too deep it won't end well.


 No.400232

I have a boyfriend but it hasn't been helping lately. I basically have a lot of stress coming in from the environment, and I have an incredibly short temper. I'm too timid to actually do anything about the stress so instead I close myself off and get upset. I have actually found over the course of the last ear that I am unnable to confront people, and can only yell at them when I am behind some kind of barrier. Anyway, Friday through Monday are pretty horrible days for me stress wise, then Monday Wednesday I am the most busy in my actual day to day life. I lost my shit last night, and it stressed my boyfriend out. I didn't say/do anything to him, it's just unpleasant to be around. Today he won't really talk to me so I'm on my own. Strongly considering suicide, as right now I am swamped with work, and incredibly enough tracking down the money I need to pay rent, which has gone missing, is the lowest priority thing on my list. I'm not really depressed, I'm just so stressed and bad at managing anger that I living is becoming unbearable.


 No.400238

>>400232

It gets better anon. As to managing anger, it can be a difficult thing to do. Bottling it up inside is not a good thing to do.

Have you considered to do therapy?

Also try to keep the stress down. Try to figure out what exactly is stressing you, and if possible, avoid it for the time being.

Suicide is not the answer.


 No.400240

>>400238

Noise stresses me. And my habits for 'dealing' with it just make it worse. I live in a college town so lots of people are out drinking late at night, or driving around with their windows down and loud music playing with the bass turned all the way up. There's also a bell nearby that people can ring whenever they want and people will get drunk and ring the bell until 3 AM. I've been using earplugs but am investing in a more powerful pair because I can still hear things like the bell late at night.

My bad coping is basically me getting furious at the people making the noises, people I can't even see. I start ranting about what terrible people they are and how they are doing it just to spite me and in my mind I make up all these narratives about how awful they must be to make so much noise right outside of hundreds of appartment windows at 3 AM. I start obsessing over it, and then actually straining to hear it, just so I can get mad at it again–I've started hearing the bell ringing even when there's nothing there. Being a rage-aholic is a real trip, it controls your entire life. I've stopped going to political sites and that sort of thing to limit my intake of anger, but I haven't gotten any better at actually dealing with stress. I actually can't remember the last time I left my house without getting mad at something. I feel like the angriest man on the planet.


 No.400269

>>400240

Anger management/therapy is the only thing that will help with that.

Also get a baseball bat and break that bell late at night. Or you know, let the uni know that people ring the bell and I'm sure they'll get rid of it.

But yeah try not go onto meds because of anger. You'll get addicted. Having your boyfriend around at these times aren't important as you should be focusing on yourself. Tell him about your problems and stuff and let him know that you aren't angry at him. Because if you talked to me like that without reason, I'd think you're a massive dick head. But you do have a reason, and don't think you are a dick


 No.400272

>>400226

>>400207

>>400198

>>400195

it's been a 2 year relationship and it's been like this for over a year. sometimes I feel like it's too late and that I should just wait it out and hope he leaves.


 No.400273

>>400269

Haha, believe me, we spend a lot of time talking about how to get rid of that stupid bell … I am doing some research on anger management atm. Last night was just the most stressed I have been in a long time and it's just hitting me all at once. Tough, though.


 No.400295

>>400272

Does your bf even realize he is hurting your health?

Nevertheless, waiting idly isn't wise. If this went on for so long, what is the reason your bf will want to break up now?

Whether its your or his fault for not atanding your ground and saying no or ita his fault for pushing you into drinking that coffee, it will only get worse over time.

Either stand up for yourself already or end that relationship. Your needs and wants are important too, dont let the person who should love you, walk over you inatead.

>>400273

I used to have these self perpetuating fits of anger on my father, just like you describe. At other times my mind would race too much and it was bad for me. Eventually I figured out how to keep my mind clear temporarily. This can completely cut through your train of thought.

I guess the best way to do it is simply get comfy and stare forward blankly. If anybody saw you soing that outside of course, they would think you aren't quite "there". But dont mind that and do it in privacy. Maybe focus at some very small region in your vision. You dont even need to focus on breathing, its just a trick to help it achieve sooner. This process isn't instant and its gonna take a bit before you calm down your thoughts enough, especially when angry I guess. In the process you want to stop any specific thoughts from propagating more thoughts. Eventually you will be left with only vague, soft thoughts. To so that, its hard to explain but I keep my thoughts in check by concious effort. If the thought can't breed more thoughts, it goes silent relatively quickly. Key part is in shutting it down before it can spread much.


 No.400302

>>400150

maybe hes just shy


 No.400310

File: ca59f4f5afa384f⋯.jpg (122.6 KB, 594x720, 33:40, 685019cea3f305daf1de0c6da4….jpg)

How does it feel , the empty steps slowly grounding into the pavement . Your voice like Saw dust grounded against the edges of your throat . The close and deep anticipation that no high power would prefer you mercy in such a cold heartless existence . Merciless , free of any sort connection to those who can feel empathy . Just the willing palatable feeling of your own suicide through the exercise of your own hands . Make it quick , Make it painless . Show yourself and others mercy so that way you can feel the sweet release of your own demise and constitute yourself a creator of salvation from your endless mental anguish .

Hold my hand and heal me , as I slowly sit with my arms and legs slashed by my own ignorance and self pity . Feel my body slowly be drained as my blood fills the cracks in the floor boards and I say my goodbyes one by one defying my gratification for my own life in it's disgust in displeasure .

Hold my hand as it's guides it's way from your fingers and onto the cold wooden floor drenched with my blood circling my body as it slowly ends my discomfort

Hold my hand for being a friend , hold my hand for comfort and all things that were simple and that could be felt by you and me


 No.400328

>>400310

I think I've ever had one dream involving reading chan posts even though I'm a frequent lurker, but the phrase "Hold my hand and heal me" I think was what I vaguely and solely remember.


 No.400360

unfortunately i have been reflecting a lot tonight

i feel unhealthily repressed. i was rejected by family and almost cut off entirely, i'm afraid of losing friends constantly, i have to pretend to be into girls around everyone i know and love to avoid being an outcast. i don't know how to describe my feelings other than i am mad at life, i was forced into sports as a younger kid so i became friends with the other boys with italian dads and went to school with them. i was in love with one in particular but, he was straight, and i pretended to be into girls to continue being friends with him. get to college, branch out and finally feel comfortable enough to sleep with a man after a year of studying, then tell my mom over the phone i think i am gay. she tells my whole fucking family, next day my dad is calling me telling me i am a disappointment, all of my siblings calling me, aunts/uncles, etc. It was a nightmare and i thought i could talk to my mom about something with some degree of confidentiality. but nope. the next month was my personal hell, family confronting me about my sexuality, with reactions ranging from acceptance to complete disdain. my dad told me i could come to the house "as long as you don't come around here acting like a faggot" so i still visit sometimes to see my dogs, hang out with my brothers, and hang out with my friends from high school, but i always feel a strong tension whenever i am around from my dad especially.

i just want to stop pretending, i want to stop wearing jock clothes, i want to shave myself, i want to go to bars, i want to live my life the way i want to live it and i know that i am the only one preventing that from happening. i just feel sad, and wish i was confident enough to break away


 No.400381

>>400360

move either state or country

USA is a hell hole btw

I used to think it was a cool place when I was a kid I;m british I have been everywhere I spend most of my time in europe when I travel but Asia too I went to the US recently and good god it is pure hell it is a very backwards land everything is terrible just absolutly terrible

I have been depressed because I believe most of what pol says we have problems with shit skins here but we have good people and no one I have met is even remotly against gays even me and my friends are all paki bashing nigger hating nazis and we still dont hate gays

american is hell


 No.400387

>>400381

i think about that constantly. i was born here, raised here, but i can't help feeling like i would just be happier in england or the netherlands. no money so i can't just uproot myself no matter how much i wish i could, oh well


 No.400389

>>400387

Maybe you are in a wrong state? Maybe more liberal one would be better? I mean, most cuteboys on the map are in the USA, aren't they?

Europe for instance isn't all that great either. Like east Europe is pretty bad in that regard. I live there but haven't revealed my secret yet. I too wish make myself look way better but I feel like I can't because I draw too much suspicion from my family. I don't even expect to find a good mate for relationship around here.


 No.400392

>>400389

that's the thing, i have lived my entire life in a liberal state and even have a liberal family, but they still pass judgement. i really thought they wouldn't, i thought i'd be okay because i am in a family of evil cheeto man haters, but i guess it just doesn't always work out that way


 No.400400

>>400302

nah man he fucking removed me off of discord. i'm trying to hook up with another guy who's about to move to toronto soon but this guy is definitely shy as hell, or just bad at conversating


 No.400407

>>400310

beautiful, honestly


 No.400459

File: 9cd992aecf91ce4⋯.gif (447.58 KB, 200x200, 1:1, 1fd89c94c9fda84694fcc9a484….gif)

>born with more estrogen than testosterone

>doctors said I would grow up to be 5' 2 and feminine

>at 12 parents start pumping me with testosterone

>now 22, 6 foot and built

>I just wanna be tiny and cute

It's not fair, I had the perfect start and my parents screwed me over.


 No.400461

File: 1895bcbb06d6298⋯.jpg (46.88 KB, 800x522, 400:261, cryingpepe.jpg)

>>241126

> studying Statistics still is not a science!

> want to get drunk

> get spiked

> great trip, euphoric and such

> bit strange though, can't get drunk

> end up doing a lot of stupid sh*t

> can't remember anything at first

> suicidal for a while, want to shoot myself

> or commit seppuku

> memories come back, partially

> fuck

> get hair tested for amphetamies, just to be sure

> hair analysis for such stuff isn't good enough for single exposure incident

> negative

> relationship status: fucked up

> person I wanted to start relationship with doesn't talk to me anymore

> cuts me out

> I have no way of finding out if I did talk to anybody while high on whatever shit that was

> mfw life was starting to look beautiful and somebody decided "ahahaha fuck that guy let's put drugs in his drink"

> don't drink anymore

> trying to quit nicotine

> mfw had the chance of an actually meaningful relationship with somebody for once

> known that person for 2+ years, mostly online, but met in person twice

> genuily nice boy

> mfw that got destroyed

> still try being a cynical optimist despite everything

> not going to parties anymore, because it just ain't worth it

But hey, at least I'm not a speed junkie!

I don't even know how I'm even going on anymore, it's just such a f*cked up world..well, getting depressed about it won't help. Reality is a bitch


 No.400477

>>400392

If you mean a northeast liberal state, try a west coast state.


 No.400480

>>400392

That's some baad luck. I don't know whether its different on the west coast but..

If you really dislike your family(I would dislike them for this, if I was in your situation), maybe its not worth bothering over them and strive instead to build close friendships with other people.

You can't choose family you are born into but maybe you can build something like that with other people.

>>400459

Testosterone can affect the height you grow up to? Seems unlikely to me. I don't know but if this is true, wouldn't just all the manlets take some testosterone for their troubles?


 No.400505

>>400480

Hopefully not. Manlets are qt in their own way


 No.400513

>>400057

No. He is doing coke again, and he says he is sorry he broke my heart. He says he wants to go back to when we were close friends, with him not having to care or do anything at all, and me desperately withholding my affection. I think after I post this I'm going to tell him I don't care about him or love him anymore. I used to love him with all my heart.


 No.400516

>>400513

It's the right thing, you've done your best now it's time to move on and cut him out. Be careful of him attempting to manipulate you emotionally.


 No.400548

File: da74a76a58896a0⋯.jpeg (2.89 KB, 300x168, 25:14, serveimage.jpeg)

I've recently found out that I fell things for a boy in my school. I was very surprised to find these feelings arising, but I can't seem to calm down my instincts.

It's driving me crazy!

I've come up with a plan how to get myself back to the way I was. I'm not afraid to share my feelings. I know he's straight and I know he doesn't like me - I'm generally a very unattractive person and haven't done anything to change myself (for now at least). So I know he'll reject me.

I just need to get him to be alone, share with him my predicament so he can reject me and I can continue on with my life. My problem is that he's never alone and I can't gather the courage to ask him to talk in private. I don't know what to do.

Please help anons.


 No.400554

Pretty hard to get out of yourself when your family and stuff are homophobic when you try your best to become more a cutie.

It would be nice to have someone around close that like you could actually meet up with and talk it out or something. I've tried with people online but it's just not the same. I tend to spiral back in the "Oh God what's the point" mindset daily.


 No.400564

>>400554

> "Oh God what's the point" mindset

What kinda mindset is that?

>>400548

Maybe you could ask him to meet up with private messenger like facebook? Or I dunoo, sneak in a message on paper and put it where he finds it?


 No.400595

>>400564

>>>400554

>> "Oh God what's the point" mindset

>What kinda mindset is that?

One that's pretty devastating when your confidence is low.




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