/kind/ - Random Acts of Kindness

>>28203

I feel everyone is ugly and everything is outside my reach. Any variation of any lifestyle, any valued thing or concept, ect.- I'm a loser no matter what, whether I buy into the cheap cookie-cutter mind-control ideals of modern society or not it doesn't matter. With no god, friends, love, creativity, intelligence, beauty, stamina, wealth, or ability to appreciate things for what they are I may as well not have whatever equates to a soul yet here I am. I have no conviction to even want to die and it makes me want to cry but I'm unable to do that too anymore. I've heard it said that the greatest pain mankind has is uncertainty. I agree with that sometimes.

>depressed

>not killing yourself because reasons

Well, I hope you all somehow die on accident, friends.

One thing I strongly recommend everyone, as someone who has been mopey his whole life, is cardio. Lots and lots of cardio. Hard cardio. But keep it easy to start out with. Even then, though, at least a half hour 4-5 days a week of SOMETHING that keeps your heart rate elevated and your lungs huffy and puffy I promise WILL make you feel much better after about 3 months if you stick to it.

>>28227

When I'm feeling unmotivated, I just go out and do it. Motivation to continue almost always comes anyway. And even if not, so what? Motivation is just a feeling; basing you actions on transitory emotional states, well, I'd have to be /unkind/ to say it.

>>28278

Just doing stuff makes my anxiety and defeatedness flare up even more than trying to ignore life. Time will catch up with me eventually but that's when I opt out because fighting on has really lost all meaning. I don't let my emotional state throw me all over the place because it never changes anyway but if you wanna throw your unkind point at me then have at it, not like anyone ever is able to get to me with their opinions anyway (y'all are just accomodating, not that I wish to abuse that).

>>28219

I think maybe you should at least take pride in whatever these projects of yours are. As far as fitting in goes that's up to your interpretation isn't it? You doubtless are able to coincide here peacefully but maybe you don't feel like you share certain people's enthusiasm. I wouldn't let that get to you though, people have different viewpoints and motivations and even if you came here for the simple need to get along with others that's enough and that's all that's asked of you. Maybe you feel you don't get along with or like people here enough and that's fine too, you're not restricted to this or any one community.

>>28283

Do it anyway.

No talking or typing.

Count 1… 2… 3– now go.

>>28315

Fine butthole. Starting this hour of midnight I'm gonna draw a picture and hate myself for it and it will be all your fault!

>>28317

Express your dukka through picture, yes!

My exbf who i would >>>/pretend/ with and revealed my real sex to, just talked me me again,i haven't talked to him since 2009.

I hate having feelings for someone who isn't even sexually into me, i made a terrible mistake, i played with too many random guys online and actually liked one. Hes so nice to talk to a disturbing gay whore like me, i'm not even trans (no gender dysphoria, just autogynephilia).

I just wish i was born a woman, the women in my family are god tier, short with giant breasts, i could be married now making him happy, fulfilling him, taking care of his children, feeding him. Instead i'd have to get disturbing operations and take drugs scaring my spital memory or getting a fucking womb implanted. I'm so ashamed around him, i'm so hateful to myself.

I'm so angry at myself and i can't even cry anymore because the salt is seriously hurting my eyes to where i've been taking medicine for irritation. He makes want to die, i'll never been the right gender, i'll never be able to give him a family, i'm so perfectly useless to him.

Last i heard he had an irish gf, i don't even feel bad at the thought of him enjoying her natural female body, i want him to be satisfied and start a family, it's even a painful thought.

>>28338

I probably misspelled it but that's the pronunciation for a Sanskrit word that depending on context means "suffering", "frustration", and so forth. I was referencing the First Noble Truth of the Buddha: which roughly translated means "Life Is Suffering/Chronic Frustration/Etc.".

>>28365

That story is depressing, hits home a little, but also rather cute.

I don't know what I could write to truly make you feel better, except that there are a lot of other boys in the ocean. Treasure the memories you have, but don't linger on them forever, or they'll eat you up.

>>28383

>I don't know what I could write to truly make you feel better, except that there are a lot of other boys in the ocean. Treasure the memories you have, but don't linger on them forever, or they'll eat you up.

Thank you.

>>28365

There's nothing more of a shame than people feeling they weren't born right I think. Second to that I guess would be unattainable love. Whatever order I'd place it all in I'm sorry you have to feel the way you do dear Anon-o-gynephilic. If only life were like a video game and we got to balance things as we liked them before we were born or just whatever the hell that seems like it would work. Maybe we'd be platonic girl friends you and I.

Anyway, I don't mean to cheapen your troubles with "Well tons of people want to be pretty girls." but that's about all I can say. I hope things somehow turn around for you.

>>28492

Do you know the reason that might be? Stubbornness? Fear or unwillingness to express yourself or just presenting yourself in general? Nobody you think deserves your affection? Don't feel you have the energy or know-how to give without having received?

>>28491

Well the saying that nice guys finish last isn't far off I think, from what I see gentle people are very often people who don't want to hurt because either they know how it feels and don't want to spread it or they don't have the self-esteem to choose to be the bad guy. That isn't to say that empathy is a weakness but it's easier to shut out less than pleasant factors and people if you can get by on your own steam.

Anyway, what I'd conclude from that rambling is that it's to be expected from a community of goody-goodies.

I want to say I'm a misanthrope but quite the opposite might be true. I hate dealing with people, they're ugly, stupid, obnoxious and all-around unpleasant in my eyes. What makes me doubt disdain for humanity though is that I take feelings very seriously in concept. I feel that we're all unfortunate for whatever faults we have and don't want to blame anyone for anything. I never understood someone hating a character in fiction for being a villain, to me even if they're outright vile they're just different and misunderstood. These feelings don't reach me in real life though, I don't have the capacity to endure people's shit so most everyone is toxic to me. Online though I'm super mellow and can enjoy some people again. I'm left to wonder then how much I actually like people as people and why.

So that sums up the most important point of why I'm doomed to loneliness and dreariness I guess. I could go on and on (and just might eventually, sorry) but ultimately I'm just screwed up and can't be fixed. I guess I'm wanting to treat this like a blog or diary or whatever the hell because I need to feel like I'm talking to someone for writing this down to matter. I'm not looking for you guys to be my therapists or even expect my walls of text to be read, I just need it out somehow. Like tears in the rain maaaan…

>>28537

Like literally not scared of anything? -because I'd find that impressive.

Anyway maybe the reason might not have a definitive explanation or maybe the cause just eludes you faster than you can realize it's there or something like that. The brain can be too tricky to observe but if you believe it possible maybe there's some methods you can set up to catch yourself on a reasoning or motivation.

I'm just spitballing here though, if you wanna give something to work with (not that anyone can promise any kind of expertise) you might get more helpful responses.

>>28539

-actually I wanna apologize right quick, by the nature of this thread you may not have wanted any kind of particular response or questioning so I don't mean to insinuate you're calling out for help.

Have a good day Friend.

For starters, there's nothing wrong with feeling that way, so stop punishing yourself or letting others look down on you for already being in a pretty gloomy place. Secondly there IS good and light and wonder in the world, but part of getting to it is seeing the evil and shittiness for what it is so you can reject it in favor of what you really love and care about. That may include all the defeatist/nihilistic replies you may have already expected to see here, but then again those may also be people fighting the same internal battle in their own way. Peace.