There, two down, a few more to go. Hope this helps you out.
>I do struggle with weaving sex and the actual fight.
I didn't comment on that too much when I was doing the review, but I have a few ideas that might help you out. Although, I'd like to think on them a bit more before I share them.
>Maybe some flame-based metaphors like "A torch lighting up?"
I left a really obvious example in the critique. I still can't believe you didn't use it. It's so simple and perfect.
Oh, I read the second part to your story too. That's quite a way to write in a flashback.
>Man, this is a lot harder than I thought it would be.
That's why I have never finished a story. Putting ones' ideas on paper isn't easy.
>I tend to write everything all at once, without really stopping, so everything flows seamlessly from one sentence to another
It's nice to get into the zone like that and crank out a chunk of a story, but I've noticed that it's just as easy to "fly of the tracks" so to speak and ruin a story's pacing. In my experience, at least.
>I also ditched the slightly-deus-ex-machina bit with a mysterious neighbor filming the whole thing to bring in the police, in favor of a "hoist by his own petard" approach. I really like it.
Nice, I think I forgot to mention that when I went through it, but I'm glad you changed it. It's always satisfying when an unjust character 's downfall is themselves.
>I think the main issue I was having with the ending Post too long. Click here to view the full text.