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Esoteric Wizardry
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Tipp's Fringe Bunker

File: 1471818864281.jpg (193.65 KB, 966x966, 1:1, esotericshitting.jpg)

 No.82473

The average person spends at least 45 minutes a day defecating. That's 11 days per year, or 2.5 years of your lifetime wasted on inefficient defecation. This is time that can be freed up for personal improvement activities such as meditation. Furthermore, improper defecation leaves you vulnerable to spiritual mischief. In this thread I will uncover the secrets of defecation taught to generations of professional alcoyotes.

The first rule is no premature shitting. Just as we eat when we aren't really hungry, getting fat, we shit before we need to. You should only shit when you have a properly full colon and the need is urgent.

The second rule is to have proper log formation. This is achieved by adding enough fiber to your diet, but not so much that you are constipated. The goal is a uniform, dense log that slides out nice and smoothly without leaving much of a mess. Ideally it would leave next to no mess on your anus. Proper exercise is also crucial to get your guts moving so they can digest properly, as is a good diet not too high in fat.

The third rule is haste. When you shit, push it out firmly and aim to empty your colon completely in a few seconds. If there is any "remainder" (there shouldn't be if you followed the second rule) rock bath and forth on the toilet and/or lift up to bounce up and down a little.

The fourth rule is position. Proper colonical orientation is a force multiplier. The squatting position is ideal, install specialized or trough-style toilets if possible, though squatty potty is also great.

The fifth and final rule is total sanitation. Toilet paper won't do. Try a bidet, incorporating morning defecation with your shower to clean your anus, or in a pinch sit on a sink and clean your anus with soap.

You now know the secrets to master shitting on your way to enlightenment.

 No.82478

pls bann this guy for life.


 No.82481

>>82478

Shill who wants to keep one of the most deeply guarded esoteric secrets from the initiates.


 No.82484

>having shit

>not eating prana

[bullshit occultists detected]


 No.82485

>When you shit, push it out firmly

enjoy your hemorrhoids bullshit occultist


 No.82492

>>82485

Well yeah you don't want to blow a gasket out. Gaia designed us to be able to push out feces for a reason.


 No.82506

>>82473

thank you anon


 No.82511

>>82473

>The fifth and final rule is total sanitation. Toilet paper won't do. Try a bidet, incorporating morning defecation with your shower to clean your anus, or in a pinch sit on a sink and clean your anus with soap.

What about baby wipes? That's what I use, they are pretty amazing.


 No.82528

WOW.

IS.. IS.. IS THIS BOTH SHIT POSTING AND QUALITY POSTING AT THE SAME TIME. FUCKING PARADOXICAL SHIT MAN

Seriously though I thought I was going to be bamboozled but this is some sound advise OP. There's not much worth talking about though.

>>82484

Can this ever actually be possible? When I was young and naive my idealistic mind once thought that a perfect died would consist of eating only what's required and thus there would be no shit produced


 No.82544

ITT: The brownpill.

>tfw shitting on the toilet as I read this thread

Btw, I can not shit while squatting, dunnowhy.


 No.82546

>>82528

You "can" survive without food but only if you are directly absorbing prana from the five elements in balance.

The people who can actually do it are advanced enough to realize why they should keep it a secret.


 No.82680

>>25877

Thank you🙏. I have hemoroids and a terrible diet. I thought something living in my colon for a while as well.


 No.82689

>>82680

What the hell are you responding too?


 No.82690

>>82689

I don't fucking know anymore😂😂😂


 No.82964

>>82544

I have no ass, and I must shit.


 No.82969

File: c6e8027c68b8729⋯.jpg (79.49 KB, 711x246, 237:82, 33535.JPG)


 No.82970

YouTube embed. Click thumbnail to play.


 No.82971

totally man.

the guy who decided people should sit instead of squat, shit in the room they clean themselves and into the water supply has done a great wrong to society.

id rather squat into a hole in the ground that takes it to a compost pile or methane thing.

bathrooms are foul places, especially public toilets. the miasma attracts dark spirits.

people need to start a shitting revolution.


 No.82973

>>82971

PAJEET

you have to go back

POO IN LOO


 No.83008

Jew detected. Jews have pray after shitting. No shit.

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Asher_yatzar

The prayer goes as follows:

"Blessed are You, Hashem our God, King of the universe, Who formed man with wisdom and created within him many openings and many hollows. It is obvious and known before Your Throne of Glory that if even one of them ruptures, or if even one of them becomes blocked, it would be impossible to survive and to stand before You (even for a short period). Blessed are You, Hashem, Who heals all flesh and acts wondrously."


 No.83033

YouTube embed. Click thumbnail to play.

The best part about defecating…

IS TAKING A BIG WARM URINE ENEMA RIGHT AFTER!

OOOOOOOO YEAH!!! YOU HAVEN'T LIVED UNTIL YOU'VE DONE THAT, BOY!!!

AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!

anything else is kike scat fetish tier


 No.97334

bump


 No.108168

I have been working on my pooping technique and I seriously feel so much better day after day.

I eat a lot of fiber and dry foods, and I now squat when I poop. I can't remember a time when my poops were more efficient.

Expelling all of those toxins that are just lingering in your GI tract is crucial.


 No.108170

Here is a nice little guide to the various kinds of fiber and the foods you can find them in.

http://kriscarr.com/blog/tips-to-live-in-harmony-with-high-fiber-foods/


 No.109164

>The average person spends at least 45 minutes a day defecating.

lol what

i spend like… 5 minutes and take a shower afterwards

the metaphysics of shitting is unironically interesting though op


 No.118715

this is a great thread! squat master race!


 No.119185

I'm shocked nobody gave a crap to continue this thread


 No.119215

>45 mins of shitting daily


 No.119234

File: bef156dc53e8590⋯.png (23.36 KB, 240x240, 1:1, aed09849dc12981cd348297dd9….png)

>>119215

45 mins of shitting daily are 45 mins not spent on oculist bullshitting.


 No.119350

pro tip: if you buy whole flax seeds and chia seeds and rolled oats and rye flour, get a nutribullet RX and blend the chia and flax into seed meal (right before using for max freshness) and then blend the rolled oats into oat flour, maybe use some buckwheat flour too if you like, and mix all that together and add a bunch of canned pumpkin and some yeast and water, mix it up into a dough and let it rise for 2 hours or whatever amount you know it needs to rise (assuming you have done this recipe before) maybe mix in some dark chocolate chunks into it before

then you gently roll it out and dust it with oat flour so you can work it without it sticking to your hands and get a cookie sheet and make baguett shapes out of it (so it's not too thick and can cook inside) and just bake it for 10 minutes on a lower heat so the inside cooks and then put it on high bread baking heat for the rest of the cooking so it rises up and gets crispy crust.

this is the best bread ever, with or without the chocolate. also gives THE BEST POOPS.

I am NOT a doctor. Ask your doctor before doing or not doing anything!


 No.119355

>>119350

We must secure the existence of our toilets and a future for proper defecation.


 No.119363

>>119355

where we're going, we don't need toilets.


 No.119370

>>119350

Flaxseed has more estrogens than soy. Enjoy your esoteric manboobs.


 No.119373

>>82473

10/10

If you ever feel like you have a general malaise going on.. down some fiber pills for a couple of days. Once you start pushing out monolithic power shits like the OP describes you will notice a surge of energy. Why? because when you are eating like ass and not getting enough fiber on top of it your intestines wind up hogging a ton of energy, as well as consuming a ton of Vitamin D (Vit. D is vital to higher cognitive function, and also to digestion, so if your guts working over time your brains not gonna be getting enough vitamin D..)

Also, OP made with some good shitposting so I feel the need to contribute…

What is shit?

Shit is dropped by every animal.

Disgusting; foul to every sense

It is what falls from you. What falls from you is your fruit. With a single turd a wise man can deduce all the information that exists about the one that dropped it. Shit is knowledge and wisdom in its purest of forms.


 No.119387

>>119373

So Bullshit Occultism is for real…


 No.119399

>>119370

>I eat tofu almost every day

>I eat flax seeds almost every day

>only eat it organic to avoid the highly estrogenic pesticides

>I don't worry about the good cancer risk reducing phytoestrogens

>I'm totally fine

MEANWHILE every cuck in the world says "oh my fuck don't eat soy or flax it's got estrogen!"- as they drink a glass of cows milk and eat chicken. guess how much estrogen that stuff has. and a much worse kind. guess! you hypocrite.


 No.119400

>>119373

>comparing knowledge and wisdom to shit

I'm sure knowledge and wisdom is better than shit.


 No.119414

>>119400

Or.. you could try to consider things in abstraction.


 No.119415

>>119399

>dat false equivocation

soyboy spotted


 No.119421

>>119415

Only a goy toy can be this upset.


 No.119428

>>82473

>45 min on the shitter

Dont you folk eat fiber? Holy fuck.

Also, at work it might be a 45 minute toilet break.

Boss makes a dollar while I make a dime, that's why I poop on company time.


 No.119533

>>119415

>anything I disagree with is false equivotron robots in disguise


 No.119552

>>82544

what is wrong with you?


 No.119564

>>82473

>The average person spends at least 45 minutes a day defecating.

More like 4.5 minutes


 No.119680

what a shitty thread


 No.119699

>>119399

Never understood that meme, beer has way more estrogen that actually affects your hormone receptors unlike the phytoestrogen which after trying to be used by the body it detects it doesn't work and toss it around.

People buy too easy into the meme itself instead of enjoying the irony of it

And also have low trust on their body to handle this substances automatically.


 No.119751

>>119699

yea it's like they're so afraid of some tofu but they'll drink and eat all this steak and beer while completely ignoring all it's animal (and hops specific) estrogen content.


 No.119755

>>119751

>>119699

So what should I eat to avoid the estrogens? No Milk, no chicken, no soy, no industrialized stuff, what else?


 No.119768

>>119755

What sort of pathetic worm do you have to be to actively wanting avoid what constitutes as irrelevant amounts of estrogen? Just fucking eat healthy and trust your body.


 No.120242

Thread kinda went to shit, but there is some legit esoteric info about shit / shitting in the occult.

Yoga Gurus of old would stand in a stream after evacuating letting water flow up their ass to clean it.

The human body is a walking forest of microbes, and these can be seen as "others". Minimizing ones content of the "other" gets you closer to purity. This is the origin of the enema craze among mundane yuppies.

Also, you collect crap and piss all year, keep adding it to straw & leaves, and do alchemy to it making anything from soap to guncloth.


 No.120252

File: b50fcc2e5f63128⋯.jpg (88 KB, 718x960, 359:480, 453280.jpg)

File: cb25e9c80f4c29c⋯.jpg (3.94 MB, 6192x3416, 774:427, cb2.jpg)

File: f45c4357aa90bd5⋯.gif (5.56 MB, 480x270, 16:9, KdNlZk.gif)

File: 5890b1ad54d9800⋯.jpg (97.61 KB, 960x457, 960:457, ttm7aq4mlmmz.jpg)

>>120242

>Yoga Gurus

D E S I G N A T E D

E

S

I

G

N

A

T

E

D


 No.120253

>>119768

>irrelevant amounts

Yeah, the bluepill fits for you very well


 No.120255

>>120253

kill yourself


 No.120275

>>120255

It is relevant. That's why they pour hormones on bovine so they grow extremely faster and bigger. Do you think this is "irrelevant"? Do you think this won't end up in their milk?




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