/pen/ - A Place to Create and Critique

Good content, many nice turns-of-phrase, but you need an editor–many sentences lack punctuation or have incorrect punctuation in them. You need to read it over before publishing it and squash the typos. Also, The Man is a bit one dimensional.

But overall, I like it.

>>336

The first sentence is already awful. Don't begin a story with "this is a story about…" That's a really good way to bore a reader from the very beginning.