/pen/ - A Place to Create and Critique

(Will bump with pdf)

So I've had a scifi/fantasy conspiracy novel floating around in my head for years. Last January I penned this chapter to use as a prologue. There's not much action but I felt that it was better than the other introductions/chapter one's that I tried.

The scope of the novel ballooned significantly since I started writing it, though progress has been slow since I maybe have 20 mins. a day to work on it. The premise of the entire story is this:

> Journalist unknowingly stumbles upon a massive scandal involving private military corporations and elements of the CIA
> Journalist craves attention and recognition, but gets more than she bargained for when these things do come
> Initially publishes a rather mundane story on her blog which is picked up by other media and later, a photograph she posted (provided by her source) becomes the focus of much scrutiny because it purportedly shows a convicted murderer – who is supposed to be in a military prison – as an employee of the company
> Strange things start happening almost immediately, and the person who broke the story disappears. The journalist herself becomes increasingly paranoid; it becomes more and more obvious that she is being watched and followed (and this is a deliberate strategy from the agencies and corporations harassing her; a tactic called “bumper locking”); trying to cause extreme fear and paranoia, and eventually a mental breakdown
> Blackstarr PMC is gradually implicated in a massive corruption scandal and many of their nefarious activities are revealed. Reporters start disappearing and important bankers/financial industry people start dying mysteriously
> The government and military-industrial complex, along with big pharma, are gradually implicated as well; as it is revealed that Blackstarr's behind-the scenes criminal operations and its practice of securing convicted criminals to work in important positions are merely part of a network of CIA front groups

The twist:
In a "conspiracy within a conspiracy," Blackstarr and its employees are actually (unbeknownst to them) the victims of a much larger secret experimentation program; unwittingly helping to beta-test pharmaceuticals and technology for use in applications relating to artificial reality, artificial intelligence, and mind control.

There is yet another overall, larger narrative to this story as well which has elements of a scifi/fantasy epic; in which the story of what this company has been up to takes center stage. It's become a massive story in my mind; this initial piece I have offered is merely one of a thousand angles I could open it from.

So… what do you think of the proposed prologue? What's wrong with it? What needs improving? Should I scrap it altogether?

Notes:
> I name-dropped Drudge Report but in the tiny chance that this were to be published, I’d make up another name.
> There is a conspicuous lack of specific dates (the year the story takes place is not mentioned). I hadn’t decided on a final timeline for the story and merely threw in the dates mentioned as stand-ins. The general setting is in the near future (perhaps five to ten years).